Fall For You
by Live720
Summary: What if Bella never jumped off the cliff? This story picks up from that part in New Moon. It gives Jacob his chance, finally. If Edward decides to come back, whom will Bella choose? Who is Cole and what are his motives? Read and find out!
1. A New Kind of Love

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything besides my college debt and my sweet new hair cut. **

**With that said…Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn and all of the characters mentioned in this story all belong to the fabulously talented Stephenie Meyer! **

**No Copyright Infringement intended.  
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_"I'm not quite sure how to breathe_

_Without you here_

_I'm not quite sure if I'm ready_

_To say goodbye to all we were"_

_--Need by Hana Pestle_

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**Chapter 1: A New Kind of Love**

I looked out over the edge of the cliff through the rain that was stinging against my cheeks. The water was angry, crashing against the rocks below. I could tell a pretty bad storm was blowing in and I could smell the moisture in the air, could almost taste the salt water. For some reason the cliff did not seem as high as it was now back when Jacob and I were spying on the pack cliff diving. I sighed thinking about how much has changed since that day that was not so long ago. I sat down, letting my legs dangle over the edge.

Everything was so much easier then, the pre-werewolf days when Jacob was always _my Jacob _and not angry, sarcastic Jacob_. _Of course, easier was not really the right word because nothing came easy to me, not since E---I stopped myself from even thinking his name—after _he_ left. Thinking about him was starting to make it hard for me to breathe again. The familiar emptiness in my chest was getting uncomfortable. I stood up, hugging my arms around myself—a protective mechanism--and realized that I could not wait any longer for Jacob to meet me here, if he would even show up at all. I needed to hear that angelic voice again.

I glanced back down over the ledge and felt the fear rise up through my spine at the sudden realization of my intentions. I swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and closed my eyes.

_"No Bella." _His voice was velvet and clear. I felt myself relax at the sound of it. It came sooner than expected. I smiled to myself at how easy hearing him was starting to become. I took another step closer.

_"Bella, NO, this is too dangerous," _his voice growled. I wanted to yell at him and tell him that he did not care about me, because if he did he would be _here_ with me at this moment. I knew this was useless and somehow it would make me even crazier than I already was, so I refrained.

I flung my eyes open, glanced down at the dark, icy water below and shivered. I could already feel the numbness of the cold water and the pain it would inflict on my body once I broke through the surface. I took the final step, preparing myself to jump. I was definitely no Olympic diver but I felt that it would come natural. I lifted my arms above my head and leaned over onto the balls of my feet. I wanted to jump at that instant but the coward inside of me would not let me move. I leaned back up and let my arms return to my sides, instead. I had to work up the courage to do this.

"Bella!" This time the familiar voice did not come from my angel, but from my best friend. I practically jumped out of my skin, almost losing my balance, and turned around to face him. His eyes were wide in horror and he was running up the hill toward me with speed I would have never thought possible had I not dated a vampire.

"Bella, what are you doing? What are you thinking?!" He was yelling at me, his voice frantic, though I could not figure out why. Wasn't this what we were intending on doing today? Cliff-diving?

"Jake, calm down. I was just going to get started without you."

Before I knew what was happening I was in his arms and he was squeezing me so tight I could barely breathe.

"I—I thought…,"he mumbled, his voice an octave higher than usual. His hands were stroking my hair. "Oh Bella, please don't ever do that to me again." I could hear his heart pounding in his chest and I knew it wasn't because of his sprint.

I never saw him so terrified before and it made me feel guilty. I did not like to see him even the slightest bit upset. He pulled away slightly from the embrace so that he was looking me in the eyes. His face was a little too close to mine than I'd like it to be. His forehead was furrowed in concentration as if he were trying to read my thoughts, trying to figure out what he could do to help me heal from my broken heart.

"Jacob I was not trying to commit suicide if that's what you're thinking!" I was outraged by my realization of what brought on his horror. How could he think I would ever do something so stupid and selfish? Then again, I guess I couldn't blame him. I _was_ trying to be reckless just to hear voices in my head.

"Well you _could_ have killed yourself if you would have jumped. Did you not notice the storm coming in and how rough the water is? Would you try to be a little more responsible?" He was still yelling at me like I was child.

I pushed him away from me and crossed my arms in front of my chest angrily. I started stomping away from him heading back down the hill. If he was going to treat me like a child then why not act like one?

"Since when do you like to do things responsibly?" I yelled back after me not sounding as fierce as I wish I could.

He caught up with me easily in one stride and put his hand on my shoulder, pulling me back around to face him. "Since I thought you were going to die. You know my life would really suck without my partner in crime." He smiled at me softly, his voice returning back to a neutral level. It was the smile that belonged to my Jacob. The smile that made me feel almost human again.

I rolled my eyes but then smiled back and dropped my arms.

"I'm sorry I scared you," I sighed.

"It's alright Bells, I _guess_ I will forgive you." He brought his brown hand up to my cheek and brushed some of the wet strands of hair out of my eyes. It was a gesture that made the boundaries of our friendship a little more blurry than what I liked them to be. His eyes were staring intently into mine and I could see my best friend's innocence inside them. I glanced down and seemed to notice his bare chest for the first time.

"Holy crow Jake, its freezing out. Let's get you back to the house to get you some clothes."

Now it was his turn to roll his eyes, but he did not object. He took my hand in his as we walked back toward the direction of my old beat-up truck.

Once inside his house, I realized how cold I really was. My teeth were chattering and I couldn't stop shivering inside my wet clothes.

"Hold on, let me go get you some dry clothes," Jacob said, already heading toward his bedroom.

For a minute I looked around the small house, half expecting to find Billy, even though I knew he was still at Harry's funeral. Billy's missing presence made the house seem lonely, maybe even ominous. Jacob returned in an instant with the clothes for me and then left the room again to give me some privacy. Once I had the warm clothes on, about three sizes too big, I sat down on the sofa, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. I was extremely tired and the quiet ticking of the wall clock accompanied by the rain clattering on the roof was soothing.

Without making any evidential sounds of his return, Jacob sat down beside me and put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. I felt myself instantly warm up in his embrace. He was my own personal space heater. I glanced up at his face and noticed how horrible he looked. He had dark, puffy bags under his eyes and his hair was a tangled disaster. "No offense, but you look terrible."

"The soaking wet--rat look doesn't do anything for you either," he teased, smiling wryly.

"I'm being serious," I said nudging him playfully. "Maybe I should go; you need to get some sleep."

"No, please stay," he begged tightening his arm around me. "I don't get to spend nearly as much time with you anymore as I'd like, you know with all of the patrolling necessary lately."

I didn't feel like arguing with him, because honestly I missed spending time with him, too. He yawned and laid his head back, closing his heavy eyelids and loosening his arm on my shoulder a little.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I was so comfortable and warm and I liked the way I felt with his arm around me. It was safe and familiar, as if the hole inside of me was getting smaller. It wasn't much longer when I heard his snore echoing throughout the tiny room.

I scooted away from his arm and glanced up at him. He looked so peaceful and innocent. He certainly did not look like the werewolf capable of such deep hatred toward the family I once thought I belonged to.

My mind started to wander, something I did not often allow for fear of it catching up with things I intentionally tried to forget. Looking at Jacob now made my heart ache. I knew how he felt about me; it was obvious in the way he looked at me. How could I enforce that behavior when I did not feel the same way? What kind of person—kind of friend—did that make me? In that instant, I came to the harsh realization that I had to make a decision. I could not have it both ways. I needed to either be what Jacob needed and wanted me to be, or I needed to say goodbye to him and allow him to go on with his life, without messing it up. I knew I was not capable of the second option, so what did that leave me with? Could I _belong_ to Jacob? Of course I loved him, but it was the same kind of love I felt for Charlie. Would that kind of love be enough?

I looked back up as his russet-colored face and sighed. I brushed some stray hairs out of his peaceful, resting eyes and felt my heart sink. I was broken and did not have much left of myself to give him. He deserved so much better than damaged goods. I held back the tears that were starting to wet my eyes with the sudden knowledge that he would accept me the way I am in an instant, without even thinking twice. He would be patient and wait for me to be whole for him—if that were even possible. I could try do that I suddenly decided, I could make Jacob happy, and why not? It was always so easy to just _be _around him. He could belong to me and no one else. Certainly I could trade in my absent heart for a chance to at least live again. I knew it would be selfish on my part but I could not go on without him by my side, and the more time we spend together, the more it becomes impossible to be _just_ friends.

His eyes fluttered open slowly, as if he read my thoughts, and I didn't realize I was still leaning slightly over him with my hand planted on his cheek. He looked at me with curious eyes for a moment and then smiled. He brought his hand up to his face to cup my hand that was already there and closed his eyes as if taking in the moment. He sighed and opened his eyes again.

"Jake I…" I started as I removed my hand from his cheek.

"Shh," he interrupted bringing his free index finger up to my lips to quiet me. "You don't need to say anything."

"But I—I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," was all I managed. There was an unspoken knowledge of a different kind of intimacy between us. An intimacy I tried to avoid time and time again.

He ignored my statement and his finger started to trace the lining of my lips. I could feel that his hand was trembling, but not out of anger like it so often has in the past. I froze. I looked into his dark eyes, at the way he was looking at me. His eyes were burning into mine and I was very aware of what was to come if I did not look away from his gaze. I could not bring myself to move an inch. I knew that if I rejected him now, it would hurt him more than anything I have ever done. I also knew that I was not ready for this. I was still completely undecided. My heart belonged to someone else, someone who did not even want to accept it.

Just as suspected without taking his eyes off of mine, he brought his hands up on each side of my face. His eyes were questioning mine, perhaps trying to get an okay to go on with it. I was still frozen, too scared to even breathe. I was sure that when he looked at me the only thing he would see was utter sadness and confusion. Yet, he still slowly leaned in toward me never taking his eyes of mine.

When his lips meant mine they were warm and soft, in contrast to the icy-cold marble I was used to. I closed my eyes, concentrating on not ruining this moment for him. His lips moved carefully but I could not find it in me to kiss him back. I could feel my heart practically beating out of my chest. Jacob must have taken this the wrong way and started to kiss me more forcefully. His arms slid down off of my face and wrapped around my waist, practically pulling me onto his lap.

I wanted so badly to feel something in that moment, but I could not think of anything else except for Edward's face and the way I felt complete bliss when he would kiss me the way only someone so in love would do. But it was all wrong, because he didn't love me after all. I felt moisture roll down my cheeks. I hadn't even realized I was crying.

Jacob must have finally caught on that I was not responding because he removed his lips from mine and pulled back to look at me. His eyes reflected hurt at first, but when he saw the tears I shed his expression shifted to concern.

"Bella…" he whispered wiping the tears off of my cheeks. "You're not ready for this?"

He asked it as a question, though we both knew it was a statement. I just shook my head and looked down at my lap. I hated the person I have become.

"It's still him, isn't it?" he asked coldly.

"It will always be him…" I choked. I did not allow myself to look back up at him because I knew the hurt in his eyes would kill me.

I could feel his body shaking, this time surely out of anger, and quite possibly frustration. However after a few awkward minutes, he calmed himself down and slowly brought his hand under my chin and tilted it up so I _would_ look at him.

"I Love you, Bella." He said. His eyes were intense and it was obvious he meant every word.

"Jacob…"

"Listen," he interrupted, "I don't expect you to say anything in return. I know you don't feel the same way about me. I just wanted you to know that I really do love you and I am willing to wait for you, no matter how long that wait might be. Believe it or not, someday it will get better for you Bells, I see it happening more and more every day, your eyes are changing and your smile gets brighter. Someday you will realize that he is not worth your pain and you will be ready to move on. Just so you know, I will be here for you, helping you get to that day."

I was silent. I did not know how to respond. My mind was having difficulties wrapping itself around what Jacob was saying. He looked so vulnerable I could barely stand it. I took both of his hands into mine and lifted them up to my lips. I kissed them softly and then smiled at him warmly.

"I love you too, Jacob." I paused just a moment because I wanted him to know I meant it just as much as he did. "Just not in the same way you love me."

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**A/N (updated May 28, 2009) : I wrote the first like ten or so chapters of this story a long while ago with no experience whatsoever with writing. *cringes* Everytime i go back and read the beginnings of this story I get sorta embarassed because I realize its not my best. Unfortunately, I have no time to go back and rewrite. Please bear with me through my growth process and if you continue to read I can promise you, you won't regret it (esp when you get to Ch 32 *sighs*). Also, if you are Team Edward and a Jacob hater, I challenge you to read this entire story and still have the same feelings. I bet I can change your mind--even if its just to make you rethink Jacob a little. Don't beleive me? Still feeling a little hesitant? Read it and you'll see. I was Team Edward until I wrote this story--now I can't decide between the two (can't I just have em' both?) I do beleive my writing and this story gets better as it progresses and it will probably become evident when I eventually snagged some awesome betas . :-)**


	2. Promise

**Disclaimer:** **I do not own anything besides my college debt. **

**With that said…Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn and all of the characters mentioned in this story all belong to the fabulously talented Stephenie Meyer!**

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_"And high up above or down below_

_When you're too in love to let it go_

_But if you never try you'll never know_

_Just what you're worth_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you." _

_--Fix You by Coldplay_

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**Chapter 2: Promise**

Just then, the front door opened and Jacob reflexively jumped up from the couch causing me to fall onto the floor with a loud thump. Billy wheeled into the small house and looked over at Jacob and I, obviously surprised to see me there at this hour, and on the floor, none-the-less.

"Bella," he said simply, nodding at me. "Jacob you can relax now, it's just me." His voice was flat and tired and his eyes were incredibly sad. It looked as if he had been through pure agony for the past few hours. Knowing this was close to the truth, I decided I needed to head home and give him some privacy.

"Sorry for throwing you off the couch Bells," Jake said looking at me apologetically. "I guess I got kind of startled. I am a little edgy these days."

"Clearly," I said laughing lightly. I got up off the floor slowly and stretched, walking over to where Billy was sitting.

"I'm so sorry Billy. How is Mrs. Clearwater holding up?" I asked sympathetically.

"Oh, she is not so good right now. She is trying to be strong for Seth and Leah, but it is hard on all of them," he responded seemingly distant.

"I can't imagine what that must be like. I hope Charlie is okay, I better head home so he doesn't get lonely," I said to both him and Jacob, who was now walking over to join us.

"Yeah it is getting pretty late, I'll drive you." Jacob offered.

In other circumstances, I would have argued with him that I could drive myself home; however being the target of a lethal vampire made me change my preferences lately.

After saying my goodbyes to Billy, Jacob and I walked out to my truck and he opened my door for me like a gentleman. Once he climbed inside and we started heading towards town, the memories of the events that took place earlier were starting to make the silence between us awkward. I stared out the window watching the trees fly by as we got closer and closer to my home. In that instant, I wanted so badly to possess Edward's mind-reading capabilities to know what Jacob was thinking. Then again, maybe I should be glad I didn't.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you, Jacob," I blurted out eventually breaking the silence, my voice shakier than I'd like.

He was silent, but he glanced over at me and smiled taking my hand in his. His eyes were lit up with pure excitement as he stared back at me, making me feel slightly uncomfortable. A second later, he looked back to the road.

"I mean, that was never my intention. I really care about you. Your happiness is very important to me." I continued, trying to say anything that would make him understand exactly how I felt about him. I felt as if there were a million things I wanted him to know with absolutely no words to describe them.

Silence.

"Hello? I am talking to you, you know," I said, my voice sounding a little exasperated.

"I know," he said smiling his usual wryly smile, never looking away from the road.

"A response would be nice then. That is usually how conversations work." I was starting to get more and more frustrated. It was just like him to make a joke out of a serious situation.

He chuckled lightly and squeezed my hand.

"This is hardly funny." I tried to pull my hand away, unsuccessful as usual.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," he said glancing over at me and grinning. I returned his grin with a scowl. He released my hand in order to free his, and brought it up under my chin. "Hey c'mon Bells, lighten up, I was just lost in thought. You know, reliving the events of the night. Best night of my life by a long shot."

"How on earth could you consider this a good night?" I asked lifting my eyebrows.

"It's not every day I get to kiss the love of my life," he replied, more serious now--diverting his eyes back onto the road.

I felt the blush rise up my cheeks. Instead of responding, I felt it would be a better idea to try to let that one slide and concentrated my energy on looking back out the window.

We sat through the remainder of the commute in silence. It wasn't until Jacob cut the truck's engine in my driveway that he spoke again.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked, his voice raspier than usual.

"That depends on what it is," I said, feeling weary about what he wanted to know, hoping I would have the right answer.

"Well, it might have something to do with—you know—the person you don't like to talk about," he said cautiously. He knew me so well and picked up easily on my reluctance to talk about the vampire that would always have my heart.

I felt every muscle in my body tense. "Well, in that case--no you may not."

He sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry for bringing it up. There are just so many things I will never understand."

"What don't you understand?" I asked as I looked down at my lap to find my arms wrapped protectively around my chest, something I did not even realize I was doing.

"You said I couldn't ask."

"I changed my mind, I want to know. What is it?" I said looking back up to meet his eyes. He was looking back at my intently, his spiky hair falling slightly into his eyes.

"Well.." he began, but then paused seemingly trying to choose his words wisely. "I just want to know what _he _has that I don't?"

The question took me by surprise. What was it about Edward that made me fall so irresponsibly in love with him?

"I don't know the answer to that," I said at first, and then after a minute I whispered, "He has my entire heart."

That was exactly the only thing that Edward had that Jacob did not--all of my heart and all of my love.

"Bella, how can you be so desperately in love with someone who ripped your heart out and tore it to shreds, without looking back once to make sure you would be okay? How can you not be angry with him?"

"I am angry with him, but I love him too much to let that change anything," I shouted as I felt the moisture in my eyes; it was inevitable that I would be crying at this point. It has been a while since I thought so freely about Edward leaving. It was definitely a huge mistake, one that I would pay for dearly.

"Aw please don't cry Bells, I can't stand it," he said putting his arm around me and pulling me next to him so that my head was resting on his chest, and my tears were soaking his shirt. "I'm sorry; we won't talk about it anymore." His fingers were gently running through my tangled hair.

"I don't want to love him anymore. I want to love you," I managed to get out, though barely even comprehendible. I was sobbing so hard now that it was hard to even speak. I was feeling the pain again just as strong as it was the day _he_ left. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to hate anything and everything that had to do with _him. _I was clinging to Jacob as if my life depended on it. "Please Jacob…" I choked.

"Please what?" he asked sounding pained. Was he hurting because I was speaking about my love for someone other than him or was he hurting because he couldn't take away my pain?

"Please don't give up on me. I need you," I said turning my head away from his chest to look up at him. He was staring back down at me.

"Oh Bella. I will never give up on you. You don't have to worry about that."

It was quiet then; the only sounds to be heard were my occasional hiccups and the wind blowing through the leaves on the trees outside the truck. For the second time that night, Jacob was wiping the tears off of my face. Once I stopped crying, he brought his lips to my forehead and kissed it gently, then looked back at me and smiled softly. His eyes looked so genuinely concerned that I wanted to start crying all over again for not deserving him, but I managed to hold it together.

Jacob chuckled lightly while shaking his head back and forth.

"What is it?" I asked not understanding the reasoning behind his amusement.

"Nothing, it's just you," he said matter-of-factly. "You're so beautiful Isabella Swan, even when you're a complete train wreck you take my breath away."

I managed to smile at him then through reddened cheeks. "Thanks, I think?" I said. He did just call me a train wreck after all. I laughed at the semi-compliment in my mind because I didn't have enough energy to do it out loud.

"Well, Charlie is surely going to wonder what is taking you so long if he saw the truck pull up," Jacob said already pulling away from me to climb out of the truck. Once he was outside he held out his hand to help me out the driver's side and then walked me to the door.

"I'm going to head straight home to prepare for my patrolling. Sam is probably getting tired at this point and might want to check up on the Clearwaters," Jacob said.

"Okay, thank you for putting up with all of my crying tonight. I promise the next time I see you I won't shed a single tear," I responded hoping that was a promise I would keep.

"Anytime. It's a dirty job but someone has to do it," he teased. I was happy that we were back to this.

He leaned in and kissed my cheek. "C-ya Bells."

"Bye," I replied, suddenly dreading the loneliness I would be tortured with as soon as he left my sight.

I watched him walk away slowly, until he reached the concealment of the woods and then I knew he took off in wolf form. I managed to get myself inside, find Charlie asleep on the couch, and make it up the stairs to my room before I lost it all over again. Without Jacob by my side, I would never make it.

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**A/N: Keep going to Ch 3. Carry on...**


	3. The Start of Something New

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns all.**

**(Update May 28, 2009): if you read this story prior to this date you might notice the ice-skating has changed to a picnic. **

**Hope you enjoy the difference and a big thanks to OCD_indeed my Vali beta over at Twilighted for helping me to improve this.  
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**Chapter 3: Start of Something New**

I squinted at the light that shined through my bedroom window completely shocked that I actually slept through the remainder of the previous night-- nightmare free. I thought after breaking all of the rules yesterday I would surely have paid dearly. I sat up slowly, yawning, and glanced sleepily over at the clock on my desk—10:30 a.m.

I shot up out of bed cursing myself for sleeping in so late. I rationalized it in my head as I ran downstairs—arriving at the decision that crying myself to sleep half the night would explain sleeping through my alarm. Once I reached the kitchen I slowed my pace slightly, not wanting to freak Charlie out, remembering that he took off work today for Harry's burial ceremony.

"Morning Bella." He greeted me only half-paying attention to my arrival. His nose was down in the newspaper and he appeared to be filling out a crossword puzzle. _Since when did Charlie like to do any kind of puzzles?_

"Morning dad," I said simply, already heading towards the telephone.

"Jacob called earlier this morning," he informed me, obviously aware enough to see where my intended destination was.

"What!? Dad, why didn't you wake me up?" I nearly shouted, stopping in my tracks, unable to keep my tone to a neutral level. I was already mad that I woke up late for fear that I would not get to speak to Jacob before he went out to patrol for the day, but now I was more angry that Charlie could have easily woken me. What if he was already gone for the day? What if I wouldn't get to speak to him—hear his voice—until he got home this evening? I shuddered at the thought.

"Whoa, I'm sorry; I didn't think it was urgent. Since when do you want me to wake you up for phone calls?"

"Well what did he say?" I asked nicely, already feeling guilty for yelling at him, especially considering the rough couple of days he just endured.

"He just told me to tell you he called, that's all. What's going on? Is everything okay?" I now had his full--undivided attention.

"No, no, everything is fine; I just really needed to talk to him."

Charlie just shrugged and returned to his puzzle, while I picked up the phone and dialed Jacob's number.

"Hello?" The voice I needed to hear rang out through the receiver. I felt my stomach fill with butterflies at the sound of it, a reaction I was definitely _not_ expecting.

"Jacob?"

"Hey Bells, how are you this morning?" He asked sounding happy and upbeat.

"Good, now that I am talking to you." I spoke before even thinking about what I was saying. It was definitely the truth, but did I really need to lead him on like this?

He chuckled. "The feeling is mutual. So listen, I was thinking that since I have already done enough to ruin your entire spring break, you deserved to have some fun today. I took the day off so that I could spend it with you, you know--doing fun things instead of having to be cooped up at my house all day."

I felt my whole heart lighten at the thought of being around Jacob for the entire day. "That sounds wonderful. What did you have in mind? We already exhausted all of our extreme sports options unless you're up for rock-climbing."

Charlie glanced up at me with an arched eyebrow. Oops. I forgot he was listening. I just ignored his stare for the time being.

"Well I have something in mind that I think you will love; at least I hope you will."

"What's that?" I was already running different possibilities in my head. _Surfing? Hang-gliding?_

"A picnic," he said, his voice filled with pure excitement and enthusiasm.

"A picnic? Outside?" I asked, hesitantly. "And where exactly did you plan on doing this?"

Charlie chuckled, shaking his head back and forth, obviously still eavesdropping on our conversation. I just shot a glare at him. _Why couldn't he mind his own business?_

"I have a place in mind. I'll be coming to pick you up in a few," he replied, bringing my attention back to our conversation. "Oh and Bells, you might want to dress warm. It's chilly out there."

Before I had the chance to reply, the other end of the phone went silent.

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Two hours later, Jacob and I were sitting on a large blanket beside a small lake outside Sam and Emily's house. I had no idea they had such a beautiful backyard and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel kind of strange randomly hanging out behind their house. Jacob had brought a packaged picnic basket full of fresh fruit and sandwiches and was currently in the process of taking all of the food out and placing it on the blanket between us.

"Peanut butter and jelly?" I asked with a raised eyebrow after taking a bite out of my sandwich. "Very classy."

"That's right," he replied, grinning. "Straight from the Black's gourmet kitchen."

"I must say I'm impressed," I teased, curling my legs underneath me to sit Indian style. "Just the right amount of peanut butter. Definitely not too much jelly."

"Best PB and J's La Push has to offer," he said right before taking a bite of his own sandwich. I watched him as he devoured it in seconds, already reaching for his second sandwich. _Typical Jacob—always making a pig out of himself._

We both sat in a comfortable silence, enjoying the cool breeze that would occasionally blow between us—the crisp air reminded me of our northern location on the United States map. I watched my best friend carefully as some of his hair blew effortlessly across his forehead emphasizing his deep eyes that reflected nothing but pure happiness and content. I smiled at him as I reached inside a small Tupperware container and helped myself to a fresh strawberry. I took a bite of it and felt some of its juice run freely down the side my lip. I licked it off and brought my finger to my mouth in order to wipe of the remnants that my tongue may have missed. I didn't even realize I had an audience until I glanced back over at Jacob—my eyes instantly locking with his. He was watching my actions intently with a look of pure amusement on his face.

"What?" I asked, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious under his speculative stare.

"Good strawberry?" he asked, grinning wryly.

"You just pay attention to your own eating habits and leave me alone," I teased, trying to sound angry though I couldn't stop myself from smiling—his vivacious attitude was contagious.

We indulged in a few more strawberries, took a few sips on our sodas, and reminisced on a few stories from our pasts before Jake grew quiet and diverted his gaze down to the blanket-- aimlessly tracing the checkered designs with his fingertip. I could see the immediate change in his demeanor and knew that something was bothering him.

"Hey," I said softly, pushing myself up onto my knees and crawling closer to him. "What's wrong?"

I sat down right in front of him just as he glanced but up from the blanket to meet my concerned gaze. He smiled at me lightly, but I could tell that it was forced. He reached out and grabbed onto my hand, gently rubbing his fingers against mine. I refrained from pulling my hand away for fear that it would hurt his feelings, although it was obvious that these intimate gestures were starting to become more common. I knew what we must look like to outsiders—always together and walking around hand-in-hand. Worse yet, I knew how much Jacob wished that it were true. Every single thing I did and with every day that passed us by, I led him on more and more.

"Are you having fun?" he asked bringing me out of my contemplations and not answering my previous question.

"Yes of course," I replied as I glanced around the empty yard that just contained my best friend and me, the closeness of the moment becoming increasingly evident

"Good. That's my goal, you know," he said pausing for a moment. "I mean, to make you happy. I know I haven't been doing a very good job of it lately, but I promise you that's going to change."

"Are you kidding me?" I said, stunned that he would even assume that he has been anything less than extraordinary to me. "You are the _only _thing in my life that makes me happy right now."

"Well it's just that…" he trailed off and took in a deep breath while glancing down at the ground again. He tried to avoid my gaze and he took my other hand in his.

I waited for him to continue and tried not to concentrate on the comforting warmth his hands were providing against mine. It was always a painful reminder of the contrast in temperatures that my ex-boyfriends touch used to elicit. After a moment, he looked back up at me and his troubled eyes met mine once again. Instantly, I became concerned about what was upsetting him. I hated seeing him this way.

"Jake, what is it?" I asked, quietly, hoping that this time I would actually get some kind of response from him.

"I don't know," he began to say, though barely above a whisper. His brow was furrowed and his eyes were uneasy and I wanted nothing more than to be able to take his pain away. "I guess it's just that lately things have been so different. They are so complicated now. I miss the old times we spent together before I got caught up in all of this werewolf and leech business. I miss the way I used to be"

"You're still the same Jacob to me," I replied, trying to reassure him. "I mean, yeah, things are different now. But maybe it's better this way. Before the whole wolf thing happened I had to hide the biggest secret of my entire life from you. Now I just feel like I can tell you absolutely everything and anything,"

I watched as a bunch of different emotions flashed across his face as he contemplated my words.

"Yeah, I guess you're right" he said after a moment. His lips turned upward into a genuine smile that chased all of the troubled lines from his face. "Thanks Bells, you always know how to make me feel better."

I felt my heart relax and lighten at the sound of his words. _I helped him. I made him feel better._ I couldn't help but ponder the level of satisfaction I got out of this knowledge. Perhaps it was comforting to me to know that even though my life was a complete mess, I could somehow be responsible for someone else's happiness. Perhaps I could be responsible for helping put someone else back together after failing miserably at doing so for myself.

I smiled to myself and glanced down to find there was one last strawberry in the almost empty Tupperware container with my name written all over it. I extended my hand out to grab it just as Jacob obviously had the same mindset, our hands reaching in the middle. We both pulled our hands away and laughed lightly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said. "Did you want that last strawberry?"

"Yeah, but s'okay," he replied, grinning—he was always grinning. "You can have it."

"Are you sure?" I asked, feeling a little guilty. I was never a selfish person—at least when it came to food.

"Yeah, sure," he said, watching me closely.

I shrugged and reached in for the strawberry, but his hand was faster than mine. He grabbed it before I had the chance and held it up in front of him—dangling it in the air taunting me.

"You didn't actually think I was gonna give in that easily did ya?" he asked, his eyes dancing with the thrill of tormenting me.

"Jacob Black," I spat, trying to pretend like I was angry, but barely able to stifle my laughter. "You better give me that strawberry this instant." I put my hands on my hips indignantly, as if that would somehow make me more intimidating.

"And what exactly are you gonna do if I don't?" he asked, pulling the strawberry closer to his mouth acting like he was going to eat it.

Before he had a chance to anticipate my actions, I shot myself forward and tried grabbing the fruit out of his hands. He fought back, lifting his arms above his head and out of my reach—always using his height to his advantage. Instead of a success, I felt myself lose my center of gravity in my attempt at outwitting him—my body falling forward toward him. In one swift motion he was planted firmly on his back with me lying helplessly on top of him, the strawberry falling out of his grasp and onto the grass beside us. We both looked over at the now inedible fruit and broke out into an effortless laughter.

We both laid there laughing so hard that we could barely even breathe, with tears coming out of our eyes just like two little kids who had not a care in the world. I have not laughed like that in such a long time and it felt refreshing.

Just then I became aware of the close proximity of Jacob's body to mine. My laughter ceased and I found myself starring into a pair of dark brown eyes that belonged to the person responsible for my happiness. Jacob's laughter stopped as well and his face grew serious as he became aware of the new kind of intimacy between us. In that moment, everything around me disappeared and the only thing I was now conscious of was Jacob's mouth which was now inches from mine and the feel of his heart beating through his chest against my own. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to kiss him. Before I knew what was happening, I was slowly leaning my head down toward his, and closing my eyes, anticipating the warmth his lips would provide against mine. This time there was no confusion or reluctance in my decision.

However, the warmth never came because in the next second, I was being rolled onto my back, ending up underneath Jacob who was now hovering over me in a protective crouch. The gentleness in his face was replaced with sheer anger and his whole body began to quiver in rage.

"What's wrong?" I asked, although deep down inside I already knew the answer.

"Vampire," he hissed.

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**A/N: It's thundering here and I'm scared. Just thought you should know that. Now please, continue onward...**


	4. Awakening

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my college debt and a few pair of scrubs. **

**Stephenie Meyer is the genius behind the creation of this world and I am just diving in it.**

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_"I'm trying to to keep my feet on the ground_

_I'm getting to like this feeling I've found_

_I'm getting to love the thought of having you around_

_And I will never let you go"_

_--Never Let You Down by Verve Pipe_

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**Chapter 4: Awakening**

"Vampire," he hissed.

The word shot right through my body and grabbed onto my heart, catching my breath in my throat.

"Victoria..." I whispered as a chill ran up my spine. The previous intimate moment between Jacob and I had now been lost. Jacob stuck his nose into the air and breathed in deeply. He stood slowly to his feet and then turned around with his back towards me, obviously searching for the culprit.

"No," he said stiffly. "This isn't Victoria that I smell."

"Well then…" I started to ask, confused, but something stopped me from finishing the sentence. It was a sudden thought that occurred to me, an impossible hope that filled my being. If it wasn't Victoria then who else did that leave? Could it be true? Did _he_ come back for me? I didn't dare think his name.

Jacob turned around towards me as I managed to stand to my feet. He was staring at me intently waiting for me to finish my statement. His expression twisted to one of hurt as he must have seen the hope that now lit across my face.

"Edward," he said coldly. "That's who you're hoping for, right?"

I hated that he could read me like a book. I shifted my gaze to the ground as his name echoed in my mind. _Edward ._I was embarrassed for even thinking of the possibility. He didn't love me; of course it was not him. He was never coming back. To avoid answering his question I bent down and started to clean up our mess from the picnic.

"It's not him," I said barely audible. "He has no reason to come back to Forks."

I waited for the empty gaping hole in my chest to overtake me, but oddly enough it never happened. I still felt almost normal. I still felt the way I did most of the time whenever I was in Jacob's presence. It was a huge step in the right direction but I knew I still had a long road ahead.

"That's right Bella. He's never coming back. At least, he better not if he knows what's good for him," Jacob spat out cruelly, as he helped me finish cleaning up, and then picked up the basket.

His words, though I knew they were true, stung through me. Jacob's lack of sensitivity towards my feelings hurt and I found myself glaring at him. I was too angry to respond, so I just shoved past him instead and made my way towards Emily's house with my hands clenched in fists at my sides. I was so tired of Jacob's hatred towards Edward, even though I knew Edward deserved every ounce of it.

"Bells, wait..." Jacob said pleadingly. He caught up with me easily in no time and began walking by my side trying to get me to look at him. I refused to give in even though it was excruciatingly hard to stay angry with him.

"I'm sorry," he said softly and I could tell he meant it.

"You know what," I said stopping in my tracks. "There's really no time for us to argue if there's any chance of another deadly vampire lingering close by."

Jacob halted as well. "You're right. I really am sorry; sometimes I can be such a jerk to you. I just wish you felt about me the way you do Edward; the jealousy makes me an ugly person. There really is no excuse."

"It's okay, I forgive you," I told him, as I reached and grabbed the picnic basket from his hands. "Now, what about this vampire?" I asked after a moment, quickly changing the subject. I always tried to refrain from any conversation that involved my feelings for Jacob because I was beginning to feel unsure of exactly what those feelings were.

"Right," Jacob said and then extended his nose into the air again. "Well I can't smell the leech anymore, so whoever it was must have run off. I will have to speak with the rest of the guys to see if they saw anything and to let them know to be on alert. Why don't you go into Emily's house and stay there? I need to _change_ in order to communicate with the others. It will only take a second."

I obeyed Jacob's instructions and walked up to Emily's house feeling awfully vulnerable on my own. I knocked lightly on the door and while I waited, I turned around and scanned the woods for any sign of Jacob. _Nothing_. He must've already taken off.

The door opened in front of me to reveal Emily in an apron as she so often was.

"Bella," She said delighted to see me. "C'mon in." Her lips curled up slightly on the unscarred half of her mouth as she opened the door wider. I smiled back at her warmly, trying not to stare as I walked into her small, but cozy abode. Her face was always a reminder of how dangerous the wolves can truly be and as much as I liked Emily I always felt uneasy around her.

"Hello Emily," I said a little too formally, looking around the empty house that smelled of something baking in the oven. I wasn't surprised, and I was very relieved to discover that Sam wasn't there. I never liked being alone with the two of them because their love for each other was so painfully obvious that it brought on memories I didn't want to think about.

"So what brings about this lovely surprise visit?" Emily asked sweetly as she sat down at the kitchen table gesturing for me to join her.

I relayed the news to Emily and told her about our picnic and the new vampire scent as I joined her at the table. If she was worried by the news, she didn't show it.

"Well, there are always new vampires that travel through this area with no intent of harm. It is something that happens all the time, though I guess, with the current situation with Victoria the guys want to be extra cautious. I am sure there is nothing to worry about Bella," she said reassuringly.

I smiled at her, though it was not genuine. I guess somewhere deep down inside I was still hoping that it was Edward and not some random nomadic vampire. _What a stupid and pointless hope to have._

Emily and I sat and talked for what seemed like hours before Jacob and the rest of the pack plowed in through the front door, laughing and carrying on.

"Well maybe if you and your girlfriend wouldn't be such wimps then we wouldn't have to spend an entire evening hunting a vampire that's no threat to us," Paul teased Jacob as they entered the kitchen.

"Hey, I just want to keep Bella safe, you can't really blame me for that," Jacob shot back defensively, though he was laughing.

"Aw how schweeet," Paul said mockingly, plopping down in one of the seats at the table.

Once they all were gathered in the kitchen, Sam naturally took Emily into an intimate embrace and kissed her delicately on the cheek. The rest of the guys helped themselves to some blueberry muffins that Emily had taken out of the oven right before they came inside. Jacob stuffed one down in a matter of seconds and then walked up behind where I was sitting and placed his hands on my shoulders, giving me a gentle massage.

"Sorry Bells, that took longer than I thought."

"What did you find out?" I asked turning slightly in my chair to face him. I wasn't really worried for his response because of what Emily had told me earlier.

"Well we searched all over the area. We found nothing, so whoever it was must have just been passing through. There's nothing to worry about," he said to me smiling.

"Good," I said simply and smiled back. It was refreshing to know that it was just a false alarm.

Jacob looked around the kitchen at everyone else who was carrying on their own conversations and then turned his attention back to me.

"If it's okay with you, the guys were talking about ordering pizza and hanging out here for a while. We haven't really gotten the chance to just chill out together in quite some time. I know I promised you I would spend the entire day with _just_ you, so if you want to leave now, we can.," Jacob offered to me.

"No, pizza sounds good. I don't mind hanging out here for a while," I replied in response to my growling stomach. It had been a while since I had anything to eat besides one of Emily's muffins.

I saw Jacob's face light up, he really loved hanging out with his friends and whatever made him happy, made me happy. I got up to allow Jacob to have my seat among the rest of the guys, and I moved to join Emily over by the sink. She was washing up the dishes that were left over from making the muffins so I grabbed a towel to help her dry.

"You know Bella, they are like a bunch of kids," she said laughing. Sam had left her side to join the guys at the table. They were in the process of calling and ordering 3 large pizzas with all kinds of toppings I didn't even know were sanely eaten on pizza.

"Yeah, I am starting to realize that," I agreed joining in her laughter, "I'm just glad to see Jacob happy."

"Jacob's a great kid. He has a good head on his shoulders and he seems to know exactly what he wants out of life. That is pretty uncommon for someone his age." Emily said as we both glanced over our shoulders to look back at Jacob who was completely oblivious that he was being talked about. He was playing rock, paper, and scissors with Sam to see whether the third pizza would have mushrooms or not.

"Yeah, he's a great best _friend," _I said emphasizing the _friend_ part. I could easily tell what Emily was trying to do. Everyone seemed to be rooting for Jacob to win my heart.

"Right," Emily said smirking. She was finished with the dishes and began to put away the ones that I had dried. I just ignored her smirks because I was used to it by now. I really couldn't blame her, because even I knew that Jacob and I would be great together. It just wasn't that easy. _Was it_?

The rest of the evening seemed to be going by in a blur. I remember the pizza arriving and finally getting to satisfy my hunger. I thought that Jacob ate practically an entire pie on his own, but I could be remembering that incorrectly. I was so lost in thought, almost in a daze. I couldn't seem to get the idea of Jacob and me—_together--_ out of my head. It was almost as if Emily had planted this curse into my mind and no matter what I did, I couldn't push it aside. As if that wasn't confusing enough, I couldn't stop reliving the "almost kiss" in my mind. My stomach would fill with butterflies at the thought of what would've happened if we hadn't been interrupted.

Emily and I were standing in front of the sink for the second time that evening, washing the post-pizza dishes in silence. I was yet again thinking about the events that occurred earlier in the day whenever I had fallen on top of Jacob and could feel his hot breath on my face, his mouth just inches from my own. More importantly, I was wrapped up in the memory of the intense desire I felt in that exact moment to bring my mouth down on his. My daze was interrupted as I felt a set of warm arms wrap around my waist. Jacob's mouth was right beside my ear in the next instant causing my entire body to cover in goose-bumps.

"Wanna get out of here?" he whispered.

"Uh, sure…" I responded almost breathlessly, immediately sliding out of his embrace and heading for my coat and shoes. My head was starting to spin and I felt the familiar physiological reaction my body would undergo In the presence of the _one_ person that seemed to have this effect on me. Only this time, that someone was not Edward. My palms were sweaty and I swallowed hard. Had Jacob been aware of my thoughts this evening? Did he somehow have a strange notion that I couldn't quite get him out of my head? Why else would he be doing this to me?

Jacob didn't seem fazed by my quick escape and happily went over to say his goodbyes to everyone, who were planning on seeing him in less than an hour anyhow. Apparently they were having a bonfire on La Push beach tonight, something that I must have missed while in my trance.

"Is everything okay?" he asked me, once we were outside and walking towards his car.

"Yeah, everything is fine, why?" I said a little too quickly.

"You just seem to be a little out of it, that's all," he said opening the car door for me.

"I'm fine Jacob!" I snapped back and shut my door in his face.

Jacob stood there for a minute completely stunned. He shrugged and then walked around to his side to get in as well. We both remained silent the entire car ride back to his place. I was feeling guilty for yelling at him, after all it wasn't his fault I was so confused by my new feelings for him, but I didn't feel like talking to him about anything at the moment. I didn't want to say-- or _do_ for that matter--something that I would regret.

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**A/N: *yawns* I know, I know...its a slow start...it gets better I promise. Next chapter is a pretty big moment...**


	5. Jacob, My Jacob

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my college debt and a brand spankin' new case of Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns this world and I'm just borrowing it.**

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_"This is not what I intended  
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart  
You always thought that I was stronger  
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start_

_Ohh, but hold your breath  
Because tonight will be the night  
That I will fall for you over again  
Don't make me change my mind_

_Or I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
You're impossible to find._"

--_Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade_

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**Chapter 5: Jacob, My Jacob**

I stared across the blazing bonfire at Jacob who was laughing and carrying on with Embry and Jared. They were currently in the midst of an arm wrestling tournament which Jacob was clearly dominating. Not really a surprise there, considering how he towered over both of them and probably had a good 10-20 pounds of muscle in his favor. My eyes slowly diverted down to his perfectly sculpted chest. I swallowed hard and paused there for only a second and then continued down to his abdomen. Naturally, all of the guys in the pack had an annoying habit of walking around shirtless. It pretty much drove all of the local girls wild, and on this particular night, it was having a similar affect on me. How had I been oblivious to how incredibly attractive Jacob was until this instant? I quickly looked away trying to push the desire I was feeling out of my mind.

I looked around the campfire to distract myself. Sam and Emily were sitting next to each other adjacent to me with their arms locked. Emily was currently laughing at something Sam had said and I watched as she rolled her eyes and smacked him playfully. I sighed wishing I could find the happiness they shared. Reflexively, my eyes diverted back over to Jacob's face to find that he was now looking back at me. He winked and I felt myself blush, unsure of the exact reason behind that, and glanced away from his eyes quickly.

After a few seconds, I looked back up at him to see that it was safe to stare; he was now talking to Seth. Seth must have said something nice because Jacob was smiling a smile that lit up his entire face. It was the smile that belonged to _my Jacob, _the smile that I loved more than anything else. My breath caught in my throat. _My Jacob. _Those words repeated in my mind over and over again. He _was_ my Jacob.

Suddenly, the rest of the bonfire and everyone else around me disappeared and he was the only one I could see. Time seemed to be going in slow motion as I secretly watched Jacob from across the fire. I watched as his arm slowly extended to gently pat Seth on the back, seemingly assuring him about something, perhaps about him being included in the pack's friendship? I smiled then to myself, but unexpectedly my thoughts changed. _Now I was no longer sitting in front of a campfire. Instead, I was lying on top of Jacob who was pressed flat on his back in the grass beside the lake located behind the Ulney's house. We were staring at each other intently, both of us caught up in a moment of intimacy. I slowly brought my mouth down on his and this time we were not interrupted. His arms wrapped around my waist pulling me even closer to him. I could feel his heart pounding almost as fast as mine. It felt absolutely perfect and I never wanted it to end_.

"Bella? Hello? Anybody home?" I was brought back to reality by Emily's soft voice. She was waving her hand in front of my eyes trying to get my attention.

"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry….Yeah…um…wow I guess I'm more tired than I thought," I lied, fumbling for the words that would not incriminate me and my fantasies. I quickly glanced away from Jacob to meet Emily's suspicious gaze.

It was too late. Emily had already followed my eyes' previous destination and was looking at Jacob.

"You know, Bella, we can't help who we fall in love with. It is possible to be in love with two people at the same time," she said as she nodded her head in Sam's direction. Sam was now sitting beside Leah, his previous love prior to Emily. He had his arm lightly around her, more in a friendly way than anything else. I instantly understood exactly what she was trying to say.

"Just because you fall in love again, doesn't make your previous relationship any less meaningful," she added.

I looked back over at Jacob. He was no longer talking to anyone; instead he was looking down at the sand. He had his arms resting on his knees as he twiddled his thumbs in front of him. His forehead was furrowed in concentration. _What was he thinking about?_

"I will never stop loving Edward." I said, only loud enough for Emily, never taking my eyes off of Jacob. I was not completely sure of exactly why I needed her to know this.

"Sam will never stop loving Leah," she replied with no hint of jealously in her voice.

"I don't know if I can—"I paused trying to find the words. "I mean….I might not be able to do this," I whispered desperately wishing that this would be easier. _Why did it have to be so complicated?_

"Bella, honey, you can if you just stop over thinking everything and let yourself feel. Your eyes are so filled with love for him that I think you are the only one left who doesn't realize how you truly feel," Emily said laughing lightly.

I was watching Jacob intently and in that moment I felt my heart beat faster as an intense warmth filled my entire being.

"I do love him," I admitted, though barely audible. _I love him. I love him. I love him. _I repeated those words over and over again in my mind just as Jacob's eyes peered up from the sand to meet mine. I was gaping at him with my mouth slightly parted and my eyes wide in shock. At once, his eyes filled with concern and he stood up from where he was sitting, crossing the short distance between us in a matter of seconds.

"Bella?" he asked a little frantically. "Is everything okay?"

He glanced over at Emily who just shrugged, and then returned his gaze back to me.

"Jacob…I uh…" I was trying to decide what to say. I couldn't seem to pull myself together after the epiphany I just experienced.

"Bella was just saying how much she would like to go for a walk down the beach, why don't you take her Jacob?" Emily asked him, saving me the trouble.

"Sure, okay," Jacob said looking at her suspiciously. I was sure he knew something was obviously going on but he didn't seem interested in pushing the topic further now. "C'mon, Bells."

He extended his hand out to me. I took it in mine and stood up allowing the heat of him to fill my entire being. We both nodded at Emily and then slowly started to walk down the beach hand-in-hand.

Once we were more than an earshot out of everyone at the campfire, Jacob wasted no time pressing me for answers.

"What's going on, Bella? You haven't been yourself since we fell down earlier at the lake and almost—"he started, but stopped himself from saying the one word that has been up in the air between us since this afternoon. He was obviously unsure of whether or not he should bring up that topic just yet. After another moment, he sighed. "Please let me know what's wrong so I can fix it."

I didn't say anything at first. I wasn't ready to talk yet. I didn't trust myself to open my mouth, unsure of exactly what I would let slip out.

"Jacob, please just give me a minute, okay?" I asked softly, after an awkward moment of silence.

He just nodded and respected my wishes. We continued to walk in silence. The only sounds to be heard were the distant voices at the bonfire and the ocean waves crashing up onto the shoreline.

_I love him, _I thought. God, how true it was, and it definitely wasn't the same love that I felt for Charlie anymore. I _wanted _Jacob. This truth was right in front of my face this entire time, and maybe I would have realized it sooner had I not been too busy overanalyzing every single move I made and also trying to remember every angle and contour on Edward's face. _Oh Edward._ I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes while we continued to walk, pushing Edward's name out of my mind because nothing was going to ruin this. I felt Jacob's eyes on me but I didn't care. I was enjoying the moment, drinking it in. I was in love with Jacob Black. _My Jacob_. My best friend in the entire world. I felt free_. I felt amazing._

Eventually, I opened my eyes and turned to look behind us to see that the bonfire was now just a blur in the distance. How long have we been walking? I lost track of time, but even though it had clearly been a long time since we started, Jacob never tried to speak again, still respecting my wishes. He was so good to me.

I stopped us from our synchronized walk just as we came to an inlet that was shaped like a heart. _How perfect_, I thought. I let go of his hand, took a few steps away from the water, and kneeled down in the sand. Jacob--poor confused Jacob--came and knelt down in front of me. He took both of my hands in his, burying them in their depth. I studied his face trying to decide where to begin. He looked extremely worried.

"Bella?" he said quietly. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I am so, _so_ sorry." His voice was shaky and desperate. His eyes were frantic.

"Jacob I—"

"I promise I won't push you anymore," he interrupted, dropping both of my hands as if he were surrendering them to me. "I won't even hold your hands, or touch you, or play with your hair, or do any of the things you don't like. I promise. Just please, _please _don't do this."

"Do what?" I asked, utterly confused, unsure of where this was coming from.

"Break up with me," he said quietly, his voice breaking at the end. Naturally, we were never dating, but I knew exactly what he meant by that. It all started to make sense. Jacob thought that I was acting this way because I didn't want to be around him anymore.

His eyes reflected so much pain that I almost cried for him ever having to feel this way. When I didn't respond right away, simply because I was so shocked that he had this scenario so completely wrong, he diverted his eyes down to the sand. I could have sworn he was crying.

I didn't have the words to say, so I decided that actions would have to speak louder. Trembling, I brought my right hand up and placed it gently on Jacob's stomach, slowly tracing the line right above his jeans with my index finger. Jacob glanced back up at me, confused. Never looking away from his stare, I shakily glided my hand up to his chest and stopped to place it on his heart. It was practically beating out of its resting place. I swallowed hard, nervously; I wasn't really good at this kind of thing.

"I love you." I said.

I made sure I said it with a certain intensity that would guarantee Jacob would realize I wasn't talking about friendship. Jacob's puzzled expression shifted to one of understanding, and then finally to complete and utter shock. Before he could say anything, I slowly leaned up on my knees so that I was closer to his level and brought my face inches from his. Right before our lips were about to meet, I stopped but did not back away. I could feel Jacob's body tighten under my touch in anticipation; I could feel his breathe on my face.

"And, I'm not breaking up with you," I whispered.

I closed the gap between our lips and moved my mouth delicately and gracefully with his. Jacob let out a gasp and seemed to lose all of the control that he had. He kissed me more hungrily, as his arms wrapped around my body and pulled it forcefully against his. He leaned back onto his heels and pulled me onto his lap so that I was now straddling him. I responded by wrapping my arms around his neck and clinging myself to him. My body was aching to be even closer to his, if that were even possible. His hands slid up my back and got tangled in my hair. It was as if months and months of tension between us was finally being freely released

After what seemed like an eternity of pure bliss, I pulled away with both of us breathless. Jacob was staring back at me with glassy eyes.

"Bella…" he breathed. His mouth was on my neck kissing its way up to the line of my jaw. His hands slid down my back again and onto the sides of my arms. I shivered under his touch. His mouth found mine for a second time, and the next thing I knew I was lying flat on my back in the sand with him hovering over me, holding his weight from crushing me. He looked down at me and smiled.

"You just made me the happiest man alive," he said grinning from ear to ear. He leaned down to give me a soft peck on the lips and then maneuvered himself so that he was now lying on his side beside me, with his head propped up on his elbow, looking down at me.

I smiled at him warmly. There were no words to describe the way I felt. I was worried that kissing Jacob would have been a mistake that maybe I would regret later, but boy, I couldn't have been more wrong. It was amazing and I was absolutely sure that this was what I wanted. I felt completely whole again, something that I haven't felt since Edward left. _Edward. _Leave it to my messed up brain to ruin a perfect moment. I frowned and sat up from where I was lying. Jacob reflexively sat up beside me and sighed.

"But, it wasn't as perfect for you as it was for me?" he asked me, hurt resonating in his voice.

I snapped my head to the left to look at him. "No! No, no, no, no, Jacob," I practically shouted, "It was more than perfect for me. It was amazing."

"Really?" he asked unsure.

"Yes, silly boy." I said standing up and brushing the sand off of me.

Jacob looked so happy he could burst. He shot up from where he was sitting, wrapped his arms around me to lift me up, and began spinning me in circles.

"Okay—can't breathe," I said.

He put me down and released me. "I'm sorry, I'm just so happy. I mean—wow Bella-- I thought you were going to tell me you never wanted to see me again, that it was all too much for you. I was never in a million years expecting this," he said ecstatically.

"Well, I guess I _was_ acting strange. I apologize for that."

"Hey, you don't need to apologize to me now." He brought his hand up to my face to move some strands of hair out my eyes.

"Yes I do, I feel terrible for making you feel that way, I mean you looked like you were going to cry" I said apologetically.

"Pshh…no I wasn't," he said smirking, "I just had sand in my eyes, now c'mon we better start heading back. We have about a mile walk ahead of us."

I just laughed as he took my hand in his and we started to make our journey back to the blur of a bonfire in the distance.

"So, does that mean I can officially call you my girlfriend now?" he asked after we were about halfway into our hike.

"I guess, if you have to put a label on us," I said rolling my eyes, teasingly.

"Oh I do, I want the world to know you are mine. Finally, after all this time, you came around. I have been waiting for this day since you tried to flirt with me back on our special piece of driftwood. So believe me, I am going to take advantage of every single perk."

"Oh, Jacob," I sighed happily, "Jacob, my Jacob."

"Bella, my Bella," he replied, and I admit it was lame but it didn't stop the smile on my face form growing wider. He pulled me closer to him, drawing me in for another kiss. His lips left mine after only a second, leaving me wanting more. However, instead he pulled away from me, taking my hand in his once again to continue our journey back home.

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**A/N: Getting a tad bit better, eh? Maybe just a smidge...I admit the last few lines were L-A-M-E but you know, whatever. I love me some Jacob. Now, move along..Ch 6 is a shortie.**


	6. Not Quite There Yet

**Disclaimer: I don't own a damn thing. Stephenie Meyer owns this world and the characters and I'm just borrowing them.**

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_"Now I will tell you what I've done for you  
Fifty thousand tears I've cried.  
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you  
And you still won't hear me.  
Don't want your hand this time - I'll save myself.  
Maybe I'll wake up for once  
Not tormented daily defeated by you  
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom  
I'm dying again."_

_-Going Under by Evanescence_

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**Chapter 6: Not Quite There Yet**

That night I lay in my bed, restless for hours upon end. I looked over at my clock for the fourth time—3:06a.m. I sighed and sat up pushing my hair out of eyes and looked at my empty window. I closed my eyes and pictured Edward standing there in all his glory. However, his face was all wrong. It was twisted in pure agony. He was hurt that I had moved on. I opened my eyes so I didn't have to endure his pain any longer.

Who was I trying to fool? Edward would be happy I moved on. He didn't want me, he made that perfectly clear. I was going insane again.

"_Of course, I'll always love you…in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." _(Quoted from New Moon--Stephenie Meyer)

Edward's departure speech lingered in my thoughts, his voice so heartbreakingly perfect. Why could I not forget those cruel words? Why after everything that has happened, did I still end up at this same breaking point? Tonight my time with Jacob was so amazing that I thought for sure I was finally going to leave all of this pain behind. Obviously, I was wrong. As soon as Jacob dropped me off at home and drove down my driveway, my happiness faded.

I lay back down and tried closing my eyes again. Edward's face was looking back at me. I shot my eyes open and practically jumped out of bed, completely exasperated. I wanted to hit something--_hard_. I wanted to scream and yell and pull my hair out of my head. _I wanted to hate him._ I wanted to call him up and ask him why--why he would ever do this to me? Why did he keep assaulting my thoughts so I couldn't move on? _I wanted to __hurt__ him_. I wanted him to feel a fraction of the pain that he had caused me. I was furious.

I grabbed my coat and ran down the steps not really sure where exactly I was heading at three o'clock in the morning. I ended up in the woods behind my house, flashlight in hand. What was I doing here? This was definitely stupid and reckless. So I guessed I was back to _this_ behavior? I sat down on a random tree stump and let my face fall into my hands. I might have been crying had I not already completely drained myself of all possible tears over the past couple of months.

That is when I heard it. A twig or tree branch cracked. It was close to my very resting spot. I froze and held in my breath, trying to hide the illuminating glow of the flashlight under my coat. Did _it _see me, whatever it might be? I heard another crack, this time it was louder and closer. Whatever it was, it was coming towards me. I was on my feet in a matter of seconds and running so fast that I was shocked I had yet to trip and fall. The next thing I knew I hit hard right into someone-- knocking the breath out of me--and flew backwards onto my butt. I was too terrified to look up and face my attacker.

"Bella?" a familiar voice asked.

I looked up at Embry and felt myself instantly relax, allowing myself to inhale air into my abandoned lungs. I was so happy to see him I could have jumped into his arms to hug him.

"Oh, Embry, you scared me half to death," I said standing up and brushing the leaves off of myself.

"What on earth are you doing out here this late at night?" he asked harshly. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"I don't know; I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me. I just couldn't sleep and got so angry and ran and—" I broke off reading the confused expression that the moonlight was revealing on his face. He had no idea what I was talking about. I could tell he was thinking that I was crazy. I was thinking he was right. _I was crazy._

"Nevermind," I said in defeat. "Just please don't tell Jacob about this, okay?"

He raised one eyebrow at me.

"Oh," I said realizing that Jacob would know about this soon enough. The pack could have no secrets whether they liked it that way or not.

"Why are you so angry Bella? The woods are a dangerous place at night, so if you ran out here out of anger then you should probably find healthier coping strategies," he said. He really wasn't cutting me any slack and I guess I didn't blame him. If anything happened to me tonight on his watch, Jacob would kill him.

"I wish I could..." I muttered.

He just sighed and shook his head. "Well look, let me walk you back to your house. Just promise me you will find a better past time than hiking in the woods at night."

"I promise," I said although I wasn't sure if that was one I would keep.

Embry walked me right up to my door. I thanked him and went inside, climbing the stairs quietly back up into my torture chamber. I wanted to call Jacob; hear the one voice that I knew would put me at ease but it was way too late for that. _I missed him._ But which of the two was _him? _

I climbed back into bed, pulling the disheveled covers up over my body. I flicked off the lamp beside my bed and closed my eyes. _Jacob. I missed Jacob._ That was the last thing I thought before finally falling into a dreamless sleep.


	7. Why Do You Do This to Me?

**Disclaimer: I don't anything except my college debt and the book "The Reader" which I just purchased yesterday from Barnes and Noble. **

**Stephenie Meyer created this world and is currently the owner of my life. No copyright infringement intended.**

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_"Why do you do this to me?_

_Why do you do this so easily?_

_You make it hard to smile_

_Because you make it hard to breath_

_Why do you do this to me?"_

_--Why by Secondhand Serenade_

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**Chapter 7: Why Do You Do This to Me?**

I woke up Friday afternoon to the familiar sound of rain pounding against my window. I reluctantly opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling as the harsh memories of my restless night harassed my mind. I sighed, sitting up and stretching my arms over my head. My whole body hurt, obviously punishing me for my stupid decision to run through the woods.

Eventually, I climbed out of bed and threw on the first flannel button-down shirt and jeans that entered my line of sight. I was too tired, despite sleeping in until noon, to even care about what my hair looked like. I walked into the bathroom and slowly brushed my teeth, dragging out the event for way longer than necessary. I was still angry. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. Well actually that was a lie because there was _one _person I did want to see.

I walked downstairs to find--to my relief--that Charlie was at work. I was happy to see that he was not home, that way I didn't have to fake a happy conversation. I grabbed the milk for a bowl of cereal and slammed the refrigerator door shut. Yeah, so apparently I was going to take my frustration out on the appliances. I poured my cereal, added some milk, and sat down at the kitchen table. I stared down at the Cheerios floating around in the endless white oasis. Each of them, slowly but surely, suffocating in the milk that overpowered their existence. I felt like a Cheerio. I was just a stupid little Cheerio that had no control over my life. With that, I threw my entire breakfast off of the table and watched as the bowl shattered to pieces on the floor. The Cheerios and milk splattered everywhere. I sat there for a few minutes just staring at the mess that I had just made. Where was this fury coming from? I have never been a short-tempered person, but after last night I felt like I wanted to punch a giant hole in the wall.

I was down on my hands and knees cleaning up the evidence of my temper tantrum when I heard a knock on the door. Who could that be? I certainly wasn't expecting anyone. Jacob had said he wouldn't stop by until after dinner. I sighed and slowly walked to the front door. I was dreading having to fake a smile, but when I opened the door and saw _him_ standing in the doorway, grinning from ear to ear, my lips automatically turned upward on their own. His smile was contagious.

"Jacob!" I exclaimed, not hesitating to throw my arms around his neck and bury my face into his chest.

His arms instantly found their way around me and he held me close. I breathed in his scent and let his warmth overtake me. For that brief moment, I forgot why I was angry--that I was even angry at all.

"Well that was an interesting greeting," he chuckled and then kissed me gently on the side of my head.

I pulled slightly out of his embrace and looked up into his deep, brown eyes. He smiled down at me and I felt my world shift. I was getting lost in his eyes.

"What are you doing here so early?" I asked, not that the answer to that really mattered, I was just happy he was here. _I needed him._

"Eh well, I just couldn't wait to see you any longer. I dreamt about you _all_ night last night. You have no idea how happy you made me yesterday. Really, not a clue," he said excitedly.

As sweet as they were, his words brought me back to my miserable reality. I frowned and pulled away from him, leaving his side to kneel back down on the kitchen floor and finish what I started. He dreamt about me last night while my mind was on someone else. I was hardly being fair to him.

It wasn't long before he was kneeling down in front of me.

"Bella? That was too much, wasn't it? Too over the top?" he asked sounding concerned and looking around at the mess that I had made most likely wondering how it happened.

I stopped scrubbing the floor and glanced up into his worried eyes. "What? No Jacob—it's not you, okay?--I'm sorry—I'm just..." I ran my fingers through my tangled hair as I tried to find the right words. "I'm just a complete mess," I said sighing and trying to smile at him.

"I don't understand. You seemed happy last night," he said frowning.

"I was happy. I mean—I still _am_ happy. I swear I don't regret any of it, but this just isn't going to be easy. It's not like there is a switch that I can just turn on to forget the past."

"Right, the past," he said sighing and standing to his feet. I could tell he was getting frustrated with me but he was trying not to show it. "Are you going to tell me about last night?" he asked suddenly, his voice losing some of its softness.

"What about it?" I asked really not feeling like explaining my motives behind my erratic behavior.

"C'mon, Bella, you know what I'm talking about," he said crossing his arms in front of his chest and glaring down at me.

I didn't answer him right away. Of course I knew what he was talking about. He and Embry obviously had a little exchange of thoughts after my woods fiasco. I stood up and walked over to the kitchen sink, throwing the dirty rags inside of it. I leaned my hands against the counter, allowing them to hold up my weight.

"Not right now, okay Jake?" I said looking out the window, avoiding his gaze.

I heard footsteps and in the next second I felt his warmth behind me. His hands were on my shoulders, gently turning me around to face him. They slowly made their way onto the sides of my face. He was staring intently into my eyes possibly searching them for an explanation.

"I can't help you if you won't let me in," he said sadly, brushing my cheeks with his thumbs.

I couldn't stand to look at him when I knew I was the cause of his frustration. I diverted my eyes to the floor. I had nothing to say.

"Fine," he mumbled releasing my face. "So we're _really_ back to this?"

We both stood there for a moment in silence. It felt like the desperation of our relationship was growing by the second and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I could not bring myself to speak the words I knew I needed to say.

"I can't keep up with your mood swings anymore. I'm trying, but I just can't," he said hopelessly.

He walked away from me and over to the door preparing to leave. That was the last thing that I wanted him to do but I didn't know what I could say to make him stay.

"I'm sorry…" was the only pathetic attempt I managed.

He looked at me, his eyes full of hurt. "You should have never kissed me last night if you weren't sure that's what you wanted. I have feelings too, you know," he said as he sighed and ran a hand through his spiky hair. He looked like he might say something else, but instead he just turned around and left.

_He was gone_. That's it. I blew it. I pushed the one person in my life that meant the most to me away. I stood there by the sink, frozen—unable to move.

I heard the front door open and close again. I looked up to see Jacob walking toward me. He looked conflicted and I thought I heard him curse himself under his breath.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just broke my promise to you, didn't I?"

I shrugged. "It's okay. I won't blame you for leaving me," I said biting my bottom lip and looking away from his gaze.

"I don't want to leave you, Bella" he said as he brought his hand under my chin and tilted it up so I would look at him. "Sometimes you can just be so frustrating."

"I'm sorry for shutting you out," I said. "And for being really pathetic all of the time."

"Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm the only pathetic one here. I couldn't even stay mad at you for an entire minute. Now _that_ is pretty sad," he said laughing lightly.

I couldn't help but smile.

"Oh Jake, what am I doing? How did I get here?" I asked rhetorically.

"Well it looked like you were cleaning up some cereal off the floor, and you live here so that would explain how you got here," he replied, grinning.

"Oh shut up," I said shoving him playfully. "Leave it to you to crack a joke at a time like this."

He shrugged. "You know me, Bells. I can never pass up an opportunity to tease you."

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close to his body. "You're going to be okay. _We _are going to be okay."

For once, I believed that he was right. He pulled away from me sooner than I liked.

"I really do have to go now, though. I promised Billy I wouldn't be long," he told me regretfully. "I guess he wants me to help him change some light bulbs or something, you know--manly stuff." He winked at me after that last part.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, I'll still see you later then?" I asked hopefully.

"Oh yeah, about that….I decided I want to take you out on a proper date…I mean…if you're up for it?"

I raised my eyebrows at him. "I don't do dates, Jacob."

"Oh c'mon, what do you mean you don't _do_ dates? I want to take you out to a restaurant like a normal boyfriend would do."

"I don't know. I just don't like dressing up and having to act all formal. It's so awkward; it's not me at all"

"Who said you have to get all dressed up? We can just go to the local diner and eat burgers and fries. C'mon please?" he pleaded.

I was no match for his begging. It was useless trying to refuse him when he was looking at me like that.

"Oh okay, fine," I said frustrated that I was such a push-over. "But, no fancy places and definitely no buying me flowers."

His smile was so big you'd think I just agreed to marry him. He pulled me into another one of his life-squeezing hugs.

"I'll pick you up at six. Don't be late," he said laughing, and then he released me and turned around to walk out the door.

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**A/N: Ohhhh...hott date next chapter. Can't wait for that! If you're reading this, thanks for sticking with me.  
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	8. A Twist in My Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my college debt.  
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**Stephenie Meyer is the genius behind this world and these characters and I'm just diving in her creation. **

**No copyright infringement intended.**

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_"So you see this world doesn't matter to me_

_I'll give up all I have just to breath_

_The same air as you till the day that I die_

_I can't take my eyes of of you_

_I'm finally waking up_

_A twist in my story_

_It's time I open up and let your love right through me."_

_--A Twist in My Story by Secondhand Serenade_

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**Chapter 8: A Twist in My Story**

"So you and Jacob, eh?" Charlie probed as he leaned in the doorway of the bathroom torturing me while I prepared for my date. I was actually putting on some mascara for once and was having a really hard time understanding why girls actually liked this stuff. I felt like my eyelashes were going to stick to the top of my eye lids every time I blinked.

"Dad, please," I begged as I finally got completely fed up with my Lash Exact and threw it in the trash.

"Hey, I am just saying. I think it's great. Jacob's a nice boy and I could tell you two have gotten really close," he said, trying to hold back a laugh.

I just scowled at him and plowed past him out of the bathroom and into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I was hoping Charlie would take the hint. I began looking around my room trying to decide what to wear. I knew we were just going to the diner but I felt like I should look nice for him. I owed him that much at least. I eventually settled with a purple button-up blouse and a nicer pair of jeans that I happened to own. After getting dressed, I quickly ran back into the bathroom to take one last overall look at myself. I looked pretty presentable, considering my hair was actually curled for once. I decided this was the best it was going to get so I just sighed and went downstairs where Charlie was waiting to torture me some more.

"So, what time did you say he was picking you up again?" he asked me for the third time in an hour. What was it about parents that required them to ask the same question every two minutes?

"Six, for the third time already," I snapped. I did feel bad for being so short with him but he was driving me insane. I knew he was just happy that I was no longer the "walking dead" but I wanted him to go back to the old Charlie—the one that wouldn't hover--the Charlie that didn't have me under a magnified glass just waiting for me to take my next downfall.

"Oh, that's right. And where did you say you were going?"

"Just the diner. I'm not sure where afterwards, maybe to Jacob's house," I replied forcing myself to sound a little more patient.

Charlie raised his eyebrows at me.

"What?" I asked not understanding why he was looking at me like I just committed a crime.

"You know, Billy is coming here for the evening and we are going to watch some TV?"

"Yeah I know, that's good you will have company," I said, bending down to put on my shoes, still not understanding what he was getting at.

"Well…I uh...I mean you and Jacob should probably not go to his house then afterward…." he trailed off sounding embarrassed.

"Oh dad! C'mon, you can't be serious?" I shouted, realizing the conclusions he was reaching. "It's just Jacob. Really, it is not like that."

"Oh it's not is it?" he asked speculatively. "Well let me just tell you that I was a boy once, I know what tricks they have up their sleeves."

"Dad, really? Jacob Black?"

He just looked at me for a minute and then sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I _am_ being a little over protective, aren't I? After all, he is still the same Jacob Black that used to run around chasing you with earth worms only to find out that you weren't afraid of them."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, that sounds like Jacob alright," I said laughing.

There was a knock on the door interrupting our conversation.

"Speaking of the devil…" Charlie said as he walked over to answer it. Jacob pushed Billy inside, as they greeted Charlie, and then he came over to me and kissed me gently on the cheek. He immediately got a huge grin on his face.

"Bella, you look beautiful," he said seriously, his dark eyes intense.

"No flowers?" I asked, blushing. I couldn't help but notice how attractive he looked. He was wearing a plain white button-down shirt, a nice contrast against his russet skin, with a nice faded pair of jeans. I was used to seeing him in no shirt at all, so this was quite a change.

"Not a single petal," he replied still grinning. I couldn't help but marvel in his radiance. I was suddenly extremely nervous for our date, which was absolutely ludicrous. It was only Jacob. _My_ _Jacob_.

"Well, you two kids behave yourselves," Billy said after handing a six pack of beer to Charlie. "Jacob you better bring Bella back here by eleven."

"I will dad," Jacob mumbled impatiently, never taking his eyes off of me.

"Okay then, see you two later on, have fun." Charlie said to us, eyeing Jacob down as if to warn him he better not touch me. He was acting so strange and it was starting to embarrass me. I shot him an irritated glance.

Jacob nodded at him nervously and finally Charlie and Billy went into the living room to leave us alone.

"It's about time they realize they're crazy about each other," I thought I heard Billy say to Charlie as he wheeled away.

I rolled my eyes and looked up at Jacob who just shrugged.

"I can't say I really blame them for being happy for us, although it looked like Charlie wanted to ring my neck." He said, smiling.

"Oh, he is just being protective; I wouldn't take it personal. Charlie loves you. Now let's go before I change my mind about this," I replied taking his hand and pulling him out the door.

We shouted one last goodbye to the lonely father's club and walked outside to Jacob's car. He opened my door for me and then sauntered around to his side, climbing in. Once he shut his door behind him we both sat there in an awkward silence. I didn't understand why I was so nervous and I couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same way. I didn't exactly sense things were _completely_ different between us because, after all, he was still just Jacob, my best friend. However, there was now something else between us—something that changed the aura of our relationship. I mean, Jacob has always been attracted to me, he never failed to let that be known, but now that the attraction was shared by me—everything was different.

"So what did you do after I left?" he asked, breaking the silence as he started driving towards town.

"Well….I uh… I just called Renee and talked to her for a while and then cleaned a little," I replied unable to take my eyes off of him. It was amazing to me how everything could change in twenty four hours—how I could have possibly gone all of this time without _really_ seeing Jacob. The reality was—he was truly beautiful—everything about him was extraordinary.

"Sounds like a good ol' time." He said as he reached over and took my hand in his. His warmth immediately swelled throughout my entire body. I glanced down at our interlocked hands and then back up at his face, enthralled.

"What?" He asked me as I stared back at him. _Oops. Was I that obvious?_

"Nothing…" I said quickly, turning my head away from his curious gaze to look out the window.

"Hey, Bella?" he asked after a moment.

"Yeah?" I replied turning my head to meet his dark brown eyes.

"Relax," He said grinning. He removed his hand from mine and placed it on my leg instead.

I felt the blood rush to my face, silently cursing myself for being so painfully obvious. He slowly brought his hand up to my cheek and grazed his knuckles against my flushed skin. "Bella, you're turning pink," he said softly.

Of course, his words only made my face turn a darker shade of red. "I don't know why I'm so nervous," I said quietly, biting my lip and looking away from his gaze again. His hand returned to my leg, but this time he was rubbing it gently, soothingly.

"Don't worry, I'm nervous too," he replied. "This is definitely different for us, but a _good _kind of different."

At this point, we had arrived at the diner. Jacob pulled smoothly into a parking spot and turned off the car's power. It was starting to get dark outside so the diner's sidewalk lights were glowing softly in front of our parked car. Jacob edged out and was opening my door for me a second later. He took my hand to help me out and then held his elbow out for me to latch on. I complied as we strolled up to the front door of the small cafe that Charlie and I had eaten numerous times before this moment. Somehow I knew that this place would hold a new significance for me after tonight.

Once we were inside we took a seat in a private corner, Jacob helping me remove my coat before he sat. Linda, the waitress that I always thought had a little crush on Charlie, smiled at me and held up her index finger, signifying she would only be another minute. I looked around the small eatery for a moment, noticing that there was only one other couple there sitting across the room from us. I returned my attention to Jacob to find he was studying me, smiling softly.

"What?" I asked, self-consciously.

"Did you put make-up on for me?" he asked laughing lightly.

"No…." I lied, glancing down at the menu. I already knew what I wanted to order but I needed some excuse to look away from his perceptive eyes.

"Well, you look gorgeous. I mean, not that you don't all the time already," he said genuinely, looking down at his menu as well.

"Thanks," I responded, a little flustered. "You look great too, actually clothed for once." I smiled, setting my menu down in front of me.

He raised his eyebrows up at me. "I'd say you prefer my usual attire."

"Oh please, don't kid yourself," I teased, rolling my eyes. But suddenly I was thinking of Jacob without his shirt on by the campfire the night before. I was picturing his russet skin glowing in the orange illumination of the firelight. I was imagining the way his hot skin felt under my touch right before I kissed him. I gulped. I was brought back to reality by Linda's voice.

"Hello, Bella. What can I get for you tonight?" she asked, glancing quickly over at Jacob, and then back to me.

"Um…I think just the cheeseburger and fries, please. Oh, and can you bring me a coke with that?" I asked, still flustered.

"Of course," she said smiling and then turned her attention to Jacob. "And for you, Jacob?" she asked. Naturally, she knew the Blacks even though they didn't come into town as often as most.

"I'll have the same, please--hold the cheese," he told her, as he handed her our menus. I had to admit it was nice dining with someone who was actually going to eat.

"Alright, sounds good," she replied. "Oh and Bella, where is your good old dad tonight?" I knew it was only a matter of time before she mentioned Charlie. I saw her face light up as she asked it.

"He's at home hanging out with Jacob's dad," I answered.

"Yeah, a typical guys night," Jacob added, chuckling.

"Well tell them both I said hello, will ya? I'll bring your food out in a little bit," she said happily as she moseyed off to the only other customers in the building.

"Wonder why it's so dead tonight," Jacob thought out loud.

I shrugged. "Who knows, it is kind of odd."

"Yeah, so Linda obviously wants your dad," he said suddenly, changing the subject as he reached over and grabbed the salt and pepper shakers. He was idly playing with them as he spoke. He obviously wasn't lying about being nervous.

"Oh yeah, is it really that noticeable?"

"Oh my, yes…" he said trailing off. He was batting his eyelashes at me, enthusiastically. "Bella, honey, where's your dad at tonight?" he asked in a girly voice.

I laughed as I tore off a piece of my napkin and threw it at him.

"Hey now, what was that for?" he asked, smirking.

"For being mean to poor Linda," I countered trying not to smile back.

"Well, it's only the truth. So why doesn't Charlie just go out with her?" he asked as a small group of boys I attend high school with walked in. I recognized one of them from my gym class. They were juniors, a grade younger than I, and now they were all staring at me. I knew they were most likely wondering who I was with. I looked over at them and smiled as they took seats at one of the larger tables. The boy from my gym class waved. I glanced back over at Jacob.

"I'm sorry, what did you ask again?" I said slightly distracted.

"Who are they?" he asked curiously, turning his attention to them.

"They go to my high school. I don't even know their names," I said realizing the truth behind my statement. I was in my own world for most of the school year to even care to notice anyone else around me.

"Well, they are quite interested in finding out who I am it seems," he said grinning wryly. "They are looking over here."

"Okay then, quite staring at them!" I scolded him.

He returned his gaze back to me. "Thank you," I said. "Now what did you ask about Charlie?"

"Oh," he said trying to remember what he had asked me before the distraction. "Why doesn't he go out with Linda if it's so obvious that she likes him?"

"I don't know," I responded as I thought over the answer to his question in my mind. "I guess he still loves my mom. I don't think he will ever love anyone else."

"Well then...looks like Charlie and I have something in common," he said seriously.

"What? You are in love with Renee? Jacob I had no idea!" I couldn't help myself but tease him.

"Ha-ha. Funny, Bells, funny. You know what I meant," he said pausing for a moment. "You're the only one I will ever see."

His words suddenly increased the electricity in the air surrounding us as his eyes smoldered and practically burned into mine. Just then Linda returned with our food and drinks interrupting our suddenly intense conversation. We thanked her and began to eat in silence.

The remainder of our meal went by quickly, with minimal small talk. Once we finished, Jacob paid the tab and gave Linda a generous tip because he said he felt bad that she would never get a date with Charlie. He helped me with my coat and I waved goodbye to my classmates before leaving.

"Back to school on Monday," Jacob said as we were walking to his car, his tone more serious now.

"Yeah, spring break went by way too fast," I said dreading returning back to school. I knew everyone would already have heard the news about Jacob and I and I hated being the center of attention.

"Well at least we still have the weekend," he said thoughtfully, looking down at me as we stopped in front of the passenger side door.

"Yeah…the weekend…" I managed to say as his eyes were boring into mine. I felt my heart rate spike up a notch as he took a single step closer to me.

"Bella…" he whispered as he brought his hands up holding my face between them. The heat of his touch was so astonishing that I felt myself shudder. His eyes were smoldering again. I couldn't speak.

Slowly, he leaned down until his lips gently met mine. I closed my eyes, taking it all in, marveling in the perfection of the moment. His hands slid down to my hips, pulling me in closer against his body. I wrapped myself around him, throwing my arms behind his neck. He pulled away, breaking the kiss sooner than I wanted. I was breathless.

"Where to now?" he asked, not nearly as winded as me.

"Your house…" I breathed, silently wondering how he would take that--wondering exactly what I _wanted_ it to mean.

"Okay…" he trailed off thoughtful for a moment. "My house it is."

He opened my door for me and helped me inside. He walked around to the driver's side, joining me inside the car. He fired it up and started driving toward La Push in silence. The radio was the only sound to be heard between us. I studied the expression on his face, but it was unreadable. I silently wondered what he was thinking about. Suddenly, the thought of spending the next three hours completely alone with Jacob Black didn't seem as innocent as I had wanted Charlie to believe earlier today.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, this is where I stopped reloading the grammar fixed chapters...if there is mistakes in the remaining chapters, they will eventually be fixed. Bear with me and thanks for reading. You rock!**


	9. Going Too Far

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my ever-expanding college loan debt and my new bridesmaid dress for one of my best friend's weddings. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns all.**

* * *

_" And your slowly shaking finger tips  
Show that your scared like me so  
Let's pretend we're alone  
And I know you may be scared  
And I know were unprepared  
But I don't care." _

_--"Vulnerable by Secondhand Serenade_

_

* * *

  
_

**Chapter 9: Going Too Far**

I was looking out the window, watching as the familiar landmarks that verified that we were entering La Push flashed by my window. The giant rock that I always thought looked like a bear went by first, followed by the tree that hung slightly over the road almost looking as if it could fall on the passing cars at any second. Jacob and I still had yet to speak the entire car ride so far, and the longer we sat in silence the more nervous I got. He was holding my hand again and just that small touch practically warmed my entire body. With my free hand, I reached onto the dash and turned off the heat. I was beginning to sweat.

"Am I making you hot?" Jacob asked, chuckling.

"Yeah," I said timidly. "I mean your body heat, you're burning up," I quickly added.

"Right," he said grinning. "Of course that's what I was referring to."

"Right…" I replied, turning to look out the window again.

I didn't understand why I was so anxious. It wasn't like Jacob and I never spent time alone in the past. I couldn't quite explain this new effect he was having on me. Of course, I was the one that suggested we go to his house and we both knew what that meant. He knew I wanted to be alone with him. I hoped that he wasn't jumping to any conclusions.

Jacob killed the car's engine in front of his residence and turned towards me.

"Home sweet home," he said, almost seductively while eyeing me up. If I didn't know any better I would swear he knew how nervous I was so he was just trying to get a rise out of me. Well whatever he was up to, it was working. He was making me particularly edgy.

I ignored his comment and climbed out of the car. He beat me to the front door, despite my massive head start. It was frustrating hanging around people with superhuman abilities all the time. Eventually, it was only natural that I started feeling incredibly insignificant.

"You know, you don't have to show off _every_ time an opportunity presents itself," I said sounding irritated, though I was only joking.

"Hey, it's not my fault you are freakishly short Bells, your legs just don't move as fast as mine," he replied smiling wryly, opening the front door to his house.

"I'm average height, Jacob. Everyone is short compared to you. _You _are just freakishly tall," I retorted as I plowed past him inside. I removed my shoes and Jacob, who just laughed at my outburst, came behind me to help me with my coat.

After he hung up our coats, we both walked into the living room and awkwardly stood in the middle. I could tell he was just as uneasy as I was, but he was trying to play it off like he was fine. The clock on his wall was the only sound to be heard between us for a minute or two. Then, he smiled at me.

"So…" He said trailing off for a second. "What do you want to do?"

"Umm…" I replied, biting my lip and walking around the room looking at some of the pictures on the wall. I have seen these particular photos a million times, but I needed something to occupy my attention. "I don't know."

I heard Jacob's throaty laughter come from behind me. "Really Bells? You're going to look at the pictures on my wall?"

I turned around to face him. He was standing closer to me than I thought, so I had to take a step back in order to see his face. He was grinning at me, looking particularly amused.

"Uh yeah…I guess I am," I said, laughing nervously.

"Wow, we really need to relax," Jacob said shaking his head back and forth. "We're being silly. After all, it's just _us."_

"You're right," I said, his words automatically helping me to unwind a little. "Gosh, I don't know why I'm so nervous. It's ridiculous."

Jacob shrugged. "I guess I just have that effect on the ladies." He was winking at me. _You have got to be kidding me!_

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, please tell me you didn't just do that," I said shoving him playfully, of course not able to move him a centimeter.

"Oh I definitely did," he said, taking my hand in his and leading me to the front door. "C'mon, I have something to show you."

Jacob led me out to the garage where our relationship had blossomed over the past couple of months. I couldn't help but feel a sense of warmth every time I walked inside of it. It always brought back so many great memories.

He walked over to his work bench and picked up something that was wrapped in a garbage bag with a ribbon tied around it. _He bought me something?_ I immediately grew slightly irritated.

"Now before you get all angry with me," Jacob said, reading my mind, as he walked towards me with the mystery object. "You should know that I only paid five dollars for this."

He placed it in my hands and I sighed. "Jake," I said. "You know I don't want you buying me things, especially whenever there's not even an occasion."

"I'd say this is definitely a special occasion—my first date with you," he said smiling warmly.

I felt my anger fade. He was too considerate to stay mad at for long. I couldn't help but smile back at him. "You shouldn't have—"

"Just open it and see what it is," he said, interrupting me.

I slowly untied the bow and reached inside the black garbage bag, pulling out a brand new motorcycle helmet. At least it looked brand new. It was painted a deep shade of forest green with my name and yesterday's date written in small black letters on the back. It was perfect--definitely an improvement from the brown and rusted one I had been wearing.

"Jacob, this is great," I said enthusiastically. "It looks brand new, though. You _had_ to of paid more than five dollars for this."

"Nope," he said proudly, "I got it at a flea market and repainted it. I knew you wouldn't want it to be pink or anything like that."

"Thank you," I said genuinely grateful. I was touched that he would take the time to do this for me. "It's perfect, I love it."

I _did_ love it even though I kind of thought my motorcycle days were over. My reason for riding them in the first place was kind of irrelevant now, but he didn't need to know that. I put the helmet down on the work bench and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him in for a hug. The hug started out as a friendly gesture, but then changed to something more when he pulled me closer to his body and my face found a place in the warmth of his chest. We stood like that for a while, both of us not wanting to back away. I felt invincible whenever he held me in his arms like that.

"Well, I am glad you like it," he eventually said, pulling away from me. "I knew you would get mad at first, but then I figured you'd see my side of things after you saw what it was. Hopefully, we can put that thing to use this weekend."

"Yeah, maybe…" I said doubting that greatly. I guess eventually I was going to have to explain myself to him. He deserved to know just how crazy I was--trying to do reckless things just to hear Edward's voice.

"Well, we should head back inside," Jacob said in response to my shivering against the cold air. He took my hand in his again and led me back indoors where it was warmer.

I was pleased that I was no longer feeling anxious and the awkwardness between us had lifted. I walked over and knelt down in front of the TV, looking through some of the movies he and Billy owned. Most of them were older and I did'nt even know who the actors were that played in them. I picked up a movie called _Tristan and Isolde_ and held it up to Jacob. It was one of my all time favorites.

"Hey, can we watch this?" I asked him.

He took it out of my hands and examined it. "This looks like a chick flick," he said frowning.

"No, it's really more than that. It's a great movie; I promise you'll like it. Besides, I don't even like most chick flicks," I explained to him.

"Oh fine, like I would be able to refuse you anyway," he said already putting the movie into the VCR.

I happily crawled over to the couch and climbed on. I lay down on my side facing the TV, very content. After Jacob got the movie started, he came and sat down on the floor right in front of me, leaning his back against the couch, purposefully blocking my view of the screen.

"Hey! You don't make a very good window" I said throwing a pillow at his head.

He just laughed and scooted over so I could see. "Oh sorry about that, didn't see you there."

I just rolled my eyes at his lameness and then turned my attention to the movie. Not even twenty minutes into the movie, after seeing _Tristan_ on the screen without his shirt on, Jacob turned around and raised his eyebrows at me.

"Ohhhhh, now I see why you wanted to watch this," he taunted.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, laughing. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon, just admit it. You know he's the only reason you like this," he said climbing up onto the couch and pushing me onto my back, straddling me.

"No, I swear that's not the case," I said, laughing and trying to push him off of me. He was gently tickling me and I was unsuccessfully trying to squirm out from underneath him.

"Isabella Swan, I thought you to be better than that, really I am appalled," he said teasingly, still tickling me.

I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. "Jake….please….stop….it..." I managed to get out between breathes.

He stopped and smiled down at me. "Okay fine, you win," he said, leaning down to gently give me a quick peck on the lips. He moved off of me to lie down--squeezing between the couch and my back. He wrapped his arm firmly around my waist and pulled me in closer to him—if that were even possible. My back was pressed up against his body—his heat overpowering. It wasn't long before it was too much to bear, so I slowly unbuttoned my blouse and removed it to reveal the white tank top I had worn underneath. I knew that Jacob was not oblivious to the fact that I was shedding my clothes, but he remained silent.

Sometime mid-movie I felt Jacob's hand stop tracing paths of circles that it had been drawing on my arm. I hadn't even realized he was doing it until he stopped. Suddenly, I could feel his fiery breath on my neck and I was very aware of each time his chest would rise and fall with each of those breathes that he took. I wondered if he was still awake. In that instant, I became exceedingly aware of just how close his body actually was to mine. Unexpectedly, it was starting to have an effect on me and I was finding it difficult to pay attention to the movie. The tension and previous nervousness that was between us was abruptly flooding back into my system.

I was no longer conscious of how much time was going by. It all seemed to be passing in a blur. I was getting lost in my own thoughts--thoughts about the past couple of days and how much has changed in such a short period of time. Thoughts about Jacob and how incredibly special he was. I knew that I was lucky to have him in my life, which was something I'd be forever grateful for. I also knew that I loved him more than I had ever thought possible.

I felt Jacob stir behind me. A second later, I felt his scorching hand move from my arm and down to my waist-- creeping underneath my shirt and touching the bare flesh of my stomach. I couldn't stop myself from shivering as his hand slowly inched its way up my abdomen. I heard him chuckle softly at my reaction—or maybe I just felt the rumble in his chest—which of the two I can't be sure. _I guess that answered my question. He was definitely still awake._

His hand came to a rest just below my bra on my lower ribcage. I felt a set of warm lips kiss my shoulder. I jumped whenever his lips unexpectedly met my bare skin. I guess I already forgotten that I removed my blouse.

"Bella, relax," I heard him whisper softly in my ear, causing my whole body to cover in goose bumps.

"I'm not going to try anything…" he said, trailing off.

_Who said I didn't want him to? _The thought escaped me before I had any chance to suppress it. I was very grateful that he didn't know what I was thinking. I took a deep breath and slowly turned around in his arms so that I was facing him. I was growing tired of not being able to look in his eyes. He smiled at my warmly. I felt my heart melt.

"You trust me…right?" he asked.

I nodded and bit my lip. It wasn't _him_ I didn't trust. I was always the one with little self-control in my past relationship.

He kissed my forehead softly and wrapped his arms around me resting his hands on the small of my back. My arms were squeezed between us, awkwardly situated on his chest.

"Good," he said leaning back slightly to look me in the eyes. He paused for a moment. He seemed to be studying my expression. I couldn't help but feel self-conscious under his stare.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, suddenly more serious.

"I don't think I should answer that," I said barely above a whisper. He really didn't need to know what I was thinking about at this point.

"Then you must be thinking the same thing as me," he responded, grinning. I felt his hands find their way underneath my tank top again and slowly make their way up my back. My body responded reflexively to his touch and arched in towards him. My head was starting to spin. I could feel myself getting caught up in the moment. However, in the back of my mind I couldn't help but wait for the instant where he would have to pull away from me-- for my safety.

That instant never came. Instead, he leaned in even closer until his lips meant mine. He kissed me softly once, twice, a third time. However, the fourth time our lips meant they did not part. His hands slid out from under my shirt and found their way into my hair, gently pulling me closer in order to deepen the kiss. I felt myself grow dizzy with desire. That is when it hit me. Jacob and I had _no_ boundaries. There were _no_ lines that we couldn't cross. He was not already pulling away from me before we had ever even touched. One by one, I felt the small imaginary walls that I had built around myself after Edward's departure begin to crumble. I started to kiss him more forcefully, demanding his lips to mine, as my hands shakily started to work on the buttons of his shirt. I wasn't thinking anymore. I was only feeling.

I heard him groan as my hands found their way onto his bare chest. His skin was smoldering under my touch. I couldn't get enough of him. My hands felt like liquid as I started to slide them down even further, however, they were engulfed by Jacob's hands before I managed to make any substantial progress. He was holding my wrists, keeping me from going any lower.

"Bella…" he breathed as he quickly broke off our kiss. My name came out as a question. His eyes, now slightly wider in shock, were searching mine. I wondered what he would find in them.

I leaned in to kiss him again. I didn't want this to end, but he stopped me.

"Please stop," he said, sounding almost pained.

"Why?" I asked confused. "Don't you….want me?" That is hardly what I meant to say. There was supposed to be more to that sentence. I didn't know what I was doing. _What was I even thinking_? Abruptly, I felt rejection settle in as my cheeks grew hot and my skin flushed. Was there something wrong with me that my boyfriends seemed to find me so resistible?

"What a ridiculous question," he said in his throaty voice. "You have no idea how much I want you."

He was staring back at me with conflicted eyes. He looked like he was about to say something else, but he closed his mouth instead. The couch shifted underneath me and I felt myself shiver against the cold air. Jacob had left my side. I wrapped my arms around my chest as I sat upright on the couch. Jacob was standing in front of me buttoning up his shirt. I glanced up at him only long enough to see that he still looked conflicted before I returned my eyes to the floor. _Wow, this was really embarrassing._ We were both silent. I heard his footsteps as he paced the room a few times before stopping and kneeling down in front of me. His hand was under my chin tilting my face up so I would look at him.

"Hey Bells…I'm really sorry," he said softly. "You know I love you."

I could only bring myself to nod. I couldn't think of anything to say. He had pushed me away from him. He didn't want me to go any further. Why was I so upset by this? I wasn't even entirely sure I wanted to go any further. No actually, I was _definitely _sure I didn't want to go any further. If that was the case, then why did I feel so hurt?

"I should probably get you home before our eleven 'o'clock curfew," he said kissing my forehead softly. I couldn't help but notice that his words seemed slightly forced. _What was he thinking about?_

"Yeah…" I managed to reply, getting up from the couch and walking over to put on my shoes and coat.

* * *

The car ride home was painfully awkward. I wanted to apologize to Jacob for my behavior but at the same time I didn't want him to think that I regretted kissing him like that. I really didn't want to know what he was thinking about at this point. I probably gave him the wrong impression of me and he was most likely assuming I had much more experience than I actually did. _Oh God. _My cheeks were getting redder by the second. Luckily, we were pulling into my driveway.

I quickly got out of the car and walked by Jacob's side to my front door. We both looked at each other for a second before I turned to open it. When we walked inside, Charlie and Billy were waiting at the kitchen table for us.

"Bella, you're late," Charlie told me, suspiciously. He was eyeing down Jacob again and this time I guess he actually had good reason to, not that it was Jacob's fault. I looked at the clock and sure enough it read 11:12p.m.

"Dad we just hit a lot of traffic—" I started to say.

"Well, we both fell asleep while watching a movie—"Jacob gushed at the time as me.

Jacob and I both stopped and looked at each other.

"You know, we both fell asleep and then hit some traffic on our way home," I eventually said, completely mortified.

Charlie and Billy were both staring us down, obviously not buying into our excuses. I tried my best to avoid their suspicious gazes.

I sighed. "Dad, it was only ten minutes. I'm sorry for being late but I'm really tired. I'm going to bed."

I turned towards Jacob to see that he was looking at me as if to say, _"We will talk about what happened later."_ I nodded at him.

"Goodnight Jacob. Thanks for dinner," I said, trying to act like everything was normal.

"Goodnight, see you tomorrow, Bells," he replied.

I turned around and headed right up the steps and into my room. Not only did I have to face Edward in my dreams tonight, I would now have to face both Jacob _and _Charlie in the morning. _Great._

_

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_**A/N: Sorry, I lied. This is the last edited chapter updated May 28, 2009. **

**The remaining chapters haven't been updated yet, but they will be eventually. **

**Poor Bella always getting cockblocked--I feel for her. Really, I do.**


	10. No More Secrets

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyer owns everything.**

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_ "I'm a train wreck in the morning  
I'm a bitch in the afternoon  
Every now and then without warning  
I can be really mean towards you  
I'm a puzzle yes in deed  
Ever complex in every way  
And all the pieces aren't even in the box  
And yet, you see the picture clear as day._

_I don't know why you love me  
And that's why I love you  
You catch me when I fall  
Accept my flaws and all  
And that's why I love you."_

_--Flaws and All by Beyonce  
_

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**Chapter 10: No More Secrets**

I woke up Saturday morning to the muffled sounds of two familiar voices coming from downstairs. Just as I began to wonder why Jacob was at my house so early, my alarm clock revealed to me that I had slept in until noon for the second day in a row. I was really going to have to find some way to get some sleep. Last night I was haunted by the same dreams of Edward's disapproval of my new relationship. If that wasn't bad enough, I couldn't stop reliving every single detail of my previous night with Jacob.

I tried to listen in closer to what the voices were saying. I couldn't make out any words, but at least they didn't sound angry. Although Charlie was usually a mellow guy, after what happened last night, I wouldn't be surprised if he really ripped into Jacob.

I sat up and sighed, realizing that I couldn't put off the inevitable any longer. I climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweat pants that I must have threw off last night in the midst of my insomnia. I walked into the bathroom and brushed my teeth while trying to smooth down a few disorderly hairs. It was no use, I looked horrible. If Jacob was going to want me he would have to accept me for what I was. I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself to go downstairs and face the two most important men in my life. Why was I so nervous? How brutal could it be? _Yeah, I knew I didn't want to know the answer to that._

As soon as I entered the kitchen, Jacob instinctively stood up from his seat at the table. In two large strides, he was standing directly in front of me. Charlie, who was unconvincingly pretending to read the newspaper, glanced up at me briefly and nodded before turning his attention back down.

"Morning," Jacob said not sounding quite like himself. I felt my heart beat a little faster as my anxiety began to rise.

"Good afternoon," I corrected, trying to smile at him.

"Why yes, I guess it is after noon," he said grinning wryly. "My little sleepy head."

He patted me playfully on the head before pulling me into his arms for a quick hug as Charlie glanced up at us. I was relieved that Jacob was smiling and teasing me like he normally did.

"Well…" Charlie said, noisily putting down the newspaper, as he stood up and emptied his coffee into the sink. "You two kids have fun; I am going to head out to town. We're almost out of steaks, Bells."

"Oh no, dad, we _definitely_ can't have that," I replied sarcastically. I was curious but also pleasantly surprised that he was going to leave Jacob and me alone again. I couldn't help but wonder exactly what the two of them talked about this morning.

I gave Jacob a questioning look but he just grinned at me smugly and shrugged. Charlie didn't seem to notice our little exchange. He moseyed on over to the front door preparing to put on his shoes. "I shouldn't be long," he said anxiously looking around for his rain boots. "Jacob, you're more than welcome to stay for dinner if you'd like."

"Thanks Chief Swan, but I think Billy and I are goin' over to Sue's house tonight."

"Oh well that's nice kid. Sue needs the company right now," Charlie said, giving me a pleading and helpless look. I walked over and opened up the broom closet to reveal a pair of mud covered mucking boots. Charlie smiled at me and quickly put them on his feet.

"Thanks, Bells, at least one of us can find things around here."

"Anytime dad," I replied smiling and shaking my head at him.

A minute later, Charlie said his goodbyes and headed out the door leaving Jacob and I behind to sort through some of our issues.

We stood in silence for a minute until we both started to speak at the same time. I laughed nervously but Jacob just wrapped his arms around me again and pulled me intimately to his chest.

"I missed you," he said huskily.

I shivered against him as his warm breath reached my ear. His hands were soothingly rubbing up and down my back making it difficult for me to remember what I had intended to say. What did we need to talk about again? I was beginning to find it impossible to concentrate anytime he was around.

I frowned when he pulled away from me sooner than I liked. He must have noticed my dismay because he laughed and took my hand, pulling me into the living room. He sat down on the couch and easily pulled me down by his side. He wasted no time throwing his arm around my shoulders and pulling me as close to him as possible. I rested my hand on his chest and nestled my head into the crook of his neck.

"So…" I eventually said deciding to make the first move into the inevitable. "Charlie didn't seem to mind leaving us here alone."

"Of course he didn't, why would he mind, Bella?" he asked me. Although I couldn't see his face, I could feel that his mouth was turned upward in a wide grin. He was obviously playing dumb just to see what my reaction would be. Well, two could play at that game.

"Well, because he knows how I am, Jake. You're not the first boy I've been left here alone with, and let's just say one time Charlie may have come home earlier than expected…" I trailed off allowing him to add his own creative ending to the sentence.

"Oh," was all that he said with his voice barely above a whisper. It was obvious that was definitely not the answer he was expecting. I couldn't stop myself from laughing at his disappointment as I backed away from him and looked up at his face. He looked like he might be sick.

"Oh, Jacob, I was only kidding," I said still not helping myself from giggling. "You're not the only one capable of playing hard ball."

"That wasn't funny," he said, although I could tell he was trying not to smile. I couldn't be sure if he was just happy that I had been kidding or if he was amused at my attempt in tormenting him.

"Speaking of you and past boyfriends…" he said trailing off for a moment, his tone becoming serious again. "Exactly how many of them were there?"

"Only one," I said unable to stop my thoughts from leading to Edward. My mind had already pictured his breathtakingly beautiful face before I had any chance of defending myself. It no longer hurt as much to think of him as it had in the past, but it still wasn't completely free of consequence.

Jacob just nodded at my response. I think he knew me well enough to know he shouldn't say anything more about Edward.

"What about you?" I asked unable to hide my curiosity.

"Oh I dunno, maybe four?" he replied. "None that meant even a fraction as much as you do, though. I have never felt this way about anyone else before you, Bells."

I smiled at him warmly. It was comforting to know how much he cared about me because I was starting to realize that I loved him more than I thought. It still made me feel guilty, though, that I could not reciprocate his statement. Unlike him, I _have_ been in love before. In fact, I was _still_ in love with someone other than him.

"Are you ready to talk about it yet?" he asked me after a brief moment of silence.

Talk about _it? _What exactly was the _it _he was referring to? Did he mean last night or did he mean my relationship with Edward? He must have read the confusion in my eyes because he spoke before giving me a chance to respond.

"Last night," he clarified.

My thoughts drifted back to the events of last night that had lead up to the incredibly embarrassing confrontation with Charlie and Billy. I had spent most of the night preparing myself for what I would say to Jacob in this moment, but now that it had finally arrived I was drawing a complete blank. Again, Jacob took my hesitation as his cue to speak up.

"Listen, I don't know exactly what you had in mind," he said slowly seemingly trying to choose his words wisely, "I mean, I don't want you to think that I didn't want to…you know…go _further _with you…but, I was just taken completely off guard. I really wasn't expecting you to react that way and I knew if I didn't stop us at that exact moment, I may not have been able to stop at all."

I couldn't stop my face from turning its usual shade of red. I didn't know what to say because I was finding it hard to explain my actions even to myself. I decided that being completely honest with him would be best.

"I honestly don't know what happened last night," I started to say, my voice slightly shaky at first. "I really can't explain my actions. However, I do know that although I was glad that you er—interrupted—when you did, I couldn't help but feel a little bit rejected."

"Rejected? Oh, Bella Bella Bella, must you always be so oblivious?" he asked chucking, while shaking his head back and forth in disbelief. "Let me just say that it was _really_ difficult for me to ask you to stop."

I looked down at the couch to try to hide my embarrassment as I felt a chill run down my spine. His words were exactly what I wanted to hear, but they didn't make it any less awkward. I felt his hand underneath my chin forcing my head back up to face him. His thumb was gently brushing against my flushed cheek.

"I managed to embarrass you yet again," he said grinning. I playfully batted his hand away from my cheek.

"I'm not embarrassed!" I lied, though I knew it was not even remotely believable.

"Yeah okay," he said laughing as he stood up from the couch and stretched his strong arms in front of him. I guessed he thought our conversation was over but I still had more that I needed him to know.

"Jake wait—" I said as he started to walk towards the kitchen. At the sound of his name, he stopped in his tracks and turned back around to face me.

"Yeah?" he asked me, his eyes full of curiosity now.

"I still have something else I need to tell you," I said trying to sound confident.

"What is it?" he asked as he came and knelt down in front of me, resting his warm hands on my knees. He was staring intently into my eyes most likely trying to figure out what I was about to say.

"Please don't get mad."

"I can't get mad at you, it's impossible," he breathed.

I took a deep breath preparing myself to speak. How could I tell him about my nightmares? How could I ever explain to him my irrational behaviors just to hear voices in my head? How could I ever make him understand the frustration that caused me to run to the woods the night I met up with Embry?

"It's about…" I paused trying to force myself to say the melodic name out loud. "Edward."

He nodded but did not speak. I could have sworn I felt him tighten his grip on my knees at the sound of _his _name. I swallowed hard. It was still hard for me to talk about him_._

"I have nightmares," I finally blurted.

"Okay," Jacob replied patiently after I didn't continue right away.

"I used to have nightmares about Edward leaving me," I continued. "But now they're always about Edward's disapproval of my moving on. He isn't happy about you and me."

Jacob opened his mouth to say something but I lifted up my hand to stop him. I wasn't finished yet.

"I mean, I realize that in reality he could care less about what I do, but it is very frustrating having to see him every night in my sleep. Every time I close my eyes his face is looking back at me." I said as I glanced down to the floor and sighed. Jacob remained silent, listening closely to what I was saying. I wondered what he was thinking. At this point, I wouldn't fault him for wanting to convict me into a psychiatric institute. Sometimes I thought that's where I belonged.

"The night I ran into Embry in the woods…" I continued after a moment. "I was so angry. I was so mad at Edward. I just wanted to get some sleep but he wouldn't even give me that much. No, he had to take absolutely everything from me. I wanted nothing more than to be able to see him one last time just to tell him how much I hated him—hated him for what he did to me!" I noticed that I was practically shouting but I couldn't stop myself from feeling as angry as I had the night of the incident. I felt my fists clench up into tight fists at my sides.

"Hey, shh Bella, it's okay," Jacob said quietly taking me into his arms. "You don't have to tell me about this if it's upsetting you."

"No," I said wrapping my arms around him and pulling him closer. "I need you to know. I want you to know how—_crazy_ I am."

"Listen to me. You need to realize that what he did to you was not okay. It is never okay to hurt someone the way he hurt you," he said as he pulled back from me and placed his hands on each side of my face fixing his eyes on mine. His expression was filled with such a fiery intensity that I almost felt fearful. "_You_ are not crazy, Bella. _He_ is the only crazy one—crazy for ever leaving you."

I couldn't move or speak. My throat felt so dry that I highly doubted my voice would work if I attempted a response.

"I will never hurt you like that, I promise," he said bringing his lips to my forehead. "You will never have to go through that again."

"I just want to forget about him and move on," I whispered.

"I want the exact same thing," he replied, pulling me in his arms again.

He held me close to him for a while in silence. It was amazing that he somehow knew that was exactly what I needed. This time, when he pulled away from me, I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off of my shoulders. I felt an incredible sense of relief.

"Can you promise _me_ something now?" he asked breaking our silence.

"Anything," I said, realizing there was nothing I wouldn't do for him at this point.

"Promise me that the next time you are upset, you will call me instead of retreating to the forest?"

"I promise."

He smiled and leaned in gently pressing his lips to mine.

"I love you, Bella. Nightmares and all," he said grinning. It was the smile I loved.

"I love you, too," I said feeling the truth behind my words. _I really did love him--more and more each day._

He stood to his feet and engulfed my hands in his, pulling me up to join him.

"Now…is it time for food?" he asked rubbing his stomach.

"There will be no food until you tell me what you said to Charlie this morning," I said smiling. It felt good to win for once.

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**A/N: Updated June 1, 2009. The rest of the chapters have yet to be improved.**


	11. Visitor

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my college debt and my Dooney and Bourke purse. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns this world and these characters. **

**I'm just a wannabe.**

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"_I'm trying real hard not to shake. I'm biting my tongue,  
but I'm feeling alive and with every breathe that I take,  
I feel like I've won. You're my key to survival._

_And if it's a hero you want,  
I can save you. Just stay here.  
Your whispers are priceless.  
Your breathe, it is dear. So please stay near."_

_--Awake by Secondhand Serenade_

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**Chapter 11: Visitor**

Sunday night, I was sitting in the center of my bed with a vast array of school books and binders scattered all around me. It wasn't like me to put off all of my homework until the last minute, but due to my eventful spring break, I was currently paying the consequences. I wasn't having much luck concentrating on my calculus homework because my mind seemed to be out of my control these days. I was too busy reflecting on everything that had happened over the last several days to focus.

It was hard for me to believe that Jacob and I have only been _together _for four days. It seemed more like several months--maybe even years. My mind reflexively wandered back to yesterday and what a great time Jacob and I had doing absolutely nothing. I still didn't find out what he and Charlie had talked about that morning, but whatever it was it had somehow caused them to form this annoying male bond. Anytime I would ask either of them what the deal was they would just laugh at me and tell me not to worry about it. They were definitely keeping something from me.

I stood up from my bed and gathered up all of my books, putting them in my book bag. I yawned and looked over at the clock. It was only 8:30—too early to go to bed. I got on my computer and wrote a long email to Renee. It had been a while since I had taken the time to _really _tell her what was going on. I told her all about what had happened with Jacob and how happy he was making me. After I was finished, I grabbed my favorite tank top and bed pants and went into the bathroom to shower.

I climbed into bed around nine with my hair gathered in wet tousles around my shoulders. I shut off my lamp and lay down, escaping underneath my endless layers of covers. I was too scared to close my eyes for fear of what I would see behind them. I was in no mood to put up with Edward tonight. I already had enough to worry about with having to go back to school in the morning.

I must have drifted off to sleep because the next time I opened my eyes it was eleven. I frowned. That meant it was two hours closer to dooms day. I closed my eyes again trying to concentrate on the soothing sound the rain was making as it rhythmically pounded against my window. It was no use; sure enough as soon as my eyelids closed Edward's golden eyes were staring into mine. Just as I shot my eyes back open, I heard a loud creaking coming from outside. The creaking was then followed by an abrupt thump. I quickly sat upright as my heart started beating faster. My breath caught in my throat when I saw a shadow of a large figure appear right outside my window. My mind immediately pictured my red-headed enemy.

I flicked on my bedside lamp as I quickly got out of bed and grabbed my book bag off of the floor. I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to do with that, but I figured it was better than being empty handed. At least it was heavy enough to hit my attacker over the head. I was being ridiculous, because if there was a deadly vampire outside of my room, I definitely stood zero chance of surviving. To my growing horror, my window had begun to slowly open. I instantly started cursing myself for forgetting to lock it. I was just about to lunge my book bag at the shadow figure, when it spoke to me in a familiar voice.

"Hey, why don't you put that down before you hurt yourself?" Jacob said as he plopped through my window, crashing down onto my floor. He was soaking wet and shirtless. His hair was thick and tangled as it dripped down his body.

I was staring at him with my mouth open wide in shock as I held the bag over my head in preparation to throw it. He stood up and grabbed it out of my hands and set it down on the floor.

"I'm sorry if I scared you, but wow, it isn't easy sneaking into your bedroom at night," he said grinning. "Besides, what exactly did you think you were going to do with that?"

"What on earth are you doing here?" I asked, ignoring his question. "If Charlie finds out, he will kill us both."

"Relax Bells, Charlie and I are tight now," he said smugly.

"You didn't answer my question," I said feeling myself finally start to relax a little after that scare.

"I just really needed to see you. Besides, I figured that maybe if I was here you would be able to sleep better," he said wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me against him. "Mmm, I missed you."

I wrapped my arms around him and breathed in his earthy scent. Now that my initial shock had subsided, I was very glad that he had come. It felt reassuring to know that he would be here when I couldn't sleep. "You're staying?" I asked hopefully.

"As long as that's what you want," he said in his throaty voice.

"What about B—"

"My dad won't be an issue. He knows I patrol at night," he interrupted me as he released me and walked over to plop down on my bed. "Ohhhh very comfortable, I like the purple."

"Jacob, this isn't the first time you've been in my room," I said raising my eyebrows at him. He was acting like a kid in a candy store. I walked over and stood awkwardly in front of him. There was something very tempting about Jacob sitting on my bed—wet and shirtless. I swallowed hard and forced myself to look away. We didn't need a repeat of Friday night.

"Yeah, well this _is_ the first time I've been here as your boyfriend," he said smirking. Somehow I didn't think he was completely oblivious to the effect he had on me. "Why'ya standing way over there?" he asked taking my hands and pulling me onto his lap. _What was he trying to do to me?_

"Jacob I--" I started to say trying to get up off of him, unsuccessful as usual. He was holding me in place with his arms wrapped firmly around my waist. My legs were straddling him.

"What's the matter?" he asked, chuckling.

"I don't think this is such a good idea…" I whispered beginning to lose my willpower. I couldn't stop myself from glancing down at his mouth that was only inches from my own.

"I think it's a _great _idea," he breathed, pulling me in even closer. He brought his mouth to mine and kissed me so passionately that I nearly forgot that we were in my bedroom, on a school night, with Charlie asleep in the next room. I pulled away from him, breathless.

"You can't--I mean we can't be doing this—here—right now," I said stammering over my words, flustered by our kiss.

"And what exactly did you think I was planning on doing?" he asked grinning wryly. He was obviously getting a lot of amusement out of the situation.

"Well…I don't know...I just assumed..." I said quietly, trailing off.

"What did you assume?" he pressed.

"Nothing," I whispered looking down, feeling my cheeks redden.

I heard him laugh his throaty laugh as he gently pushed my chin back up to look at him. His eyes were boring into mine as he studied my expression for a moment. I was becoming so enthralled with him under his gaze that I almost wanted to revoke my previous objection.

"Bella, I'm not looking for that, okay?" he said, his voice turning more soft and serious now.

"You're not?" I asked timidly. I felt stupid. Of course he wasn't looking for that. It wasn't like I was that desirable.

"Well no, not right now at least," he answered. "That's not why I came here."

I felt myself relax. It's not that I didn't want him to want me, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to refuse him if he tried anything. Four days into a relationship seemed a little early to be sexually involved, even if we have known each other for practically our whole lives.

"I mean, I hope that someday we will…do _that_," he continued. "But for now, I just want to take things slow. I don't want to mess this up."

"Good, I would like that as well," I replied. "The slow part." I couldn't stop myself from hoping that things wouldn't go _too _slow, though. That was one of the things I would have changed about my relationship with Edward. Of course, slow was the only real option for us.

"You could have fooled me," he teased, grinning again. Jacob's seriousness rarely lasted very long.

"Oh shut up," I said playfully pushing him down on my bed and leaning down to gently kiss him.

Jacob rolled me over onto my side and reached up to shut off my lamp. He curled up behind me and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer against his body.

"You need to go to sleep. You have school in the morning," he said. Then he whispered in my ear, "Besides, you don't need to do anything that will make me change my mind about taking things slow."

"Goodnight, Jacob," I said, laughing and fighting the urge to turn around and kiss him.

"Goodnight," he replied.

"Hey Jacob?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah?"

"I've never….done that before," I said quietly.

"Never done what?" he asked, yawning, his voice sounding very tired.

"You know..." I replied trailing off. I really didn't want to have to spell it out for him.

"Oh…_that,"_ he replied after a while, sounding a little shocked. I was hoping his shock was from my random declaration and not of the fact that I was still a virgin. "That's good because I never have either."

I smiled to myself at my newly discovered information. It's not that I thought Jacob was the type to sleep around but I could never be sure with the way most teenagers were these days. "Good," I whispered.

"Hey, Jacob," I said a moment later.

"Yes?" he asked sleepily.

"Thanks for staying with me."

"You're welcome."

"Hey, Jacob?"

"Bella..." he whined.

"Just kidding," I said smiling.

"Go to sleep," he said kissing the side of my head.

That time I complied. I drifted off into a peaceful sleep in the arms of the one I loved. My dreams that night were full of Jacob instead of the miserable alternative.

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**A/N: Updated June 3, 2009. Thanks for reading and continue reading on to find out who Cole is in the next few chapters!**


	12. The New Guy

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyer owns everything. It's not fair.**

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**Chapter 12: the New Guy**

When I woke up Monday morning, there was a note from Jacob beside my head on my pillow...

_Bella,_

_I wanted to take off before Charlie woke up. _

_I guess I kinda have to go to school today too, unfortunately. _

_I hope you have a good day and I can't wait to see you later on. _

_Meet me in my garage right after you get dismissed. I'll be waiting._

_Love, Jacob_

I sighed as the realization of what day it was began to register in my mind. _Back to school_. It was time to try to act like a normal human being for the next eight hours. I remained glued to my bed already missing the warm arms that helped me sleep so soundly the night before. I wished that Jacob would have been here when I woke, but I knew that was not plausible. Unlike Edward, he could not make a quick and smooth exit if Charlie decided to come into my bedroom. Then again, considering their ever-so-beautiful blossoming friendship, Charlie probably would have just rooted him on.

Eventually, I forced myself out of bed and into the bathroom to make myself presentable. Soon after, I went downstairs to have a quick bowl of cereal before heading out the door. Charlie was in the kitchen preparing to leave for work, so I wasted no time telling him that I would be heading to Jacob's right after school, but would be home in time to make him supper. Of course, because it was his new protégé that I was talking about, Charlie told me to spend as much time down in La Push as I'd like.

As I was driving to school, I couldn't ignore an uneasy hunch intervening from within the very pit of my stomach. Something was off today. I had a bad feeling that something was about to happen—something big. I wanted nothing more than to turn around and head back to the safety of my home, but skipping school on the first day after break wasn't the best of ideas.

After pulling into the school's parking lot, I was unlucky enough to be greeted with Mike as soon as I climbed out of my tuck. I was hoping to at least get to my first class without having to face any of my friends. It wasn't that I didn't like Mike, he was a nice guy most of the time, but he was always so nosey and couldn't take a hint if it flat out hit him right in the face.

"Bella!" he practically shouted as his whole face lit up at the sight of me. I guessed he and Jessica were broken up again by the way he was looking at me. They were off and on so often that I had given up even trying keeping track. "I missed you over break. Where've you been?"

He was walking beside me as we made our way into the school's main entrance. "Same place you can always find me," I said slightly distracted. I was looking around trying to see if everyone was staring at me yet. I knew they all would find out about Jacob and me soon enough, and then it wouldn't be long before the gossip would start.

"I tried to call you a couple of times, but you were never home," he said disappointed. "I wanted to invite you to a huge party I had at my house over the weekend."

I did vaguely remember Charlie telling me that "the Newton boy called again," but I never bothered to call him back. Normally, I would have felt bad for ignoring him but my guilt was overshadowed by my relief for not having to attend the party.

"Um yeah…sorry about that. I was pretty busy almost every day," I replied as my mind instinctively went straight to Jacob. I couldn't stop myself from reliving the wonderful days I spent with him.

"Well that's too bad. It was a fun time. It would have been even better if you were there, though."

Just then Eric came up and joined us, gently resting his arm around my shoulders. "Bella, nice to see you smiling again."

Was I smiling? I lifted my hand up to touch my mouth and sure enough it was turned upward in a grin. I must have gotten caught up in my memories of Jacob.

"Eric, always a pleasure," I said snapping out of my daydream.

"We missed you at Newton's on Saturday," he said genuinely, ignoring Mike's glares. I could tell Mike was annoyed that he had interrupted our conversation.

"Oh, I'm sure not _everyone_ in attendance was disappointed that I couldn't come," I said referring to Lauren and Jessica. The last I saw either of them, they had become best friends based on the terms of how much they disliked me. I couldn't really blame Jessica for that because I did totally ignore her for a few months after Edward left, but Lauren was another story. She hated me before ever giving me a chance.

"Jessica wasn't invited," Mike blurted out. I could hear a hint of hostility in his voice. I wondered briefly what they were fighting about this time. Sometimes I liked to allow myself to get caught up in all of the normal high school drama. It helped me to forget that I was living in a completely different world from everyone else.

"Oh no, fighting again?" I asked, trying to seem interested.

"Yeah, she is mad at me, I guess. I wish we could be friends but I don't think she feels the same way," he said. I could hear how upset he was in the tone of his voice. It was hard not to feel bad for him.

"Don't worry, she'll come around," I said trying to reassure him.

"Really? You think so?" he asked hopefully.

"Hey Bella…did you hear about the new kid?" Eric interrupted before I had a chance to respond to Mike. It was always like this with them—a constant battle for my attention.

"Oh yeah…" Mike said not fazed by Eric's interruption. "I met him at my party, he's really weird."

There was another new kid? I don't know why I was so surprised not to have heard about this. It wasn't like I kept in touch with people outside of school. It seemed kind of odd that someone would start at a new school this late in the year, though.

"No…I didn't know—"

"Hey Bella!" Angela said happily as she ran over to me and gave me a quick hug. She was one of the only girlfriends I had that didn't hold my catatonic stage against me. "It's so nice to see. Come with me, I have something to show you at my locker."

She grabbed onto my arm and gently pulled me away from Mike and Eric. "I'll see you guys later," I shouted back to them.

Once we were an earshot away, Angela giggled.

"I figured I would come and save you. You looked a little bombarded back there," she said smiling. That's what I loved about Angela. She always seemed to be on the same page as me.

"Oh well thank you," I said laughing right along with her.

"Boys will be boys," she said rolling her eyes. "I told Ben to make sure they didn't start drilling you right off the bat, but he obviously didn't follow through."

"Drill me? About what?" I asked although I already had a feeling I knew the answer to that.

"You're new boyfriend," she said simply. I knew she wouldn't ask me anything more on the subject because she never liked to pry into other people's business.

"Actually, they didn't even bring it up," I said surprised. "They mentioned some new kid instead."

Angela and I had arrived at my locker and I began to put away the books I wouldn't need for the next two classes.

"Wow, I can't believe they said nothing about it. Trevor had told them he saw you at the diner with some older guy," she said sounding almost as surprised as me. Trevor must have been the boy from my gym class. The one whose name I couldn't remember. "Anyways, yeah there is a new kid in our grade. I met him at Mike's house on Saturday and he seems nice enough. He came with Lauren."

Of course, he would come with Lauren. Leave it to her to stake her claim on the guy before he even walked into the doors of the school.

"Well then, looks like I'm no longer the new kid," I said smiling. Even though, I've been here over a year now, I still didn't lose the title.

"Yeah that will be nice, huh?" she said as Ben came up behind her and poked her sides, startling her. She jumped and turned around to smack him playfully.

"Ben!" she yelled. "I am trying to talk to Bella, here."

"That's okay; I have to get to class anyway. I'll see you both at lunch," I said as I turned around to head back down the hall to my first class.

"C-ya," I heard them both say as I walked further away.

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I was pleasantly surprised to find that the school day was flying by rather quickly. I was also pleasantly surprised to find that the new kid's presence held a higher precedent on the student body's gossip scale than my new relationship with Jacob.

Before I knew it, I was walking into the cafeteria and waiting in the never ending lunch line. I had to admit I _was _a little curious to see who this guy was. I did find out that his name was Cole somewhere between second and third period.

After I got my tray of food, I looked around the cafeteria to see what table Angela was sitting at. She waved at me from the far right corner we almost always ate. I walked over to the table and sat down beside her and Ben. Mike and Eric arrived soon after arguing over which of them would receive a higher grade on the math test we would all be taking this Friday.

I sat and ate my food in silence, wondering what Jacob was doing at this particular moment. I hoped he was missing me as much I was missing him. I looked up at the clock to find that I only had three more hours before I would get to see him again. My thoughts were interrupted when something caught my eye. I looked over just in time to see Lauren walking towards our table with her arm locked around the arm of what must be Cole. As soon as his eyes met mine, my breath caught in my throat, my face grew hot, and I instantly felt like I was going to faint.

He was pale white. His hair was jet black and he was wearing something that looked like it came right off of Hollywood boulevard. Most unbelievable of all, his eyes were a distinct and familiar shade of golden brown. Edward's eyes were looking back at me.

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**A/N: OMGAHHHH! Updated June 3, 2009!**


	13. Twisted Grin

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing (okay maybe I kinda own Cole, I guess).**

**Stephenie Meyer owns these characters and this world.**

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"_Pardon me while I__  
__Just turn my back  
And walk away  
Pardon me if I  
Can't listen  
To the things  
You say  
Pardon me if I  
Can't fake this  
While you still believe  
Pardon me."_

_--Pardon Me by Staind_

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**Chapter 13: Twisted Grin**

To my horror, Lauren and Cole sat down at the lunch table directly across from me. Cole was staring at me with a slight grin never leaving his face. At, first I couldn't bring myself to look away. My eyes scanned over his jet black hair which was spiked up in a perfectly gelled montage accentuating his arched eyebrows and prominent jaw line. His features would rival those of even the top paid Calvin Klein models. Eventually, I looked down trying to avoid his mesmerizing gaze. I couldn't finish eating my lunch, my stomach was in knots. It hurt to look at him because he reminded me of Edward. I was doing everything in my power to hold back from throwing up. My head was spinning and I was no longer fully aware of my surroundings. The lunch room seemed to be closing in on me.

_Cole was a vampire_. I was almost positive of that. The real question was why he was here. His arrival could not be merely a coincidence. How many vampires could just happen to move to Forks, Washington? I had a bad feeling about him. My uneasy hunch from this morning was obviously warning me of this.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Angela's soft voice asked bringing me back into the moment.

"Uh…yeah…I'm fine," I said surprised that I could even speak at all. I could still feel his eyes on me just daring me to look at him again.

"Bella, this is Cole, my new _boyfriend_," Lauren said coldly. I forced myself to glance up at her to find she was glowering at me. She evidently wasn't oblivious to the fact that Cole had yet to take his eyes off of me. It was hard to ignore him when I could see he was looking at me out of the corner of my eye.

"Hi," I said weakly, careful not to meet his eyes.

I looked around the lunch table trying to occupy my attention. Everyone was shifting their stares between Cole and me. They all looked concerned. _Oh crap_. Was I really that obvious?

"Isabella," a smooth deep voice rang out with a hint of an Italian accent. "It's a pleasure to meet you." The next thing I knew, there was a pale white hand extended before me.

Slowly, I diverted my eyes up to where he was now standing, his muscular body hovering over the table to reach out to me. I couldn't stop my mouth from slowly parting. He was almost as beautiful as Edward—everything about him absolutely flawless. I shakily brought my hand up and placed it in his. If there was any hint of doubt left in me that he was a vampire, it left when I felt his ice cold grip. He shook my hand slowly, his eyes burning into mine. I swallowed hard and cleared my throat.

"You too," I managed to squeak out. I pulled my hand away from his quickly, as he chuckled and sat back in his seat. I could still see Lauren glaring at me out of the corner of my eye. I wanted to leave. I wanted to be anywhere but here, but somehow I doubted my legs would work if I tried to escape.

"You know who Cole reminds me of," Lauren said directing her comment towards me.

"Who?" I asked quietly. I regretted the question the moment it left my lips.

"Edward Cullen," she spat cruelly, emphasizing every syllable.

The sound of his name shot through me, grabbing onto my heart and strangling it. I could no longer breathe. I had to get out of there. I had to get away from him.

"I have to go…" I said, grabbing my tray and standing to my feet. I quickly hurried over to the garbage can, disposing my uneaten lunch and fled from the cafeteria as soon as I could. My legs felt like liquid. I couldn't believe I was still standing upright. I wasn't totally sure of where I was heading, but the next thing I knew I was in front of my locker, leaning up against it trying to catch my breath.

I had to come up with a plan and I had to do it fast. I couldn't leave yet; I still had three class periods to go. I wanted so badly to see Jacob, to tell him what had happened. I knew he would help me to feel better. He would be able to take away the painful suffocating feeling in my chest. But, even if I were to leave now, he would still be in school. I would still have to wait three hours before he would be able to meet me in his garage.

That's when I came up with an idea. I could go to the nurse and pretend I was ill. She would hopefully send me home and I could wait there until Jacob got dismissed. Anything would be better than facing Cole again. My feet started to carry me down the empty hallway towards Mrs. Garner's office. It actually took me a moment to notice I was running. Just as I turned the final corner leading to the entrance of her door, I felt my body collide directly into something cold and hard. I started to fall backwards, but before I hit the ground I was being lifted back up on my feet. Someone was helping me to regain my balance.

"Whoa…easy now," an Italian voice spoke to me, a hint of laughter in its tone. "I was warned about your clumsiness."

My eyes were directly in line with his chest. They were taking in his sharp black vest that accentuated the neatly worn grey and white striped button-down shirt which fit snugly against his body. The top two buttons remained open exposing a pallid, bare neckline. I swallowed hard as I felt myself shiver against the cold arms that were presently around my waist. My eyes slowly diverted up to take in the face I did not want to see. Cole was staring down at me, a twisted grin played out on his lips. I had to remind myself to breathe.

"What…why did you….who are you--" I tried to speak, my words failing me as they came out in an incoherent disaster. I pushed myself out of his arms and wrapped mine protectively around my chest. "I know what you are," I finally managed to say, barely above a whisper.

"He didn't lie when he said you were beautiful," he said ignoring my accusation entirely.

I froze. _Who? Who didn't lie?_ I was silently begging him not to say the one name I couldn't bear to hear again.

"Please, just leave me alone," I whispered trying to push past him. I was stopped by his frozen hand on my wrist. He was holding me gently, though somehow I knew he would use more force if I didn't comply.

"Wait," he said calmly. "I'm afraid I can't do that."

I sighed and turned back around to face him. "Why are you here? What do you want with Lauren?" I asked him desperate for answers. "Please, just leave her out of this."

"The Cullen's sent me," he said smoothly.

My heart nearly skipped a beat and I felt as though my stomach was going to flip over on itself. It took me a moment to regain the ability to speak. "Why would--"

"Edward didn't like the idea. He didn't really see the point, but the rest of them heard about the danger to you in Forks. They were worried about you and wanted to see to it that you were looked after."

His words stung straight through to my heart. _Edward didn't see the point. He didn't care._ I was definitely going to be sick.

"Excuse me," I said feeling myself turn green. I quickly ran down the hall and into the bathroom just making it to a toilet in time.

When I came out of the bathroom, ten minutes have passed and I was one piece of gum less. I slowly turned my head to the left and right scanning the hallway for any sign of Cole. He was nowhere in sight, but I knew better to believe that he was gone. I heard the lunch bell ring, and a minute later, I was no longer alone in the hallway. Students were flocking by me, determined to get to their next class in time. Without even thinking, I slowly walked to my literature class, the only one that I happened to have with Angela. I sat down next to her and took in a deep breath trying to pull myself together. _Did that really just happen? Maybe I imagined it all. Maybe Cole didn't exist after all._

I could feel Angela's eyes on me so I looked over at her and flashed a reassuring smile. She looked genuinely concerned which made immediately me feel bad for making her worry about me.

"What's going on? Are you alright?" she asked. "You don't look so good."

"I'm fine, really. I'm sorry; I'm just feeling a little sick. I don't think my lunch agreed with me," I lied hoping that for once it would be believable.

"Oh, okay," she said. "Well maybe you should have gone to see Mrs. Garner."

"Yeah, that's what I did. She was going to send me home but I started to feel better, so I decided to come to class."

"Well I'm glad you're feeling better," she said softly.

I smiled. _She believed me_. I thought I was home-free, but I was about to be proved wrong.

"What was up with Cole?" she asked. "He was staring a hole through you."

_I guess I wasn't imagining him. _I was trying to think of an answer to her question but was saved by the teacher who was beginning the class lecture. We both turned are attention forward which only made me realize that I was now trapped in my own thoughts for the next fifty minutes.

* * *

I was sitting in my final class of the day—Italian 401. On any normal school day it would have been my favorite class because I was really good at it, but today it was my favorite class because it was the last one I would have to endure. I glanced over at the clock and frowned. It seemed to be going slower and slower ever since the events that took place at lunch.

I was just about to reach down to get my notebook out of my book bag, when a certain person entering the room caught my eye. The vampire I was trying to pretend didn't exist was walking toward me, the same stupid grin on his face. I felt my face grow hot again as I quickly turned my attention down to my desk silently praying he wouldn't sit anywhere close to me. _Fat chance of that_. In the next second, the empty seat beside me became occupied and I could feel a pair of demanding eyes on me. I looked up to the chalkboard in the front of the room, refusing to acknowledge him. I decided that maybe if I ignored him, he would just go away and leave me alone.

"Isabella, it's nice to see you again."

I remained silent, concentrating on breathing.

He chuckled. "You can ignore me all you want, but I'm not going anywhere."

His arrogant attitude was getting nothing out of me. I grabbed my notebook and opened it, nervously clicking my pen in my right hand.

"Fine. We will have plenty of time to get to know one another on our car ride home together," he said nonchalantly, turning to face forward.

"What? No!" I hissed, a little louder than I had intended. My outburst rewarded us with a small audience. I turned in my chair to face him. He was smiling but was no longer looking at me. Instead, his attention was focused up at the front of the room where our teacher was beginning class.

"Quit trying to distract me, can't you see I'm trying to pay attention?" he whispered. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to knock the cocky smirk off his mouth.

I snorted and faced forward, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

* * *

As soon as the final bell rang, I was on my feet and out the door in a matter of seconds. Naturally, Cole was quicker than I. He was waiting for me by the doorway.

"Leave me alone," I huffed, pushing past him and heading toward the school's exit. This time he didn't follow me. I could hardly believe he was just going to let me go. I walked outside and closed my eyes for a second, breathing in the fresh air and allowing the drizzle to slightly wet my hair. _Freedom_.

When I opened my eyes and glanced over to the spot where I left my truck, I froze. My mouth grew dry and I could no longer breathe. Bronze disheveled hair—sculpted body—designer clothes. Edward was standing by the woods where I had parked, looking straight at me. I stared back at him afraid to move an inch.

_I blinked and he was gone_.

* * *

**A/N: Updated June 3, 2009.**


	14. Helping Me to Breathe Again

_"If I don't say your name out loud_

_I might be able to keep my heart in my chest_

_If I don't hear anyone singing_

_I might be able to bear the rest_

_I don't feel the pain_

_I don't feel a thing_

_I just see your face_

_And I know its wrong_

_But you don't care anyway_

_And you'll never know."_

_--Drowning by Kris Angelis (The Twilight Music Girls)_

* * *

**Chapter 14: Helping Me To Breathe Again**

I peered desperately at the empty spot where Edward's beautiful frame had stood a moment ago. I shut my eyes again, hoping with every last ounce of faith I had left in me that he would be there when I opened them. No such luck. _He was gone_. Actually, he was probably never there to begin with. I was going insane. I was no longer just hearing voices, now I was hallucinating too. Cole was literally going to drive me over the edge.

"So, how about that ride?"

I jumped at the sound of his deep voice. I could feel him close behind me; his breath sweeping against my hair. I swallowed hard, working up the courage to face him. When I turned around, Cole was looking down at me in amusement. I don't know how I hadn't realized how tall he was until now. He probably could give Jacob some serious competition. _Jacob. _His wryly grin flooded into my mind. I needed him now more than ever.

"I don't think so," I said taking a shaky step back from him.

"Why not?" he asked. "Don't tell me you're scared."

"No, I'm not scared," I said quietly, looking around to see if anyone was watching us. Sure enough, we seemed to be the center of attention. Everyone was standing around, trying to act as if they weren't paying attention. They were most likely very aware of the fact that once again, I was the one that the weird kid in school was speaking to.

"Let them look, Isabella. Who cares what they think?" he said never taking his eyes off of me.

"I don't need to give Lauren any more reason to despise me," I said. "So, if you'll excuse me, I am supposed to be meeting someone right now."

I turned on my heels and started walking toward my truck. A second later, he was effortlessly strolling by my side.

"Jacob Black?" he asked.

I stopped dead in my tracks and flung myself around to face him again. "How do you know about him?"

He smiled. "I know everything about you."

I scowled at him and continued on my hike. My mind was having difficulty wrapping itself around everything that he was saying. I didn't want to believe any of it was true. I couldn't understand why the Cullens would send someone to watch over me. Why would they go through all of that trouble when Edward had made it _perfectly_ clear I meant nothing to him?

I knew Cole was still following me, but I no longer cared. I was too busy concentrating on my intended destination--the destination that would bring me to Jacob. As soon as I reached my truck, I opened the driver's side door and threw in my book bag.

"Edward called me today," I heard him say behind me. "He asked about you."

I froze.

"I figured that would get your attention."

His words paralyzed me. I couldn't take anymore. I felt like my knees were going to give out from underneath me. Slowly, I turned around to face him, tears stinging my eyes. I tried to hold them back. I didn't want to cry in front of him.

"Please," I choked. "I am begging you. Just let me alone. I can't do this—"

My voice broke off, I could no longer speak. Cole was intently looking at me, his face difficult to read. I watched as his eyes gradually softened as he studied my painful expression.

"Isabella…" he said softly, no hint of arrogance left in his tone. "Are you okay?"

The next thing I knew his ice cold fingers were touching my face, gently wiping away my tears. I stiffened under the chill of his touch. I had forgotten what it had felt like.

"I'm sorry," he said, sounding sincere and quickly pulling his hand away. "I didn't realize he meant that much to you."

"I have to go," I whispered, climbing inside my truck and shutting the door behind me. I backed out of my parking spot and sped out of the school's parking lot as fast as I could.

* * *

A while later, I pulled into my driveway and cut the engine. It took me longer than expected to get home because I was crying so hard at one point that I had to pull off of the road. I took a deep breath before climbing out of my truck and running inside, quickly making my way upstairs to the bathroom. I grabbed my toothbrush and brushed away the sour taste that was left in my mouth after my encounter with the toilet earlier in the day.

After I was finished, I ran down the steps, tripping over my feet and falling down the final three. I ignored the throbbing in my knee as I stood to my feet and opened the front door preparing to head down to La Push. Jacob was standing in my doorway, his hand held up in a fist as if he were about to knock.

"Bella?" he asked, his eyes reflecting a combination of relief and anger. "Where've you been? I was worried about you."

"Oh Jacob--" I gasped throwing my arms around him, feeling his warmth immediately distend throughout my entire body. I breathed in his familiar earthy scent and felt myself gradually become whole again. I thought I felt him try to push me away, but I was clinging to him. I didn't want him to let me go—not yet.

"What's going on?" he asked frantically, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer. "What's wrong?"

"I had a horrible day," I choked against his chest.

Jacob finally managed to pull back from me so he could look me in the eyes. He was examining my face possibly trying to understand the cause of my behavior. "What happened?"

"There is a new kid at school," I replied as I turned away from him to walk inside the house. After he followed me, I shut the door behind us. "I just wanted him to leave me alone, but he wouldn't."

"What did he do to you?" he asked me suddenly filling with anger. "Did he hurt you?"

"Not physically…" I said quietly trialing off. Of course, emotionally was another story. Cole's words were still playing over and over again in my mind. _Edward didn't really see the point. Edward called me today. He asked about you._ This hardly seemed fair. Just as I was beginning to finally put all of the harsh memories behind me, Cole had to show up and bring them all back into my life.

"Not physically?" He repeated my words back to me. "What do you mean? Who is he? Where does he live?"

At this point, he was pacing back in forth in front of me. His fists were clenched into balls at his sides and his eyes were narrowed in fury.

"Jake…just calm down, okay?" I said wishing that I could somehow take my own advice. My heart still felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.

"I'm fine," he said stopping his pace and turning to face me again. "Please, just tell me what he did to you."

"The new guy's name is Cole," I told him, trying to decide where to begin. "He didn't do anything to hurt me. I mean, nothing that was really his fault. He just kept talking about Edward. I guess he is a friend of the Cullens and so he told me they sent him to look after me."

"The bloodsuckers sent him?" he asked, raising his voice a little.

"Please don't call them that," I whispered, looking down to the floor.

"I don't understand," he said ignoring my request. "Why would…_the Cullens…_send some random kid to look after you at school?"

"Cole isn't a random kid," I said quietly. Somehow I had forgotten to take into consideration how Jacob would take the fact that there was another vampire in town. I was suddenly very fearful of what his response would be. The last thing I needed at this point was a werewolf/vampire showdown.

"What are you saying?" he asked. He looked confused at first and then slowly I watched as realization set in. His whole body stiffened.

"Now Jacob, before you--"

"He is a _vampire_?" he growled.

"Well yeah but--"

"I have to go notify Sam of this immediately," he said turning around to head out the door.

"Jake, wait--" I pleaded grabbing onto his arm. He stopped in his tracks and turned around to face me again.

"What is it?" he asked coldly, his mind already far away from our conversation. He didn't look anything like the Jacob I had grown to love.

"I need you right now," I whispered, feeling incredibly vulnerable. If he were to leave now, I would surely lose it.

He stared at me for a moment then, letting my words sink in. His eyes gradually softened and I saw _my Jacob _return inside of them. "Oh Bella…I'm sorry."

Before I knew what was happening, I was in his arms again and he was holding me firmly against his chest. "I won't leave you. I'm sorry."

* * *

I told Jacob every detail of my day by the time Charlie had returned home from work. Jacob sat across from me on the couch, listening to me ramble on and on about how I had fallen apart so easily once again. He even graciously endured the parts of my story that involved pouring out my heart for the love I still felt for Edward. He never interrupted me and never made any attempts at leaving again. I knew I wasn't being fair to him. He didn't need to hear all of my feelings for someone other than him, but he was my best friend before he was ever my boyfriend. He was the only one I had to talk to.

When Charlie came in the front door, he asked Jacob to stay for dinner. To my surprise, Jacob had agreed to it. I thought for sure he would want to hurry off to tell Sam about Cole. I spent the next hour preparing spaghetti in the kitchen, while Charlie and Jacob stayed in the living room participating in some more of their male bonding activities.

Once dinner was ready, we all sat around the small kitchen table and ate. Jacob and Charlie carried on the brunt of the conversation, discussing their plans to go fishing together in the summer. I wasn't sure whether I should be happy or terrified that they were getting this close. It was kind of weirding me out and their annoying inside jokes had a tendency to get on my nerves. After we were finished eating, I cleaned off the table and headed to the sink to wash the dishes. Charlie retired to his favorite chair in front of the television while Jacob stayed with me in the kitchen.

"That was very delicious, Miss Swan," he said, leaning up against the counter beside me.

"Thank you," I said. "I am glad you enjoyed it."

"Well, I could definitely get used to it," he said grinning. "Are you going to cook like that for me all of the time?"

What was he trying to say? Was he _really_ hinting at what I thought he was hinting at? It seemed a little early in our relationship to think that far into the future, although I had to admit, it was kind of a comforting thought. Having Jacob by my side forever was definitely something I wouldn't object to.

"No, actually I am going to make you fend for yourself," I said laughing, playing along with his charade.

"Ah, there's that smile I love so much," he said, grabbing me by the waist and pulling me over in front of him. He gently moved his hands up and placed them on the sides of my face.

"Jacob, I am trying to do the dishes," I told him, holding back a smile as I placed my dishwater-soaked hands on his sides.

"The dishes can wait," he breathed, pulling me closer to him and gently pressing his lips against mine.

"What dishes?" I whispered, leaning up on my toes desperately trying to get closer to him, to feel his lips on mine again.

He kissed me again, this time holding his lips firmly against mine and sliding his hands up into my hair, pulling my face closer to his. I could feel myself getting lost in the moment, forgetting that we were in my kitchen with Charlie in the next room. In that moment, I forgot all about my horrible day at school.

Jacob pulled away from me leaving me breathless. I frowned. I didn't want that moment of perfection to ever end. He chuckled at my reaction.

"I don't think Charlie would appreciate me getting carried away with you in his kitchen," he whispered in my ear. "Besides, weren't you supposed to be doing something?"

I rolled my eyes. "You are just so full of yourself, aren't you?" I asked, trying to hold back my laughter as I returned to dish duty.

"Actually, I just like to make you happy," he said a little more serious. "Anyways, I really should be going. I _do_ need to speak with Sam."

"Please don't start some stupid fight," I begged. "Cole is a friend of the Cullens, so I am sure he is very aware of the treaty."

"Well, regardless Bella, Sam will kill me if I kept something like this from him. The rules are the rules and I do believe I already bent them enough for one day."

"I know," I said sighing. "I just don't want anyone to get hurt."

"Don't worry," he reassured me. "As long as Cole doesn't interfere with anyone's lives, the pack will leave him alone."

I just nodded, already deciding that I was going to warn Cole about the treaty rules tomorrow at school.

"However, if he ever upsets you again the way he did today," he continued, his voice turning cold. "Treaty or no treaty, he will have to answer to me." His eyes were intense and I could tell he meant every word. I certainly wouldn't want to mess with him.

"I'm sure that won't be a problem," I said, desperately hoping that would be the truth.

"We'll see," he said, leaning over and kissing me on the side of my head. "Anyways, I better get going. I'll call you later on tonight."

"Okay," I said quietly, already dreading his absence.

"I won't be able to come over tonight," he said lowering his voice. "Try to get some sleep without me."

He kissed me again, this time on the cheek, and then went into the living room to say his goodbyes to Charlie. A few minutes later, he came back into the kitchen to say one last farewell to me before he turned around and headed out the door.

* * *

That night I lay in bed reliving the events of the school day through my mind. I was trying to make sense of everything that had happened. It all seemed like a bad dream that I just couldn't seem to wake up from. However, I couldn't stop myself from feeling intrigued by Cole. There was so many things that I wanted to ask him. _How was my old family doing? Where were they living now? Did Alice ask about me often? Did Edward_—I stopped myself from completing that final thought. I instantly reached a decision that asking Cole anything about Edward was off-limits. I was with Jacob now, and somehow that wouldn't be fair to him.

I knew that Jacob deserved so much better than me, but I was too selfish to give him up. I was falling more in love with him every day and I knew I could no longer live my life without him in it. He was almost as necessary to me as the air that I breathed. He had, once again, proved to me just how amazing he was today. He had chosen to stay with me instead of fulfilling his werewolf duties. I knew that was a huge deal for him and it was evidence to me of the extent of his love for me.

My mind wandered further, remembering my earlier hallucination of Edward standing beside my truck. He had looked so perfect--so _real. _Of course, I knew it couldn't have possibly been him but that didn't stop me from imagining what I would have said to him had he really have been there. Ireally wasn't sure what the answer to that would be. If someone would have asked me that question a week ago I would have easily admitted that I would have ran into his arms and told him how much I loved him. I would have begged him to stay. But, what about now after everything that has happened? Would I still feel the same way…

_Of course I would. _That was my final thought before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: I guess I don't have to ask you to review anymore, at this point you know how much they mean to me! Thanks for the support and let me know what you think of Cole. I have big plans in mind for him in the future....**


	15. The Unexpected

The next morning, I was surprised to see a familiar red Rabbit parked in my driveway as I was making my way out to my truck. I instantly felt my lips turn upward in a grin as my eyes met Jacob's. He was sitting behind the wheel smiling his usual wry grin that made my heart melt. I wasted no time opening the passenger side door and climbing inside.

"You," I said softly. I felt my heart quicken ever so slightly at the sight of him. He was looking at me as if I were the best thing that has ever happened to him. Whether I deserved it or not, I lived for these moments.

"Me," he replied, still grinning.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. I wasn't expecting to get to see him until after classes but I wasn't about to complain.

"I figured I would give you a ride to school," he said as he backed swiftly out of my driveway.

"Aren't you going to be late, then?"

"I am not going to school today," he said simply, keeping his eyes on the road and avoiding my gaze.

"You will _not_ start skipping school," I commanded him, slightly raising my voice. I hated that I could never sound as fierce as I needed to.

"There are more important things that need taken care of." His voice was colder now, stern and intense. His brow was furrowed as he concentrated on the road before him.

I felt my face grow hot out of anger at my sudden realization of his true intentions. _Cole_. I really didn't want to know what Jacob was planning.

"Jacob Black, don't even think about it," I hissed. The last thing I needed was for Jacob and Cole to get into a fight in front of the entire student body.

"What?" he asked, trying to play innocent. It wasn't working on me, not this time.

"Turn this car around this instant!" I demanded.

"And have you arrive late for school?" he asked, chuckling. "I don't think so."

He actually had the nerve to laugh at me. I was fuming. I was so angry that I actually considered opening the door and jumping out while the car was in motion. Somehow I highly doubted my fall would be graceful. That was the only thing stopping me. I crossed my arms childishly in front of my chest, instead.

"You're cute when you're mad," he said reaching over and pinching my chin. I pushed his hand away.

"This isn't funny," I said.

"Well I'm sorry I am upsetting you, but I have to do what I have to do. It's the rules."

"I. Hate. The. Rules." I wasn't entirely sure of all of the treaty obligations, but I already knew that I despised them. They made Jacob become someone I didn't even know.

Jacob didn't respond, instead he pulled smoothly into one of the parking spots outside my school. He quickly climbed out of his car and shot over to open my door for me. I glared at him as I stepped out onto the wet pavement.

"If you even do anything to embarrass me Jacob, I swear," I threatened.

"Relax," he said taking my hand in his and bringing it up to his lips, gently kissing it. "I would never do anything to hurt you."

I glanced around us and noticed that most of the students in the parking lot were looking in our direction. I blushed and pulled my hand away. Jacob looked surprised by my reaction. He turned around to find everyone staring at us and laughed.

"We seem to be the center of attention," he said sounding amused.

I ignored him and reached inside the car to pull out my book bag. I walked around to the back of the car and noticed that Mike and Eric were among the students that were currently staring at Jacob and me. I smiled and waved at them. They both enthusiastically waved back.

Jacob returned his attention back to me as he walked next to me and leaned against the bumper of his car. I felt a warm arm extend around my shoulders, pulling me closer against the body I have grown accustomed to these past few days. I sunk down underneath his embrace. It's not that I was embarrassed to be his girlfriend; I just hated being the focus of everyone's gossip. Jacob's warm lips unexpectedly meeting the top of my head caused me to jump. He was obviously trying to give my peers something to talk about.

"You are really pushing it," I warned him.

"That girl is jealous," he said, ignoring my comment and tilting his head toward two girls walking passed us. It took me a moment to recognize them as Lauren and Jessica. Lauren was glaring at me and rolling her eyes. I noticed her whispering something in Jessica's ear. _Oh, great_. Jacob just gave them more fuel to add to the fire. I was just about to punch Jacob in the chest, but I noticed that his body had turned rigid. I looked up at his face to find he was staring fiercely in front of us, his eyes dark and threatening. He no longer looked like _my Jacob_; rather he looked like the werewolf Jacob. The Jacob I was not very fond of. I followed his gaze to find Cole walking nonchalantly towards us, his usual twisted grin played out on his breathtakingly beautiful face. I swallowed hard and nudged him beside me.

"Please, Jacob," I whispered. "People are watching."

I doubted he heard a word out of my mouth. He was fixated on the vampire that was now standing a mere foot before us.

"Jacob Black," Cole said, his voice the epitome of perfection. "What a pleasure to meet you." He extended his pale hand in front of Jacob.

Jacob glanced down at his hand and laughed. "You can't be serious."

"Suit yourself," Cole said shrugging and returning his hand back in his jeans pocket. He turned his attention to me and smiled. "Hello Isabella, it is nice to see you again."

Jacob stiffened even more and pulled me behind him, providing a protective distance between Cole and me. "You just leave her alone," he growled.

"Whoa, why don't you let her decide whether or not she wants to speak to me?" Cole asked holding both hands up in front of him as if to surrender.

"Jacob, stop it," I said pushing out from behind him. "I'm sorry Cole, I apologize for his behavior. I don't know what has gotten into him," I said between clenched teeth, turning around to shoot Jacob an irritated glance. He ignored me.

"Three things," Jacob said viciously, never taking his eyes off Cole. "Number one…stay off our land. Number two…don't mess with any human's lives. And, number three…" he trailed off, his eyebrows slanting down even further and his eyes narrowing. "Do _not_ mess with Bella."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. This was getting to be very annoying.

Cole took a single step toward Jacob. Even as tall as I had noticed Cole to be, Jacob still had a good two inches over him. Cole's carefree demeanor had all but diminished and was now replaced with one of a fierce prowler. I nervously looked around the parking lot to find that even more students were now staring at the scene being played out before them. They were probably looking for a good fight. I was silently pleading that they were not about to get one.

"I know how your stupid treaty works," Cole retorted. "And, I do believe that Isabella will very much find my company enjoyable."

"Okay enough," I said, stepping between them. "Quit talking about me like I am not standing right here."

Cole's stance relaxed and he smiled at me. "I apologize, Isabella. Don't worry though, I'm done here." He stared down Jacob for another second, then turned around and simply walked away toward the schools entrance. He walked so casually it was as if he were completely oblivious to everyone's stares.

"I have to get to class," I told Jacob, my voice filled with anger. My tolerance for his macho behavior was gone.

Jacob finally turned his attention away from Cole to look at me. "I'll pick you up at three."

"Don't even bother," I said. "I am not going anywhere with you."

Jacob grimaced and his eyes softened. He was hurt. It took everything I had not to take back what I had just said. I quickly turned around and followed Cole's earlier path into the building. I wasn't giving in. I wasn't going to allow the innocence behind his deep brown eyes to force me to apologize. No, not today.

* * *

I wasn't as successful as Cole when it came to ignoring the gossip and stares we were receiving everywhere we walked. He had taken up a new habit of following me around in between all of our classes, and though I hated to admit it, his charm was starting to grow on me. We were on our way to lunch, but I had to stop at my locker to exchange a few of my books. He was leaning patiently on the locker beside mine, waiting.

"I'm sorry if I caused a quarrel between you and your boyfriend," he said, grinning at me, abruptly changing our previous subject to Jacob. If I knew any better I would say he wasn't sorry at all.

"It's not your fault," I said, feeling remorse flood through me. I was picturing the pained expression on Jacob's face in the parking lot earlier today. I hated it when he was upset, especially if I was the cause of it. I sighed and shut my locker, turning around to lean my back up against it.

"I don't blame him for behaving that way," he said, shrugging, taking the books I was holding out of my hands. "I would do everything in my power to protect you if you were mine."

I glanced over at him to find him examining me, his expression deep in thought.

"What?" I asked, suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious.

"I'm still trying to figure you out," he said softly, his golden eyes peering into mine.

For a brief instant, I couldn't move or speak. It was almost as if he had me in a trance. His gaze was mesmerizing. His words seemed dangerously close the same words Edward had spoke to me back when we first met.

"Well," I eventually said, snapping out of it, nervously looking away from him. "I'm not all that interesting, so don't waste your time."

"I find you very interesting," he said, turning so he was now standing in front of me, his right hand pressed up against my locker, almost trapping me in front of him.

I felt my breath hitch in my throat. His face was inches from mine, so close that I could feel his cool breath on my cheeks. My heart rate spiked up a notch as I nervously glanced down to the ground, trying to avoid his demanding gaze.

I heard him chuckle. "You're nervous."

He reached out and placed his hand on my heart, shocking me with his forwardness. Naturally, his touch only caused it to beat faster. I cursed myself for being so pathetically _human_.

"I should be getting to lunch," I managed to get out, almost breathless.

"You should," he agreed, not making any attempt at backing away from me.

I was stuck in my spot, unable to bring my legs to move. I couldn't stop myself from staring into his eyes again. The same eyes that painfully reminded me of Edward. The eyes that I would have given anything to see again after _he_ left. I swallowed hard, forcing saliva down my throat.

"You're with Lauren?" I asked, suddenly. I wasn't sure why that question came out of my mouth. I hadn't even planned on asking it.

"No," he said amused, as he finally pulled his hand off of my chest. "Is there a reason you are asking?"

"Well she said you were her boyfriend, and I mean, you two _were_ all over each other."

"Are you jealous?" He asked, flashing his usual grin at me.

"No!" I practically yelled. "I could care less who you choose to spend your free time with; I just don't want her to be brought into this mess because of me."

"Don't worry Isabella; I plan on spending a lot of my free time with you, not her," he replied smoothly.

I rolled my eyes. "Please, just leave Lauren alone, okay?"

"Why do you care about what happens to her?" he asked me. "She isn't exactly the kindest to you."

"I don't know," I said, wondering the answer to his question. Why _did_ I care what happened to her? Because I was a push-over, that's why. It didn't matter how mean someone was to me, I still didn't have it in my heart to wish harm upon them. "Just promise me you won't hurt her."

"Do I look like the type of guy that would hurt someone?" he asked, trying to sound hurt.

I eyed him up and raised my eyebrows at him. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

"I must say I am offended that you would have so little faith in me," he replied.

"I don't even know you."

"You know that Edward trusts me with you, isn't that enough?"

"I have to go," I said, pushing away from him. I couldn't stand to think about Edward. Not today. I quickly made my way down the empty hallway and into the busy cafeteria. I absent-mindedly grabbed a tray of food and sat down at my usual table beside Angela. She smiled at me.

"What took you so long?" she asked. I looked around the table to find that Mike, Ben, and Eric were the only others sitting with us. Lauren and Jessica seemed to have decided to find a new table.

"I had to get something out of my locker," I lied, busying myself with my food.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Cole walk into the cafeteria. I held in my breath as I watched him. He stood and stared in my direction for a minute, then turned around and walked over to sit at Lauren's table. I let out my breath and sighed. I didn't want him sitting here with us, even if that did mean he was going against my wishes and sitting with Lauren. When I glanced back up at Angela, she was looking over at Cole's table, confused.

"Is there something going on between you two?" she asked me quietly, careful not to allow the boys at our table to hear.

"No, why?" I asked, a little too quickly.

"He is staring at you all the time, and singling you out to talk to you in the halls," she told me. "Not to mention, that whole incident between him and Jacob today in the parking lot."

"Yeah, well I guess Jacob just isn't very fond of him. He said he knew him before he moved to Forks, I don't know," I said fumbling for the words to fuel my continuous lies.

"Oh," she said, seemingly satisfied with my answer. "Speaking of which, Jacob is a total hottie. Why didn't you tell me he was your new boyfriend?"

I felt myself blush. "Sorry, I am still trying to get used to the idea myself. I guess the whole school knows now, though."

"Hey Bella," Mike yelled from across the table, as if he just noticed me sitting there now. "Pretty intense morning, huh?"

I was just about to speak but Angela beat me to it.

"She doesn't want to talk about it, okay Mike?" she spat. I was going to owe Angela my life by the time everything was said and done.

"Hey, that's cool," he said. "I like that Jake character though, he is much better than your last choice of boyfriends. I definitely think he could take Cole on, too."

I almost laughed out loud at the thought of Jacob beating up a vampire. Somehow I found that highly unlikely.

"Yeah, so any big plans for this weekend?" I asked, changing the subject. I didn't want to talk about my personal life anymore.

My topic distraction worked, because the remainder of lunch was spent discussing plans to spend Saturday in Seattle. Even though I wasn't planning on going, I felt much more comfortable pretending to be a normal high school student. It was easier than trying to come up with more lies to cover the truth behind Jacob and Cole.

* * *

When lunch had ended, on my out of the cafeteria, I was stopped by Lauren by the trash cans. She looked extremely angry. I was fearful as to what exactly had brought on her rage.

"I don't know what you said to Cole about me, but I promise you I _will_ find out and when I do, you will be sorry," she hissed. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were glassy. She looked like she were about to cry. I was guessing Cole had "broken" up with her.

"Lauren, I didn't--"

"Save it for someone who cares, Bella," she yelled interrupting me. "I don't know what either of them sees in you, but I think _Edward_ was lucky to get away from you when he could."

The sound of his name shot right through me. I could no longer think straight.

"Everyone knew he was just using you anyways," she continued. "He was practically a god compared to you, and to think you actually thought he could ever care about someone like you. You are such a joke."

She laughed in my face and then turned around and walked out the doors. I stood completely still, unable to move. I knew people were most likely staring at me, but I no longer cared about anything else. I had to force my lungs to continue to inhale and exhale. The truth behind her words was paralyzing me.

I felt a pair of cold hands on my lower back, directing me out of the cafeteria. Cole helped lead me into an abandoned stairwell. Once we were alone, I broke down, throwing my face into my hands. I couldn't stop the tears from flooding down my face. The next thing I knew, his arms were around me pulling me close against his chest. He didn't speak; he just held me in his arms and gently ran his fingers through my hair.

After a few minutes, I pulled myself together and backed away from him. I felt like a complete lunatic and hated the fact that I just made a fool out of myself in front of him. Why had I let Lauren's cruel words bother me so much? Why did it mean anything to me at all?

"I'm sorry," I said, unable to look at him.

"Don't be."

With that, he turned around and left me to sort out what had just happened in my mind.

* * *

After the final school bell rang, I quickly stood to my feet, Cole by my side in an instant. He wouldn't let me carry my book bag, as he walked with me out the main doors of the school to the parking lot. Neither of us had spoken to each other since my breakdown earlier. I looked around to see if Jacob had come to pick me up, despite what I said. He was nowhere to be found so that pretty much left me with one option. I looked up to find Cole smiling down at me.

"Need a ride?" he asked.

**A/N: Yeah so I am beginning to think this story is going to be like 100 chapters long...haha...it seems everytime I have an idea it takes a different turn and requires like 5 more chapters than expected. Oh well, it happens I guess. Anyways, just so you all know I have a Sensory Integration quiz tomorrow that I have successful put of studying for to write this story. If I fail, it is on your shoulders. Just kidding :-) I'll just stay up late tonight. Review, please. give me something to look forward to.**


	16. Misunderstandings

_"You got it, you got it, some kind of magic_

_Hypnotic, hypnotic, you're leaving breathless_

_I hate this, I hate this, you're not the one I believe in_

_With God as my witness"_

_--I Caught Myself by Paramore  
_

* * *

**Chapter 16: Misunderstandings**

I was sitting in the passenger seat of Cole's sports car, nervously twirling with my hair and looking out the window. I could feel his eyes on me. I was beginning to wonder if any of the men I happened to ride with could just simply watch the road like normal human beings. Seriously, was that too much to ask? Of course it was. After all, none of them actually _were_ normal human beings.

"Are you cold?" he asked, breaking the silence between us as he reached out to the dashboard to turn up the heat.

"No, I'm fine," I lied. I was freezing.

I looked over at him out of the corner of my eye to find he was finally looking at the road, grinning. I relaxed a little knowing I was no longer being watched. As good-looking as Cole was-- good-looking not even close to being a strong enough adjective to describe his appearance-- he was really terrifying. It was always unnerving to catch him studying me all of the time. _What was he looking for?_

"You have some questions for me?" he abruptly asked, bringing his hand down to rest comfortably on the car's stick shift.

_How did he know that?_ "Well, yes actually. I have a few things I'd like to know," I admitted.

"Ask away."

"So you're friends with the Cullens…" I began, trailing off.

He nodded but did not speak. I studied his features. My eyes glided over his prominent jaw line and perfect nose. They came to a stop once they reached his eyes, the eyes that reminded me of Edward. I couldn't help but notice that they looked as though he were pondering something in his head.

"How are they doing? Where are they living now?" I finally asked. I had so many questions I needed answers to, making it hard for me to decide where to begin.

"They are doing great," he said, glancing over at me, his golden eyes meeting mine. "They are living somewhere that they very much enjoy. That is all I am permitted to tell you."

"I'm not going to go hunt them down or anything, I am just curious," I said, trying to convince him to give me a little more information. I wasn't exactly sure if I was telling him the truth, though. Maybe I would be tempted to go find them.

"Sorry, my lips are sealed."

I sighed. Somehow I knew I was defeated. Cole didn't seem like the type to be easily swayed. "Fine."

"So, what about Alice? Does she…..miss me?" I asked after a brief moment of silence.

"Sure she does, but you know, they are used to migrating and leaving people behind," he said with little emotion. I guessed that was his way of trying to let me down easy. They didn't miss me at all, and I couldn't blame them. I tried not to let his words hurt. I already knew they didn't need me as much as I needed them, didn't I? I turned to glance back out the window, trying to mask my pain from his perceptive eyes.

"I'm sorry if I upset you," he said softly. I was never one to hide my emotions well. Obviously, this time was no exception.

"It's not your fault," I whispered, holding back tears. I quickly decided that I cried enough for one day. I wasn't about to embarrass myself in front of him again.

"You are still in love with him," he said. I think he meant it to be a question, but it came out as a statement.

I felt my throat thicken as I swallowed, trying to stop my mind from picturing Edward's perfect face.

"I don't know how to stop," I managed to say, though barely audible. I knew he would be able to hear me regardless of how quiet I spoke.

"And Jacob?" he asked.

"I love him, too," I said as my mind automatically picturing his pained expression from earlier this morning. I needed to see him and make things right between us. I couldn't stand fighting with him. "I think I owe him an apology."

"For loving Edward?"

"No," I said quickly and then thought about my response for a moment. "Well… yes, but that's not what I was referring to. I need to apologize for being so hard on him this morning. I hate it when he is upset," I confessed. I wasn't sure why I felt so comfortable talking to Cole about my personal life. Perhaps I just felt connected with the Cullens through him. I guess I just trusted him because I knew my old family did. That was surely reason enough to have some faith in him.

"I am sure he will get over it," Cole replied, his voice losing some of its softness.

"I'm sorry that he was so rude to you," I said. "I guess it is just in his blood to hate vampires. It makes me so mad, but I know he can't really control it."

"You don't need to apologize for him," he told me. "I am not very fond of him, either. Don't worry, the feelings are mutual."

I frowned. "Well if you plan on hanging around me, then you two are going to have to learn to get along."

"Hey, that's fine by me. Although somehow I doubt that will be the case with Jacob. I think that the moment you'd turn your back, he would want to fight me. I'd hate to have to hurt him," he said. By the tone in his voice, somehow I doubted he wouldn't enjoy every minute of it.

"I wouldn't underestimate him," I warned.

Cole just chuckled. His eyes were filled with amusement. Suddenly, I wanted to reach across the space between us and deck him, but I knew it would hurt me more than it would hurt him. Why did men always have to be so macho all the time? Sometimes they could be so overly confident that it made me want to throw up.

"So what about you, Mr. Tough guy?" I asked. "Why did you agree to come to Forks and 'protect' me?"

"Do you mean--what is in it for me?"

"Yes," I replied eyeing him up, curiously, waiting for him to respond. I watched as different emotions flashed across his face as he thought over my question.

"Oh I don't know" he said finally, pulling into my driveway and glancing over at me with a smirk on his lips. "Maybe I just liked the thought of having to hang around a human for a while. Maybe I was intrigued to find out what was so special about you."

"And did you find your answer to that?" I wasn't sure what made me ask him that. It almost sounded like I was flirting with him. I wanted to take it back the moment it left my lips.

"At first, I didn't understand. You appeared to be a typical high school aged girl going about her everyday business. However, after watching you for a while, I can see that I was wrong," he replied. He looked like he was about to say something else, but he shut his mouth instead. He appeared to be thinking about something, searching for the right words to say. After a moment, he continued on. "You are unlike any other human I have ever known."

I frowned and looked down to my lap. He basically just clarified to me that I _really_ was a freak. He must have seen the unease in my eyes because the next thing I knew, I felt his icy hand on my face, gently brushing his thumb against the corner of my mouth. As usual, my body froze under his touch.

"That wasn't meant to be an insult, Isabella," he said smoothly, locking his eyes on mine. I was defenseless underneath his compelling gaze. "I find you rather captivating."

I blinked a little too enthusiastically and felt the blood rush into my cheeks. _Why couldn't I look away from him? _It frustrated me that he had such a powerful effect over me. I couldn't even bring myself to speak.

His hand slowly began to trace the line of my jaw, sliding down further along the right side of my neck. He stopped and rested his fingers gently against my jugular. My body covered in goosebumps as I felt a combination of thrill and fear rise up my spine. My heart was telling me to back away from him, to jump out of the car and run inside my house. However, my brain had me frozen in my seat, not allowing my legs to move. _Was he going to…?_

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud on the hood of Cole's car. I jumped, as Cole backed away from me and looked fiercely outside his windshield. I glanced up, my eyes locking on a pair of deep brown eyes that were narrowed and angry, peering through the glass back at me. Jacob looked away from me and focused his attention on Cole. I watched nervously, as Cole briskly climbed out of his car, me following soon after.

Cole stalked right up to Jacob and stopped just inches away from him. Jacob was stiff and his whole body was quivering. I rushed over to where they were standing.

"Jacob, calm down," I said, fearing he was going to phase right here this instant. I could tell that neither of them heard me, they were too fixated on one another.

"You put a dent in my car," Cole growled in Jacob's face, his voice dark and frightening.

"You had your hands on _my_ girlfriend," Jacob retorted, inching even closer to the vampire.

"Stop," I yelled. I didn't want Jacob to get hurt. The thought of him going up against a vampire terrified me.

"Bella, go in the house," Jacob demanded, never taking his eyes off of Cole.

"Are you really going to let him order you around like that?" Cole asked, glancing over at me.

Jacob stepped over in front of me, blocking Cole's view. "Bella, now!" he yelled.

I was terrified and angry all at once and I didn't know what to do. I had to put a stop to this, but how? I couldn't let either of them get hurt and worse yet; I couldn't let Jacob break the treaty. I took a deep breath and walked closer to Jacob, taking his hand in mind and rubbing it gently.

"Please Jake, just forget it," I told him in a soft and steady voice. "It's not worth it."

I felt him relax slightly underneath my touch.

"I don't care about the stupid treaty," Cole said, unwilling to back down. "I want you to fix my car, _right_ now."

"Fix it yourself, leech," Jacob hissed

"Cole," I said, pleadingly, stepping around so I could look at him again. "Please, just leave. _Please_."

He looked over at me, his eyes intensely staring into mine. I watched as he battled with himself in his mind, and then gradually, his stance relaxed and his eyes softened. He stepped away from Jacob and walked over to his car door. "I'm only doing this because it is what she wants," Cole warned Jacob. Then he glanced over at me again as I let out a breath of relief that I had not even realized I had been holding in.

"Thank you," I said, genuinely. "Thank you for everything."

He nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow." He shot one last threatening glance toward Jacob and then climbed in his car and backed out of my driveway, tires squealing as he pulled away.

I felt myself fill with anger and remorse as I looked down at the ground and sighed. I could feel Jacob's eyes on me and I wasn't sure what I would find inside of them when I looked at him. _Would he be hurt? Angry? Confused?_

I heard his footsteps and felt a warm breeze overcome me as he walked passed me, toward his car. _Was he just going to leave? Was he that angry with me that he didn't want to speak to me at all?_ I heard him stop in his tracks; I could feel his presence close behind me. The silence was killing me, but I didn't know what to say, I didn't even know what to feel. I wanted to apologize, but at the same time, I wanted to scream at him for nearly getting himself killed.

I felt warm hands on my shoulders--hot breath sweeping against my neck. I shivered against the contrast of temperatures between his breath--his touch--and the frigid air.

"Bella--" he breathed, his voice raspy and pained.

I wanted to turn around and take him in my arms. I wanted him to hold me close against him and kiss me. I wanted him to make me forget about everything else except the way I felt complete bliss when I was in his arms. Instead, I couldn't bring myself to move an inch. I couldn't make my mouth speak the words I needed to say.

"I have to go," he said, sounding so hurt that I felt tears begin to build up in my eyes.

I felt him release me, and shivered even more now that my space heater had left my side. I heard him open and close his car door. I heard the start of his engine. By the time I was able to bring myself to turn around, he had left. _He was gone_.

**A/N: Sorry guys, I know you hate it when BJ fights....don't worry...all will be well in the world again.** **REVIEW please....I reached 200 thanks to you! :-D**


	17. So Much For Taking Things Slow

Yeah, so I was kind of tempted to post "Crazy B****" Lyrics here by BuckCherry--

I decided against that considering how they don't actually fit with the chapter (or with Bella and Jacob) and this story is rated T.

HAHA oh my, that song is just good in a baaaaaaaaad kind of way. Not really sure why I like it.

Anyways, here are the actual lyrics:

_ "And I want to dance in freedom  
I want to lose myself for good  
I want to burn with passion  
I want to dance with you_

_All that I have is all that I can give  
And I'll give nothing less than everything  
Words cannot contain the peace I've found in you  
And nothing can compare to this hope that I have found"_

_--Dance by Lifehouse_

* * *

**Chapter 17: So Much For Taking Things Slow**

I stood frozen in my driveway, staring at the empty spot where Jacob's car had been a moment ago. It only took me an instant to realize what I had to do. I ran into my house as fast as my legs would allow, somehow managing to stumble only once. I sprinted into my kitchen toward the telephone, leaving a trail of wet footprints behind me. I picked up the receiver and was about to dial Jacob's number, but stopped myself. He wouldn't be home yet. It would take him another five to ten minutes. I hung up the phone and sighed, staring at the clock impatiently.

How had only one minute gone by? It seemed more like twenty. Suddenly, I had a change of plans. I couldn't stand to wait around here any longer. I needed to make things right with Jacob again, and staring at the clock wasn't going to do it. I grabbed my keys to my truck and raced out the front door, forgetting entirely to leave Charlie a note.

My whole ride to La Push was spent trying to come up with the right words to say to Jacob. I was still angry with him for embarrassing me in front of my classmates and for nearly getting himself killed, but I couldn't let that stand between us anymore. I needed to apologize. I needed him to forgive me.

I pulled in front of his house and cut my truck's roaring engine. I was happy to see his Rabbit parked there as well. Hopefully, that meant that he was here. I climbed out into the rain, not caring that I was now getting soaked. I was about to go to the front door, when I saw Jacob emerge from the garage. We both just stood staring at each other for a moment, getting drenched by the downpour.

"Bella?" he finally asked, his voice filled with surprise and maybe something else—was it fear?

I quickly crossed the distance between us and couldn't stop myself from throwing my arms around him. "I'm so sorry, Jacob."

"Why did you come here?" he asked, backing away from me, not hugging me back. He took my hand and led me into the garage so we were out of the rain. Once inside, he released my hand and ran his through his soaking wet hair.

"I don't want to fight with you anymore," I said softly, shocked that he seemed mad that I had come.

His deep brown eyes were studying mine. I watched as he swallowed hard and turned his back to me, walking over to his work bench and leaning against it with his hands.

"I can't compete with them both," he said quietly.

"Jacob," I said desperately, walking over to him, as he slowly turned around to look at me again. I reached my hand up and gently placed it on his burning cheek. "You are the only one that I want."

He took my hand in his and slowly lowered it from his face. "That's not true."

_He was right_. I did want someone else. I wanted someone that didn't want me in return. I glanced down at the floor, away from his gaze. I couldn't stand to see the pained look in his eyes.

"But, that's okay," he said, placing his hand under my chin and making me look at him again. "I know you will always love Edward, probably more than you will ever love me. I get that. But _Cole_…?"

He paused and I couldn't help but notice that his fists were now clenched at his sides.

"I'm sorry, I do not get that," he continued, his voice turning fierce. "I _cannot_ accept that."

"I don't care about Cole," I blurted out. I knew it was the truth too, but for some reason when I was around him I couldn't think straight. Maybe it was because he reminded me of Edward.

"Well, it didn't appear that way to me. You looked like you were very much enjoying his company," he said, coldly.

"Well, maybe if someone would have picked me up from school, then I wouldn't have had to ride home with him in the first place," I replied, getting angry now. _Did he really think I was going to let anything happen between Cole and me? What kind of person did he think I was?_

"You are the one that told me not to. You told me you didn't want to go anywhere with me," he said, raising his voice slightly.

"Since when do you listen to me?" I asked. "I didn't mean it, I thought for sure you'd come anyway."

"You're right. I _was_ going to come anyway," he responded. "But then Sam called all of us to an emergency meeting directly after school. I had no choice; I had to go see what he needed."

_Oh. _ I backed away from him and looked down at the floor again, embarrassed. I was acting like such an idiot. Jacob deserved so much better than this. "I'm sorry…" I eventually managed to say.

"What do you want, Bella?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking up to meet his troubled eyes.

"Are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure you want to be with me?" he questioned me, his voice filled with sadness.

"Do you really even need to ask me that?" I asked. "You know I love you."

"Most of the time, yeah. But then things happen, like today with Cole for example, and I'm not so sure."

"Nothing happened with Cole," I told him. "I don't know what it looked like, but I swear _nothing_ happened."

"Yeah, thanks to my arrival…" he said trialing off.

"I would never--"

"I know you would never do anything intentionally," he said interrupting me. "But, I do not trust him. I think he has ulterior motives."

"Jake, you just don't like him because of what he is," I said. "I believe him when he says he is here to help. He is here to keep me safe from Victoria."

"I can keep you safe from Victoria," he snapped.

"I know you can," I assured him. "But, what is it going hurt to have another hand? It might be helpful to have someone around who knows how vampires think?"

"It is going to be a problem because he can't keep his hands to himself," he said. "How can you honestly trust any of them when you experienced firsthand what kind of pain _they_ caused you—what kind of pain _he_ caused you?"

"Please," I whispered. "I don't want to talk about him."

"My point exactly," he said walking toward me and gently brushing his thumb against my cheek. "Look at you; you are still a mess because of something a _vampire_ did to you. You can't even stand to hear his name mentioned because it hurts you too much. Anything capable of causing someone like you that much pain is _truly_ a monster in my eyes."

I froze. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I was thinking about Edward far too much lately. I knew Jacob would never understand. He would hold a grudge against my old family until the day he died. I was wasting my time trying to convince him otherwise. I just knew that I needed him. I needed him to survive. Without him, I was nothing. Without him, my chest—_my heart_—was empty. I couldn't stand to fight with anymore.

"I came here to apologize to you," I said after I gathered up the ability to speak again. "I don't want Cole, Jacob. I _want_ you."

I stepped closer to him and wrapped my arms around him again. This time, his arms locked around me and he pulled me in closer against chest. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent, finally finding my way back to where I belonged. I heard his heart gently beating in his chest and felt him rubbing his hands soothingly up and down my back. I pulled back to look up at him, to find him staring down at me. His eyes were soft at first, but then they shifted to reflect a different kind of emotion. _Desire?_ A moment later, his mouth was on mine and his hands were tangled in my hair, pulling my mouth powerfully against his. He kissed me with more force than he ever had before.

"Prove it," he breathed, eventually pulling his mouth from mine, leaving me breathless.

"Excuse me?" I asked, trying to pull myself together. The kiss was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. My head was spinning.

"You heard me," he said huskily as his lips found their way to my jaw, leaving a trial of heated kisses down my neck.

_I guessed I was forgiven_. "You want me to prove it?" I asked softly, surprised that I was able to speak at all. I could barely concentrate on anything other than his lips on my neck. _What exactly was he asking me to do? _

"Mmhmm," he mumbled, bringing his mouth back to mine for a second time. All of my thoughts ceased the moment his lips touched mine.

I felt my back hit against something_. The garage wall?_ I hadn't even realized I was moving toward it. Jacob's tongue slid against my lips, parting them to allow its access. The taste of him filled my mouth, intoxicated my senses. The next thing I knew, my fingers were working on the buttons of his shirt, desperately wanting him in fewer clothes. He had asked me to prove it, if this didn't do it then I wasn't sure what would.

Once his shirt was off, my hands had the opportunity to explore his perfectly sculpted chest. His skin was scorching under my touch and his heart was forcefully pounding in its resting place. I was just about to lower my hands, when he pulled his mouth away from mine and looked down at me, grinning.

"Billy's home," he said, sounding disappointed. "He's coming toward the garage. He'll be here any minute."

"What?" I asked, panic immediately setting in.

"Billy—you know—my father, is—"

"I heard what you said, why aren't you getting dressed?" I asked, frantically smoothing my hair and being sure to step away from him, putting several feet between us.

Jacob just chuckled as Billy turned the corner of the garage and wheeled inside.

"There you are--" he said to Jacob, and then noticed me standing there as well. "Oh Bella, hello there; I didn't know you were coming over today."

"It was uh…kind of a last minute thing," I explained to him, trying to act normal. I knew my cheeks had to be flushed and I couldn't seem to bring my heart rate back to a steady pace.

Billy eyed me up and then glanced back over at a shirtless Jacob and grinned. "I hope I didn't interrupt anything."

The blush on my face was unavoidable. "Dad--" Jacob groaned. "We were just talking."

"Right, well I need your help with something, so after Bella leaves can you come inside please?" he asked, still smiling. _How embarrassing._

"Sure," Jacob replied.

"Have a safe trip home, Bella. It was nice to see you again," Billy said to me as he turned around and wheeled back out into the rain.

Once he was gone, Jacob glanced over at me with a devilish grin on his face. "You can finish proving it to me later."

"Later…?" I asked.

"Yeah," he stepped over next to me and leaned down to whisper in my ear. "I'll see you in your room tonight. Let's say around ten o'clock?"

I blinked and swallowed hard. "Jacob I don't think--"

"Shhh," he interrupted me. "I'll see you then."

Before I had a chance to argue, he leaned down and gently kissed my forehead and walked outside to go help Billy. I was left alone in his homemade garage wondering what the heck had just happened. _What exactly had I just agreed to? _So much for taking things slow.

**A/N: I want to say thanks to all of my loyal reviewers. You know who you are, the ones that comment and discuss their thoughts with me after every chapter! I appreciate it and look froward to reading what you ladies have to say next! With that said...those of you who have been following this story and have yet to review...speak up! I'd love you hear your input as well.** **Don't be shy... :-D (****and go look up Crazy B**** by BuckCherry lyrics if you want to blush a little)**


	18. In His Hands

_"I don't mean to run  
But Every time you come around  
I Feel more alive, than ever  
And I guess it's too much  
Maybe we're too young  
And I don't even know what's real  
But I know I never..._

_Wanted anything so bad  
I've never wanted anyone so bad_."

--_Adore by Paramore_

* * *

**Chapter 18: In His Hands**

When I pulled into my driveway after leaving Jacob's house, I found Charlie's cruiser parked conveniently in its usual spot. He was definitely not going to be too happy about me forgetting to leave him a note. I reluctantly climbed out of my truck and walked to the front door. I walked inside to find him on the telephone. He immediately turned around to face me, his eyes slightly narrowed. I watched him as he ran his hand through his shaggy hair. I couldn't help but wonder when he last had his haircut.

"Yeah, she just walked in, thanks Billy," he said into the receiver. _Oops. _He was already calling the troops. I gave Charlie an apologetic look before walking over to the refrigerator to search for anything that would add up to a good supper.

"Okay, sounds good. See you later," he said, hanging up the phone. "Bella, you had me worried."

"I'm sorry dad," I said genuinely, opening up the freezer to continue my search. "I completely forgot to leave a note."

"Well just don't make a habit of it," he said, his voice stern. I thought I heard him mumbling something else under his breath but it was too quiet for me to comprehend. I knew the only reason I was getting off easy was because I had been with Jacob, his new best friend.

"I won't," I told him. "What would you like for supper?" I knew the mention of food would distract him.

"Well, there are some fresh steaks in there that I bought the other day," he replied, walking over to the closet to hang up his holster.

"Steaks it is then," I said, smiling. "Now go relax, you look exhausted."

"Oh I am--long day," he said, already heading toward the living room.

"Oh and dad?" I asked.

"Yeah?" He responded, momentarily stopping in his tracks.

"You need a haircut."

He just rolled his eyes at me and rubbed his hand on top of his head, causing his hair to stand straight up in every direction. It was a gesture that made him look deranged. I couldn't stop myself from laughing at him. He smiled at me and then disappeared in front of the TV. I busied myself with dinner, trying not to think about what was to be waiting for me in my room come ten 'o'clock.

As usual, Charlie and I were quiet most of the meal. He did talk to me about some of the cases he had going on which were the culprit for his exhaustion. I told him about Cole and how he found a liking to following me around at school. He didn't seem too thrilled about that, which didn't surprise me. After we had just finished eating, I stood up from my seat to clean off the table. Charlie stood up and stretched.

"Maybe you should turn in early tonight," I suggested to him. I was hoping he wasn't planning on staying up late. Wouldn't that be a sight for him to see? Jacob Black climbing into my bedroom window prepared to do God only knows what with me. I shivered at the thought.

"Yeah, that's the plan," he said.

I walked over to the sink and started to wash the dishes, feeling relieved that he was cooperating.

"Oh, and Bells?" He said, walking over to stand beside me next to the sink. "I wanted to mention to you that I will be going away for a weekend sometime next month."

"Where to?" I asked.

"A fishing trip with some guys from work," he said and I could hear the anticipation in his voice. "Jack owns a cabin down close to Olympia. It is right next to a lake that should be freshly stocked."

"So you'll be gone the whole weekend?" I asked.

"Leaving Friday, coming home Sunday evening," he said.

"Awesome," I said, enthusiastically. "Make sure you leave me with a fresh keg, that way I can have an out of control party."

He frowned. "Are you sure you are going to be alright?"

"Dad, c'mon--I can take care of myself," I told him.

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Your medical bills would prove otherwise."

"Ha-ha, funny." I said, gently nudging him. "Don't worry; I'm sure I'll just spend the days down in La Push anyway." I wasn't about to mention to him that I'd most likely be spending the nights with Jacob as well.

He smiled. "Did I mention how glad I am that you two are getting closer?"

"Only every day, dad. Only every day," I said, laughing, as I started to dry and put away the dishes.

"Just checking," he said, grinning.

* * *

Just as promised, Charlie was upstairs and in bed by eight-thirty. At least I didn't have to worry about him catching Jacob outside my window. I was sitting in the middle of my bed trying to calm myself down. I couldn't help but to be nervous. I had no idea what Jacob was planning. He sure seemed like he had only one thing in mind, and I wasn't exactly sure if I was ready for that.

Eventually, I forced myself to get up and shower. Jacob wasn't supposed to show for another hour which gave me plenty of time. I stood under the hot water and let it wash away all of my worries from the day. I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of my lavender body wash—feeling every muscle in my body relax.

A few shaving cuts and a couple minutes later, I stepped out and wrapped my favorite white towel around me. I turned to face the now fogged up mirror and rubbed my hand over it until my brown eyes were looking back at me. I picked up my comb and slowly ran it through my wet tangles, slowly feeling anxiety begin to build up inside of me. I put down the comb and took in a deep breath, looking down at the empty floor to find that I had forgotten my pajamas on my bed. I silently cursed myself for being so forgetful; surely it was because my mind was on something—or _someone--_ else. I quickly brushed my teeth, shivering against the cold air and shut off the light, heading to my room.

I opened my door and flicked on my light, nearly jumping out of my skin at what I found waiting for me. Jacob was sprawled out comfortably on my bed, legs crossed and arms folded behind his head. I gasped, quickly placing my hand over my mouth to prevent myself from screaming.

"Jacob!" I whispered loudly. "You scared the crap out of me!"

Jacob didn't say a word. Instead, his eyes were fixed on me. I watched him swallow hard as they took me in, starting with my feet and slowly inching their way up my entire body. For a moment, I had forgotten I was only wearing a towel. I felt my cheeks grow red with embarrassment at my sudden realization. Before I had a chance to say or do anything, Jacob was off of the bed and standing just inches in front of me. I could feel his warmth radiating off of his body—practically inviting me in. His hands were firmly placed on the sides of my bare arms and his eyes were boring hungrily into mine. I was completely frozen--too nervous to even breathe. I felt him reach behind me and quietly pull my bedroom door shut.

"Bella--" he groaned, sounding almost pained. Before I knew what was happening, his lips forcefully came down on mine as his hands slowly slid up my arms to gently grip the sides of my face. Once again, I was enthralled in the moment—wrapped up in the heat of his touch—of his kiss. His mouth found its way to my jaw as I felt myself grow dizzy with desire. I couldn't think—could barely remember how to breathe. I was so caught up in Jacob that I completely forgot I was supposed to hold onto my towel. I almost had my arms completely around him before I realized it was starting to slide down my naked body. I froze.

I thought I heard a low grumble come from deep within Jacob's chest. I quickly looked down to find that his hand was now gripping the edges of my towel—holding them together around me. Slowly, I raised my eyes up to meet his—they were dark and filled with lust. My eyes were wide with fear and my breathing was staggered. _Jacob could choose to drop my towel at any moment. My body was in his hands._

Time seemed to be standing still as we both stood staring at each other in this pivotal moment of our relationship. I was too scared to move an inch—not sure whether or not I _wanted_ him to let go. I felt him shift against me, the warmth of his hand was reaching out to grab onto mine. Never taking his eyes off me, he slowly raised my hand and placed it on my towel next to his. He studied me a moment before finally letting go, quickly backing away from me and turning his back to me to face my bedroom window.

"Get dressed," he said in a deep husky voice. I could hear the confliction in his tone.

I wasted no time obeying what he had asked. I quickly grabbed my pajamas off of my bed and dressed myself in record time.

"Okay," I managed to blurt out, once I was clothed. I was kind of shocked. I thought his intentions for coming here were for me to take off my clothes, not for me to put more on.

Jacob turned and slowly walked toward me—his eyes intensely peering into mine. I've never seen him like this before, he reminded me of a predator stalking toward its prey. I didn't really have time to think of anything more because his arms were around me again, and his lips were crashing down on mine. I reflexively wrapped my arms around him and arched my body against his. His hands found their way into my hair—pulling me closer—deepening the kiss. His tongue was parting my lips—exploring my mouth. I heard a soft moan. It took me another moment to realize that it came from me.

I felt the soft give of my mattress underneath my back. Jacob had laid me down on my bed and wasted no time crawling on top of me. His lips found mine again as he lowered himself on me—his weight pressing against me. I allowed my hands to explore the accentuated muscles of his shirtless back. By this point, all of my fear and disinclination had gone. I was no longer aware of anything else except for Jacob's body and how much I wanted him. I felt his lips move from my mouth to my jaw and then down further to my neck. I heard him mumble my name.

Eventually, he brought his mouth back up to mine and kissed me gently—lovingly—all traces of his previous forcefulness gone. He pulled back and looked down at me, grinning. I frowned; I wanted him to closer, not further away.

"Thank you," he said. _Thank you?_

"For what?" I managed to get out between breaths.

"Proving it," he replied, leaning down to kiss me softly once more. I watched as he removed himself from on top of me to lie next to me.

"But I thought--"

"I know what you thought," he said interrupting me, grinning. "Did you really believe that's what I came here for?"

"Well, yes…" I admitted trailing off. I could feel the blush forming in my cheeks.

"Even after I didn't take advantage of you in your towel? He asked. "Which almost made me completely change my mind, by the way."

"I don't know…" I said quietly. "I didn't care why you came; I just didn't want you to be mad at me anymore."

"So you were willing to have sex with me just so I wouldn't be mad at you?" he asked, his voice turning more serious now.

"No…not exactly," I whispered. _Was I really going to do…that with him? _

"Not exactly?"

"I mean I wasn't planning on it but then you started kissing me and I just—I don't know—I just got caught up in everything," I admitted. "I can't focus on what is right and what is wrong when you are kissing me like that"

He chuckled. "That good huh?"

I rolled my eyes and punched him. "No!"

He smiled and then I saw his eyes grow softer—his expression turning serious again. He reached his hand out and brushed some of my hair out of my eyes, lightly tracing the lining of my jaw. "I love you, Bells."

"I love you, too," I said.

"I would _never_ force you into doing something you weren't ready for," he said softly. "When I look into your eyes, I know I'm not the only one that you see. I know that there is someone else inside of you—someone that has a piece of your heart. When the day comes when I look at you and can tell that you are only thinking about _me_, I'll know that you are ready."

I blinked back tears that were threatening to escape my eyes. I never realized that I was that obvious. Did he always know when my mind was on Edward? It amazed me that he always knew exactly what I was thinking. Was that some kind of sign that we were meant to be together? Was that supposed to be some kind of symbol of our fate?

"I'm sorry…" I whispered. "I'm hardly being fair to you."

"Life is never fair, Bella," he said "I'd rather have part of you than nothing at all."

"I don't deserve you," I told him. I turned toward him, snuggling my body against his and placing my hand on his chest.

We were silent then. The rain pounding against my window was the only sound to be heard between us. I closed my eyes and concentrated on listening to the steady beating of his heart, while gently tracing circles on his chest. Edward's heart had been silent, thus preventing me from ever experiencing the peace I was feeling in this moment.

"Jacob?" I asked, after a moment.

"Yeah?"

"What about you? Are you ready for…._that_?" I asked, not as blunt as he was. I couldn't bring myself to say the actual word.

He was silent for a moment, possibly thinking over what I had just asked.

"I know what I want, Bella," he eventually said. "I feel like I have loved you my whole life. I know that I don't just want you around for a week, for a month, or even a year. I know that I want you around forever…" he said trailing off.

"So yeah, I guess you could say I'm ready."

I just nodded my head against him and let his words sink in. I didn't know how to respond and no longer had the energy to even try. I felt the weight of the day start to wear down my consciousness. It wasn't much longer before I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

**A/N: C'mon...Review...I know you have something to say. :-)**


	19. Rainy Days

_"Oh rainy day, come 'round_

_Sometimes I just want it to slow down_

_And we're separated now, I'm down_

_But I love when you come over to the house_

_I love it when you come 'round to my house._"

_--Rainy Day by Coldplay  
_

* * *

The next two days in Forks, the sun blazed bright in the sky, melting all of the remaining snow and ice left over after the winter season. Obviously, Cole was not at school which made the days pleasantly uneventful. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about him, though. I was wondering where he lived, if he stayed in town at all? Did he go back and visit the Cullens when the weather was nice? Did he take hunting trips, too?

Jacob had taken it upon himself to drive me to and from school every day, whether or not Cole was in attendance. He told me he wasn't about to take any chances. I didn't really understand why he felt the need to be so protective over me, considering Cole was actually on _our_ side. I guessed he was just still bitter for what happened between us the other day. I knew he would never trust him again.

Jacob had asked me to come down to his house directly after school on Friday. Apparently they were having a huge bonfire again—weather permitting. When I woke up that morning to find that it was raining, I was almost too eager to get to school. I didn't dare allow myself to think of the reason behind my enthusiasm—it certainly wasn't the academics. As soon as I walked outside and climbed inside Jacob's car, he glanced over at me and frowned.

"Let's ditch school today," he said, his brow slightly furrowed.

"Hey now, that's no way to greet your girlfriend," I said beaming at him. He sure seemed to be in a bad mood today.

"It's raining," he whined, pulling out of my driveway.

"So?" I asked. "You never had a problem with the rain before. Why discriminate against it now?"

He just glared at me and then turned his attention back to the road. I took that opportunity to flick on the radio and leaned my head back against the headrest to enjoy the music. We drove in silence the rest of the way to Forks High. A song or two later, he pulled into the parking lot and parked his car in front of the entrance.

"Just don't do anything stupid," he warned me, still frowning. I was really beginning to dislike this grumpy Jacob. It didn't seem like him at all.

"Lighten up, will ya?" I said, reaching over to tap my finger on the tip of his nose.

I watched him try to unsuccessfully hold back a smile. "I'm sorry, I haven't been getting enough sleep."

Now it was my turn to frown. "Jacob, why? Victoria hasn't been spotted in weeks. There is no reason for you to be staying up half the night."

"There is a new vampire in town that we are worried about," he huffed. I didn't miss the _we_ in his statement. Apparently the whole pack didn't trust Cole.

"Cole isn't a threat," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Well, we are just trying to play it safe," he replied. "Though, I hope you are right."

"I'm right," I assured him. "And you need to get to school, so I'll see you around three."

I opened the door and I was about to climb out when I was stopped by Jacob's warm hand lightly grabbing onto my arm. "Wait."

I turned around to face him to find he was leaning toward me. His lips gently brushed against mine, instantly causing me to melt against the warmth of his breath. He pulled away and smiled at me me as I tried to stop my head from spinning.

"I love you," he said softly.

"I love you too," I replied, smiling. A moment later, I climbed out into the rain and quickly walked inside the building.

Somehow I managed to avoid all of my classmates on my route to my locker. That had to be a sign that this was going to be an excellent day. Maybe things were finally starting to look up for me. I quickly opened my locker to find a note hanging from the top shelf. I curiously pulled it down to examine it. The note was a single sentence long, and I knew who it was from the moment I saw the neat cursive handwriting.

_Did you miss me?_

I rolled my eyes and quickly exchanged my books, slamming my door shut. I was startled to find Cole standing in the spot that my locker door had been a second ago.

"Well?" He asked wearing his usual twisted grin.

"You know, you don't have to sneak up on me like some kind of stalker," I said, unable to stop myself form marveling in his perfection.

"You didn't answer my question," he replied, chuckling.

"Do you want me to tell you what you want to hear, or would you like me to tell you the truth?" I asked, pushing past him to walk to my class. I wasn't surprised to find that he followed me and was effortlessly gliding by my side.

"Both," he said nonchalantly. "Considering that they are the same answer."

"Hardly," I snorted. "Besides, I am supposed to be avoiding you."

"Says who?" he asked. "The big bad wolf?"

"He has a name," I retorted.

"When he stops bossing you around like he's your father, I'll start calling him by his name," he said, laughing. Why did he find everything I did amusing? It was beginning to irritate me.

"Cole," I said stopping in front of the door to my first class. "He is just trying to keep me safe. He loves me and doesn't want anything to happen to me. Is that so hard to understand?"

He stopped and stood a little too close in front of me. "So why aren't you avoiding me, then?"

"Because I…well because…" I said stumbling over my words, trying to find an answer to his question.

"That's what I thought," he said, grinning, his golden eyes staring down into mine.

I stared back—enthralled by him for a moment. I watched as he reached his hand out and moved a piece of hair that had fallen out of my ponytail behind my ear. I blinked, shrugging off his touch and snapping out of my trance. "I believe you are the one that follows me around. You are impossible to avoid."

"I tell you what Isabella, if you really want me to leave you alone, I will," he said. "I promise you I will completely ignore you from now on—just say the magic words and I'll be gone."

He was obviously confident enough in himself to know that I didn't want him to leave me alone. I didn't want to avoid him, though I knew it was the smart thing to do. It was the best thing for the sake of me and Jacob's relationship. If that was the case, then why couldn't I do it? Why couldn't I say the words I needed to say that would guarantee his absence?

"I'll see you in fifty minutes," I said defeated. I sighed and turned around to walk into the classroom.

* * *

At the end of the school day, Cole and I left our last class and walked outside. Naturally, I was unable to avoid him for most of the day and even started to grow a liking for his company. It was nice to have a vampire in my life again, even if he did bring back painful reminders of Edward. Perhaps, that was why I wanted him around so much. Maybe it was comforting to me to somehow still feel connected to Edward. I scanned the parking lot and didn't see Jacob yet, so I walked over to a picnic bench and sat down to wait. Cole took a seat beside me.

"Need a ride again?" he asked, a slight smile played out on his lips.

"No, I doubt that will be happening again," I said slightly disappointed. I wanted to get the chance to ask Cole some more questions in private, without having to worry about eavesdropping peers.

"What are you doing on Saturday?" he asked, abruptly.

"I'll be with Jacob," I said, automatically, though we didn't have any formal plans yet.

"Sunday?"

"Jacob."

He frowned. "Can I ever pull you away from him for a few hours?"

"Why?" I asked.

"I get kind of bored here by myself," he said, shrugging. "You are the only one here that knows about me so you can see how it could get a little lonely."

I realized that this was the first time he was actually showing a weakness. It was making me feel bad. I never really thought about him being in Forks all by himself. How horrible that would be to have no one around.

"Well, maybe I can find some time on Saturday," I replied, regretting the words as soon as they left my lips.

His smile grew wide. "Great, I'll see you around noon."

"Wait, what? I never said--"

"Hey Bella!" Tyler yelled, interrupting me before I could say anymore. He was running over to me at full speed--Mike only a foot behind him.

"No Tyler--I already said I was asking her," I heard Mike yell from behind him.

"Would you like to come to the movies with me this weekend?" Tyler asked once he was in front of me, sneaking a quick glance between Cole and me.

I watched as Mike quickly caught up and was staring at me, anxiously awaiting my response. Cole chuckled and I could feel his eyes on me. Obviously Tyler and Mike didn't know the meaning of boyfriend. There was no possible way that they didn't know about Jacob by now. He was still the talk of the school.

"Actually Tyler, I can't, I will be hanging out with Jacob all weekend," I replied.

"I told you," Mike said, laughing and smacking Tyler on the back.

Tyler frowned. "It's just as friends. I get that you have a boyfriend now."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm afraid I am busy, but maybe some other time?"

"Sure, sure," Tyler said. "Well if you change your mind, a bunch of us are going on Saturday and I am the only one without a date."

"I don't have one either," Mike corrected him.

"Yeah right, you and Jessica will be back together by then," Tyler said.

"Anyways Isabella," Cole intervened. "As I was saying before we were interrupted. I'll see you Saturday at noon."

He winked at me and stood up, walking away before I had the chance to argue. I could almost see his twisted grin on his face from behind him. Tyler and Mike both looked at me in horror, obviously not oblivious to the fact that I turned them down only to agree to hang out with Cole. I was going to deck him for doing this to me. Thank God for the familiar red Rabbit pulling into the parking lot.

"Well there's my ride. Have a good weekend," I told them quickly, before running off to greet Jacob.

As I walked closer to the car, I felt my heart drop because I noticed that Jacob was not the one behind the wheel. I reluctantly climbed inside to find Embry smiling at me. His grin was wide and child-like, hardly matching his giant frame.

"Hey there, Bella," he said cheerfully. "Have a good day?"

"Embry?" I asked, unable to stop the confused expression from forming on my face. "Where is Jacob?"

"Don't worry, he will be meeting us at his house a little later," he said, laughing and pulling out of the school's parking lot.

"What is he doing?" I asked.

"Well, he kind of told me not to tell you…but oh man it's too hilarious. I can't stop myself," he said, cracking up. I could see he was fighting with himself in his mind on whether or not he should enlighten me.

"Tell me," I begged.

"He is in detention," he replied, still laughing. I was beginning to worry about his ability to drive safely through all of his laughter.

"Oh no, what did he do?"

"Well when the teacher asked him why he didn't have his homework done for the third day in a row, he tried to tell her the truth. Naturally she didn't believe him and so she gave him detention."

"He told her he is a werewolf?" I asked, shocked.

"Well not in so many words," he said, calming down a little. "He told her he had more important things to worry about than stupid schoolwork and that she wouldn't even believe him if he tried to explain it to her."

"So of course," he continued. "You can guess that the teacher—who is definitely the meanest teacher on the rez, by the way—but anyway the teacher told him to try her—so he stood up from his seat and reached down to his jeans like he was going to unbutton them."

"He WHAT?!" I gasped.

"Yeah, he acted like he was going to take his pants off—to you know phase and show her why he wasn't doing his homework—so the teacher gave him detention for trying to strip in class."

Embry was laughing like a maniac again. I didn't really see the humor in the story at all. I thought it was very irresponsible for Jacob to get detention and act so inappropriately in front of the entire class. Embry must have seen the unamused expression on my face because he suddenly grew serious.

"Hey, c'mon," he said. "It's not that big of a deal."

"He doesn't need to be getting detention," I said, narrowing my eyes.

"Wow, you are starting to sound like Emily," he said. "Now that is scary."

"There is nothing wrong with sounding like Emily," I replied, smiling. "In fact, I'd say that is a compliment."

"You two need to live a little," he said, grinning and running a hand through his long black hair.

"I like the way I live, thank you very much," I said, crossing my arms firmly in front of my chest.

He glanced over at me and chuckled. "Well, I guess I can kind of see why Jake likes you so much."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"You are just incredibly cute when you are angry," he said. I knew he meant it in a friendly way or else I would have been extremely embarrassed.

"Oh no, not you too," I groaned. I had enough admirers for one day.

"Don't get used to it," he said laughing.

I just smiled at him and took that opportunity to turn on the radio again. The rest of the ride was spent with me having to listen to Embry belt out classic rock songs at the top of his lungs. He had me laughing so hard I could barely breathe. I couldn't help but think that I could definitely get used to having friends like this.

**A/N: First of all, I would like to apologize for the delay in updating. My fiancee's grandma passed away Friday morning, so I spent the weekend at the funeral home. She was truly an AMAZING woman and I feel like I have been extremely blessed for getting the opportunity to get to know her. _I love you Grandma, you will forever be missed_.**

**Second of all, I apologize for this chapter. I know it's not that great I just wasn't feeling it. I promise you after the next few chapters this story will start picking up and get EXCITING! I can't wait to see your reactions! AHHHHH....please keep the reviews coming...I reached 300! You are all so AWESOME. :-D**

**A/N 2 : After reading a few reviews on this chapter as being out of character(I would have responded to them but they don't have accounts) I went back through the story and changed a few things that I agree wasn't in character. I hope it helped a little, though I am still not all that happy with this chapter. That's okay, the next one will be better! :-)  
**


	20. The Painful Truth

_"Sweet sweet fantasy baby_

_When I close my eyes_

_You come and take me_

_On and on and on_

_It's so deep in my daydreams_

_But it's just a sweet sweet fantasy baby."_

_-Fantasy by Mariah Carey_

* * *

**Chapter 20: The Painful Truth**

I was leaning uncomfortably against _the_ wall inside Jacob's homemade garage; arms crossed around me, listening to three juvenile werewolves argue over which of them could beat the entire old-school Nintendo Mario game without dying once. It was the same _wall_ that Jacob had me so conveniently pressed up against a few nights ago. I could almost feel the warmth of his full lips as they lingered on my jaw and explored my neck. I closed my eyes and let my mind take me back to that very night which, of course, only forced me to miss him even more than I already had. _Stupid detention._

"_Bella's a girl…..you could ask her…._."

The sound of my name interrupted my daydreams. My eyes reluctantly fluttered open to find three pairs of questioning eyes fixed in my direction. Paul glanced away from me to look over at a now very nervous Embry.

"Ask me what?" I asked. Did I really want to know the answer to that? After all, I was outnumbered here. There were far too many pairs of XY chromosomes in the air.

"Embry here just has a question that we feel would be best answered by a member of the opposite sex, isn't that right Em?" Jared asked, nudging an unexpecting Embry beside him, nearly toppling him over. The older guys always had to pick on the younger ones, didn't they?

Poor Embry looked like he was going to die of embarrassment. I felt kind of bad for him because he was usually so confident and full of himself. This was definitely different. He glared at Jared, punishing him with a quick elbow to the gut, then turned to look at me and smiled in satisfaction. _Okay, there's the Embry I know and love._

"Actually Bella, I know better than to speak to a lady, such as yourself, in such an inappropriate manner," he said in a formal voice. Jared snorted and it looked like Paul was about to spit out a huge gulp of soda he had just poured into his mouth. Naturally, I did what I knew best—I blushed.

"Wait until I tell Jake you're making his girlfriend uncomfortable," Paul threatened, grinning at me.

I looked down at the floor and started idly shuffling my feet, kicking around a few stones that must have gotten dragged in from the gravel driveway. I hated to be the center of attention.

"So uh….how long does detention usually last?" I asked quietly, trying to change the subject.

Jared immediately got a huge smile on his face. "Missing him already?" he asked, sounding amused.

Before I could respond, Embry's arm snaked around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. He turned our back away from the other guys. "Come here, let me tell you a little something about my bro Jake," he said quietly as if he were about to let me in on some huge secret.

"What is it?" I asked, unable to hide my curiosity, while at the same time feeling very awkward that he was holding me so close to him.

"Well, he'd probably kill me if he knew I was about to tell you this, but what are friends for, ya know?"

I just nodded.

"First of all, if you look in his sock drawer—top left—you'll find a picture of you and him walking along the beach—rather lovely photo if I do say so myself—not really sure who snapped it, but it is kind of creepy that he covets it in the same place he stores his socks, don't ya think?"

I smiled and couldn't help but giggle at the thought of Jacob trying to hide a picture in his sock drawer.

"Nextly—hmm is that even a word?" Embry asked.

I shrugged. Of course I knew it wasn't a word, but I wasn't about to correct him and seem like some uptight vocabulary junkie.

"Yeah, who the heck cares right?...anyways….Jake also has a secret thing for Mariah Carey. He used to always make me listen to her CD on repeat while we washed cars together—said if I ever told anyone he'd kill me."

"Jacob has a Mariah Carey CD?" I asked, laughing out loud.

"Well technically no, we stole it from Rachel's room," he admitted, snickering.

I was laughing so hard at the thought of Jacob and Embry having jam sessions to "Fantasy" that I was barely able to breathe, and my eyes were beginning to tear up.

"Call, get your _dirty_ hands off my girl," Jacob's deep voice boomed from behind us. He sounded angry but when we turned around to face him, he was grinning, obviously just kidding around.

"Maybe she likes them better _on_ her," Embry said, smiling smugly.

Jacob reached his hand out and smacked Embry alongside the head, instantly freeing me from beneath his embrace. I was still laughing, stuck on the Mariah Carey remark, and Jacob wasn't oblivious to that fact.

"What's so funny?" he asked me. I snuck a quick peek at Embry who was unsuccessfully trying not to laugh.

"Nothing," I said, managing to pull myself together. Paul and Jared were looking over at us now obviously curious as to what they had missed.

Jacob frowned. "You better not be corrupting her," he said not necessarily directing the comment to one of them in particular.

"Don't worry, we would never do such a thing," Embry said, smiling at me.

Jacob just rolled his eyes and then extended his hand out to me. I glanced down at it and then looked back up at him, questioningly.

"Walk with me?" he asked.

I smiled and placed my hand in his as he wrapped his fingers around it—his warmth instantly spreading up my arm and throughout the rest of my body. He gently pulled me out of the garage and outside where I noticed that it had finally stopped raining. I could hear Paul, Embry, and Jared mocking us--pretending to gag as we exited.

Once we were a decent distance away from Jacob's house, he stopped, dropped my hand and leaned up against a nearby tree. He seemed to be distraught with his brow slightly furrowed and his eyes tapering. We hadn't spoken since we left the garage and now he looked a little distant, like his mind was on something else. I couldn't help but feel like something was terribly wrong.

"Jake?" I asked, looking into his troubled brown eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up from school today," he said, looking away from me to gaze over my shoulder. I turned around to look behind me, only to find he was staring at nothing.

"You got detention," I said frowning and crossing my arms in front of my chest, facing him again.

"Yeah, I got detention," he replied, repeating my words back to me in a bitter tone.

I couldn't stand the distance between us. I wanted to be closer to him—holding his hand--in his arms—against the tree. _Anything but this distance_.

"Stripping in class?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at him, trying to get a laugh out of him. _No such luck_.

"Mrs. Lowell was pissing me off today. I was getting sick and tired of her always getting on me about my homework, so I decided to give her something to actually complain about," he said glumly, no hint of humor in his tone.

"What's your problem?" I snapped. His attitude was starting to irritate me. If I wanted to put up with this kind of behavior then I would have gone home with Lauren.

"I told you, I'm tired," he retorted right back at me, his voice louder than necessary.

I sighed angrily and swallowed my frustration, reaching the decision that it was best if I didn't say anything at the moment. I wasn't about to start another argument with him. I wrapped my arms tighter around me, shivering against the cold air and diverted my eyes to the ground. I was waiting for him to provide me with a better explanation for his sour attitude.

"Bells, I'm sorry…" he said a moment later, his voice gaining back some of its typical softness. It was returning back to the voice he always saved for when he was around me. _Sweet. Gentle. Loving_.

I glanced back up at him to find him holding his arms out to me. I wasted no time crossing the gap between us, fitting my way into his warm embrace. I smiled into his chest as he wrapped himself firmly around me, pulling me tighter against him. _Ahh, now that was more like it._

"I don't know what's wrong with me," he said sadly.

I just nodded, figuring he would talk about it if he wanted, and wrapped my arms around his waist. We both fell silent; becoming caught up in thoughts all our own. I couldn't help but think that I wouldn't mind standing here in Jacob's arms for the rest of the evening. I didn't care if we missed the bonfire. Heck, I didn't even care if we stood like this all night, never getting an ounce of sleep. The truth was, I would stand here forever. I felt like I could do anything--_be anything_—when he held me in his arms like this. It was an indescribable feeling-- amazing, thrilling, terrifying, and comforting all at once. My next thought was how had this happened all so fast? One day I was looking into the eyes of my best friend and the next, my lover—_my everything_--was staring back at me.

"Bella…" Jacob's raspy voice spoke my name, bringing me out of my contemplations.

"Hmm?" I asked, my eyes fluttering open to stare at the logo on his T-shirt.

"I sort of have a question I need to ask you…" he said trailing off, sounding apprehensive.

"What is it?"

There was a long pause--a silence that lasted nearly an entire minute.

"I'm terrified…," he finally whispered.

_That wasn't a question_. I backed away from him just enough to tilt my head up. He must have felt me shift against him, because he immediately glanced down to meet my eyes. And, he _was_ terrified. His eyes were widened, jaw slightly clenched, and his grip on me tightened as if I'd be taken away from him at any minute. I looked at him questioningly, wondering what on earth had caused him this much dismay.

"Jacob?" I asked softly, reaching my hand up to gently graze his scorching cheek. He closed his eyes against my touch.

"I can't lose you," he said, his voice now filled with a new kind of intensity—determination?

"What are you talking about?" I asked completely taken aback. It wasn't like Jacob to be this way—he was never this serious. Something had to really be bothering him. Something _big_. Whatever it was I instantly hated it. I despised anything that would cause him to feel this way.

"Edward," he said, emphasizing every syllable, his voice suddenly full of acid.

I froze. I was definitely _not_ expecting that. I slowly shook my head and looked away from him.

"No," I said softly.

"Bella, you have to talk about him sometime," he said.

"No Jacob! I do _not_ have to talk about him—_ever_—do you hear me?" I asked, nearly yelling. "I don't want you to ever say his name to me again!"

"Because you love him more than me, right?" he said, his voice slightly rising. "Because if he were to come back here you would leave me in an instant—without thinking twice?"

I couldn't speak. His questions paralyzed me and for the first time-- in a long time-- in Jacob's presence, I felt my chest tightening around my heart—slowly but surely suffocating its beating.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Jacob said sadly, when I didn't respond.

He _was_ right. And, that fact was killing me--catching my breath in my throat and expanding the hole inside of me--until it hurt. I closed my eyes as I felt a single tear slide aimlessly down my cheek.

**A/N: Okay, I'm sorry. I know some of you are going to be VERY angry that things aren't peachy kind right now between BJ.** **But, I liked this chapter MUCH better than the last...sorry its short..sorry its sad at the end. What's a fanfic without some drama? Review? Please? Thanks a million. Oh, and i know things are kinda moving slow right now but I will be making some time go by soon....this story is about to _really _pick up in a few chapters.  
**


	21. Unforgettable Feelings

"_Come again, I didn't understand  
You tell me that my life, will turn around _

_Then you say, that it'll be okay__  
You push the clouds away  
And I can see  
The dark is almost done  
It's getting light _

_You're like the sun."_

_--On a Rainy Day by Faces without Names_

* * *

**Chapter 21: Unforgettable Feelings**

My chest was throbbing, my breathing labored. I could feel his eyes on me. I could picture what he'd look like--small crease in the middle of his forehead, eyes slightly narrowed, lips pursed_. Was he waiting for my response—the answer he already knew? _I knew that I disappointed him once again. It was starting to become a daily occurrence—maybe now part of our routine? I thought for sure he'd just walk away and leave me standing there all alone.

"Jacob…" I finally managed to say, though my voice was weak. "Why are you doing this?"

Slowly, I fluttered my eyes open. I took in his creased forehead—pursed lips—and…

I was surprised to find that his eyes were round and soft. Instead of looking frustrated, he looked extremely concerned. His hands were instantly on my face, wiping away the few tears that had managed to escape my hold.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. His eyes diverted down, examining my arms that had somehow found their way protectively around my chest. He frowned at them briefly and then glanced back up at me.

"He's never coming back," I said just above a whisper. "Even if he did, he wouldn't want me anyway."

I was trying to put his mind at ease, because really what did it matter anyway? Jacob was acting as if there was even a remote possibility that Edward would return to Forks and beg to take me back. I knew better than that. I tried to push away _the_ farewell words that were now painfully echoing in my mind.

_It will be as if I never existed._

I huffed as I felt the emptiness inside my chest transform into anger. I lowered my arms and felt my fists start to clench. _Yeah, so much for that, Edward._

"Yeah,"Jacob said, laughing bitterly. "He's not coming back."

Something in his tone made it seem as if he were trying to convince himself. I carefully studied his expression--his eyes were guarded. _Was he hiding something from me?_

"What's going on?" I asked reaching up to smooth the crease that was forming in between his eyebrows. "Why are you bringing something up that is never going to happen?"

"I don't know," he said quietly and I could tell he was lying. He was careful to look at everything else but me. Something must have happened to bring on all of his insecurities. Something that he obviously didn't want me to know.

"Does this have something to do with Cole?" I asked, suddenly realizing that the first time he started acting weird was this morning when he found out that Cole would be returning to school.

"I _do_ wish he'd go back to where he came from," he said as his body visibly tensed. "Things were great between us before he showed up."

"Everything is fine between us,"I said optimistically, unsure of which of us I was trying to convince. It's not like I felt our relationship was in jeopardy, but there _was_ a lot of tension between us lately. Why did things always have to be so difficult?

He laughed without humor and took a few steps away from me, bending down to pick up a weird-shaped rock to examine. "Yeah…..everything is fine."

He glanced over at me and smiled. His smile seemed genuine enough, although it wasn't the same smile I loved. It wasn't the one that belonged to _my Jacob._ It would have to be enough, though. It would have to be enough to get us through this.

* * *

The bonfire that evening practically passed by in a complete blur. Apparently this fire was different from the last one I attended. I was shocked to find that almost everyone that lived on Jacob's reservation was present. I vaguely remember Jake telling me they only had this particular gathering once a year—it was symbolic and consisted of welcoming the newborns of the reservation and telling stories of their ancestry.

I remember sitting in between Jacob's legs—his arms wrapped firmly around my waist—when Charlie showed up with Billy. I hadn't even known that he was going to come. Charlie nodded at me and eyed Jacob's hands before simply shrugging, and walking over to sit with some of the other adults. The rest of the pack was also there, scattered in various places surrounding the blaze. Embry made sure to take the seat directly beside Jake and me so he could periodically start humming the music to some of Mariah Carey's biggest hits. I kept trying to stifle back my laughter while Jacob would just glare at him. _If looks could kill…._

At some point in the night, I did take notice that Leah was sitting across from us, still staring painfully at the romantic exchanges between Emily and Sam. Her little brother Seth was sitting over by his mom, who was deep in conversation with Charlie. Paul and Jared were flirting with a group of girls. No surprise there, in fact, Embry had already gotten up to join them. My eyes scanned over to a corner to the left of me, when I noticed him. Quil was sitting all by himself staring hopelessly into the flames. He looked uncomfortable, like he would rather be anywhere than here—at this fire—with his former best friends. I felt terrible for him. I felt guilty. _How did I deserve to know this secret when he couldn't? _

"Don't worry," Jacob spoke quietly against my neck. "He will be joining us soon enough." I just nodded; surprised how, once again, Jacob seemed to be tuned directly into my thoughts.

By the time the story telling started, I had already eaten too many marshmallows. My stomach was rumbling, punishing me for my gluttony. I couldn't concentrate on anything the elders were saying because my mind was on other things. _Jacob. Cole. Edward. Jacob. Cole. Edward. Jacob. Cole—_

_"_You alright?" Jacob whispered into my ear, interrupting my thoughts.

"Mmhmm," I murmured, too tired to actually speak.

My eyes were growing heavy and my body was limp. I felt warm lips brush gently against the side of my head. I felt fingers run soothingly through my hair. I closed my eyes and let my thoughts overcome me…

* * *

I must have fallen asleep because the next time my eyes opened I was in Jacob's arms and we were moving. He looked down at me and smiled the smile I love.

"I fell asleep," I said, my voice weak and thick with sleep.

"You were tired."

"Where are we going?" I asked quietly.

"I'm taking you home," he said.

My eyes widened. He was going to carry me all the way to Forks?

"Relax Bella, we're going to take my car," he said, laughing lightly. He read my mind. _Again_.

Once we reached his car, he gently sat me down, opening the passenger side door. I stretched before climbing inside. He crawled in behind the wheel and started up the engine, automatically reaching for the dash to turn up the heat.

"I missed the campfire stories…" I said, once we were on the main road to my house. What I really wanted to say was: _Yeah, so Cole is coming over to my house tomorrow at noon._

"Don't worry about it," he replied, reaching across the console to grab my hand. "They weren't really anything you haven't already heard before."

I nodded and we both fell silent. I felt as though there was an unspoken knowledge between us. He knew I was hiding something from him and I knew he was hiding something from me. I glanced over at him; his eyes were intently focused on the road. I let my eyes scan his features—his once boyish cheeks were now narrow and pronounced—his once innocent eyes were now dark and full of depth—his once inconspicuous lips were now desirable and luring me in. _He was beautiful_. My stares did not go unnoticed because he sighed and glanced over at me.

"What?" he asked.

"You're beautiful," I told him, unable to keep my thoughts to myself. My words immediately took me back to a time when I confessed this to him. A time that seemed to exist only in another universe where Jacob was just Jacob and I was just Bella. A time when no werewolves or vampires came between the ease of our friendship. A time that I would easily trade again in a heartbeat to feel the love I feel for him now.

He raised an eyebrow at me and grinned. "Thanks? I mean, I guess that's an improvement from 'sort of beautiful' right?"

"You remember that?" I asked, kind of surprised and maybe a little embarrassed.

"Of course I remember that," he admitted. "It meant a lot to me."

"I was so crazy about you, Bella," he continued once he realized I wasn't going to respond. "I think I pretty much hung on your every word."

"And now?" I asked.

"And now I am still crazy about you," he said, smiling and turning his attention back to the road. "And I still hang on your every word. I guess not much has changed."

"Well yeah, except now I am crazy about you, too," I said, gently squeezing his hand.

"How crazy?" he asked.

"Crazy enough to still love you even though you listen to Mariah Carey," I teased.

He looked surprised for a second and then chuckled, shaking his head back and forth. "Well, you better clear your schedule for tomorrow."

His words immobilized me as my guilt instantly settled in. I swallowed hard. _Clear my schedule tomorrow…_

"For—for what?" I asked quietly, not trusting my voice. _Did_ _he already know about Cole?_ That was impossible.

"For Embry's funeral," he said smiling wryly, parking his car in my driveway.

"Oh, of course that's what you meant," I said, trying to force a laugh. I was unable to feel the slightest bit of relief because I knew I still had to tell him. _Didn't I?_ I mean, I couldn't lie to him about this. _Could I?_

"Yeah, he's going to be one dead pup," he replied, completely unaware of the dilemma I was experiencing. "I mean, I really can't believe he told you that, he promised me he would keep it between us. Seriously, he can be such an asshole sometimes. He's my best friend and all but sometimes I really, _truly_ want to beat the crap out of him. You just wait, as soon as he finds a girl that will put up with him, I am _so_ going to--"

"Jacob, I have something to tell you," I blurted out, interrupting him. I couldn't stand it anymore. The secret was slowly eating away at me. I was mentally and physically exhausted from trying to hide it.

"What is it?" he asked, a little confused by my sudden outburst.

"Please don't freak out," I pleaded, quietly.

"Just tell me," he said, his voice losing some of its softness.

I took a deep breath. "Tomorrow…around noon…."

He looked at me expectantly.

"Cole may or may not be coming to my house," I blurted.

_There. _

_I did it. _

_I told him. _

_Why was he looking at me like that?_

"It's not that big of a deal, Jacob. He is bored and we have a project to do for school," I said, stuttering over my words.

"Fine," he said, his features relaxing.

_Fine?_ I wasn't expecting that response.

"You're not mad?" I asked, unable to hide my shock.

"No, whatever," he replied, running one of his hands through his spiky hair. I carefully examined him. He looked over at me and smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. "Bella, I am done trying to tell you what to do. You can make your own decisions."

My heart sank. I could handle the guilt if he would yell at me and get angry, but I couldn't handle this. It only made me feel worse.

"But I didn't really make the decision, I mean, it's not what you think, he just--"

Jacob interrupted me by placing his hand on my cheek and gently silencing my lips with his thumb. "It's okay."

I felt my heart beat just a little faster beneath his touch. When his eyes gradually diverted down to my mouth, I knew what to expect next. Instinctively, I licked my lips in anticipation. He leaned over the console and gently brought his mouth to mine. The kiss was too light-- nothing but a tease—leaving me wanting more. He backed slightly away but I could still feel his breath on my mouth—his heat all around me. I felt my teeth sinking into my bottom lip.

"Just don't forget what this feels like," he breathed.

His lips were on mine again, kissing me gently--but with force. His hands were in my hair, pulling me closer--but not close enough. When he pulled away, I was breathless--but feeling more alive.

"Goodnight," he said, softly, never taking his eyes off of me.

"Goodnight," I said, unable to move.

I would _never_ forget the way that felt.


	22. Decision Making

_"It's like I can't breathe  
It's like I can't see anything  
Nothing but you  
I'm addicted to you  
It's like I can't think  
Without you interrupting me  
In my thoughts  
In my dreams  
You've taken over me  
It's like I'm not me  
It's like I'm not me."_

_--Addicted by Kelly Clarkson  
_

* * *

**Chapter 22: Decision Making**

"BELLA!" I heard Charlie yell from downstairs. "YOU HAVE A VISITOR!"

I was sitting upstairs in my room, writing a long and detailed email to Renee when his yelling interrupted me. I quickly saved the document and shut down my computer. I made a mental note to myself to remember to come back and finish it later. As soon as I stood from my desk chair, the magnitude of the impending situation hit me like a brick out of the sky. Cole was downstairs waiting for me. He was most likely speaking to Charlie and God only knows what they could be discussing. Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to get downstairs as fast as my clumsy legs would take me.

However, once I reached the bottom step, it wasn't Cole's voice that I heard. I couldn't stop myself from smiling at Jacob's cleverness. This would surely explain his overly understanding behavior last night. I rounded the corner to the kitchen and saw him sprawled out over the counter talking to Charlie. He looked like a giant next to my father.

"Well, I don't know kid, Sue is just really worried and I feel bad for her. This is the last thing that she needs right now," I overheard Charlie say to Jacob.

They both turned towards me as I approached them, Jacob's face instantly lighting up at the sight of me.

"Don't worry Charlie, I'll keep a close eye on Seth and Leah. They are both friends of mine," Jacob assured him while never taking his eyes off of me. I wondered what they were talking about. For some reason my presence seemed to conclude their discussion.

"Bella," Jacob said simply, grinning at me. "I thought I'd stop by and see my girl. You know, just passing through the neighborhood."

"Yeah, sure Jacob," I said shaking my head at him, but smiling nonetheless. I looked over at the clock. "You're right on time." It was noon on the dot.

Charlie watched us in amusement, a smile played out on his lips. "Expecting someone, Bells?"

Suddenly, it became evident that Charlie was in on it too. It was all starting to make sense. That's why he had called Jacob "a visitor" earlier. They wanted to trick me, make me think it was Cole. I felt irritation begin to sink into my system.

"You two are really starting to creep me out," I whined, unable to mask my frustration with their blossoming friendship. I briefly wondered what Charlie would have to say if he knew Jacob snuck into my bedroom at night. Surely, they wouldn't be so lovey-dovey with each other then. A part of me wanted to tell him, while the other part of me—the part with brains—decided against it.

"You better get used to it," Charlie said to me. "We're going to be doing some serious male bonding next weekend."

Jacob smiled at him and nodded. I looked at the exchange between them and groaned. To be honest, I was thrilled that they were spending time together, but it annoyed me that they had all of these inside joke.

"We're going fishing," Jacob said, answering my question before it had the chance to leave my lips.

"Isn't it too cold to fish?" I asked, puckering my brow.

"Nope," Charlie said happily, clearly enjoying every minute of my dismay. "Perfect weather--it's supposed to get up into the sixties next weekend."

"Great," I said sarcastically, while walking over to the cabinet to get out a glass. I held it under the sink faucet until it was half filled and then quickly gulped it down. I couldn't help but peek over at the clock again which didn't go unnoticed by Jacob. When I glanced back over at him, he was intently watching me.

"Looks like he might stand you up," he said to me, his tone slightly bitter. Charlie just chuckled and took that as his cue to leave us alone. He walked over to the door, put on his boots, and walked outside muttering something about fixing the lawn mower. _Fixing the lawn mower? It was like forty degrees outside._

"I should have known you were going to come here today," I said eyeing him up. "You can make your own decisions, Bella," I continued mocking him, trying to make my voice deeper.

He shrugged. "What? You can make your own decisions, just like I can make mine. I decided to come."

"You don't trust me?" I asked.

The next thing I knew, he was standing directly in front of me, his hands on the sides of my arms.

"I trust you, Bella," he said seriously. "It's _him_ I don't trust."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Isn't that what they all say?"

"Who exactly are _they_?" he asked me, grinning.

"I don't know," I replied, a little exasperated. "The people who always…you know…say common phrases and stuff."

He raised his eyebrows at me, amused.

"Nevermind, Jacob," I said, annoyed. I pulled away from him and started walking toward the living room. But, he was always faster than me. He was in front of me before I was able to move three steps.

"Hey, c'mon Bells, I am just teasing you," he said, bringing his hand up to place it under my chin.

"I'm not in the mood to be teased," I said, trying to sound mad. But, I could barely hold back a smile.

"Grumpy from being stood up?" he asked.

I took that as my invitation to punch him directly in the chest. _Hard_. Ouch. I started to shake my hand to ease the pain that was now conveniently shooting through my knuckles.

He grinned. "Are you alright?"

"Just fine, thanks," I said sarcastically, finally able to get around him and walk into the living room.

He followed me and plopped down on the couch, reaching up to grab me by the waist and pulling me down onto his lap. He wrapped his arms farther around me and pulled me closer against him. I felt his lips beside my ear—his breath on my neck.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"No you're not," I said laughing lightly and turning on his lap to face him. His brown eyes were looking back into mine. I felt my heart rate spike up a notch in response to our proximity.

"I'm sorry you hurt yourself," he corrected, his smirk returning.

I leaned in and gently pressed my lips against his because really, I couldn't help myself. I kissed him softly, pulling back to look into his eyes again. "I'm glad you're here," I admitted.

"Me too," he said, bringing his hands up on each side of my face, gently brushing his thumbs against my cheeks.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," he said suddenly, his eyes turning serious. "I shouldn't have put you in a position where you felt like you had to choose."

It took me a minute to understand what he was talking about. Then, I realized that he was apologizing for bringing up Edward and asking me what would happen if he ever returned to Forks.

"Forget it, Jacob," I said desperately just wanting to put it behind us. "It doesn't matter. I'm with you now and that's all that's important."

He nodded. "Let's just keep it that way.

I kissed him again, this time with a little more force. It wasn't long before I was out of breath, pulling away and gasping for air. We had to remind ourselves that Charlie was right outside and could easily walk in at any minute. For some reason, Jacob found that fact to be rather amusing and wouldn't keep his lips-- or hands for that matter-- to himself for the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

Jacob reluctantly left around six complaining about some homework he had to do if he didn't want to get expelled from school. I didn't want him to go, but I _did_ have some errands to run so I knew it was for the best. After Charlie and I ate a quick supper, I wrote up a grocery list for some of the items I noticed we needed. It was almost a month since I did any shopping, so the list ended up being a lot longer than I intended. When I was finished, I said goodbye to Charlie and headed into town to the grocery store.

About an hour and a cart full later, I was on my way back home, completely exhausted. For some reason, grocery shopping always expended a lot of my energy. It was raining again when I pulled into my driveway and cut my truck's engine. I glanced over at the large mound of bags smothering the seat beside me and sighed. I was hoping Charlie would be home to help me carry all of it inside. However, once I climbed out of my truck and made my way through the dark toward my house--my first round of bags in hand-- I noticed there were no lights on inside.

I sat my bags down on the front porch while I fisted in my coat pocket for my keys. I turned the house key in the lock and picked up the bags again, kicking open the front door. Once I stepped inside into darkness, I immediately dropped the groceries to the floor. I was just about to turn around and flick on the light switch when I noticed that I was not alone. My breath caught in my throat as I watched a dark shadow slowly glide toward me. Apparently my sympathetic nervous system was not functioning properly because my "flight or fight" response had yet to kick in. My fear was paralyzing me, rendering me helpless. I couldn't bring myself to move an inch.

A second later, the small amount of moonlight streaming through the kitchen window revealed to me that my so-called intruder was none other than Cole. Slowly, I let out the breath I had been holding in. I merely blinked and he was in front of me, his sweet breath intoxicating my senses.

"Isabella…" his deep Italian voice spoke through the darkness.

I felt him step even closer to me, his body nearly pressing up against my own. The next thing I knew, his arm was reaching around me-- his face inching closer and closer to mine. I couldn't move—could barely think. I knew I should be moving—doing anything to stop him from what he was about to do.

_But, what exactly was he about to do?_

I heard a faint click just before my house filled with light. My eyes squinted to adjust and I gasped at how close Cole actually was to me. I knew his forehead would be touching mine if I moved a centimeter.

"Welcome home," he said, and though his face was too close to see, I knew he was grinning.

"What are you—why are you--how did you get in here?" I asked, stuttering over my words, trying to get my heart rate to return back down to a normal level. I quickly removed my jacket and let it fall next to the grocery bags.

"Vampire," he replied, chuckling and taking a few steps back from me, obviously realizing my discomfort. Hopefully, with this distance between us I'd be able to focus.

"You were supposed to be here around noon," I verified, protectively crossing my arms in front of me. The way he was looking at me was making me a little uneasy.

"Are you disappointed?" he asked, examining my stance in amusement.

"No," I said a little too quickly. "I mean, I was just wondering why you never showed, that's all."

"Two's company, Isabella," he replied, stepping back toward me, causing my heart rate to spike a notch again. "Three's a crowd."

"What are you--"

I held in my breath and stopped mid sentence as Cole reached his pale arm out and placed it directly on my exposed neckline. He began sliding his fingers down my collar bone, stopping to investigate my necklace. He diverted his eyes up to meet mine.

"Very pretty," he said softly, his usual twisted grin played out on his lips.

I swallowed hard and grabbed his hand, lowering it from my chest--never taking my eyes off of his. I was mesmerized by his beauty again, frustrated that I could never think straight when he was standing this close to me.

"Do I make you uncomfortable?" he asked, as if he could tell exactly what I was thinking.

"Yes," I admitted, though barely audible.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just can't help myself when I am around you."

_Okay, seriously? You are kidding me right?_ The last thing I needed at this point in my life was another mythical creature/immortal/nonhuman fighting for my attention. I glanced down and noticed that I was still holding his hand in mine. I awkwardly let go and brought mine into my hair, nervously twirling a few strands around my index finger.

"Where's Charlie?" I suddenly asked, purposely changing the subject.

"He left you a note on the counter," he replied, walking away from me, leading the way into the kitchen.

I took a deep breath, trying to pull myself together before following him. I picked the note up off the counter to find that Charlie had gone to Sue's house. I could feel Cole's eyes on me as I scanned over my father's scribbles. Slowly, I glanced up to find him intently watching me. _Was he gauging for my reaction? _Naturally_, _the note was only making me more nervous but I was trying not to let that show. I didn't want it to be obvious that the note somehow emphasized the fact that Cole and I were here together-- completely alone. Jacob wouldn't be happy about this.

"So…" I finally said, breaking the silence between us. "I would offer you something to eat or drink, but um….I mean…I know you won't want anything."

He smiled. "I'm fine, thanks Isabella."

I frowned. _Isabella_. Why did he always call me that?

"You know, you can call me Bella," I told him.

"That's okay," he replied, a hint of laughter in his tone. "You remind me of an _Isabella_ kind of girl."

"And how would you know that? You don't know me at all," I replied, maybe sounding a little harsher than what was necessary.

"Don't I?" he asked, walking over to examine some of the pictures Charlie hung on our refrigerator. "I know that you like to read—classic novels to be more specific. I know that your mother's name is Renee—she is married to a real tool named Phil--"

"There is nothing wrong with Phil," I shouted, interrupting him.

He directed his attention away from the pictures and raised his eyebrows at me. He looked as if he were about to say something else, but he closed his mouth instead and started walking toward me again. "I know that you are too nice for your own good. Oh, and I know that you bite your bottom lip when you are nervous."

I stopped my teeth from sinking into my lip. I hadn't even realized I was doing that. I couldn't stop myself from blushing and diverted my gaze down to stare at the floor.

"And, I know that you blush when you are embarrassed."

I felt his cold fingers against my chin, gently tilting my face up so I would look into his golden eyes.

"And…" he continued, whispering now. "I know that you have terrible nightmares."

I froze. _How did he know all of this about me?_

"How do you know all of this about me?" I asked, my exact thoughts escaping my mouth before I could stop them.

"I just know," he said, not giving me the answer that I wanted. In fact, he never gave me the answers that I wanted.

"You expect me to trust you, but yet you avoid answering all of my questions," I told him, unable to mask the irritation in my voice.

"Do you?" He asked, releasing my chin.

"Do I what?"

"Do you trust me?"

That was kind of a loaded question. I did trust him in a sense, I guess. I trusted anyone that was friends with the Cullens. I just felt uneasy around him, like he was keeping something from me. I couldn't help but to wonder about him—wonder if he really was who he claimed to be.

"I don't know," I replied after a moment. "I want to trust you, but I just…Jacob thinks that you have other motives for coming to Forks and…I just don't know what to think…I want you to prove him wrong."

"How can I prove him wrong?" he asked.

"Well," I said. "You can start by telling me more about you. I know nothing about your past."

"What do you want to know?" he questioned me, turning away to walk toward the living room. "Why don't you come in here and have a seat? I'll tell you everything you need to know, starting from the very beginning."

I followed him into the living room and took a seat on the couch. He exchanged a quick glance between the couch and Charlie's favorite recliner seemingly trying to decide where he should sit. Ultimately, he chose the couch and took a seat beside me, a little closer to me than necessary. I examined his face as several different emotions danced across it. It appeared as though he were trying to decide where he should begin.

"I don't remember much from my human life," he eventually began, his voice softer—his eyes distant. "I lived in Italy—a small town next to Parma. I can barely remember my mother; only that she raised me on her own. My father died when I was four. I can only remember bits and pieces of my life in Italy—nothing that makes much sense. The only thing I can vividly recall is the night before my… transformation. The night my human life was taken from me."

I couldn't stop myself from shivering at the thought of his words. The thought of losing humanity—becoming a creature that preys on human blood.

"I remember sitting in a bar, the air was thick and it smelled of smoke and cheap wine. I was in love with a woman. A woman I had only met a week before, but there was something about her that made her impossible to forget. She consumed all of my thoughts…"

He trailed off for a moment and I watched as he smiled in light of her memory.

"She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I can still see her face as if it were yesterday. She told me to meet her there…in the bar. I was waiting for her, but she never showed. Lonely and defeated, I started to walk the abandoned streets toward my home. Though, I didn't get very far. The next thing I knew, I was being pulled into an old run down building. I tried to resist--to fight off whatever was dragging me. That's when I saw her. _The woman I loved_. She had been taken captive too. I fought to get to her. I fought with everything I had, but it was no use. My capturer was stronger than I."

He paused and closed his eyes. I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I was holding in and studied his face. His brow was furrowed and his lips were pursed. Even in his misery, he was stunning. I was starting to feel guilty for making him relive memories that were evidently painful for him.

"Cole…" I said softly, reflexively reaching out and grabbing his hand in mine. "You don't have to talk about it anymore."

His eyes fluttered open and he looked to be in pure agony. My heart was breaking for him.

"The pain was unbearable," he continued, ignoring me, almost in his own world now. "I begged and pleaded for death to just take me—to spare me the agony. I no longer wanted to live—not with the pain—not without _her_. The misery was short-lived though, at least from what my mind allows me to remember. The next time I opened my eyes, I wasn't a person anymore. I didn't feel the same. I felt _dead_."

He paused for a minute and then sighed. "The rest is history."

"I'm so sorry," I said after a moment, letting everything sink in. "You must have been terrified."

"I was terrified of never seeing _her_ again," he replied.

I rubbed his icy fingers between my own, a gesture that caused him to divert his gaze down to examine our entwined hands. When he looked back up into my eyes, his expression was unreadable.

"I never told anyone about that before," he said quietly, glancing down again.

I was shocked by his revelation—by his seriousness. I have never seen him so vulnerable before. All of my prior levels of mistrust in him were all but gone at this point.

"I'm glad you told me," I admitted. "Thank you for being honest with me."

He nodded. "I just want you to know that you can trust me, Isabella. I'm here to help you."

"I trust you," I blurted, releasing his hand, feeling a little awkward now that I was holding it.

He smiled at me then, though I could still see the pain behind his eyes from his memories.

"How old are you?" I asked, suddenly, letting my curiosity get the best of me.

"Twenty-two," he said.

"How long have you been….a vampire?"

"Almost thirty years," he replied. I was surprised by his response, not expecting its recency.

"Do you know who--" I stopped myself, trying to find the right way to ask my next question. "Do you know the vampire that changed you?"

"No," he replied a little too quickly. "I just…I don't talk about it."

"Okay, I'm sorry," I said, concluding that it was a touchy subject for him. Besides, I already asked him enough questions for one day.

He simply shrugged and leaned further back on the couch, resting his head against it. "If you ever want to talk about…what happened…"

I knew what he was referring to. He didn't even need to finish his sentence. I fought with my mind against picturing the one face that I knew would break my heart.

"No," I said repeating his earlier words. "I don't talk about it."

He just nodded.

"Well for the record, I think he's a complete idiot," he said after a moment. "To give someone up like you doesn't make much sense to me."

He was looking at me intently now. His eyes were boring into mine—locking me beneath their captivating trap.

"Cole--" I croaked, barely above a whisper. "You shouldn't be saying things like that to me."

My breathing increased as he sat up and slowly crawled closer to me, never taking his eyes off of mine. I wanted to look away from him. I _needed_ to look away from him. But, I couldn't. I swallowed hard as his hand reached out to gently brush against my cheek.

"Why not?" he whispered.

"Because I---you---can't--" my words came out in a jumbled mess. My head was starting to spin and I knew this was wrong. I knew I shouldn't be letting this happen, but I felt defenseless. I felt like there was nothing I could do to stop it. _Did I even want to stop it?_

His hand slid away from cheek to gently trace the lining of my lips. I watched, completely frozen, as his eyes diverted down to my lips and then back up to meet my gaze again. _Oh God, what was he doing?_

My mind was running on overdrive. So many things were happening all at once. Cole was touching my lips, staring into my eyes, leaning forward closer to me. I closed my eyes.

_He was going to kiss me_.

He was going to kiss me and I _knew_ it was wrong. But, why was it wrong again?

That's when I remembered his words:

_Just don't forget what this feels like. _

_Jacob. My Jacob._

_That's why this was wrong._

I shot my eyes open just as Cole's lips were about to meet mine. I jumped up from the couch and took a few steps back, getting my feet tangled in each other--causing me to fall backward onto the floor.

Cole looked over at me in amusement and started to laugh.

I could feel that my eyes were widened, my breathing was ragged, and my heart was pounding ferociously in my chest. _How could I have almost let that happen?_

"I think you should leave," I said, breathlessly.

"Why?" he asked, standing up from the couch to come help me up off the floor. He extended his hand out to me but I stood up without his assistance. I definitely didn't need to be touching him anymore tonight.

I ignored his question and walked over to the front door, hoping he'd take the hint. Sure enough, he followed me. He was walking toward me, shocking me with the intensity of his stare. I unconsciously started to back away from him until I felt the hard paneling of the door press against my back. He was still approaching me, but now I had nowhere else to go. He stopped just inches away from me, placing his hands on either side of head against the door. I was trapped beneath him.

"I know you want to kiss me." he said, his voice dark and seductive.

"No," I whispered, terrified to move and inch.

"Then say it," he said, fiercely. "Tell me you don't want me to kiss you, and I won't."

I could smell his sweet breath surrounding me and closed my eyes, unable to stop myself from picturing Edward's face—smelling _his_ breath against my face.

"I don't--" I started to say, trying to force the words from my mouth. "I don't want you to kiss me."

I was afraid to open my eyes--scared that he would not back down. I didn't think I had the will in me to turn him down again. But, when I finally opened them, Cole looked accepting. He slowly, removed his hands from either side of me and took a few steps back.

I glanced down to the floor, feeling extremely awkward.

"Thank you…" I said quietly, unsure of why I was showing him any gratitude, but feeling relieved that he was backing down so easily.

I opened up the front door, signaling for him to leave. I didn't trust myself with him another second.

"I'll see you tomorrow at school," he said simply, before walking outside, leaving me alone to sort out everything that had just happened.

I did want him to kiss me_. And, I knew it was wrong._

That is when I glanced down and noticed the bags of groceries that I completely forgotten about. I sighed_,_ grabbing my keys to head back out to my truck to get the rest._ Cole was definitely going to be the death of me.  
_

**A/N: Okay girls. Please don't curse me out TOO bad in your reviews. Seriously, just trust me with this. Before you get too angry with Bella, just remember that she was able to stop Cole. she turned him down because she knows she loves Jacob. Thinking something in her head and actually doing it are two entirely different things. Can you really blame the girl for wanting to kiss a sexy vampire who just spilled his sordid past to her? I THINK NOT!**

**With that said...it was hard for me to get through this chapter. I was dragging, extreme writer's block, the creativity was just not flowing. I could continue to make up excuses for myself, but the reality is.....I am sucking right now. I apologize. As always..thanks for reading. Thanks even more for reviewing. Until next time...**

**A/N (Updated 2/17/09): I am currently in the process of seeking out a SUPER AWESOME SUPER SWEET OH SO FABULOUS BETA! I have some criteria that I am looking for, so if you meet the criteria and are interested PLEASE PM me and let me know.**

**Criteria:**

**--Preferably 18 years old and over--no offense if you are under the age 18**

**--Preferably an english/literature/writing/journalism/you get the picture major in college**

**--Open to Bella and Jacob, obviously...(Not a total Cole hater would be a plus too actually)  
**

**--have time to dedicate to proofreading, brainstorming my story ideas with me, etc. (I usually post 1-2 times a week so please be willing to work with me that often)**

**--MUST KEEP ALL STORY IDEAS I SHARE WITH YOU A SECRET!!! (I mean it...)  
**

**K thats all..remember these are just preferred...if you are interested and don't meet the criteria then PM me anyways and explain why you think you would be good! I am basically looking for someone to help me with my horrendous grammar, and to go over my story ideas with. Thanks ladies! The new chappie of Fall For You in currently in progress and should be up soon..I hope...  
**


	23. Epiphanies and Goodbyes

_Lyrics soon to be added_

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**Chapter 23 : Epiphanies and Goodbyes**

After the incident with Cole on Saturday, I thought the rest of my week was going to be painfully awkward. I wasn't looking forward to facing him every day at school and I knew there wasn't only one reason for that. Not only did I not know what to say to him anymore, but I was also extremely worried that I would do something I would regret. I hated the effect that he had on me—almost as if anytime he was around my brain clouded over and I couldn't think straight. It was so frustrating especially considering things with Jacob were finally going great. I couldn't stop thinking about the "almost" kiss the rest of the night Saturday, but by the time Sunday came around and Jacob showed up at my front door—grinning wryly and being his typical amazing self—I forgot all about it. _I forgot all about Cole_.

Jacob and I spent the day together, catching up on our homework and watching silly movies with Charlie. It was the best day I can remember in a long time. Billy had come up for dinner, which only made the day more enjoyable, getting to spend time with my new family. Sunday night, while lying in bed right before I drifted off to sleep, I couldn't help but to smile to myself as my thoughts led to Jacob. Everything about him made me happy—his warmth—his smile—his earthy scent—his throaty laugh—everything that made him Jacob. _My Jacob_. The ironic thing about being with Jacob was that it was the complete opposite of being with Edward. The two of them were like night and day—the sun and the moon—hot and cold—fire and ice. Where Jacob was always so eager to pull me closer, Edward had always been so quick to push me away, always leaving me wanting more. Where Jacob was light-hearted and full of spunk, Edward was usually serious and careful--the perfect gentleman. Both of them were amazing. Both of them were out of this world—and neither of them I deserved.

It hit me that night—as the moon casted a faint glow through the emptiness of my window—empty because Edward no longer occupied it. Empty because Edward no longer occupied my life. Somewhere over the last few days he had exited my dreams—tormenting me no more. My new and unexpected knowledge hit me so hard that it nearly knocked the breath right out of me. My heart started to beat anxiously in my chest as it so often did anytime I was in close proximity to either of my loves. I sat straight up in my bed and gasped for air. Only this time, my lack of oxygen was not painful, and it certainly was not caused by the painful hole in my chest. It was caused by my sudden realization. My realization that the hole was completely gone—filled with my new love for Jacob. I mean, I really _really_ loved Jacob. _I was no longer sure of which of the two I preferred. Fire or ice? Hot or cold? The moon or the sun?_ My choice was no longer clear.

* * *

When I woke up Monday morning, I wanted to see Jacob. I wanted to tell him about my epiphany—about my new breakthrough. I wanted to jump into his arms and tell him that he was enough. That he was the one that I wanted—that my window was empty—Edward was gone. However, Embry picked me up for school that morning. He mumbled something about Jacob feeling sick—not getting enough sleep—flu-like symptoms. I had to laugh at him because I wasn't aware that werewolves could get the flu. When I told Embry just exactly that, he stared at me for a minute to make sure I was actually serious, and then burst into laughter. Somehow I didn't see the humor in it at all.

"Of course we can get sick Bella, we're only human," he told me, as if transforming into a werewolf was the most normal thing for a human to do. "We just feel better faster."

I simply shrugged and decided to keep my mouth shut the rest of the ride to school.

When I saw Cole at school that day, the memories of Saturday evening flooded back into my mind. I felt ashamed of myself and tried to avoid him. I was sick and tired of holding my life on some kind of stand-still. I was tired of waiting for…whatever it was that I was waiting to happen—I was just plain tired of it. Edward was gone. Edward was never coming back, and sending Cole here to look out for me was not fair. That was breaking the rules. _He_ was always breaking the rules. I wanted Cole to leave. I wanted him out of my life for good so that Jacob and I could move on.

I was planning on telling Cole exactly that, but then something extremely confusing happened. He grabbed my arm at lunch and pulled me into the empty stairwell which he had taken me to that day he rescued me from Lauren—something in his eyes changed my mind. He looked…different. He looked _awful_.

"Cole…what is it?" I asked concerned for him because, though I hated to admit it to myself he was starting to become a close friend of mine. After all, it wasn't his fault that Edward was breaking the rules. Cole took a deep breath and closed his eyes, slowly turning his back to me—almost as if he was ashamed of himself.

"I think I owe you and apology, Isabella," he said, so softly I almost didn't hear him.

"You do," I agreed. Friend or not, he had no right to try to kiss me. He knew the power vampires had over humans and he certainly was using that to his advantage. Though, for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. Why would he want to kiss me? Was he trying to break up me and Jacob? If so, why did he care so much that we were together? What was in it for him?

"The way I acted at your house on Saturday was purely inexcusable. I had no right to…" he trailed off, thoughtful for a moment. He turned around to face me again, running a hand through his disheveled hair. That's when I noticed how big of a mess he truly was. His hair was always gelled to perfection. Today, it looked like a knotted stack on his head. His eyes were darker—blacker. He looked deranged.

"To try to kiss me?" I asked, finishing his sentence for him.

He nodded and sighed in frustration, putting his hands inside the pockets of his pin-striped sport coat and glancing to look at an invisible spot above my head. He was acting so strange. What happened to being confident and cocky?

"I mean, I accept your apology..." I started my voice careful. "Just don't let it happen again. Cole, if you want to be my friend, then you are going to have to respect my relationship with Jacob. I'm finally happy. I'm finally moving on from Edward, and I would greatly appreciate it if you would stop trying to jeopardize that."

He chuckled darkly, without humor. "If I want to be your friend?"

I swallowed hard and nodded, because the way he was looking at me was making me nervous.

"If I want to be _your friend?"_ he repeated again, as if he were trying the phrase on for size--to see if it fit him.

"I don't befriend humans, Bella," he spat, after a moment, actually calling me by my nickname for the first time ever. I practically shivered in response to the cold in his tone. With that, he turned around and walked out of the stairwell, leaving me more confused than I have ever been before.

I was planning on confronting him later in our Italian class, but he wasn't there. He had disappeared, which only confused me more. What was wrong with him? Why did he look so awful? And, more importantly, why was he acting so vulnerable?

My thoughts the rest of that day were stuck replaying his every word and blink of an eye. I couldn't focus on class—I couldn't focus on anything. _I needed some answers_. Later Monday evening, I went to visit a very sick Jacob, but refrained from telling him about my epiphany. I wanted to wait until he was better. I wanted to wait until I found out what was going on with Cole.

* * *

By Tuesday morning, Jacob was back to being his typical self, picking me up for school all smiley and up-beat. The entire ride was spent with him telling me a story of how he and Embry were sticking up for a younger kid at their school who was being bullied by some jerk. I was trying to pay attention to him, but my mind was wondering about Cole and whether or not he would be back to normal today. When we finally pulled into the parking lot, always perceptive Jacob has asked me what was wrong. He noticed my distraction. I just assured him not to worry—that I was trying to get some answers to some very important questions, and once I had those answers, I would fill him in. He just shrugged, obviously deciding not to push the issue any farther. He leaned over to kiss me goodbye, and the sweetness behind his gentle lips was making me feel guilty from keeping everything from him. He deserved better than me. He deserved better than this and, in that moment, I vowed I would try to be better for him. I would try to be the girl that he thought I was. The girl that he loved.

Cole never showed up that day.

Cole never showed up the following day, either.

And, Cole wasn't in school on Thursday.

Just when I was about to forget all about it, deciding that whatever was going on with him didn't matter to me, he showed up at my locker Friday morning, hair back in all its perfection, eyes golden, grinning from ear to ear. When he didn't speak, I took it upon myself to break the silence.

"You're here," I said lamely, stating the obvious, while curiously taking in his appearance.

His grin grew wider and he let out a low chuckle. "I'm here."

I sighed in agitation with his on and off attitude with me. I was sick of playing his games. "What do you _want_, Cole?"

"What do I want? Well, to walk you to class, of course," he replied, nonchalantly. "Isn't that why I always meet with you at your locker?"

"Is it?" I asked coldly. "I'm tired of your mind games. I'm tired of your cryptic nature. And, most of all, I'm tired of you acting like nothing happened on Monday. Stop acting like you didn't tell me you don't want to be friends with me, that you didn't disappear for three days, only to come crawling back to my locker to pretend none of that ever happened." My voice grew increasingly louder and louder, unable to hide the frustration that I have been bottling up inside me over the past few days.

He blinked in response to my uncharacteristic yelling and then slumped his shoulders, leaning back against the adjacent locker in defeat. "You're right, I'm sorry."

"I put my complete trust in you, and you just threw it back in my face," I continued. "Worse yet, you had me worried sick about you for the past three days. I had _no_ idea what happened to you. I had _no_ idea what was wrong. And, you think you are just going to come back here and walk me to class, and I am just going to allow it, without demanding some answers?"

I admit, I was being a little over dramatic, and yelling a little louder than necessary—giving us quite the audience. But, I couldn't help it. I couldn't take it anymore.

"You were worried about me?" he asked quietly, the shock apparent in his voice.

"Yes, Cole," I spat back at him, completely exasperated. "Decent people actually show concern for their friends."

"You shouldn't be friends with me, Isabella," he said, his voice suddenly turning dark.

I glared at him, completely shocked by the words that just left his mouth. Edward had said something very similar to that before. That's when I knew I had to rid Cole from my life. I knew being friends with him was only going to come between Jacob and me, and quite honestly, I was sick of putting up with his behavior. Without speaking another word, I slammed my locker shut and shoved past him toward my first class.

"Bella, wait," I heard him plead from behind me, his voice dancing on desperation.

Against my better judgment, I stopped and slowly turned to face him. He was looking back at me—his eyes were pained—conflicted. He always looked so conflicted. I stared back at him expectantly, waiting for him to speak.

"Please, this Saturday--meet me in the school parking lot."

I just stared at him for a moment, in complete disbelief. He actually thought I would meet him after everything that happened. _Was he out of his mind?_ Was I out of my mind for considering it? Because instantly, I started pondering what Jacob would be doing Saturday. _Fishing_. _With Charlie_. _He'd be away_.

"No," I finally replied, my voice firm and final. "I won't meet you Saturday. I won't meet you ever. Please, go back to where you came from, and while you're at it tell the Cullens I said thanks, but no thanks. I don't need a babysitter."

I turned around, feeling relief and sadness at the time, as if by saying goodbye to Cole, I was saying goodbye to Edward--pushing him away for all eternity. I smiled to myself in triumph, as I walked alone to first period. I was free. At last.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! In case you didn't get the word...go check out my new fic "A Twist in My Story" which is FFY in Jake's POV. I realize this chapter is painfully short and lacking some excitement, but I had to set the scene for the future! I know I have said this over and over again, but I promise this story will be picking up soon.**

**Also...****I am currently in the process of seeking out a SUPER AWESOME SUPER SWEET OH SO FABULOUS BETA! I have some criteria that I am looking for, so if you meet the criteria and are interested PLEASE PM me and let me know.**

**Criteria:**

**--Preferably 18 years old and over--no offense if you are under the age 18**

**--Preferably an english/literature/writing/journalism/you get the picture major in college**

**--Open to Bella and Jacob, obviously...(Not a total Cole hater would be a plus too actually)  
**

**--have time to dedicate to proofreading, brainstorming my story ideas with me, etc. (I usually post 1-2 times a week so please be willing to work with me that often)**

**--MUST KEEP ALL STORY IDEAS I SHARE WITH YOU A SECRET!!! (I mean it...)  
**

**K thats all..remember these are just preferred...if you are interested and don't meet the criteria then PM me anyways and explain why you think you would be good! I am basically looking for someone to help me with my horrendous grammar, and to go over my story ideas with. Thanks ladies! **

**Finally...go vote for the Eddie and Bellie awards! My story didn't get on the ballot, but the stories that did make it defintiely deserve it! Go vote and support your fav stories!! :-D  
**


	24. Declaration

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Steph Meyer owns all. That about sums it up.**

* * *

_"So come on, get higher, loosen my lips  
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me in love  
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips  
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me in love."_

_--Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson_

_

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_

**Chapter 24: Declaration**

The remainder of the school day was pure torture. Really, there was no other adjective to describe it, because the whole time I wanted nothing more than to be with Jacob. I couldn't stop thinking about him—about his smile, his laugh, his _everything_. Today, more so than any other, forced me to completely despise the fact that we went to different schools. However, there was one positive thing that I decided to focus on. Cole seemed to be actually listening to me for once and didn't make any attempts at striking up conversations with me. He _did_ still sit at my lunch table in complete silence, making things inconveniently awkward. The whole period, Mike and Eric stared at me expectantly as if I were somehow responsible for his unusual behavior. It frustrated me that I was automatically associated with him, as if we were some sort of couple. _Bella and Cole. Cole and Bella._ I pushed that thought from my mind as quickly as it had entered.

I wish I could say that my last class of the day showed some signs of improvement, but then I'd be a liar. I could feel Cole's eyes on me the entire fifty minutes, just daring me to look in his direction. Eventually, it became impossible to avoid his glances. With a loud and frustrated sigh, I snuck a quick peek over to where he was sitting. His arms were crossed and he was slumped back in his chair, not even bothering to hide the fact that he was staring at me. The instant my eyes met his, I felt the familiar pull of gravity locking me under his gaze, rendering me helpless—unable to look away. He looked like he was in agony—his brow was furrowed and the corner of his mouths were twisted down into a painful grimace. His eyes were boring into mine, questioning them, and trying to have a silent conversation with me across the small distance between us. Once I mustered up the strength, I just looked away and decided to avoid him the rest of the period. I had to quit him—to quit Edward--cold turkey.

At the ring of the final bell, I was out of my seat and into the parking lot in record time, already scanning the premise for Jacob's car. My eyes lit up as the familiar red Rabbit pulled up in front of the main steps leading to the school's entrance. I meant to walk—really I did—but my legs had a mind of their own and I found myself practically sprinting to his car dodging all of the conspicuous glares and stares from my classmates. I jumped into the front seat and leaned over the dash to kiss him, placing one of my hands on his upper thigh to steady myself. When I pulled away, giving him his personal space back, he looked over at me and smiled goofily.

"Now that is the kind of greeting I could get used to," he said, shaking his head back and forth and biting his bottom lip a little. "Girl, are you trying to kill me?"

I giggled at his obvious surprise of my behavior and simply nodded, unable to remove the smile from my face. I felt him reach over and take my hand in his before pulling out of the parking lot and onto the main road. I was finally where I wanted to be and it felt better than I remembered.

"So, here's what I was thinking for tonight…" he offered interrupting my thoughts, but answering the question I was just about to ask. "I seriously have loads of stupid homework to get caught up on, so I was thinking we could just chill at my place if you don't mind?"

"Fine by me, "I said, not really caring what I was doing, just so it was with him.

"How was your day?" he asked, reaching onto the dash to change the song that was playing and then engulfing my hand in his once again.

"Long, grueling, and oddly productive," I replied, replaying my conversation with Cole in my mind. I was happy that I was finally free of him, but at the same time I was starting to feel a little bad for being so harsh. He _did_ look pretty upset all day.

Jacob glanced over at me expectantly with raised eyebrows. "Explain, please."

"Well, I had an interesting conversation with Cole. Basically, I told him to take a flying--" I stopped myself from finishing the statement. He'd surely get the idea—no need to curse.

"You did _what_?" he asked, unable to hide the shock from showing on his face.

"I told him to leave me alone, I don't want him coming between us anymore," I explained to him, determination in my voice. "I can see that he is putting an unnecessary strain on our relationship and I don't want that any longer. I'm just sorry it took me so long."

He glanced over, taking his attention from his driving, and studied me carefully—his eyes cautious. After a minute, he diverted his eyes back to the road and sighed. "Bella, don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy about this. I mean, it's no secret how I feel about him, but what brought all of it on? Did something happen?"

Without warning, the memories of Saturday were flooding back into the forefront of my mind. Cole crawling toward me and trying to kiss me—his lips inches from mine—the smell of his sweet breath on my face—the anticipation of the chill of his touch. I shivered and immediately pushed the memories out of my mind. My epiphany entered my mind the moment I pushed Cole out. All of the new feelings I was experiencing for Jacob were so fresh in my system that it was nearly impossible to contain them. But, I knew I had to keep them to myself for now. At least, until I understood exactly what they meant—understand what that would mean for _us_.

"No," I eventually replied. "I just—I think it's for the best."

Jacob nodded in acceptance of my vague response, but I could tell he wasn't satisfied. I knew he would be pushing me for more answers later and hopefully by that point, I would have them.

* * *

When we walked into the Black residence, Billy was watching some court show on TV and eating what appeared to be a ham sandwich. He smiled at me and nodded, not even the slightest bit surprised that I had come home with Jacob. I immediately asked to use the phone, and excused myself into the kitchen to call Charlie. I knew he wouldn't be home so I left him a message on the machine letting him know I would be spending the evening in La Push. Jacob had joined me in the kitchen and was leaning his back against the counter patiently waiting for me to be finished. I almost forgot the words to my message because he was looking at me so intently that it was beginning to cloud my thought process. After I put the phone down, in one swift motion, he grinned and grabbed onto the belt loops of my jeans, pulling me against him. He wasted no time wrapping his arms around my waist and looked down at me with a suggestive glint in his eyes.

"Why don't you go wait for me in my room while I get us some snacks?" He spoke so low it was almost a whisper, and I didn't know what it was—the intensity of his gaze—the feel of his breath as he spoke—or the suggestive nature hidden beneath the surface of his intentions—but, whatever it was, it was causing my entire body to cover in goosebumps and my knees to grow weak.

"O-okay," I managed to choke out, instantly maneuvering myself from his embrace and making my way to his bedroom.

I walked into the tiny room and sat down on the edge of his bed, wondering if Billy minded that Jacob and I were hanging out in here alone. My eyes scanned around at the articles of clothing scattered in random places and finally made their way to examine the unmade black bed sheets, disheveled beneath where I was sitting. It was the room of a stereotypical teenage boy, though sometimes when I was with Jacob, it was hard not to think of him as older. I scooted myself back slightly and brought my knees up, wrapping my arms around them. I closed my eyes and breathed in Jacob, because his scent lingered in the air where I knew he spent a lot of his time when he wasn't patrolling. When I opened my eyes again, they darted over to the top drawer of his dresser. Remembering what Embry had told me, I was tempted to go peek at the picture Jacob kept in there. I sighed thinking about how long he must have felt about me the way I was currently feeling about him. I couldn't see how he was able to stand it. I think I would have burst trying to keep all of these emotions to myself. In fact, I was going to do just that if I didn't talk to him soon. But, what could I say? How could I explain my feelings? What did they mean, and more importantly when was the best time to tell him?

"What's on your mind, Bells?" Jacob's voice asked, startling me out of my contemplations. I glanced over to find him standing in the doorway, my book bag on his shoulder and a bag of potato chips with two sodas in his hands. He was frowning with his eyes slightly narrowed, as if he were trying to figure out what I was thinking.

"Geeze, you scared me," I said, trying to ignore his question because I wasn't ready to answer just yet.

"Sorry," he said, turning his mouth upward into a slight smile and walking over to where I was sitting on his bed. He put down my book bag and handed me a soda and the bag of chips. "So, are you gonna tell me what you're thinking about?"

I silently cursed myself for being such an open book and shrugged my shoulders, releasing my knees and extending them over the edge of the bed. "It's not important right now." He had homework to concentrate on and I wasn't about to get in the way of that.

He stood in front of me; examining my features skeptically before finally caving in and leaning down to gently kiss my forehead. "Well then in that case, let's get started."

I watched him closely as he stretched his arms above his head and then tugged at the bottom of his plain white shirt until he pulled it over his head, dropping it to the floor to join the brown shirt he had worn yesterday. He walked over and quietly shut his door, his eyes meeting mine and holding them there as the latch clicked, almost as if it were a pointed action—as if he were trying to make a statement.

I swallowed hard and decided it would be best to busy myself with the contents of my book bag. I opened the zipper of the main compartment and grabbed my calculus textbook, deciding that was the safest bet at this point. I pushed the chips and soda aside because I wasn't even hungry, and flipped over onto my stomach. I felt the bed shift beneath me as Jacob joined me, school books in hand. He lay on his stomach next to me, shooting me a quick grin before fully devoting his attention with geometry.

Not even twenty minutes passed, and I found myself blankly staring at the differential equations in front of me, trying to pass it off as being productive. All of the numbers and letters were blurred as my mind swirled and danced around my epiphany. I felt like jumping up in the air and shouting to Jacob about my newly discovered feelings for him. I didn't want to do homework; I wanted to talk. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to hug. I wanted to kiss.

The silence was beginning to eat away at me, as I glanced over to catch a peek at him. His head was down in his textbook--brow furrowed in concentration as he idly chewed on the tip of his pen. He was lying so close to me that every now and then, his arm would brush against mine causing a slight tingle to shoot through my entire body. I must have been unconsciously gaping at the distinguished muscles of his upper back, because he turned his head toward me and smirked.

"Are you _trying_ to distract me?" He said, his voice low and husky.

"No, I'm sorry," I said, quickly turning my attention back to my textbook. But what I really wanted to say was: _Just thought you might want to know that I'm letting Edward go. I am choosing you—I am loving you—you are enough. You. You. You. You._

I could still feel his eyes on me, so I carefully peeked back over at him. He was smiling wryly at me, as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. Of course, I knew that wasn't possible. _Was it?_

"You're not concentrating on your homework at all, are you?" He asked, his eyebrows slightly raised.

"Calculus isn't the most interesting subject," I verified, instinctively biting down on my bottom lip.

"Is that so?" he asked me, laughing lightly while shutting his textbook and pushing it off the bed. "Why don't you let _me_ distract _you_ then?"

I frowned at the books he just threw on his floor and then glanced back over to find him grinning at me seductively. I gulped--literally.

"Well—

Before I could finish, Jacob's hand was touching my cheek distracting me from my thoughts--gently turning my face towards his. My breathing escalated as my eyes were instantly drawn to his—deep, dark, and alluring. He flipped me over onto my back and climbed on top, straddling me.

"Jake, what--"

Before I could protest he started to tickle my sides causing me to giggle and squirm beneath him. He stopped, and leaned down gently bringing his lips to my forehead, kissing it lightly and leaving a path of butterfly kisses down my cheek, my ear, my nose, my jaw. He slid lower down my body, playfully kissing my neck, my elbow, my right hand. I closed my eyes, taking in the feel of his light, yet heated kisses that were igniting something from within me—my new feelings for him were suddenly shifting in over drive. The way he was making me feel in this moment—so loved—so perfect—_so wanted_, I contemplated telling him now. I _needed_ to tell him now. My heart was already rapidly pounding, but when I watched him slide even further down my body, it nearly beat right out of my chest. He left three kisses on my thigh through the denim of my jeans, and then one on each of my knees. He stopped and looked up at me, laughing lightly. He obviously was just playing around, but it was having a different kind of an effect on me. His laughter suddenly ceased once he noticed the serious look on my face.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice sounding a little frantic.

"Jacob…" I breathed, my love for him growing to a whole new level of intensity. _I wanted him_.

He stood at the edge of the bed, hovering over me, staring intently into my eyes, searching for an explanation. He studied my expression and brought his hand up to my cheek, gently grazing his knuckles against it.

"Bella?" he whispered, the look in his eyes shifting from concern to pure understanding. I could see that he knew exactly what I was feeling, without me having to say a word. He could feel the new intensity of emotions between us.

He took in a deep breath and stared into my eyes for what seemed like hours. The next thing I knew, something seemed to have snapped inside of him because he grabbed onto the left side of my waist with one hand and my right calf with other, roughly tugging me down the bed closer to where he was standing. I watched him lick his lips as his eyes were fixed on mine—holding them beneath his lust-filled gaze. He hovered over me, leaning down even further until his mouth met mine. He kissed me softly at first, pulling away and smiling, while gently brushing a few of my wavy locks behind my shoulder. His hand lingered there for a moment and then traced a faint path along my collar bone up to my jaw and finally behind my neck. I couldn't stop myself from shivering like I always did when he touched me like this.

Without speaking a word, he brought his hands down onto my legs, pulling them open and shifting himself between them. He slowly slid his hands back up my body, bringing one of them behind my neck, pulling my face closer to his. He leaned over me again bringing his lips to mine for the second time, this time rough and demanding. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer—_needing_ him closer. I arched my body toward his—surrounding myself in his heat—in his smell.

"Mmm," he hummed against my lips, his breathing just as ragged as mine. "This is _much_ better than homework."

I felt his hand glide from behind my neck, tracing a heated path down my body until it wrapped around my thigh. In one swift motion, he roughly grabbed onto it and flung it around his waist, causing an unintentional groan to escape my lips. He removed his mouth from mine and kissed along my jaw line, sucking a path down my neck causing a jolt of electricity to flood my system—clouding my mind. I stared at the boy—_the man—_sprawled over top of me in complete amazement, while I tried to catch my breath. I was amazed by his beauty, amazed by his radiance. But most of all, I was completely astounded by the effect he had over me. _I have never wanted anything more than I wanted him—right now._

"God, I love you so much," he murmured between kisses, his breath sweeping across my face. "God, I want you so much."

"Jacob…" I breathed, reaching out and pulling his face up to mine again. I caught his lips in another heated kiss. He kissed me back long enough to take my breath away again, and then gently pulled away. He sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair, licking his swollen lips.

"You know, I think you are trying to get us caught," he said, chuckling, a little breathless. That's when I remembered where we were—in his room—on his bed—Billy right outside watching TV. I felt my cheeks flush, but at the same time I didn't care. There was no way I was going to regret the way he was making me feel.

"Jacob….I need you to know something," I said, finally ready to tell him everything—absolutely positive that this was the moment I've been waiting for.

"What is it?" He asked, his jaw slightly flexing. He slid down off of the bed so he was kneeling on the floor, and pulled me up to sit in front of him. He brushed some of the stray hair out of my eyes and then put his hands on the sides of my arms, gently rubbing them.

I took a deep breath and swallowed hard trying to decide where to begin. He was attentively looking into my eyes, waiting for my response.

"You're the only one I want," I said barely above a whisper. "I _choose_ you. I _want_ you. I _need_ you. I love you, Jacob, and that is enough—_you are enough_. I told Cole goodbye today because he reminded me of Edward, and I don't want to think of him anymore. I don't want to be reminded of him anymore. I choose you. I want you--_only you_."

I held back the tears of joy that were stinging my eyes, begging to be released. I watched Jacob's various expressions as he processed my words. He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply, slowly letting the air out of his lungs. When he opened his eyes again he looked like a new person—like some sort of weight had just been lifted off of his shoulders. He smiled at me, his eyes slightly watery, and leaned toward me, gently brushing his lips against mine.

"You have no idea how happy you just made me," he breathed, kissing my lips again before pulling away.

I smiled at him then, desperately wanting to freeze this moment in time, so I could be here with him forever not having to worry about anything ever coming between us again. He reached out and gently wiped away a few tears that had managed to escape my hold. "I have something to ask you now," I said quietly, nervously looking down at the floor.

"Ask me anything," he said, bringing his hand under my chin to force me to look at him.

I instinctively blushed at the thought of what I was about to suggest. But, this was just _my Jacob_ after all; surely there was no reason to be embarrassed.

"Charlie is going away next weekend…" I started cautiously, pausing to gather my courage. "The whole entire weekend," I verified.

"Okay…" Jacob said, when I didn't continue right away. He was looking at me questioningly now, his eyes curious.

"Well…I…" I nervously started to continue, pulling at the end of my shirt sleeves. "I was wondering if you wanted to come and stay with me."

"Of course I'll come and stay with you," he replied, seemingly relieved that was all I was asking. But, he still didn't fully comprehend what I was I implying, and heck, I wasn't sure if I even knew myself.

I cleared my throat. "No…I mean…._really_ _stay with me._ Charlie will be away. We'll be completely alone. We'll have the whole house to ourselves…no one there to interrupt…things." _Oh my God, what was I saying? If he didn't catch the drift by now I thought I might lose my bearings._

"Oh," Jacob replied, his eyes widening, his voice filled with shock. "You mean…Bella what are you saying?

"I'm saying I want you, Jacob."

He stared at me and swallowed hard, his eyes still wide. There was a knock at the door, interrupting our conversation. He jumped up and quickly went across the room to open it, while I smoothed my hair. Billy stuck his head in, scanning the room before meeting his eyes with mine.

"Bella, your dad is here," he said, holding back a smile. "He got your message and figured he'd come down and spend the evening here, also."

"Okay, thanks," I replied, hoping Charlie wouldn't be upset that Jacob and I were alone in his bedroom.

Billy nodded and poked back out of the door, leaving it open this time. Jacob glanced over at me, still obviously caught off guard by the proposition I just offered him. We shared a silent exchange before walking out of his room to greet Charlie. We had a lot to discuss, but one thing I knew for sure, I was ready to take the next step with him. I loved him. I wanted him. _I was ready_.


	25. Powerful Proposition

**Disclaimer: Just a reminder...I don't own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn or any of the characters. They all belong to the amazing Stephenie Meyer! I could only WISH to have dreams as cool as hers. This story is just a creation of my imagination with no intentions of copyright infringement.**

**Thank you to my hubby is no edward and ReLees for being fabulous betas! You ladies rock my socks!**

**Also, thank you to my BFF Mitch because....well...just because OKAY! She's awesome!**

* * *

"_Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself,  
From saying something that I should have never thought  
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself,  
From saying something that I should have never thought of you  
I knew, I know in my heart it's not you  
I knew, but now I know what I want, I want, I want,  
Oh no, I should have never thought."_

_-I Caught Myself by _Paramore

_(I realize this is the second time I used this song—but it is fitting.)_

_

* * *

  
_

**Chapter 25: Powerful Proposition**

The rest of the evening at Jacob's was a little more than slightly awkward. When Jake and I walked out of his room together, Charlie skeptically eyed us up. Jacob distracted him by immediately bringing up their fishing trip that they'd be going on the next day. They spent almost a full hour mapping out the details of their day and eventually decided to leave at eight in the morning. For the life of me, I never understood why it was necessary to leave so early to go fishing. I mean, it wasn't like they didn't have the _whole _day, what was the hurry?

While they made their plans, Billy and I busied ourselves in small talk about school and where I was planning on attending college. I hadn't really put much thought to the whole college scenario. I mean, months ago I was sold on becoming a vampire—_a Cullen_. Once that was no longer an option, I was too depressed to even think about any kind of alternative future. However, now that I was happy with Jacob, I guessed it was time to start thinking about what I was going to do with my life. I managed to dodge these particular questions of Billy's for the time being, but I knew eventually I'd have to face my fate. Honestly, the thought of going away to college and leaving Jacob was terrifying. I hoped I'd be able to make it without him close by. But, when my world was crumbling in on me, he was always just a short car ride away. Would I make it without that comfort?

Later that night, I was still running thoughts of my future through my head as I lay in bed. It was so bizarre for me to actually face the fact that I was going to have a normal life. I didn't have to say goodbye to my family forever to be with the one that I loved. Suddenly, I realized that my future was no longer just my own, rather it was Jacob's as well. _Our future. Together._ I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I knew I wanted to be with him forever. So, what did that mean? Right before drifting off to sleep, I managed to reach the decision that I needed to discuss my college plans with him. He would have to have a say in the matter.

* * *

I felt a warm pair of lips brush softly against my forehead. Slowly, I fluttered my eyes open to find a blurry Jacob leaning over me. He frowned at first, but then his mouth turned upward into a soft smile. I blinked him into focus and wondered if it were possible that he was getting better looking with each passing day.

"I'm sorry," he nearly whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you."

I blinked again, rubbed my eyes, and yawned trying to wake myself up from the deep sleep I had been in a moment before. "Jacob," I said, my voice thick but still hinting at my excitement to see him. "What time is it?"

"It's almost eight," he verified, brushing some of my tangled hair out of my eyes.

"In the morning?" I asked. I was disoriented and still not fully conscious of my surroundings.

He chuckled. "Yeah babe…it's morning."

"Babe?" I repeated his words, frowning. "Why are you—um yeah, don't call me that."

"Leave it to you Bella…" he said, laughing now. "Only you wouldn't want to be called something endearing by her boyfriend." _Okay really, what was so funny?_

"I don't find 'babe' very endearing, thank you very much," I replied, my voice scratchy, but smiled nonetheless.

He shook his head, still grinning, and then leaned forward to plant soft kisses on my forehead, my cheek, and then finally my lips. "I just came up here to say goodbye, Charlie and I are gonna be leaving soon."

"Goodbye," I said, feeling more awake and giddy now since he kissed me.

"Paul is going to be patrolling until about noon and then you'll be on your own." He spoke regretfully, and I could tell he didn't like that idea.

"Jake, I'll be fine," I said, slightly annoyed. I was tired of being treated like a child that needed a babysitter. Victoria hadn't been spotted in weeks, so I was pretty sure it was safe to assume I was in the clear. "I'm a big girl now."

The look on his face gave away his disapproval. "Hey now, you know the reasons behind my overprotective nature. It's not because I think you're not capable of taking care of yourself. Regardless, you'll be alone today until Charlie and I return so just try to stay inside, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah--just go and have fun," I demanded him. "But not too much fun—I still think this is totally weird," I added a moment later.

"Yeah, well I think _you're_ totally weird, so whatya have to say about that?" He teased.

"I'd have to agree with you."

We both broke out into effortless laughter. That is why I loved Jacob. Everything came so easily with him—so natural. Everything was so _real_—so light-hearted. Suddenly, I didn't want him to leave. I sat up in my bed and wrapped my arms around him, trying to pull him down to join me. Naturally, he was stronger than me, so he stopped me from getting much leeway.

"Whoa, easy Bella, Charlie is going to come up here and get me if I don't go downstairs soon," he said grinning. "He told me I was only allowed a minute, and I do believe I am currently pushing five."

I couldn't stop myself; I crossed my arms in front of my chest and pouted. He laughed, but leaned down and put his lips beside my ear, reflexively causing me to shiver. "Remember, he doesn't know I am, in fact, quite familiar with your bedroom." His whispering blew down my neck, causing a chill to run up my spine.

He pulled back and stood to his feet before I even had the chance to convince him to stay. "I don't want you to leave," I said, realizing I sounded pretty pathetic, but didn't care. After all, it was the truth. It was _real_.

"I'll miss you, too," he replied, leaning down to kiss my forehead one last time before walking over to my door.

"See you later," I told him, trying to sound optimistic.

"See ya," he replied, turning to walk out of my room. As soon as the door shut behind him, I watched as it slowly started to open again—his head peeked in and there was a sly smile played out on his lips.

"Babe."

As usual, his reflexes were quicker than mine. The pillow I threw hit off of my closed bedroom door and fell to the floor. I smiled and ran my right hand threw my matted hair, biting down on my bottom lip_. Jacob Black: completely absurd but absolutely amazing. My heart belonged to him now._

_

* * *

  
_

After Charlie and Jake were gone, I fell back asleep for another hour. I climbed out of bed around nine and pulled my hair into a messy ponytail. I did my morning hygiene routine and then went downstairs and fixed myself some toast and cereal. I spent the rest of the morning tidying up the house. I scrubbed down the bathroom and then ran the sweeper in all of the rooms. I had music blasting on my computer and found myself actually humming along and swaying my hips as I dusted. It was almost ridiculous how happy I was.

Once I finished cleaning, I made a quick turkey sandwich for lunch. I was just about to sit down to eat it when I heard a knock at the front door. I sat my food on the kitchen table and walked over to see who had stopped by. I opened the door to find Paul. He was nervously swaying on his feet while idly playing with his shirt.

"Paul?" I asked. I tried to hide my surprise, but I knew I wasn't very successful with that. "Please, come in."

"Oh no thanks, Bella," he said shaking his head. "I was just letting you know I'm going to head home now, but you should be fine. The woods are pretty quiet today."

"Oh okay," I said. "Well thanks for letting me know, are you sure you don't want to come in and have a sandwich? I was just about to eat lunch."

At the mention of food his face lit up and I could practically see the wheels turning in his head as he contemplated my offer.

"Really Paul, it's no trouble at all—come on in," I said, trying to save him the trouble of feeling guilty. I took a few steps back and opened my door farther to grant him access.

"If you insist," he said, shrugging. He walked inside my house and awkwardly looked around. I was trying to think of the last time he was here. I was pretty sure it was right after Edward left and Sam found me in the woods. I vaguely remember seeing Paul's face among the crowd of people that fateful night. I wondered if he was remembering that, too.

I lead the way into the kitchen and gave him the sandwich I had already made. "What would you like to drink?"

"Water is fine," he said, sitting down and wasting no time on his food. I got him a glass of water and then made another sandwich for myself. By the time I sat to join him, he was already finished.

"Wow, someone was hungry," I said laughing lightly.

"Oh you know, I'm a growing man," he replied in a deeper voice, making it a pointed action to flex his biceps.

"Oh brother, now I see where Jacob gets it," I replied, rolling my eyes and grinning.

"He learns from the best." He smirked back at me and gulped down the remainder of his water.

An awkward silence extended between us for a minute, but it wasn't long before we managed to strike up comfortable small-talk. We sat and talked about nothing of importance while I ate the rest of my sandwich. Once I finished, I stood up and placed our dishes in the sink. He followed my lead, and stood up to stretch. "I should probably get going, but don't worry Bella. We should have more help soon so you won't have to go unprotected."

"What do you mean—more help?" I asked, confused.

Paul looked down to the kitchen floor; giving me the impression that whatever he was referring to wasn't a good thing.

"I guess Jacob didn't tell you," he said quietly.

"Tell me what?" I was anxious now, and maybe even a little mad that Jacob was keeping things from me.

"Quil…" he said trailing off for a moment. "It won't be long now."

It took me a second to realize what he was saying, but then it all started to sink in and make sense. Quil was going to be joining the pack soon. But, why was that bad? "Oh," I replied. "I thought that was a good thing."

"Depends how you look at it. We never wish this life on anyone, though. I mean, don't get me wrong, it has its perks. But, it isn't an ideal way to live." He seemed a little fidgety, which I attributed to the fact that he was speaking with me about something so serious. Conversations between Paul and I were strictly superficial, they often lacked much substance.

"Well, at least he'll get his friends back," I encouraged, optimistically.

"Yeah," he replied, laughing bitterly. "But, there's more. Quil isn't the only one…"

He trailed off leaving me to fill in the missing pieces.

"There's more?" I asked, completely dumbfounded "But, who else--"

"Seth and Leah," he interrupted before I could finish.

My mind instantly pictured innocent little Seth and I almost felt sick to my stomach. He was just a child; he didn't need to be subjected to this world. But, then I thought of Leah and I felt as if my heart had sunk completely into my stomach. Paul must have seen the repulsed look on my face because he answered my next question before I even asked it.

"We're not sure how a female can—"he stopped himself, and I could see him thinking over his words before he continued. "We didn't know it was possible for Leah to become one of us. Sam thinks that we were wrong this whole time about the family and lineage. It seems to be far more complex than we initially imagined."

I simply nodded. I was baffled and heartsick for Leah. As if she hasn't been through enough already, with having to watch Sam with Emily all over each other every day. But _now_—now she'll have to spend even more time with the pack. And, oh God—she'll hear Sam's thoughts. I shuddered. _That's awful_.

"Yeah, it is," Paul replied, bringing me out of my inner monologue. I didn't realize I said that last part out loud. "Don't worry though, they won't be alone—we'll help them through it."

"Yeah…" I said, feeling a little relieved at that thought.

We were both silent for a minute, and I could tell Paul was getting more and more uncomfortable, so I decided to let him off the hook. "Well, I guess you should be going—I don't want to keep you any longer."

"Yeah," he replied, relief evident in his voice. "Thank you for lunch."

"It's the least I can do. It's nothing compared to what you guys do for me," I assured him. We walked over to the front door as we spoke.

"Jake told me to remind you to stay inside for the day," he warned. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Jake worries too much," I said.

He shrugged. "Don't kill the messenger. Well I guess I'll see you around."

"Yep, See ya."

After he left, I went over to the sink and washed up our dirty dishes. I couldn't stop thinking about Seth and Leah and feeling somewhat responsible for their ultimate fate. After all, werewolves only became werewolves because of vampires. And, vampires were only currently present in Forks because of me. _How would they ever forgive me?_

My upbeat mood turned even sourer as the day progressed. I wanted Jacob to come home, I missed him terribly. I tried to occupy my attention with homework. After I finished with that, I decided I could start a new book. I walked up into my room and curled up in my bed, classic novel in hand. It wasn't much longer before my eyes grew heavy and I let myself drift off into oblivion.

* * *

I knew I wasn't alone. I had woken to the sound of a door opening and closing and I could feel his eyes on me. He knew I was awake, but I didn't want to open my eyes. The coward in me wouldn't let them open, because then that would make it true. That would mean the gut feeling in the pit of my stomach would be proven right. I was frozen, holding in my breath and keeping my eyes tightly sealed. Maybe, he would just go away and leave me alone if I continued this charade. Maybe he would finally leave me forever.

That's when I felt my bed shift beside me. I instantly shot straight up and backed as far away from him as possible. Cole sat a mere foot from me, his eyes never looking away from mine. I swallowed hard and blinked, hoping he was just a figment of my imagination. I wanted to ask how he got inside, but I already knew the answer to that question. So, instead of speaking, I stared back at him like a complete idiot, unable to look away—unable to steady my rapidly beating heart.

"Isabella…" he started to say, and his voice was pure agony. The pain in his eyes was blinding me. "I'm sorry for--"

"No!" I yelled interrupting him, surprising myself just as much as my outburst had surprised him. "Just…don't." And, suddenly I was angry. Suddenly, my voice came freely and I knew I couldn't stop it if I tried. "You have _no right _to come into my room uninvited. You have _no right _coming into my life and turning it upside down just when things were starting to look up for me. I don't know who you think you are or what you are trying to pull—but just don't."

"You don't understand," he said, and his eyes were pleading with me now. "Please, just hear me out."

I sighed and shifted up on my knees, which was a bad decision because now I was even closer to him. "What? What do you want?" My voice was cold, but at least I was letting him talk.

"I--" He started, but stopped, seemingly surprised that I was actually caving in that easily. I was always such a pushover, it was frustrating. He grinned for a minute, and then continued. "I came to make you an offer."

"An offer?" I asked, skeptically. I didn't like where this conversation seemed to be heading.

He nodded and swallowed hard. I watched him as his eyes scanned over my features and then stopped and focused on my bare neck. He quickly diverted his gaze back up to my meet my cautious eyes. "I'm really sorry that you are still hurting because of Edward. I'm really sorry that my presence is bringing back memories that you are trying to forget. But most of all, I'm sorry for being the cause of your pain and suffering. I never meant to--"

"Cole," I said interrupting him. I had to stop him because he was doing it again. He was mesmerizing me, making me feel helpless beneath his gaze. "The offer?"

But, it didn't matter what I said, because I don't think he heard a word out of my mouth. His eyes were locked on mine, but it felt like he was looking farther than just the surface of our words. He reached his hand out and cautiously placed it on my thigh as he inched closer to me, as if he were testing the waters. I wanted to move away from him—to move his hand away, but my brain wasn't making the connection with my muscles. He was now inches away from me, his breath reaching my face and yet again intoxicating my senses. I closed my eyes, too scared to face him. I felt his other hand on my cheek as he tucked some of my hair behind my ear. I slowly shook my head, but didn't dare look at him. I wanted this to stop, but I couldn't bring myself to do what I knew needed to be done.

"You have something that I want," he said, his voice smooth like velvet. "And, I have something that you want."

I opened my eyes. _Bad idea_. His eyes were boring into mine so intensely I nearly stopped breathing entirely. "You—you have nothing I want." My voice came out ragged and edgy. I knew he could tell he was getting to me, my words weren't even remotely convincing.

"You're wrong," he assured me, confidence returning back into his earlier pained demeanor. He removed his hand from my face, but his other hand remained on my thigh, inching higher and higher. "I can make Edward yours again."

My breath hitched and I nearly choked on my own saliva. "Excuse me?" I whispered.

"Edward didn't want you because you were human," he continued, completely ignoring the fact that I was practically suffocating by his words. "I can turn you into something that he'll want."

My head was spinning and the room seemed to be closing in on me. I could hear what he was saying, but my brain couldn't comprehend it.

He reached out and placed his free hand directly on my neck, his fingers rubbing across my jugular, clearly adding emphasis to his proposition. "I can make you a vampire."

I gulped. He was leaning forward now—his mouth inching toward my neck. I wanted to jump up and run from the room, but at the same time I couldn't move. The thought of being with Edward was blinding me, rendering me motionless.

I felt his lips against my neck now, gently brushing over my pulsing artery. I closed my eyes and took in a sharp breath. _Edward would want me. He would love me again._

"You will get Edward back, and I will get the pleasure of drinking human blood," he whispered against my neck. I shivered against the chill of his breath. "Just say the word, Isabella, and it's done."

I remained frozen, feeling Cole's lips against my neck, a dozen different emotions swirling around inside my brain. I pictured a future of my life with Edward. I was a beautiful vampire, far too breath-taking for him to ever resist me. He'd fall in love with me and we'd be together forever. It was the life I would have given anything to have a month ago. But, everything has changed since then. I pictured Jacob's face, and remembered the way his mouth felt against my neck—warm and inviting. The contrast made Cole seem all wrong—made this moment seem all wrong. I didn't want this_. I wanted Jacob_. I knew my future was with him now.

"No," I managed to choke out. "I don't want this."

I felt Cole grow tense against me, his hand stopping its climb up my thigh. I let out the breath I was holding in as he backed away from my neck to look fiercely into my eyes. "Isabella, don't be stupid. Think about what I'm offering you."

"I love Jacob," I declared. The truth behind the statement was making me dizzy.

Cole visibly frowned and studied my expression for a moment. "You love Edward more."

"_Loved _more," I corrected him. "Past-tense."

His brow furrowed and he appeared to grow angry with me. Why did he care so much that I wanted to stay with Jacob? He surely didn't need my blood; he could have any human's blood he wanted. "I beg you to reconsider."

"Why is this so important to you?" I asked. "I thought you were a vegetarian vampire, I thought you didn't want human blood."

He chuckled and his face grew colder, darker. In that moment, he looked like a monster. There was nothing about him that looked even remotely human. "I _want_ human blood; I just choose not to drink it."

"Fine," I said, feeling uneasy now from the way he was looking at me. "Why would you even consider doing this anyway? I thought it was nearly impossible for vampires to stop once they bit a human. Are you trying to get me killed? Are you that selfish that you would put my life in danger so you could satisfy some sort of need for yourself?"

"I can control myself; I'm different from others of my kind. I was born with control far better than even the most experienced," he answered quickly, his eyes softening. He looked down to the bed and sighed in frustration, then slowly glanced back up to meet my bewildered gaze. "Bella, I care about you. I would never put you in danger."

As soon as the words left his lips, he froze and stood up from the bed—putting an immediate distance between us. "I have to go."

"Okay?" I replied, completely perplexed by his behavior.

"Please…" he begged his voice intense again. "Just consider my offer. Let me know if you change your mind."

Before I could respond, he was gone.

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**A.N: Ladies....and maybe a few gents?  
**

** This chapter was a longer one than what I usually write. I had a lot of bases to cover. **

**I realize that a lot of you are still trying to figure Cole out, seriously...what does the guy want? Geesh!! **

**Well have no fear, because I am almost 99% sure that you will be discovering a lot of those answers in the next chapter...**

**For the record...191 people have this story under their FAVS and 199 people have it on alert.**

**I would LOVE to hear from the 150 of you who have yet to speak up :-)**

**What are your thoughts? I want inside your head! "SAY IT, OUT LOUD, SAY IT" **

**Okay, seriously though...I want to know who you are! Even if you think I'm a total nutjob, I'd love to hear it! (It would be the truth)**

**Sorry this A/N is almost as long as the fricken chapter...but I also wanted to let it be known that I will be making my own blog for this story (and others)....look out for it in the future.**

**K that's all! until next time....**

**Added 3/4/09--I am currently seeking someone who could make a SWEET graphic (manipulation) for Fall For You...PM me if you are able and interested!  
**


	26. Motives

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my college debt and the freakin' sweet haircut I just got....Stephenie Meyer created this world and I am just diving it it.**

**Please be aware that this story is now Rated M--there is bad language in this chapter!**

** For the record...Cole "effed" me up in this chapter. I won't be switching POV's again. Now, on with it already....**

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"_Peace is what they tell me  
Love am I unholy  
Lies are what they tell me  
Despise you that control me  
The peace is dead in my soul  
I have blamed the reason for  
my intentions poor  
Yes I'm the one who  
the only one who  
Would carry on this far  
Torn, I'm filthy  
Born in my own misery  
Stole all that you gave me  
Control you claim you save me."_

_--Torn by Creed_

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**Chapter 26: Motives**

**Cole's POV**

I lost track of how long I stood staring at the Swan residence's front door like an unmitigated coward before finally deciding to advance inside. I knew she was alone—the father and the boyfriend went on some sort of fishing excursion. _Whatever. Good for them. _The boyfriend was exceedingly nauseating which only made it more evident that Isabella was miles out of his league.

As soon as I was inside, I was greeted with the most vile odor in all existence —werewolf, of course. I wrinkled my nose in disgust and continued on my mission to her bedroom. Once I ascended the stairs I listened closely, tuning myself into her heavy breathing—she was asleep. I gently pushed her door open farther, revealing her petite body curled up in the middle of her bed. She had a book open on her chest, and I watched as it rose and fell with every inhalation she captured. She was wholesome. She was fragile. She was _human_. But most of all, she was unavoidable. As much as I tried to convince myself otherwise, I cared about her more than I should, but not enough to guarantee her safety.

She stirred in her sleep, her mouth opening and closing, the crease on her forehead deepening and then relaxing again. I heard her sigh and mumble her boyfriend's name. If I haven't witnessed her sleeping before, I may have suspected she was waking. I inched my way past her door and quietly shut it behind me. I approached the side of the bed she was facing and knelt down beside her, studying her features. Her heart-shaped face was peaceful and at rest, which was much better than having to endure it when it was twisted in sheer pain. I allowed my right hand to reach out and gently brush away a few stray hairs that were plunging into her eyes.

I stood to my feet and seriously contemplated turning around and leaving—simply allowing the initial plan to run its course. If Victoria had any inkling—no matter how minuscule that inkling may be—about what I was about to offer Isabella, she would surely have me killed. To be honest, just the resentment in her eyes would nearly do the job on its own. I have loved the red-haired goddess since the first moment I laid my insignificant, paltry human eyes on her. So, how I could contemplate denying Victoria her chance to succeed in killing this fragile human was unfathomable to me.

Last Saturday, when I made that secret visit to Isabella's house, I had come to realize my true feelings for her. As soon as I began telling her about my past and she watched me, intently hanging on my every word, I was so confident I had it in the bag. I knew she believed the lies I fed her and I could see she was beginning to truly trust me. However, instead of rejoicing in my victory—instead of rejoicing for getting Victoria what she wanted—I felt sick. Why couldn't I just be ecstatic that everything was falling perfectly into place the way they were planned? Why was I suddenly, after thirty years of not giving a shit, shedding any sense of guilt and remorse toward my schemes against the one human girl that would eventually break me? That shit frustrated me to no end, but what was about to happen next was so completely unexpected that it nearly floored me.

_I had wanted to kiss her_. And it wasn't just a want that a high school boy experiences when he has a little crush on the head cheerleader; rather it was a _craving _that pulled from the very center of my existence merely begging me to give in. When I advanced upon her, she refused me and took a humorous plunge off the couch. This simple act, irrelevant to your everyday human, only further defined her character. This was Bella, beautifully uncoordinated.

She stirred a second time in her sleep, bringing me out of my inner reflections to assess the present situation. She was awake, but was refusing to open her eyes to acknowledge my presence. Or maybe she didn't know I was there at all? Regardless, I knew it was too late to back out now, so I was mentally preparing myself to push forward with my new strategy.

I sat firmly down on the edge of her bed, not even bothering to go unnoticed. My movements triggered Isabella to jump up from her sleeping position and back as far away from me as possible. Her depth-filled chocolate eyes were wide as she stared back into my threatening gaze—trying to blink me out of existence. I could hear her heart beating, her unsteady breathing, and I hated the thought of all that coming to an end.

"Isabella…" I said calmly, trying to mask my true tortured state of mind. "I'm sorry for--"

"No!" She yelled suddenly, taking me completely aback by her outburst. Her eyes were narrowed and her fists clenched at her sides—and if this visit hadn't been based on grave purposes, I may have even been amused. "Just don't."

_Just don't, what? _I wanted to ask, but I could tell by the determination in her eyes that she wasn't about to let me speak just yet.

"You have _no right _to come into my room uninvited. You have _no right _coming into my life and turning it upside down just when things were starting to look up for me. I don't know who you think you are or what you are trying to pull—but just don't," she yelled, speaking so fast any human may have had a hard time following.

Her words were true, but that didn't stop them from stinging any less. I didn't possess the right to take her life into my hands and I didn't have the right to lie to her about my relationships with her ex-boyfriend's family. However, I was never an honorable gentleman, so why start now? I didn't always do the things that I knew I should.

"You don't understand," I said, pleading with her. I knew I had to get her to trust me again if this was going to work—if I was going to save her life. "Please, just hear me out."

I saw her resolve waver as she sighed and shifted up onto her knees. She was chewing on her bottom lip again, a simple quirk I discovered she indulged in anytime she was nervous. I tried to keep my gaze away from that particular action because honestly, it was so genuinely sexy that it practically summoned my lips to give into their decadent desires.

"What? What do you want?" She asked, her voice free of any tolerance for my mind games.

"I--" _Wait a minute…_

What did I _really_ want? Victoria? I thought I had at one time, but why was Isabella making me second guess that? I was a _vampire—the predator_. Humans were supposed to be my prey. What was it about this girl that made me want to go against the very nature of my existence?

I couldn't stop myself from grinning just thinking about the absurdity behind the words I was about to speak—the absurdity of the proposition I was about to pose. "I came to make you an offer."

"An offer?" She asked.

I instinctively caught myself staring candidly at her neck—her jugular seducing my control. I could almost see the blood pulsing through her veins, begging me to give into my primal instincts. I managed to pull my attention back up to meet her vigilant eyes.

"I'm really sorry that you are still hurting because of Edward. I'm really sorry that my presence is bringing back memories that you are trying to forget. But most of all, I'm sorry for being the cause of your pain and suffering. I never meant to--"

"Cole," she said, interrupting me. "The offer."

Okay, so maybe the coward in me was initially trying to stall, but once the words left my mouth I realized how very true they were. _I was sorry._ I was sorry for the first time in thirty years—sorry for ever being responsible for any amount of her suffering. I was sorry that her life was in danger, but most of all, I was sorry that she wasn't mine to lose.

Slowly, I inched closer to her, placing my hand on her thigh—never taking my eyes off of her. When she didn't back away from my touch, I knew that I might actually stand a chance. I could hear her heart rate spike a notch as I leaned in even closer. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard while I took that opportunity to tuck some of her hair behind her delicate ear. My lips were burning, pleading with me to kiss her—but, I knew if I gave in my whole purpose of being here might be lost.

"You have something that I want," I said, smoothly--fiercely. "And, I have something that you want."

She opened her eyes and tried to speak but her voice came out all wrong. I was affecting her. "You-you have nothing I want."

_Wrong._ _I can save your life. _

"You're wrong," I said, removing my hand from her face. And shit, I couldn't stop myself from hiking my hand further up her thigh. "I can make Edward yours again."

_Although Edward, the imprudent fool who gave you up so easily and left you to die certainly doesn't deserve someone of your incomprehensible loveliness. _

I knew the instant I said his name, the pain and heartache would flood back into her system and give way through her eyes. I felt like a complete asshole for continuously bringing him up in her presence, but I never claimed to be a saint.

"Excuse me?" she whispered, panic evident in her tremulous breathing.

"Edward didn't want you because you were human," I explained to her. "I can turn you into something he'll want."

I could practically hear her mind spinning with what I was offering. Her eyes frantically darted all around the room, careful to look at everything but me. I knew I had to bring her back to me, so I reached out and placed my hand on her neck—allowing my fingers to trace pointedly along her jugular.

"I can make you a vampire."

Her neck was warm and inviting, luring me in to relish in her sweet scent. The moment my lips touched her neck, I thanked the gods, the Volturri, or whatever the hell was responsible for giving me the massive amount of control I had been given in my creation. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to taste her sweet blood.

"You will get Edward back, and I will get the pleasure of drinking human blood," I whispered against her neck, eliciting a shiver from her. "Just say the word, Isabella, and it's done."

_Please say the fucking word. Please._

She was painfully silent while she contemplated my offer. My lips continued to rummage up and down her neck, almost forcing me to reach the decision to change her without her consent. _Screw being morally right—she'd thank me later._

"No," she eventually said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "I don't want this."

_Well, shit. That was unexpected. _I was so used to getting what I wanted that I wasn't anticipating her refusal. I stopped my hand's idle climb up her alluring thigh and backed away from her neck to examine her eyes.

"Isabella, don't be stupid. Think about what I'm offering you."

"I love Jacob," she declared. And really, I couldn't understand why. He was obnoxious, immature, and inexperienced. He could never even dream of doing the things that I would do for Isabella if she were mine. But, that was beside the point, because right now her blind and foolish love for the retched adolescent was going to be the cause of her death.

"You love Edward more," I said, trying desperately to remind her of that.

"_Loved_ more," she corrected. "Past-tense."

I was trying to keep my cool, but I was getting more and more frustrated. I didn't want her to die, I didn't want to be the cause of any of her grief, but what more could I do if she blatantly refused to take that path of life?

"I beg you to reconsider," I said, hanging on my last ounce of hope.

"Why is this so important to you?" she asked. "I thought you were a vegetarian vampire, I thought you didn't want human blood."

I wanted to yell at her and shake her into reality. I wanted to tell her the complete truth about Victoria and the plans that we made, but I knew I couldn't—I knew that neither of us would survive Victoria's wrath. If I turned Isabella into a vampire, I would pretend that it was purely an accident, a lapse in my impeccable control. My strategy was flawless—Bella would live and Victoria would still love me. But, she was about to ruin it all. Why couldn't she just be a stupid, unintelligent human like the rest of them?

I chuckled, darkly—my anger getting the best of me. "I _want_ human blood; I just choose not to drink it."

"Fine," she said. "Why would you even consider doing this anyway? I thought it was nearly impossible for vampires to stop once they bit a human. Are you trying to get me killed? Are you that selfish that you would put my life in danger so you could satisfy some sort of need for yourself?"

_Oh, if only she knew how unselfish I was being in this moment._

"I can control myself; I'm different from others of my kind. I was born with control far better than even the most experienced," I explained, my voice softening. This was an uphill battle that I was beginning to realize I wasn't going to win. I glanced down to the bed and sighed. How was I going to live with myself after Victoria killed her?

"Bella, I care about you, I would never put you in danger."

I _did_ care about her, but I _was_ putting her in danger. My whole purpose for being in her life was to lead her to her ultimate death. I felt like I was going to be sick. I froze and shot up from her bed, backing away from her as the reality of the situation came crashing down on me.

"I have to go," I managed to say. I had to get away from her to clear my head. I needed to come up with some other way to save her life.

"Okay?" she replied in confusion. I didn't blame her, because I wasn't making much sense even to myself.

"Please," I begged her, one last time. "Just consider my offer. Let me know if you change your mind."

But, I knew she wouldn't. I knew that I failed—that all was lost. Isabella was going to die and it was _my_ fault. With that, I turned and left—unable to look at her anymore.

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As soon as I reached the confinement of the woods, I took off running. It wouldn't take me long to make it back to Seattle if I took the usual path, but today I was planning on taking a detour. I needed time to think before I met with Victoria again.

_Victoria. _

She was the only woman I ever allowed to have any kind of hold over me. I loved her when I was human, before I even knew what kind of life she lived. And then, when she changed me and opened my eyes to a whole new life, I had loved her even more.

I could remember the day of my transformation as if it were yesterday. Of course, the story I had told Isabella last Saturday was not completely a lie. There was some truth behind it. I did go to that bar in Italy that night to meet up with the women I loved—I just left out the minor detail that the woman was Victoria. When she didn't show, I did roam the streets in a drunken stupor in search of her. She never allowed me to get close to her, she was always such a tease—always an arm length away. So, when she grabbed me in the middle of that dark alley and pulled me into the old run-down building, I did not protest. I also didn't protest when she finally granted my lips the pleasure of tasting hers. I could still feel the icy chill of her touch as she pulled me closer against her body—her breath sweet and divine as it blew across my face. I remember mumbling her name and my love for her in barely audible declarations.

The pleasure didn't last long though, because the next thing I knew I was on the ground writhing in excruciating pain. The intense burning started in my neck and managed to make its way into every inch of my body—not allowing any fraction to go unmarked. I had begged Victoria to spare me the misery—to just end my life, but she stayed by my side and assured me it would all be worth it in the end.

When I woke out of my painful coma three miserable days later still in the confines of the run-down building, her beautiful face was the first sight I laid my eyes upon. In that moment, I knew I was not the same man I had been that night in the bar—I was changed. I felt different. I felt powerful. I felt _renewed_.

Of course, over the next thirty years, Victoria didn't always stay by my side. She would leave me for several years at a clip, only to turn up randomly asking me to help her with her latest endeavors. She valued my impeccable control that was not common for any vampire to possess, let alone a newborn. Naturally, I would never refuse her, because she always had a hold of my heart and I dedicated my new life to pleasing her. She was my creator, my lover, and my only true companion.

So now, bringing my mind back to the present time, I cannot fathom why I am willing to go against the creator of my new life in order to save that of a fragile human. Maybe it's true that Isabella may have taken a small slither of my heart away from Victoria's grasp. Maybe it's true that I never understood the reasoning behind Victoria's hatred and wholehearted revenge for this random human girl, who in my eyes would be the _last_ person for a vampire to ever despise. And finally, maybe it's true that in the end, I may not be as cold as I had once thought—my heart may have stopped beating, but that doesn't mean it is free of all emotion and remorse.

_I cared about Isabella. _

_It was enough to break me. _

_But it was not enough to save her life._

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**A/N: Okay people….so now you FINALLY know what Cole is all about.**

**I mean, I hope this will help to make some of you hate him less? **

**I realize he may be a "bad guy" persay, but I hope by seeing things through his eyes you can see where he is coming from. **

**If you still hate him, sweet...at least I was able to get some emotion out of you.**

**I'm still looking for someone to make me a Fall For You graphic so please PM me if you are interested!**

**Finally, thank you to "my hubby is no edward" for all of the late night chats and for being the best beta there is. I love her!  
**

**Thank you to ReLees for being patient with my impatience. :-)**

**If you like my story, don't just thank me--thank them too.**

**Reviews are better than watching Rob as Cedric in Harry Potter! (Yes, I just watched it in case you were wondering...)  
**


	27. Counting Down the Days

"_Just maybe now I'll finally feel you_

_Just maybe this time it's for real_

_We'll be in love together_

_And always understand our ups and downs_

_Our in betweens_

_I'll take your hand in mine_

_And walk the world, our life will lead_

_And well be free, free to life_

_Free to act on our every dream_

_Free to love, you and me_

_Just maybe_

_Just maybe I'm home."_

_--Just Maybe by Jennifer Gail_

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**Chapter 27: Counting Down the Days**

Cole left my mind in a whirlwind of confusion, making me actually question for the first time what he was _truly_ up to. Why would he offer to turn me into a vampire just to get the satisfaction of drinking my blood? It didn't add up in my brain to make much sense. I mean, if he really did care about me like he claimed, then why was he so keen on putting my life at risk?

It had been a good half hour since he left so abruptly and yet I still sat in the middle of my bed in the same position I was in when he was here—my thigh still chilled from his touch. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against my headboard, letting out an extended sigh. I couldn't stop myself from remembering the feel of his breath on my skin, his icy lips teasing the cells of my neck. I shivered and allowed my mind to continue on its inappropriate daydreams. I imagined his teeth sinking into the flesh of my neck—wondering just how badly it would hurt. Or, maybe it wouldn't hurt at all? Maybe a vampire bite would bring on some kind of human pleasure—like a sexual experience? Apparently my mind decided to skip over the three days of agony that supposedly came to a bitten human, because suddenly I was picturing myself opening my eyes to a whole new life. Would I be beautiful too, like Rosalie and Alice? Would I be desirable to every man that walked in my direction? More importantly, would Edward _really_ want me then? The thought of me ever being that stunning was so ludicrous that it instantly brought my mind back to reality. And, quite frankly, reality was where I wanted to be because I could hear the sound of Charlie's police cruiser pulling into the driveway—signaling the return of the one who my heart now belonged.

I shot out of bed and carefully made my way down the very steps that had caused quite a few bruised knees in my day. I put on my shoes and grabbed my coat, already heading outside to greet them before they even had the chance to climb out of the car. Jacob stepped outside and smiled at me wryly, not hesitating to close the distance between us and take me into his arms. In the presence of Charlie, he was careful to tastefully put his arms on my back, but he still pulled me close to him, burying his nose in my hair.

"Bel--" He started to say, but his voice came to an abrupt halt and his body tensed as he released me and brought his hand up to wipe off his nose in disgust. I glanced up in a momentary state of confusion to find him glaring down at me, his eyes slightly narrowed and full of questions. I grabbed a lock of my hair and sniffed it, wondering if there was something wrong with the way that I smelled. That's when it hit me. _This had to be about Cole. Could he smell him? _I could feel my mouth form a small O as my realization began to sink in. Cautiously, I chanced a glance back up at him to find him staring down at me intently almost as if he were waiting for me to look at him again. He nodded at me as if to say he knew exactly what I was thinking and that I was right. _My cover was blown--I smelled like vampire. _Okay, so it wasn't like I was planning on keeping Cole's visit from Jacob or anything, I mean I was going to tell him eventually. _Maybe. Yeah. Okay, no definitely not. _But, that didn't matter now because he knew, and he was _not_ happy.

"Hey Bells, would you believe that your loverboy here caught more fish than your dear old dad?" Charlie said as he walked over to where Jacob and I were standing, interrupting our exchange. "Though, I do believe it was just beginner's luck."

Jacob immediately masked his tension and smiled in Charlie's direction. "Charlie, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm no beginner? I've been fishing since I was a young boy, and in fact, I do believe you were present on more than one of those fishing trips," he teased.

"Yeah, yeah kid, I hear ya," Charlie said, chuckling and shaking his head back and forth. He walked back over to the car and pulled out his fishing gear along with some of the fish they caught. "We have to get these puppies freezing before they lose their value."

Jacob shot me one last death glare, before nodding at Charlie and walking over to the car to get the remainder of the fish. I followed them inside and listened to them tell me the high moments of their trip while they efficiently packaged the fish for proper freezing. I was having a hard time paying attention to anything that was coming out of their constantly moving mouths, because I was anxious to get some alone time with Jacob to explain to him about Cole. I hated the fact that he was obviously angry with me.

Charlie had just finished packaging the last fish fillets and concluded a story about how Jacob almost pushed him into the lake because he was curious to see if the chief of police could hold his own in water, when Jacob turned to me and said, "Hey Bella, let's go for a walk." His eyes were suddenly darker and his voice deeper—an obvious difference from his light-hearted tone he had when reminiscing on the events of the day with Charlie.

"Okay," I said, already heading over to put my shoes back on. "Hey dad, we won't be long, we should be back before dark."

Charlie nodded and gave Jacob a thumbs up—whatever that's supposed to mean--and then headed into the living room to plop onto his favorite chair. Jacob walked past me and out the front door waiting for me to join him. After I got my boots on, I walked out into the cold spring air and turned around to shut the front door behind me. When I turned back around to face Jacob, he motioned me with his head and then turned his back to me and started walking down the driveway. I quickly followed him -- it wasn't long before we were walking side by side down the sidewalk in an almost rhythmic fashion. We were both completely silent, both deep in thoughts that certainly revolved around one thing—Cole. About ten minutes into our walk, we came to a path that led up through the woods. Jacob turned onto the path obviously wanted to give us even more privacy. The more we walked in silence, the more uneasy I grew. Jacob rarely stayed mad at me for long, so I wasn't used to getting the cold shoulder from him.

It was only a few minutes once we were on the path in the woods for him to finally break the silence between us.

"So, are you going to tell me what he was doing at your house?" he asked, his voice free of any patience.

"Who?" I asked, unsure of exactly why I was using the "play dumb" card. We both knew that I knew exactly who he was talking about, so maybe I was just buying for even more time.

"Bella…" he said sternly, immediately stopping both of us from walking and turning to face me. I could feel his eyes on me so I was careful to look at everything else but him. Though I knew it wasn't my fault that Cole had shown up in my bedroom, somehow I felt guilty—as if I did something wrong. Maybe I felt guilty for letting Cole get so close to me, like somehow I should have found the power to stop him. Or, maybe I felt guilty because deep down inside I knew that I had actually considered his offer.

"I fell asleep up in my room while I was reading," I began to explain slowly. "I woke up to find him standing by my bed. I didn't know he was coming, I didn't even let him in but he--"

"He was in _your_ bedroom?" he practically hissed interrupting me, causing me to take a tiny step back from him.

"Yes…" I replied quietly.

"What did he want?" he asked, his voice still louder than necessary.

I knew that I visibly tensed because that was the one question I was truly dreading. I didn't want to tell Jacob about Cole's offer because I already knew how he'd react. I really didn't want there to be any kind of fighting and Jacob already wanted to kill Cole enough as it is. But, I was a pretty pathetic at lying and even more pathetic when it came to lying to _Jacob_.

"He…he kind of wanted to make me an offer…" I eventually said trailing off.

"An offer?"

"Yeah…um…Jacob please just don't freak out, okay?" I pleaded with him, though I knew it was useless. He was going to flip.

"Bella, just tell me," he demanded.

I took a deep breath and as soon as I opened my mouth to speak everything came out without my control—whether I wanted it to or not. My words came out so fast in barely comprehendible ramblings. "Well I asked him why he was there and obviously, being the mysterious person that he is, he had to climb onto my bed with me and get all up in my face, placing his hand on my thigh and his lips on my neck. I don't know if that was his method of tempting me, but eventually he told me that he had something that I wanted and I had something that he wanted. I didn't know what he was talking about so I told him he needed to be clearer. That's when he told me he wanted to make me like him. He said that if I was a vampire then Edward would--"

"HE WHAT?!" Jacob roared, and I have never heard him so angry before—it was truly frightening. I must have flinched because he took a step closer to me and reached out his hand as if he wanted to apologize and touch my cheek. Instead, his anger got the best of him. Before, he could touch me, both of his fists clenched and returned to his sides. _He was furious._ His eyes were black and threatening and his whole body was convulsing. I took another two steps away from him, my back coming in direct contact with a large tree.

"Jake, just calm down," I said quietly. And, I guess I should have been scared that he was going to phase right there in front of me, but I wasn't. I trusted him with every ounce of my being and I knew that he would never—_ever--_ hurt me.

He closed his eyes and turned his back to me. I could hear him taking in deep breaths and exhaling them soon after. After a few moments, his body stopped shaking and his fists came undone. He turned back around to face me, his eyes softening around the edges—but still full of something else I have never seen before. Possessiveness? Jealousy?

"I don't know if I'm more pissed for him wanting to take away your life or for him having his hands on you—touching you in places that only I should be allowed to do," he said intensely, his eyes locking on mine.

My breath caught in my throat and I swallowed hard as I watched him approach me. It only took him two large strides before he was standing directly in front of me—the heat of him already spreading throughout my entire body. Slowly, never taking his eyes off of mine, he brought both of his hands on each side of me, resting them against the tree—trapping me between. He stared down at me for a moment—many different emotions flashing over his face—before finally he lowered his head and brought his lips hungrily to mine.

This kiss was different. It was free of any gentleness and care. Rather, it was based solely upon pure want, need, and desire—almost as if he were trying to prove that I belonged to him. I tried to lift my arms up to place them around his neck, but he wouldn't allow me to move. His body was crushing against mine, demanding that he have full control over my actions. After his tongue explored my mouth, he removed his lips from mine and began kissing and sucking along my jaw and down my neck.

"I can smell him on your skin," he whispered against my neck, eliciting a tremble out of me. His hands were all over my body, exploring places they have never been before. He brought his mouth back to mine, running his tongue along my bottom lip and taking it into his mouth. I could no longer remember the simple mechanics behind taking oxygen in and out of the lungs once I felt his hands climb under my shirt, teasing my bare stomach. The heat of his skin against mine was almost more than I could handle, but I wanted more of him—_all of him_. I had never experienced this kind of desire before and suddenly, I wanted nothing more than for it to be next weekend, in my bed with him and no one else. His hands inched their way up my stomach, stopping just below the start of my bra. He pulled his mouth away and rested his forehead against mine—both of use breathing heavily to catch our breaths. He stared intently into my eyes and in one swift motion his hands slid up onto my bra, cupping my breasts in their depths. My breath hitched and my eyes fluttered, but our contact went uninterrupted.

"The only thing keeping me sane right now is knowing I'll be the one in your bed next weekend. I'll be the one with my lips on your neck and my hand on your thigh," he said in a low husky voice, his hot breath brushing against my face. _Oh God. _Suddenly I didn't want to wait until next weekend. If I hadn't been completely sure about my decision to take that next step with Jacob, I was definitely positive of it now.

"Jacob…"I whispered, barely able to find the ability to speak at all. "You're the only one that I want in my bed."

He slid his thumbs beneath the tops of my bra, producing another shiver from me, before sliding his hands out from under my shirt and placing them on each side of my face. "I'll be counting down the days."

He kissed me again, more gently this time, and then stepped away from me, releasing me from his hold.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so I know what you are all going to say! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!**

**Well, I am here to apologize for the delay. **

**It turns out that becoming an occupational therapist is a lot harder than we all thought. **

**Yeah, school sucks and consumes my life. And, don't expect another update for another two weeks or so....**

**Next week is finals week(I have a final every single day) and then I have a HUGE Capstone presentation the following week....yeah, you get the point. But, I really, truly am sorry.  
**

**I want to say thanks to my betas. My hubby is no edward (aka my sister pea in a "I would bang a not-so-fictional character in a heartbeat* pod) seriously pretty much almost collaborates with me on this story now. She is always helping me with my ideas and with every chapter! And, if you haven't done so yet go check out my profile to go see details of my next project--"Blame it on the Weatherman" a collaboration with My hubby is no edward. Also, I love you ReLeeS even though my patience sucks.**

**Finally, I would love to hear from you, as always. So please review.**

**If you don't mind, I would love for you to answer this question in your review: "How did you find my story? What made you start reading it?"**

**And on that note I would like to close with: I GOT A NEW PUPPY! HER NAME IS SHELBY! AND SHE IS EFFIN CUTE! That is all.  
**


	28. Giving Him My Everything

****Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my college debt and "The Host" hardback book by Stephenie Meyer (which my fiance so kindly purchased for me).This chapter contains mature sexual content; please don't read if you are underage. Oh and FYI, the legal age of consent in Washington state is 16, so there are no laws being broken. Thank you.**

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"You've got magic inside your finger tips  
Its leaking out all over my skin  
Everytime that I get close to you  
Your makin me weak with the way you  
Look through those eyes

And all I see is your face  
All I need is your touch  
Wake me up with your lips  
Come at me from up above  
Yeah, oh I need you."

--Magic by Colbie Caillat

* * *

**Chapter 28: Giving Him My Everything**

The walk back to my house with Jacob was almost as silent as the one there. The sights and sounds of nature surrounding us soothed me as our footsteps fell into a rhythmic dance. He wasn't angry with me anymore. He was making that obvious by holding my hand and occasionally rubbing his thumb against mine, gestures speaking louder than words. It was a simple indication to most, but it stirred my mind and made it nearly impossible for the smile I was wearing to escape my hold. Even though everything was messed up and we both knew that Edward would always hold a piece of my heart, somehow I was happy. He was happy. _We were happy. Just Being. _It was enough—the minute, simple things, like the way my hand seemed to fit perfectly inside his. It was all enough.

He didn't stay long at my house that evening, and though we really had a lot to talk about, Charlie's presence didn't allow for much exchange. Sunday, Jacob stopped in for a few hours, but once again we didn't get much alone time. The following week seemed to pass by slower than molasses in the winter. My fifty minute class periods felt like hours and hours upon end. Jessica seemed to be getting exceedingly more eager to become my friend again, for reasons I'm still not sure of, and Cole was nowhere to be found. _Big surprise there_. Quite frankly, I was happy he wasn't in school because I just wanted to focus on Jacob and me, with no outside distractions. Nothing was going to come between us anymore. However, that didn't stop my curiosity from getting the best of me. _Did he leave? Would he even be back? Where did he go after school each day and what did he do?_

If I were to map out the events of the week it would look something like:

Monday—_dreaming of_ _Jacob_.

Tuesday_—dreaming _of _Jacob and his smile_.

Wednesday—_dreaming of a shirtless_ _Jacob and his smile_.

Thursday—_dreaming of a shirtless Jacob in only his boxers_.

It was safe to say Jacob was the main centering theme of all of my thoughts and feelings. I was finding it really hard to concentrate in class and focus on school work. Maybe it was because graduation was only two months away and everyone was starting to get antsy, or maybe I was just anxious about losing my virginity after eighteen solid years of keeping it all to myself. Even though time was passing by so slowly, it allowed me more time to daydream about Jacob and our weekend together. It only made me more eager for the weekend to be here. How was a girl supposed to prepare for this? Was there some sort of routine to follow on d-day? I had all of these questions with no one to get the answers from. The only person I felt comfortable talking about my personal life with was Jacob, and he wasn't exactly an option this time. Times like these made me miss Alice so much more, though, ironically enough, I wouldn't be having them if she were here.

When Friday afternoon finally rolled around, and the final school bell rang signaling the beginning of the weekend, I nearly sprinted outside to my truck. For the record, I convinced Jacob that he no longer needed to drive me to and from school, and thankfully he complied. Of course, on my way to my truck I was stopped by Angela asking me what my plans were for the weekend, and then by Mike who asked me for the tenth time that week where Cole was and why he somehow got a free pass out of going to school—still not entirely sure what brought on this obsession of his. Then, I thought I had finally beat the storm and was just about to climb into solitude, when Jessica walked by my truck and stopped to talk to me for five whole minutes about her and Mike's latest fiasco. I normally would have found her ranting somewhat bearable, but not now. _Not today_. I stood nodding my head at all the right times and gasping occasionally just to add a little more effect. Finally, someone else caught her attention from across the parking lot and she excused herself only to run off to exercise a different ear. _I was free_. With nothing left to stop me, I climbed into my truck and pulled out of the school parking lot onto the road that would bring me home.

* * *

Just as promised, Charlie already left for his fishing weekend when I arrived home, but regardless there was still a letter on the counter that read:

_Bella,_

_Left for the trip. Fridge is stocked. Be good and call Billy if you need help with anything._

_Love, dad._

I crumpled the paper in my hand and threw it into the trash, leaning my back against the counter and closing my eyes while letting out a sigh of relief. Finally, I was home--the week was nothing but a blur in my past. Now I just had to wait for Jacob to get here. My stomach was already doing somersaults at the thought of what his presence would ultimately lead to. A moment later, I jumped at the sound of a knock at the door which brought me abruptly out of my contemplations. I hurried over and glanced out the window to find Jacob standing on my front porch preoccupied with something to the right of my house while he waited. I wasn't exactly expecting him this early. Normally I wouldn't complain about seeing him, but I still had a lot of preparing to do and suddenly I realized how incredibly nervous I was. I had to play it cool though—act completely normal. I took a deep breath and flung the door open, silently praying that he wouldn't be able to notice my anxiety.

"Hello," he said, grinning at me. Was it just me or was his smile wider than usual?

"Hello," I replied a little too formally. _Off to a great start, moron._

We both stood staring at each other for a minute before Jacob finally said, "So, are you going to let me come in or do I have to stay outside?"

"Oh right. Sorry," I said, already getting flustered as I stepped aside and watched him casually stroll inside. I shut the door gently behind me, taking a little longer than necessary. God, I was seriously being ridiculous. It was just Jacob! When I turned around to face him again, slowly letting my eyes glide over his body, starting from his feet and ending at his gaze, all of that changed. I'm not sure what it was—maybe the way his muscles were protruding out of his arms as he crossed them firmly in front of him, or the way he was looking at me intently—smirking and biting down a little on his bottom lip, but man, he was so far from being just Jacob anymore. _Just Jacob_ didn't seem to fit properly together in the same sentence. He wasn't _just_ anything_._ He _was_ everything. And, _he was sexy._

"Thank God it's Friday," he said in a deep, almost seductive tone. I would be lying if I said I didn't almost melt to the floor right then and there, but somehow I managed to keep my composure. Okay, well let me rephrase that. I managed to keep my composure on the outside, but on the inside I felt like my nervous system was going into overdrive. My heart had already picked up its pace—conveniently thumping loudly against my ribcage-- and my lungs were currently doing double time.

"TGIF," I managed to say, my voice coming out shaky—practically giving my cover away.

He took one large stride toward me, closing the gap between us, and brought both of his hands up onto the sides of my face. He stared into my eyes for a moment—saying so much without speaking a single word-- and gently pushed some of my stray hairs out of my eyes. His hand continued on and glided down the side of my cheek--his thumb brushing over my bottom lip. Before I had time to think, he leaned his head down toward me until his lips softly met mine. He kissed me gently and lovingly at first, but after a moment our arms were entangled, our bodies collided, and our hands tugged and pulled. I parted my lips with intentions to deepen the kiss while the only thing I could think of was: _Now? Already? Is this going to be it?_

"Not now," Jacob breathed against my lips just before he pulled away, breaking our kiss. As usual, he was directly tuned into my thoughts-answering my questions that had yet to be asked. Slowly my eyes fluttered open as my mind tried to come down from the cloud it was floating on.

"You'll just have to hold that thought until later," he said, winking at me and sliding his hands down off my face and onto the sides of my upper arms. I felt my face flush and cursed myself for still acting this way in front of him after all this time.

"Later?" I asked, trying to hide my embarrassment.

"Yeah, I have to go home and help my dad with a few things. Besides, he doesn't know I'm sleeping here and surely he'd be suspicious if I just stayed here all day," he replied, smirking. "Oh, if only he knew what I really did when I was 'patrolling.'"

"Jacob!" I shouted. "You're going to make me feel guilty lying to our parents like this."

"Oh please Bells, they know exactly what goes on, they just try to ignore what's right in front of their faces. It's easier that way," he said, chuckling. "Charlie and I are tight; he would probably root me on."

"Okay, ew," I said, scrunching up my nose in disgust and pulling away from his hold to walk over and lean against the counter. "Let's not talk about this anymore. It's really freaking me out."

He followed my path and stood a mere inch away from where I stood, arrogantly leaning over me and placing his hands on top of where mine were planted on the countertop. He was looking down at me from the height advantage he had and I wanted to wipe that wryly "Jacoby" grin off his face.

"Paul told me he had lunch with you last weekend," he said suddenly, still smirking, obviously getting enjoyment out of tormenting me.

"Yeah, I made him a sandwich, are you jealous?" I asked suggestively, playing along with his game.

"I'm going to kill the lucky bastard," he said jokingly, leaning in closer to me so his lips were just barely touching mine. "But in the meantime, I've got better things to do."

He kissed me softly, letting his lips linger against mine, but not giving me the intensity that I was seeking. He pulled away before I was ready and smiled, obviously at the way I must have looked in that moment--completely frustrated. "Patience is a virtue," he said, beaming at me.

"Oh don't even give me that. I am by far one of the most patient girls on this planet. Edward wouldn't even--" I cut myself off, completely shocked by what I was about to say. My hand reflexively shot up and covered my mouth. Jacob's eyes initially grew wide, obviously just as shocked as I was. But then a second later they shifted to reflect hurt and he immediately pulled away from his stance, turning his back to me.

"I-I'm sorry," I said, awkwardly taking a step toward him, but stopped myself from crossing the entire distance between us.

He let out a deep sigh and I watched as the muscles of his back contracted and then relaxed in sync with his breathing. A moment later, he turned around to face me again and oddly enough he looked almost apologetic. The crease in his forehead grew deeper as he studied my expression.

"No, it's okay Bells. Do you want to talk about him?" he asked sincerely, though I could tell it was killing him to be so understanding.

"No," I said quickly, shaking my head to add emphasis on just how true my words were. "Please just forget I said that."

"You know, pretending that he never existed isn't going to solve anything," he said as he walked over and sat down at the kitchen table, turning his head to distractedly look out the window.

I followed him and sat down in the seat across from him, taking one of his hands in mine. "There's nothing to solve."

He shifted his gaze to meet mine and smiled softly, but said nothing. I desperately wanted to change the subject because today wasn't supposed to be like this. Today was supposed to be about us.

"So, Paul mentioned something about Quil, Leah, and Seth…" I said trailing off, leaving it up in the air for him to respond.

"Yes," he said simply. "They will all be joining us soon enough. A big happy family—so how 'bout them Red Sox?"

"What?" I asked in confusion looking down at my feet to find that my socks were definitely white—not red in the slightest.

Jacob immediately burst out into laughter—really loud and obnoxious, might I add. As irritating as it was, I was just happy the earlier tension had faded.

"What's so funny?" I asked, completely oblivious.

"Nevermind," he said still snickering. He stood up and walked over to where I was sitting, and leaned down to kiss the top of my head. "You'll never have the slightest clue how much you mean to me, but I really should get going. The sooner I get home and help Billy, the sooner I can 'patrol.'"

He was already walking over to the front door before I could respond. I followed him and reluctantly said goodbye, though I knew I needed some alone time to prepare for the night ahead.

* * *

First, I showered and shaved. But, I was sweating so bad out of nervousness that an hour later, I decided to shower again. I nearly pulled apart my drawers looking for something appropriate to wear. No sweatpants. No long-sleeve T-shirts. No cutesy nightgowns that I got from my great aunt Jenny for birthdays and holidays. I almost settled on just wearing the only half-decent bra and panties I owned, with nothing over top, because it was all going to come off anyway right? However, the thought of being half naked in front of Jacob was making a huge knot form in my stomach. Maybe if I had a body like Rosalie Hale I could pull that off, but the fact remained that I wasn't even attractive enough to be mentioned in the same sentence as her.

Finally, after three hours of preparation, I was clean, shaven, plucked, lotioned, and dressed in a simple pair of short shorts and a tank top that was a little more revealing than what I would normally wear. Even in the confinements of my bedroom, I felt a little too exposed. My legs were too white and bony—my arms too lanky. I left my hair down around my shoulders to add an extra blanket of concealment.

I wasn't sure what time Jacob would arrive, but when my clock revealed to me that it was past nine, my anxiousness reached a whole new level. I wanted to be with him like this more than anything, but at the same time I couldn't help but feel self-conscious. I didn't have the slightest clue what I was doing and sure hoped that even though both of us lacked experience, he'd be able to take the lead. I took in a deep breath and climbed onto my bed, leaning up against my headboard and closing my eyes. Not even a minute later, I heard a familiar creaking of the tree outside my bedroom window. _Leave it to Jacob to make the most subtle entrance. _ I jumped up and quickly opened my window, allowing him to swing his way inside. As usual, he hit my floor with a loud thump but was on his feet a second later. I shut the window and started toward my bed only to find that I was the only one moving. I stopped in my tracks and turned around to find him carefully staring at me. Slowly he eyed me up, starting from my feet and stopping once he met my self-conscious stare. I nervously fidgeted with the bottoms of my shorts, trying to shuffle them down to cover more of my exposed flesh. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Did you miss me?" He asked, taking a single step toward me, gauging my reaction. There was an electricity in the air—an energy surrounding the significance of this visit.

"Yes," I said in a shaky voice. "You could have used the front door you know."

"What's the fun in that?" he asked smirking, taking another step toward me and taking my face in his hands.

The feel of his hands on my skin was already starting to cloud my mind and make everything else in the room disappear. I could already feel my heartbeat picking up its pace in anticipation for the events that were about to ensue.

"Leave it to you, Jacob," I said, almost breathlessly as his hand started to slide down my neck and come to rest on my bare shoulders.

He grinned and brought his lips to mine in a single much-too-gentle kiss, then released me and finally walked over to have a seat at the edge of my bed. I turned to face him and awkwardly watched him for any signs of what I was supposed to do next. He brought his hand up behind the back of his neck and was scratching it distractedly while looking up at me from under his lashes. I stared at him for another moment and was just about to say something when he interrupted me by clearing his throat and dropping his hand to his side.

"So…" he said sliding himself back so he was sitting at the top of my bed. He opened his legs and patted a small space in between them as if it were meant just for me. "Why don't you come join me?"

That's all the invitation I needed and it basically took everything I had not to sprint onto my bed. I slowly crawled onto it instead, trying to be a little seductive in the process. Though I felt silly, it seemed to be working because I watched Jacob's eyes fall to the open cleavage that was the result of my crawling crouch. He visibly swallowed hard just before I turned to sit smack dab between his legs, pressing my back up against his chest just desperately wanting to be surrounded by his heat. I felt his fingers gently push my hair aside just before is lips made contact with the back of my neck. I shivered against the contrast of temperatures form his breath and the slight chill in the air.

Without speaking, his hands took the place of his lips and he began to massage my shoulders, gently at first—testing the waters. His hands felt like fire as they worked on a path starting at my neck, heading down to my shoulders and then to my upper arms. They went down even further along each side of my body, along my thighs, and curving around to trace their way back up to my neck again. His touch was gentle. _So loving. So erotic_. And as his repetitions continued on, his massaging grew firmer—more eager and demanding. He was beginning to hike up my shirt and my shorts with every turn, exposing more of my pale flesh to the cold air. Eventually it was becoming too much to bear, and I found myself closing my eyes and biting down on my bottom lip as his hand worked its way up my inner thigh just short of touching me in the places I wanted most. My breathing grew erratic and I shifted myself back against him, eliciting a low rumble out of him. His hands stopped momentarily at the base of my bare stomach as I shifted back against him again—his attraction for me _very_ evident. This was the first time I have ever felt anything like this, and it caused a rush of excitement to flow through my system.

"Bella," Jacob's lips were whispering in my ear in an instant later—tickling every fiber of my neck. "If you don't hold still, I might not be able to take this as slow as I planned."

I visibly tried to relax and hold still like he asked; until his hands finally continued on the path they were momentarily interrupted from. They came to a halt at my shoulders and were then replaced with his lips again. He kissed me softly at the nape of my neck and then moved down following my collar bone—pushing my tank strap down along the way. A second later his lips were at my ear again.

"You have no idea how long I've waited to love you like this…" he whispered almost breathlessly, indicating to me that his breathing was almost as heavy as mine. I felt my body weaken at the brunt of his words, practically melting me in his embrace. "Touching you like this…being close to you like this…"

"Jacob…" I breathed, turning around in his arms to face him. Taking in his face again, in the dim lamp lighting of my room, he looked beautiful. I could see my whole world reflecting back at me in the depths of his eyes and I knew that I was meant for this—to be with him, to love him right here and right now.

He stared intently into my eyes for a long time, as if he were searching for something—seeking out a tiny piece of information. Eventually, he took in a deep breath and smiled, his face softening a little. "I'm the only one that you see."

_And, I knew what he meant._

His lips came crashing down on mine, encompassing my mind in a whirlwind of passion. His hands were in my hair, desperately pulling me closer to him. _I needed to be closer to him._ I was just about to wrap my legs around him, when I felt my back form against the soft give of my mattress. Jacob flipped me down on my back and was hovering over me with a devilish smirk on his face. I felt my lips curve upward due to the contagious nature of his smiles. Slowly, never taking his eyes off of mine, he began to slide himself down my body until his face was directly in line with my right ankle.

"Nice and smooth," he said, rubbing his cheek against the sleek skin of my calf. "You smell good, too." He leaned down and brought his lips to the place his cheek was planted a moment ago.

"It's vanilla and lavender lotion," I blurted lamely. Surely he could care less about what kind of lotion I was wearing. I was nervous and when I was nervous I tended to ramble. _A lot_. "My mom actually bought it for me for my birthday a few years ago and I don't know why I just never really used it. I'm glad you like the way it smells though because I put it on specifically for that reason and if you didn't like it then that would be…well really stupid of me--"

My speech was halted by the feel of Jacob's mouth slowly making its way up the length of my leg—his breath teasing my senses. I lost all train of thought as I felt his hands engulf my waist and lightly pull me down to meet him in the middle, with my thighs closer to his mouth. He smiled at me before planting a few kisses along my inner thigh, his nose tickling my skin. My breathing grew even more erratic and my legs automatically opened a little wider as if they were begging him to proceed. His eyes diverted up to meet mine, curiously studying my expression with raised eyebrows. My body was already pleading to be touched in places no one has ever been before, but instead of giving it what it was screaming for, he slid himself up until he was completely on top of me and brought his lips down onto mine once again. He kissed me lightly at first until I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer—demanding his lips on mine.

"You've never been more beautiful than you are tonight," he said against my lips. His mouth abandoned mine momentarily only to lick and suck a path along my jaw and down my neck.

"Aren't you nervous at all?" I asked through ragged breaths, my chest rising and falling against his kisses.

"Yes." His voice was just a low whisper. "But I'm trying to be good for you."

"I'm so nervous I feel like I could pass out," I admitted, because he was my Jacob and because he was the one person I could always tell exactly how I was feeling.

"Me too," he said, connecting his lips with my neck again. "But I want this—_I want you_—more than anything."

After that, no more words were shared because we both wanted the same things. _And, we both knew it._

His kisses slid down my neck, licking along my collar bone and diving further to explore the tops of my barely-there cleavage. I closed my eyes as his hands slid under my shirt, pulling it up and over my head—discarding it in a matter of seconds. He took in my appearance for a second—causing me to second guess my decision to wear the pink bra rather than the simple white. _I didn't want him to think I was silly._

It wasn't long before his lips found my stomach, slowly following a path down lower and lower towards my…

_OH CRAP! _

I shot up from my position in an instant, causing Jacob to jump back in alarm--his eyes wide.

"What?! Did I hurt you?!" he asked me, anxiously searching my body for any sign of injury.

"No Jacob I…" I tried to find my words, but had to catch my breath before I could coherently speak. "Oh my God, I feel like such an idiot."

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

"This whole week I've been thinking—dreaming—about this night and never once did it occur to me…"

"What? Did what occur to you?" He was pressing me for answers now, obviously frustrated with my lack in elaboration.

"A condom…" I said quietly diverting my gaze down to the bed and feeling my face flush at the word spoken aloud.

He was quiet for a moment and I was almost too embarrassed to look back up at him. I heard him shuffling around in his pocket, chuckling. "Is that all this is about?"

"Yes!" I said, starting to get a little angry that he would take "safe sex" so lightly. However, when I looked back up at him, he was dangling an unopened condom wrapper in front of me and smiling.

"Oh…" I said, my blush growing deeper and once again looking down, this time my eyes reflexively fixating on his crotch. I was imagining exactly where that particular condom was going to go before I realized that I was being painfully obvious. Of course, when my eyes raised to meet Jacob's he was smirking devilishly once again, his eyes reflecting pure amusement.

"At least one of us is responsible," he teased right before he laid me down again and crawled back on top of me. "Oh, and you're not the only one whose been daydreaming."

He picked up right where we left off, kissing me passionately again before kissing down my stomach further and further. This time there was no interruptions, so he stopped at the elastic band of my shorts, glancing up at me with raised eyebrows—asking for permission. The best I could do was nod my head, because at this point there was no way I could form comprehendible words.

Slowly and sensually, leaving his eyes locked on mine, he lowered my shorts around my waist, pulling them down until they were around my ankles. I assisted him in my undressing, by kicking them off, accidentally shooting them across the room. He followed their path and then turned to look at me questioningly. I simply shrugged, waiting for him to continue.

His body covered mine again, providing me with instant warmth, and our lips connected once again. I got lost in our kiss, plunging my tongue into his mouth, tasting the familiarity that made him mine. My hands were scanning over every inch of the muscles that defined his bare back, pulling him firmly against me. He shifted his hips until I could once again feel every bit of him pressed up against my body. My hands idly made their way down to the front of him, finally finding the start of his jeans and nervously fiddling with the button.

Everything was starting to move so fast, my head was spinning, my body was screaming, and my heart was pounding—but Jacob was still the center of my world. He was the only thing that mattered as I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them off of him. He was the only thing that mattered as I allowed him to unclasp my bra and ever so gently remove it. He was the only thing that mattered when I felt his hands explore the exposed skin of my breasts—eliciting feelings inside of me that I never before experienced. And, he was still the only thing that mattered in my entire world when he tenderly slid the last article of clothing from my body.

Everything that I had was completely revealed to the one person that my heart now belonged, and even as his eyes appreciatively scanned over every inch of my body, I somehow felt comforted. He smiled at me and told me I was beautiful before bringing his lips to mine and kissing me with the most emotion and intensity I have ever felt before.

"I love you," he murmured between kisses. "More than anything."

"I love you too," I replied.

And maybe we would have continued on—and maybe I would have given Jacob everything I had to give-- maybe I would have lost my virginity that night—had we not gotten interrupted by a loud pounding stemming from the front door.

* * *

**A/N: Okay people, this chapter took me FOREVER to write because it was damn long and hella involved.**

**First and foremost THANK YOU THANK YOU female version soul mate of mine (aka my hubby is no edward).**

**She is basically like my other half in the virtual world--twins separated at birth perhaps?--and she helped write most of this chapter!**

**Second, thank you ReLeeS for your awesome beta skills! Glad I was more patient this time! :-D**

**Sorry for the delay--updates should start coming sooner because school is almost over! YAY! **

**Review the story , tell me you love me, tell me you hate me? Whatever--regardless I want to hear from you.  
**


	29. Vulnerable

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my college debt and the cute new sun dress I got from good ol' JcPenny's. Stephenie Meyer owns all.**

I couldn't think of any good lyrics for this chappie, any suggestions?

* * *

**Chapter 29: Vulnerable**

_Who could possibly be knocking on my door at ten o'clock at night?_

Jacob and I both froze and looked at each other in shock, my hands resting eagerly on the elastic of his boxers. The loud pounding persisted, reminding us that something had to be done—and fast.

"You have got to be kidding me," he groaned, letting his head fall onto my chest in disbelief. "Not now, any other time but now."

"Um…we should probably…" I said trailing off, but he was already crawling off of me and searching for his jeans. As soon as his warmth left me, I shivered against the chilled air, already missing his embrace.

I followed him to my feet, wrapping my bed sheet around me—suddenly feeling _very _naked. The sheet would have to do though, because there wasn't any time to search out all of my clothes. Jacob quickly scrambled into his jeans, hobbling out my bedroom door before he even had both feet in the proper holes.

"Could it be Charlie?" He asked, yelling back to me. I followed him out into the hallway and stopped only halfway down the steps because it just granted me a clear view of the front door.

"He wouldn't be knocking," I told him as he approached the front door, really hoping that my rationalization was correct. Panicked thoughts of who it could be were racing through my mind. _Billy? Cole? No, not Cole. He wouldn't knock. Who else is there?_

I anxiously watched as Jacob pushed aside the curtain that covered the small window. He said a few curse words of choice, and furiously flung the door open.

"The three of you better have a _damn_ good reason for being here," I heard him growl. I craned my neck to try to see around Jacob's massive frame, but didn't have to wait for long because a moment later, Quil, Embry, and Paul came plowing inside my house. I completely froze, subconsciously tugging my sheet tighter around myself—feeling exposed. Sure enough, all three of them instantly glanced over in my direction in unison, their eyes widening. Paul and Embry glanced back over at Jacob with suggestive grins on their faces—while Quil couldn't seem to bring himself to look away from my half-naked appearance.

"Bella, upstairs," Jacob demanded, gesturing me with his head. But I didn't move. I wanted to know why they were at my house at this hour. Jacob better not have told them about what we had planned. The thought of him sharing our intimate details was making my blood boil.

"Jacob Black," Paul said in an approving voice, while shaking his head back and forth as if in disbelief. I couldn't help but notice his hair was now shorter like Jacob's, in a spiked montage on top of his head rather than his usual shoulder-length tendrils. "I must say I'm impressed. Didn't think you'd pull that off so quickly."

I felt my face flush as I tried to shrink myself down deeper inside my blanket, somehow wishing it would swallow me whole. Thankfully, Quil was finally looking away from me to gauge Jake's reaction.

"It's not what you think," Jacob replied, turning briefly to shoot me an apologetic look. _Only it was what they thought. Exactly what they thought._

"Yeah sure, it's never what it appears, right?" Embry asked, laughing through his taunts.

Jacob sighed in frustration. "Just mind your own business and tell me why you're here."

"Oh no no, you aren't getting off that easy," Paul said, turning his attention back on me. As soon as his eyes met mine I wanted nothing more than to disappear with all my humiliation.

"So Bella," he said walking over to the steps and climbing up so he could take a seat directly beside me. He casually put his arm around my shoulders and I couldn't help but to flinch under his touch from my embarrassment. "How was he for ya?"

My eyes grew wide at his question and I quickly diverted them to the ground, feeling my cheeks grow even hotter. _Well Paul,_ _I wish I could answer that question for you._

"Leave her alone, Paul!"Jacob growled through clenched teeth. He started to walk toward us, but was stopped by Embry who quickly stepped in front of him to block his path. They were all laughing, getting a lot of amusement out of torturing us.

"Embry, I highly suggest if you want to live to see another day you move the hell out of my way _right now_," Jacob hissed, and even though he appeared angry I could hear the restrained smile in his shouts.

"Empty threats again?" Embry asked, unmoved. I snuck a quick glance over at Quil to find that he was silently watching the events unfold before him with a permanent smirk played out on his lips. I could tell by the glint in his eyes that he was ecstatic to finally be included with his friends again. Maybe if I wasn't so humiliated I may have actually found all of their usual bickering endearing.

I felt Paul lean in toward me until his lips were only inches away from my ear. "Jacob likes to pretend he's all tough, but really he's nothing but an overgrown pansy," he whispered. I couldn't help myself but to giggle, because his words had some truth to them. Jacob did like to put on the "bad boy-tough guy" façade but deep down inside I knew how incredibly vulnerable and breakable he truly was—especially when it came to loving me.

"You know, if you ever need someone with more experience to teach you a thing or too, feel free to give me a call," he continued whispering before backing away and winking at me. I knew he was kidding and he knew that I knew he was kidding, but I blushed anyway, because I'm Isabella Swan and my cheeks can never be red-free for more than ten second increments.

Before I had a chance to respond he jumped up and walked down the steps to break up Jacob and Embry's confrontation.

"Okay easy boys," he said, stepping between them. "You can relax now loverboy, I'm gonna leave your girlfriend alone for a few."

"Shit Paul, I was looking forward to a good fight. What the hell man?" Quil asked, while playfully punching and swinging the air, as if he were trying to show off his combative skills.

"Ha-ha," Jacob said, backing away from Paul. "You guys are just so freakin hilarious let me tell ya," he continued, the sarcasm in his voice evident. "Now, tell me what was so important that you had to come way up here to get me?"

The room grew silent as all three of them seemed to remember the true reason behind their arrival. They stole a few glances at one another before once again turning to look directly at me. Jacob followed their gaze for a moment—his eyes locking on mine. His jaw visibly clenched and I could tell he was truly sorry for their sudden uninvited visit, and for all of my embarrassment. However, I could also tell that suddenly I wasn't welcome in the room anymore. Whatever they were about to say obviously wasn't meant for my ears to hear.

"Okay fine, I can take a hint," I huffed, standing up and walking up the remainder of the steps, following the hallway into my room. I closed the door behind me, slamming it a little louder than necessary. _I hated it when they got all "werewolfy" on me. _

I quickly scurried around my room collecting all of my clothing that was thrown in various places throughout Jacob and I's hour of passion. I got dressed and sat down on the edge of my bed, letting my face fall into my hands in frustration. _This wasn't how everything was supposed to happen_. I had a much different ending in mind for tonight's activities. I wasn't sure how long I sat like that, but the next thing I knew the bed was shifting beside me and Jacob was pulling me into his arms.

"I'm sorry Bells," he said softly, running his fingers gently through my tangled hair.

"What did they want?" I asked, nuzzling my face into the warmth of his chest. I knew he wouldn't keep anything from me—pack or no pack.

"They received a letter from Victoria," he explained simply, not even trying to sugar-coat it for me. Just the sound of her name caused me to grow tense inside his gentle embrace. He must have sensed my change in demeanor because he cradled me closer against him. "She said she's tired of playing games. She's tired of running."

"So what's that mean?" I asked, quietly lifting my chin to look up at him. I studied his expression for a moment to find it was full of pure determination—all previous signs of our passion faded.

"It means I'm going to get the chance to kill her once and for all," he said fiercely.

I abruptly pushed myself out of his arms and glared at him. "No Jacob! Promise me you won't."

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. Of course I'm going to fight her," he said. "But don't worry, I won't be alone. We aren't stupid. We know she's not going to show up without help."

"What do you mean 'show up'"? I asked, not liking the sounds of any of this. The thought of Jacob going up against Victoria was enough to make me feel like I was going to be sick.

"In the letter she told us to meet her tomorrow afternoon at a clearing down in La Push. I don't know all the details yet, but I'll fill you in as I learn them."

I sighed and idly ran one of my hands through my hair as we both sat in silence for a moment. I turned around and glanced at the open bed behind us, the blankets in disarray from our earlier antics. When my eyes finally shifted to meet his gaze again, I could already tell what he was about to say next.

"You have to go don't you?" I asked glancing down at the bed, though I already knew what his response was going to be.

"I'm sorry," he said, regretfully, and when I didn't respond right away, his arms reached out and snaked around my waist, pulling me onto his lap. His fingers were under my chin gently tilting it up until my eyes locked on his.

"Tonight was the single most amazing thing that has ever happened to me," he said softly, his dark eyes staring straight into my soul.

I frowned. "It didn't exactly work out as I'd hoped."

"Please don't look so upset. I can't stand it," he said grazing his knuckles against my cheek before leaning in to gently kiss my forehead. He continued to kiss me softly starting with my cheek, moving to my nose, and then finally meeting his lips to mine. He pulled away before either of us could get carried away and smiled. "There will be other nights. _Many other nights."_

I tried to smile at him then. I tried to be more optimistic, but the thought of him leaving me all alone right now was almost more than I could handle. _I wanted to be closer to him—not farther away._

_

* * *

  
_

Sometime in the middle of the night I woke up to the familiar warmth of a pair of strong arms wrapped gently around me. I didn't need to open my eyes to know that he had returned from his meeting with his friends. I sighed and took in a deep breath allowing his earthy scent to comfort me. I snuggled closer into his chest and eventually drifted back off into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

The next morning I awoke to a snoring Jacob. He was sprawled out on his back, practically taking up my entire bed with one of his arms dangling off the edge. _How is that even comfortable?_ I smiled at him as the memories of the previous night came flooding back into my mind. _The feel of his lips at the nape of my neck. The feel of his body pressed firmly against mine, the heat of him flooding my system. The combining look of lust, love, and appreciation in his eyes as he scanned over my naked body for the very first time._ I could already feel the color pooling in my cheeks at my recollections. Looking at the man sleeping beside me now made it almost impossible for me to believe that such a short time ago I only wanted to be his friend. The way that he made me feel was indescribable and incomparable to anything I have ever experienced before. I loved him in different ways than I loved Edward, because love was funny like that—never the same thing a second time around. Though a part of my heart would always ache for the extraordinary experiences that defined what Edward and I once were, I couldn't help but feel that I was better off with Jacob. Being so close to him last night, made me realize what my past relationship was lacking all along—raw, physical, skin on skin connections. I never realized how much I craved it until actually experiencing it firsthand. I shivered from the memories just before reaching my hand across the short distance separating me from the one I loved and began tracing invisible circles on his chest. _I could definitely get used to waking up to this._

He stirred under my touch until his eyes squinted open and he yawned himself into consciousness. I propped myself up on my elbows and smiled at him.

"Good morning, sleepy head," I said, my grin growing wider.

"Mmmm Bella," he said lazily, his voice thick with sleep. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me directly on top of him. "Please tell me last night wasn't just a dream."

"I highly doubt it would end with Embry, Paul, and Quil if you were dreaming," I said smiling.

"Ahhh yes, good point," He said, chuckling as he brought one of his arms up to rub his eyes. "You know," he said a moment later. "I don't mean to sound stupid or anything, but I want to wake up like this every morning."

"Me too," I said giddily. The next thing I knew I was being rolled over onto my back and Jacob was now hovering over me, smiling down at the shocked look on my face.

"Do you wanna warn me before you do things like that?" I asked, laughing lightly.

"Of course not," he replied, leaning down to gently brush his lips against mine. Both of use needed some serious teethbrushing time, so that's all the farther that particular kiss got before he pulled off of me and sat up at the edge of my bed. I watched in admiration as he stretched his arms out over top of his head, every muscle defined and flexed before letting them fall back to his sides.

"So I'm guessing you'd like to know how the meeting went?" he asked, reading my mind as always because that was in fact, what I was about to ask.

"Yeah," I said, as I crawled up behind where he was sitting and wrapped my arms around the back of his neck and placed my chin on his shoulder. It was still taking me some time to get used to the idea that I could reach out and touch Jacob as often as I liked without fearing what consequence my actions might ultimately lead to. With Edward, every touch--every movement had to be carefully predictable.

He reached his hands up to place them on my forearms, signaling to me that he appreciated the affection I was showing him. "I'll tell you if you promise not to freak out."

"I'm not making a promise I don't intend to keep."

He sighed. "Okay fine. Like I said last night, Victoria delivered Sam a handwritten letter. Apparently, he found it taped to his front door. I guess it said something like 'I'm tired of running and playing these childish games. Meet me at Swan Neck clearing in La Push tomorrow at noon. Then, it said something about be sure to come prepared, I don't like easy wins. Yadda, yadda, yadda…"

I released my arms from around his neck and stood up off the bed so that I was now standing directly in front of him. I searched his face for any signs of amusement because deep down inside I prayed that he was kidding. It's not that I didn't think the wolves could handle their own against Victoria; I just hated the thought of anything happening to any of them because of my actions. I would never forgive myself.

"So what's going to happen?" I asked, not entirely sure that I wanted to hear the answer.

"Well, I have to leave here and meet up with Sam, Paul, and Jared. We are going to head down to Swan Neck to see if she will actually show up, and if she does how much help she brought with her. Embry and Quil will be on standby waiting at my house, that way if we need them they can come right away and if you need them they will be closer than me."

"Only three of you are going?" I asked, my distaste for the idea apparent in my voice.

"Relax Bells, we know what we're doing," he said, reaching out to grab onto my hands to pull me closer. He stood up from the bed and had pulled me so close that are bodies were almost touching. I glanced up at him, straining my neck to see his face.

"I don't want you to go," I said softly, but I knew it wouldn't matter.

"I know, but I have to. It's time to put this wild goose chase to an end once and for all so you can finally live without fear—so that I can finally sleep soundly at night knowing that you're safe," he explained to me, but it was everything that I already knew. It didn't change the way that I felt, because even though I wanted Victoria dead, I didn't want Jacob to be the one to do it.

* * *

I was sitting impatiently at my kitchen table holding my head up with my elbows and staring endlessly at the clock. _11:01—fifty-nine minutes until noon._ Right before Jacob left my house I begged him to let me come down to La Push to wait for him to return to his house, but he wouldn't let me. He felt I would be safer here at home, for whatever reason. I guessed the fact that Victoria would be remotely close to where I resided was the determining factor in my current location. I tried to distract myself by eating, but my stomach was too sick to finish the bowl of cereal that I poured over an hour ago. I glanced at it as it sat untouched on the table in front of me, the small circular grains filling with the milk and growing soggier by the second. I couldn't help but remember the day that Eric told me that he preferred his cereal this way. He would pour it and then let it sit for ten minutes before ever taking the first bite. For the life of me, I couldn't bring myself to fathom why anyone in their right mind would want to eat soggy cereal.

_11:04._

The cereal distraction lasted all but three minutes. Extremely frustrated, I stood up from the table and was just about to pick up the bowl to clean it when I heard a familiar voice from behind me.

"Clock watching again?" he asked in his usual smooth, accented tone, abruptly stopping my movements mid-air.

_Cole._ I closed my eyes as many different emotions hit me at once. _Anger. Frustration. Relief. Curiosity. _Slowly, I turned around to face him to find he was standing closer to me than I expected. I had to take a wobbly step backward in order to adjust to his presence.

"Where have you been?" I asked, unable to hide the hostility beneath my words. Every time Cole was near, he put me through an emotional rollercoaster. I never knew what to expect from him next, and worse yet, I never knew what to expect from myself.

"I wanted to give you some space…" he said softly, his voice trailing off. I watched as he looked down at the floor, seemingly trying to look at everything in the room besides me. My eyes scanned over his features. His eyes were slightly sunken with dark circles surrounding their depths. His skin was paler than usually, if that were even possible, and his hair looked a little unkempt, like he had been rubbing his fingers through it all morning.

"Well gee, thanks for that. Just let poor ole me go through the entire week wondering what happened to you and if I'd even see you again--how thoughtful." I knew I was being harsh, but I couldn't help it. I was already on edge and I was in no mood to put up with his mind games.

"I'm sorry, Isabella," he breathed out with a large exhale of air. "I didn't realize you'd be so concerned with my lack of attendance."

I rolled my eyes. "You're impossible." I grabbed the cereal bowl and walking over to the sink, turning my back to him. I began rinsing the contents out into the sink, when I felt him adjacently behind me. He stood in silence for a minute while I scrubbed before walking up beside where I stood and leaning against the counter facing me.

"Take a walk with me," he said suddenly, his voice firm and enticing.

"Excuse me?" I asked, unsure if I heard him correctly. _Was he really asking me to take a walk with him?_

He reached out and placed his hand on top of mine to stop me from scrubbing the bowl that was now clean. I could feel his eyes on me as I stared down at the chilled connection that his hand elicited against mine. Slowly, I raised my wary gaze to meet his.

"Walk with me," he said, and somehow it sounded like a demand rather than a request.

"Cole…I don't think--"

"Please," he begged, interrupting me, his voice softening again. He removed his hand from mine and let it fall back to his side. His eyes were boring into mine and I could see his vulnerability inside of them. Something was terribly wrong with him—something that maybe he wanted to talk to me about?

"Um…" I started to say, finally able to pull my eyes away from his to try to gather my befuddled thoughts. "Where to?"

"It doesn't matter," he said, quickly. "I just really need to talk to you about something and it can't be here."

I was going to question that statement but the helpless look in his eyes made me rethink that decision.

"I'm sorry," I said, deciding not to say no but not to agree to his request yet either. "I just don't understand why...I mean…I guess what I mean to say is that I really shouldn't leave my house."

He kind of tilted his head to the side in response to my words. "Why? Does Jacob Black have you on house arrest again?"

"No!" I quickly shouted, my irritation getting the best of me. "For your information, Victoria wrote Jacob's pack a note asking to meet her in La Push for a fight. Therefore, it isn't smart for me to be wandering around the woods."

"Hmm," he said, deep in thought for a moment. "And, they didn't think to ask me for my help?"

"Did you really think they would? You know how they feel about you."

"Oh yes, of course. But, I could have been a valuable asset to them," he said. "And answer me this, why would Jacob run off to fight Victoria only to leave you here all alone and defenseless with no protection?"

"Because if Victoria is in La Push then there is nothing that I need protected from," I retorted. I walked away from the sink to dry my hands on the towel hanging from the stove.

"I guess that's true _If_ she really is in La Push," He replied, turning so that his eyes could follow my path.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

Cole simply shrugged and took a few steps toward me. "I don't know, I guess it just means that I think I should stay here and make sure you're safe until they return."

I glanced down at the kitchen linoleum and sighed, before looking up to meet his piercing gaze again. "Do you think they'll return?" I couldn't stop myself from asking him. I had to know, I needed something to put my mind at ease.

"Oh Isabella," he said sympathetically. "Don't fret, they'll be fine. You don't have to worry about them. Seriously, she is no match for a group of overzealous werewolves."

I nodded and managed to smile at him then, because his words truly did put me at ease.

"Thank you," I replied.

"That's what friends are for," he said smiling softly and extending his hand out to me. I looked down at it curiously, before glancing back up and locking my eyes with his once again. I knew what his next question was long before the words left his frozen lips.

"Now, how about that walk?"

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**A/N: WOW thank you all so much for all the reviews! I am almost at 1,000!! :-D You all rock!**

**Thank you to my hubby is no edward for her wonderful beta skills on this chapter and for being the best soul mate ever.**

**Thank you to Twilex(my fav Edwardian fan) and the IMBD message board for discussing FFY and being flippin hardcore awesome!**

**Sorry about all the cliffhangers but, hey that's how I roll people! What can I say?**

**Happy Easter! I will be accepting 12 foot hollow chocolate bunnies from anyone who wishes to donate! :-D YES THEY MUST BE HOLLOW!**

**Please review--you know the routine, I want to meet ya!! **


	30. Traitor

**Disclaimer: I don't own a damned thing besides my college debt and my scrubs I got for my hospital rotations. All the credit belongs to the amazing Stephenie Meyer!**

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"I dreamed I was missing  
You were so scared  
But no one would listen  
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming  
I woke with this fear  
What am I leaving  
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me  
I want you to know

When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed."

--Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park

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**Chapter 30: Traitor**

I crossed my arms and front of me and expelled an exaggerated puff of air no longer able to contain my extreme aversion to this dance that Cole and I were currently participating in--walking around my yard in meaningless circles for reasons that were yet to be known to me. Earlier in my kitchen, I shrugged off his extended hand and walked right past him to get my coat, making it clear that I wasn't interested in his attempts at affection. However, ultimately I did accept his request of a walk which should stand for something right? I was curious as to what was bothering him and even though he drove me insane I couldn't turn off the innate concern I had for him and his overall well-being. I hadn't even noticed I was staring aimlessly off into a few distant trees until I heard him clear his throat loudly and then return my exasperated huffs in mockery.

"Oh wow, so the vampire can make a sound," I said in frustration, while rolling my eyes in response to his adolescent behavior. The sole purpose of the particular walk was to get some information out of him, but he had yet to say a word. Why wouldn't he just tell me what was bothering him? Why was he acting so strange?

"Oh wow, so the human actually has yet to trip and fall," he retorted, a twisted grin played out on his lips.

"Okay that's it--if you aren't going to talk then I'm going inside," I snapped, already turning to take a few steps toward my front door. I didn't get very far before I felt his cold arm gently wrap around my waist, keeping me from going any further. My breath caught in my throat as it so often did when he touched me so closely and I couldn't stop myself from shuddering.

"No, please wait," he begged, and when I carefully turned around in his arms to meet his gaze, his eyes were pleading with mine—captivating me in their depths. I could see conflict inside of them—some sort of internal struggle as if he had something weighing heavily on his mind.

I closed my eyes and sighed in defeat, trying to convince myself that he didn't have a hold over me, but ultimately reaching the decision that I cared about him way more than I should. "Would you please tell me what's going on? Something is bothering you. I can tell."

"There's something I want to show you," he replied avoiding my question while reaching out to try to remove an object from my hair. I flinched away from his touch and he sighed, dropping his hands to his sides. "I'm sorry."

"Just….please don't," I said quietly, glancing down to the ground. The last thing that I needed at this point was him touching me and clouding my mind.

We fell into another awkward silence as a gentle breeze blew between us, twirling my hair in front of my face and filling the stillness between us with the new sounds of creaking branches and rustling weeds.

"So, what is it that you want to show me?" I asked a moment later, finally breaking the silence and trying to force myself to be more understanding.

"A place that I go to when I need to clear my head," he explained, his voice softening. "It's really beautiful." He shifted his gaze from mine to stare off at something in the distance behind me.

"And if I go to this place with you, you'll start talking?" I questioned him.

"Yes Isabella, if you go to this place with me, I'll start talking."

"Promise me?"

He turned and stared at me for a moment, his features suddenly shifting into a painful grimace, but it only lasted for a second before he masked it again—as if he were trying to keep some kind of composure for me. "I promise."

_What was he hiding?_

_

* * *

  
_

A few minutes later we were in my truck, Cole driving us along some familiar pathway through the woods. _Where have I seen this before?_ He was still oddly quiet and it was starting to make me uneasy. I was already running possibilities of his odd behavior through my mind. What if something happened to one of the Cullens and he was afraid to tell me? What if something was wrong with Alice—or with _him_—with _Edward_? I could feel my stomach clenching into a tight knot and suddenly I was expecting the worst. I was so caught up in my contemplations that I almost forgot about the whole mess with Victoria, and as soon as I remembered my eyes immediately went to the clock.

"11:40," Cole said, as if he were reading my mind. I glanced over at him to find his hands clenched firmly to the steering wheel—his eyes intensely focused on the road before him as if he were on some kind of mission. We were both bumping up and down in our seats due to the nature of the road before us, and quite honestly I was beginning to worry about the life of my truck.

"Are you sure--"

"It will be fine," he said interrupting me mid-sentence. "Your truck is sturdier than you think."

"How do you do that?" I asked.

"Do what exactly?" He responded, but his voice seemed distant—as if his mind were miles away from our conversation.

"Know what I'm going to say before I actually say it?"

He causally shrugged-never taking his eyes off the road. "I just know you better than you think, I guess."

"You can read minds, too!" I suddenly exclaimed, as if I just experienced some great epiphany. "Just like Edward? But wait, Edward couldn't read my mind so then that means--"

"No," he replied, flashing his twisted grin, seemingly finding much amusement out of my outburst. "I can't read minds Isabella—you're just easy to predict."

Suddenly, he slowed down the pace of the truck and diverted his eyes over in my direction. "We're almost there," he said, almost too quiet for me to here.

"Okay?" I replied, confused as to why he was slowing down if we haven't arrived yet.

His eyes stared into mine, his earlier smile fading. The expression on his face was intense and serious. A moment later, I felt the car come to a complete stop as my body shot forward a little adjusting to the change in movement. I glanced out the window to find that we were still surrounded by woods. When I turned back around to look at Cole, his arms were lying on the steering wheel and his forehead was resting on them. I stared at him questioningly for a minute before he sat up straight and let out a long exhale of air. With a look of despair, he resituated himself so that he was staring directly at me. It was all in his expression, something was very wrong, and I felt a sense of dread creep into my body. While trying to stifle my now erratic breathing, I took a slow gulp, and scooted myself forward so that I could be closer to him. With my new proximity, it looked as if he were a stone structure ready to crumble at any second. I felt my mind whirl in a growing state of confusion, but all I wanted to do was ease his discomfort and erase the worried lines that now tainted his perfection. Without thinking, I reached forward and brushed my hand along his in an attempt to try and comfort him.

"Cole, what is it? You don't have to be afraid to share things with me," I heard myself say, though I felt as though my brain was currently in competition with my heart and my heart was taking the lead.

"Bella…" he nearly whispered, and if vampires could cry, his tortured face looked on the verge of tears. "I need to speak with you about something. I should have brought this up so long ago, but I didn't know you then like I do now. These emotions and how you make me feel.....I just didn't know how to handle it...." taking a breath he trailed off and glanced away from me.

_Oh no. You have got to be kidding. He can't possibly….like me._ I chanced a quick peek in his direction and found myself staring at him—my eyes pleading.

"Please don't say it, not now, I can't take on anymore," I said quietly.

He stared back at me for a second too long, before finally turning his attention out the windshield, focusing on something in the distance.

"We should walk the rest of the way there, it's only around that bend up there," he said a moment later, redirecting our conversation, while pointing to a wind in the road ahead of us.

Without saying a word, I climbed out of the truck and shut the door behind me. I stopped for a moment because I was hit with a sudden overwhelming feeling that this was a terrible idea. I shrugged it off and turned to catch up with Cole who was already walking down the wooded trail. We took a few steps beside one another before he stopped abruptly, grabbing onto my hand to stop me right along with him. I studied his face as several emotions danced across it as if he were contemplating something more in his head—his internal struggle continuing—possibly getting stronger.

"What is it?" I asked him, having to fight off the urge I was now experiencing to reach out and touch his cheek—to smooth the worried wrinkles on his forehead. I'm still not sure what it was about him, but for some reason I felt compelled to take care of him—almost as if it were just him and I against the world since nobody else understood him the way that I did.

He nervously ran both of his hands through his hair and then displayed his hands in front of him—looking down to study them. "I can't do this," he said through a strained voice. I watched as he clenched his hands into fists and let them drop to his sides in frustration.

"What?" I asked, a little frantic because he was starting to make me nervous. "What can't you do?"

His eyes diverted up from the ground and locked on mine—they softened around the edges as if he just _really_ noticed I was standing there for the first time. "I'm so sorry, Isabella." He advanced toward me and placed his hands gently on the sides of my upper arms. His intense stare was burning holes into me.

"I'm so, so sorry," he kept repeating.

"You're really starting to scare me," I managed to say barely above a whisper. I could feel my heart rate spiking and my breathing was coming at a much quicker pace.

He advanced even closer to me as I subconsciously backed away until I felt myself come in direct contact with some trees, unable to go any further. He was standing so close to me now, his minty breath blowing against my face. I closed my eyes and held in my breath, as I felt his cool lips connect with my forehead. They lingered there for a moment, before I finally gained the courage to open my eyes and face him again. I had no idea what he was trying to do to me—but somehow I felt comforted—I trusted that he would never put me in danger. Before I knew what was happening, both of his hands were on the sides of my face and he was staring intensely into my eyes—making it hard for me to remember my own name. I wanted to look away from him—I wanted to put a comfortable distance between us, but I couldn't bring myself to move an inch. _Here we go again, he was going to try to kiss me._

"Cole…" I breathed. "Please don't do this."

"Relax," he whispered, his breath teasing my senses. "I'm not going to kiss you."

"Well then what--"

"I'm sorry," he interrupted, pulling his hands away and taking a few steps back. "I just needed to be close to you one last time."

"One last time…" I repeated his words, trailing off as I allowed them to sink in. _One last time? What was he saying? Was I never going to see him again?_

"Listen Isabella," he said, and he was speaking so quickly it was hard for my human ears to keep up. "There isn't much time. She'll be arriving any minute now so listen to what I'm saying to you very closely and do exactly what I say. No matter what happens, do exactly as I say."

"Cole? Who's coming? What's going on?" I asked frantically.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't truthful with you. I'm so sorry that I wasn't the type of person—type of vampire that you saw inside of me. But most of all, you have to know how terribly sorry I am for doing this to you—for putting your life in danger," he continued, completely ignoring my questions.

I felt my breathing stop as I froze in my stance, his words whirling around in my mind trying to form together to make some kind of sense. I stared back at him with wide eyes, completely terrified of what he was about to say next—of what he was about to admit to, because deep down inside I knew it was true all along. I knew the truth but I didn't want to believe it because it was easier to believe in the lie.

"I don't know the Cullens," he continued after I didn't respond right away. "I never did."

"Then why are you here?" I squeaked, though I already knew what his response would be.

"Victoria sent me," he said fiercely, his eyes locked directly on mine. "She sent me to lure you in so she could kill you."

I felt my eyes wail up with tears as the hurt of his untruthfulness began to sink into my system. _He lied to me this whole entire time. He took advantage of my trust in him._ I knew that I should be afraid for my life—something deep inside of me was screaming at me to run away—but the pain I was feeling was overwhelming everything else. I trusted him with everything I had and this is how he was repaying me? I went against the wishes of the man that I love—and this is how he was thanking me? My stomach was churning, my head was spinning, and I felt like I was going to be sick. I could barely stand up straight as the words he was speaking to me were going in one of my ears and out the other—never actually being processed.

"How could you?" I yelled at him suddenly, my voice coming out stronger than I expected. "How could you do this to me after I trusted you?!"

"I'm not like you Isabella!" he shouted. "I'm not good and wholesome—trustworthy and thoughtful. I could give a shit if people live or die. I don't care about anyone other than myself. I don't care about you!"

"You care about me!" I yelled back at him, taking a step toward him, feeling my fists clench at my sides. "I know that you do!"

"Maybe," he said, lowering his voice a little as he diverted his gaze to the ground in shame. "But it doesn't matter now."

"It matters to me," I whispered. "You could've led me into the clearing but you didn't."

"Bella," he said sadly. "You need to go. I want you to run—run as fast as you can down this path and follow it until you reach the road. Once there, turn right and head towards town—it is closer than your house. You should be safe once you arrive there in the presence of others. Just whatever you do—don't stop and don't look back. Just keep running—no matter what. Jacob and the other wolves will find out the letter was a trick and come looking for you before long."

_Jacob. He wasn't fighting Victoria after all. _I felt comforted by that thought even though I knew it meant that she was coming for me instead.

"What about you?" I asked.

"Don't worry about me. I'm going to keep her distracted so you can get away."

"But won't she be upset with you?"

"I'll be fine," he said quickly, carefully looking at everything else but me.

"Cole…" I said trailing off, because I didn't know if this would be the last time I would see him. Even though he lied to me about everything, I couldn't stop myself from being overcome with a sense of sadness. _He was my friend. I would miss him._

"Bella, you have--"

The sound of a distinct laughter—playful yet maniacal-- interrupted him mid sentence filling the air all around us. He instantly tensed as I began to scan the surrounding trees for its source. The childlike, yet hair-raising giggles began to swirl around us, teasing us, as I twisted and turned in every direction only making it in time to catch a blurred dash of brilliant red. Cole fled to my side and I heard him mutter "Victoria" under his breath as he gently grabbed my arm and protectively pushed me behind him.

"Hold on tight," he told me, just before he flung me onto his back in a desperate attempt to get me away from the woman that wanted me dead.

He moved all but three quick steps before Victoria appeared directly in front of him—stopping our escape dead in its tracks. Her eyes gleamed bright red, matching the luminous color of her long, curled hair that perfectly encompassed and emphasized her flawless hour-glassed frame. Her lips were curled up in a menacing smile, yet somehow she looked completely amused. I gasped out loud, cursing myself for letting my weakness show.

"Cole, my love. There you are." Her soft and sensual voice filled the air around us coating it with a reminder that we were out of time.

I swallowed hard and kept my eyes on the back of Cole's head, too afraid to look ahead to where I knew she stood. Cole visibly tensed even more and gently slid me down his body and onto my feet.

"Tory," he said, his voice sharp and venomous. "I thought we agreed to meet in the clearing."

"I was just about to question what was taking you so long when I heard voices and decided to investigate," she admitted, while walking in a slow catlike prowl around Cole—obviously trying to get closer to me. Cole slowly mimicked her movements, careful to always stand directly in front of me—putting a protective barrier between me and my predator.

"Where exactly do you think you're heading with my sweet-smelling ragdoll playtoy?" Victoria purred, slowly tilting her head to the side to assess his actions. Her features changed from soft and alluring to violent and animalistic in a matter of seconds.

"I won't allow you hurt her," Cole said fiercely, unconsciously taking another step backward so my body was pressed directly against his.

Victoria threw her head back and let out a loud and appreciative laugh—her face growing serious a moment later. "Oh please, don't tell me you have fallen under her pathetic spell, too? What kind of fool are you?"

"If you want to kill her, you'll have to kill me first," Cole growled, his muscles simultaneously contracting and protruding out of his arms.

"And you really think you stand a chance?"She asked, and suddenly she was directly in front of him, a mere foot from me. I couldn't see what she was doing because Cole was blocking her from my view, but whatever it was I could feel Cole's body relaxing against mine.

That's when everything happened all at once. Cole jolted forward away from me and pounced onto Victoria, pummeling her to the ground.

"Run, Bella," I heard him yell, but my legs were already carrying me without my control. Instead of running the way I was told, my legs were taking me toward the clearing, but it was too late to stop now—too late to turn back. My heart was painfully beating against my ribcage as I gasped air into my deprived lungs trying to carry myself faster than my legs would allow. I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do when I got there--I just knew I had to keep moving. I heard hissing, growling, and trees snapping from behind me as I reached the clearing that was our original destination. There was a waterfall to the right of me and suddenly I knew why the particular path had been so familiar. _This was where I watched the Cullens play baseball. The very place I met Victoria for the first time._

I didn't hear footsteps behind me and my lungs were screaming for a break; so without wanting to, my legs quit moving and I brought my hand to my chest to push against my aching heart. I doubled over gasping for air as I slowly turned around to find that I was, in fact, completely alone. Cole must have been doing a good job holding her off but I knew it wouldn't be for long. I knew I had to keep running. I took in one last huge breath of air before taking off in a full on sprint again. I could see the other edge of the clearing getting closer and closer, tempting me, pulling me closer to the path that would lead me to the other side of the woods—the path that would hopefully lead me to safety. The sight of my destination kept my jello-like legs pushing me forward.

I was just about to step into the confinements of the woods when I felt my body come in direct contact with something hard—instantly pushing me backward and forcing me to take a downward plunge to the ground. I saw a shadow of a figure casted over me as the sun peeked out through the clouded sky and shined directly through the trees. Slowly, I diverted my eyes up to meet the person responsible for the shadow—my attacker. Victoria smiled down at me, her eyes gleaming in triumph for what she was about to accomplish.

"You didn't really think he'd be capable of saving you from me, did you?" she asked, her voice reflecting pure amusement as she was obviously getting much pleasure out of the terrified expression on my face.

I couldn't bring myself to speak—to breathe in her presence. I knew this was it. I knew that I was going to die and the only thing I could think of in that moment was Jacob. I closed my eyes and pictured his smile—somehow managing to help me to feel relaxed in this time of fear. I didn't get to marvel in his radiance for long, because the next thing I knew, a loud branch was cracking in the distance causing my eyes to shoot open just in time to see Victoria lunging toward me with Cole simultaneously flying through the air in my very direction. I closed my eyes again bracing myself for whatever impact I was about to experience. I felt myself get swooped up off the ground and in one swift motion; I was flying freely through the air heading straight for a large set of rocks. The instant my body made impact, pain sheered through my right arm and down my spine, knocking the wind right out of me. My head felt warm and fuzzy as I scanned around the open clearing in search of Cole or Victoria. My vision was blurry, the world was spinning around me, and my head was pounding. My left hand reflexively reached and touched the back of my head as I brought it forward to study the warm substance that was now running smoothly over it—engulfing it in its depth.

_Red. Everything was red._

The last thing I remember was the smell of metallic and salt, the faint sounds of hissing and growling of a fight going down in the distance, and a small fraction of a sense that there had been a different pair of cold marble hands gently tracing the lines and creases of my forehead.

_Then, everything went black._

_

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_

_Movement_. I was moving. My body was completely still, but somehow I was moving quickly and smoothly through the chilled spring air. That's when I noticed that I was being carried. Someone had their arms wrapped gently around my assaulted body, cradling me to their chest, protecting my face from the wind.

_Cold._ The body was cold. I shivered against it, but somehow it was drawing me in closer—my body was begging me not to escape its hold. I nuzzled my face further into the person's chest breathing in a heavenly scent.

"I'm so sorry Bella," a voice spoke, and I heard it from within my carrier's chest, vibrating off his ribcage.

_Edward. _My mind revealed my carrier's identity to me as the memories of him began to abruptly flood back into my system. _It was Edward's voice. He was back. He was here with me._

"Edward," I heard a scratchy voice murmur and it took me a moment to realize that it was mine. My head turned toward where I knew his face would be and I slowly forced my eyelids open, blinking him into focus. He looked down at me as I stared up at him dreamily, completely unable to wrap my mind around the fact that he was here—he was right in front of me.

"Shhh," he spoke, and God he was more beautiful than I remembered and I wanted him to speak to me again and again. I never wanted his musical voice to stop. No dream--no memory could ever do this justice.

"Edward," I repeated again, trying to reach my hand up to touch his flawless face, but being stopped by a pain that punished me for my movement. "You came back for me."

"Shhh," he said again, his voice soothing me. "Try not to move. I got you. It's okay Bella, everything is going to be just fine."

I stared at him for a time longer than I can remember as I felt my eyelids grow heavier and heavier begging me to succumb to sleep. I tried to fight it off because I never wanted to stop looking at this face ever again. I never wanted this moment to end. Despite my efforts, my eyes slid shut once again, surrounding me in darkness.

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**A/N: OMG OMG EDWARD! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....okay sorry sometimes I get into my story just as much as you do...so moving on...  
**

**THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to my one and only--my hubby is no edward--the keeper of my heart-HAHA--yeah so she helped me write alot of this chappie!**

**THANK YOU to ReLeeS for her incredible beta skills as usual. You all should be jealous you don't got the betas I do! :-D**

**For the record, I started my rotations earlier this week and have been spending long hours on the acute wing of the hospital--sorry if my mind is a little carazy!!**

**This chapter was extremely difficult for me to write--a little more out of my element so please try to be kind to me. I'm sensitive people!!!**

**Please review--they make me smile big!**

**Finally, start getting PUMPED about my next story--a collaboration with my hubby is no edward--"Blame it on the Weatherman." **

**It's going to be bomb because she's awesome!!!! If you haven't checked out all the dets on my profile, I suggest you mosey on over there now.**

**Okay sorry for my epic long author's notes. What can I say? I just love chatting with you. Until next time.......  
**


	31. All Around Me

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my college debt and the super fabulous Border's Special Edition copy of the Twilight DVD. Stephenie Meyer created this world and I'm just borrowing it.**

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"_My hands are searching for you  
My arms are outstretched towards you  
I feel you on my fingertips  
My tongue dances behind my lips for you_

_This fire rising through my being  
Burning I'm not used to seeing you_

_I'm alive, I'm alive_

_I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing_

_My hands float up above me  
And you whisper you love me  
And I begin to fade  
Into our secret place_

_The music makes me sway  
The angels singing say we are alone with you  
I am alone and they are too with you_

_I'm alive, I'm alive_

_I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing_

_And so I cry  
The light is white  
And I see you."_

_--All Around Me by Flyleaf_

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**Chapter 31: All Around Me**

_Beep. Silence. Beep. Silence. Beep._

The piercing sound was growing louder and louder inside of my mind and the only thing I could focus on was how to get it to stop. _Please_. I would have done anything—given anything for it to just end.

_Beep._

I didn't want this sound to interrupt my thoughts any longer. I wanted to sleep in peace. I wanted to dream in peace. I wanted to see Edward's face in peace. I wanted to _be_ in peace.

_Beep._

My eyes wanted to open, I felt them fluttering against my wishes eliciting a different sound of a muffled voice around me. The voice sounded miles away and it took me a moment to realize it was calling my name.

_Bella?_

What is it that it wanted? Why was it calling out to me? Why was it interrupting my sleep?

_Bella? Can you hear me?_

"Edward…" I mumbled. My mouth was dry, my throat scratchy.

I felt a warm hand rub across my forehead. I could feel my innate senses slowly coming back into existence. The room smelled of a familiar mixture of eucalyptus, antiseptic, and latex. More sounds entered into my psyche--a low chirping, a quiet swooshing, a steady dripping. Slowly, I squinted my eyes open taking in the bright white contrast of my surroundings. The light hurt my eyes and I tried to bring my hand up to shield them but found that it was too heavy for me to lift—or maybe it was too painful, I couldn't be sure.

_Beep._

Now in my heightened state of consciousness, I recognized the all too familiar beeping. I was in a hospital. That irritating reverberation was monitoring my heart. The familiar mixture of scents formed a detailed image of a hospital room in the back of my eyelids.

"Edward…" I heard myself mumble again. I wanted to see his face again—to hear his musical voice.

I allowed my eyes to open once again—further taking in my surroundings. The ceiling was _white_. The walls were…_white_. The floor was…

"Welcome back, Bells," Charlie said softly, his face appearing before me—blocking my view.

"Dad?" I croaked, as a blinked him into focus. I glanced around the empty room in disorientation, discovering an empty hospital bed next to mine. _I had a room to myself._

"Yeah, that's right. I'm here," he replied in a gentle voice that he only ever used with me when I was a little girl. I turned my attention back on him.

That's when I felt it--the pain shooting through my head. I winced in response to it—it was almost unbearable. I heard someone else shift in a seat from across the room. I must have missed their presence in my quick scan of the room's occupants. Their footsteps grew louder as they neared my bed.

"Edward?" I asked.

I watched as Charlie shot a worried glance in the other person's direction. I followed his gaze until my eyes locked on Jacob's. _Jacob._ I felt my heart flutter in my chest at the sight of him. Dark eyes. Black hair. _Beautiful russet skin_. Suddenly, the memories flooded back into my mind all at once. I belonged to him. I _loved_ him. And, I was hurting him. I could see the pain in his eyes as he stared back at me. He swallowed hard before leaning down beside me and taking my hand gently in his.

"Hey, you," he said smiling softly, while gently brushing his fingertips across my forehead. "You gave us quite a scare, you know."

"Jacob," I breathed, feeling incredibly relieved that he was here with me. "How long have I been here?" I had a million other questions that I wanted to ask. Where was Edward? What happened after I blacked out? How much did Charlie know? But, I didn't want to add to the pain that he was very clearly experiencing and I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around everything that happened in the last few hours…or however long it has been.

"Since yesterday afternoon," he replied, quickly glancing over at Charlie and then back at me. _Charlie obviously didn't know the actual truth behind what happened. _I glanced out the window briefly, seeing that the sun was hanging high in the sky, providing a natural lighting to my small room.

"When I got the call from Billy that you were in the hospital, I wasn't all that surprised," Charlie said, grinning at me. "I do wish that you were more careful, Bella. Why don't you stay out of the woods for a while?"

"Oh dad, I'm so sorry," I said frowning, realizing that he had to come home early from his fishing trip. "I ruined your weekend."

"Hey now, I don't wanna hear any of that," he said. "I'm just glad you're alright."

I smiled at him as another round of pain shot straight through my head. This was getting to be intolerable. A quick flash of a memory flickered through my mind—the air hitting my face as I flew uncontrollably toward a bunch of jagged rocks at the far end of the clearing. I tried to push it out of my head; I didn't want to remember anything anymore. "Do you think you could go ask someone to give me some Tylenol or something?"

"Sure," he said, already standing to his feet. "I'll go find your nurse." He gave my hand a quick squeeze before turning around and exiting the room. Finally, Jacob and I were alone. An uncharacteristic awkwardness extended between us, suddenly causing the beeping and the dripping to grow louder becoming blatant insults to our otherwise easy-going relationship.

"You okay?" he asked me, as soon as Charlie was out of the room. "Is there anything I can do?" I could see there was so much more depth underneath the surface of his questions. Was he asking me if there was anything he could for me—or was it whether or not it was Edward that I wanted here with me now?

"I'm fine," I said, keeping our conversation strictly superficial. "I'm just a little disoriented and my head is pounding."

"Oh, Bells," he sighed and the sound of his despair made my heart ache. Slowly, he brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed it and I could feel his searing breathe against my clammy skin. "I thought I was gonna lose you. I have never been more scared in my entire life."

I closed my eyes for a second—allowing his words to sink in. "Yeah, I know how you feel, that's exactly how I felt when you left to go fight Victoria," I mumbled with my eyes still closed. "Well I mean until Cole showed up….everything kind of changed after that and--"

"Wait, what?" Jacob interrupted me. I opened my eyes again in response to his sudden change in tone. His eyes changed from soft and gentle to angry and fierce within a matter of seconds. "Did he do this to you?"

"No!" I said a little too quickly. "I mean, not exactly…"

"Not exactly?" he asked. "If he even laid one hand on you I swear I'm going to—"

"Jake," I blurted, because it was my turn to interrupt him. "He saved my life."

"By leaving you unconscious in the middle of the woods?" he asked, his voice filled with sarcasm. "That hardly sounds like a heroic effort."

"What are you talking about?" I asked in confusion.

"I found you unconscious in the middle of the woods," he explained to me. I tumbled his words through my mind testing them and trying them on for size. I was trying to piece together what must have happened after I blacked out, but I kept coming up short. How did Jacob find me in the woods when Cole never left me there, and more importantly, how could that be the case when Edward was the one who pulled me out of the clearing?

"He didn't leave me in the woods," I muttered, speaking my inner dialogue aloud. "He was fighting off Victoria to keep her from getting to me. He pushed me out of her path and that's how I hit my head. But then, the next thing I knew I was being carried through the woods," I continued, starting to ramble again—my voice speaking sentences without my control. "Edward was there. He was carrying me. Where is he now? Where did he go?"

"He's gone Bella," he said. I could tell he was trying to speak softly but his bitterness couldn't be masked—his hatred ran too deep. "Don't you remember—he left you months ago?"

"No," I said shaking my head back and forth in disagreement. "I saw him."

"You hit your head." He was adjusting his uncomfortable stance over me, shifting so that he was now sitting on the edge of my bed though his eyes never left mine. He was staring at me intensely, as if he were trying to convince me of the words he was speaking. "You must've been hallucinating."

"I wasn't hallucinating," I nearly shouted at him. "I know what I saw. I know what I heard."

Before Jacob could reply, the door to my room opened and in walked Charlie with my nurse. She smiled at me brightly and walked to my side. I thought I heard her speaking to me, but I wasn't really paying attention. Instead, I was focused on finding out where Edward was and why it seemed to be some big secret. I needed some answers. My mind was spinning with so many different conflicting emotions—each of them fighting to take control. I knew that Edward's return was only going to cause Jacob pain, but I couldn't stop myself from wanting to see him again. _I needed to see him again._

"Your vitals are good," the nurse reported to me, finally managing to bring my attention back to her. I hadn't even realized that she was checking them until I watched her remove the blood pressure cuff from around my upper arm. "Now, I'm just going to inject some pain medicine into your IV. It will help you to relax."

"Thank you," I replied, as I felt a tingling sensation flood into the IV entrance on my arm.

"If you need anything else, just press the call button on your bed," she said, as she removed the little blue hospital gloves that were covering her hands. She smiled at Charlie and Jacob before turning around and leaving the room.

"That should help you to feel better," Charlie said to me as he took one of the empty seats beside my bed.

"Dad, is Edward here?" I asked abruptly. I needed some answers and I obviously wasn't getting anything out of Jacob.

"Uhh.." he shot a bemused glance in Jacob's direction, Jacob just shrugging dryly at him, before meeting my eyes again. "No, Bella, what makes you think that he would be?"

"I saw him," I said, growing more frustrated with all of their secrets. Surely, I didn't just imagine him. _Did I_? Surely, he wouldn't just leave me in the middle of the woods to fend for myself? _Would he?_

"You hit your head pretty hard," Charlie told me, almost mimicking Jacob's exact words he spoke just minutes before. Though, Charlie's voice was a bit more sympathetic.

Instead of arguing with them any longer, I childishly expelled a loud puff of air, while crossing my arms in front of my chest. _Bad idea_. A sharp pain shot through wrist, up my arm, and attacked my shoulder, almost taking my breath away. My eyes instantly watered while I held my breath, trying to do everything I could not to cry.

"Are you okay?" They both simultaneously asked me, while Charlie stood to his feet and Jacob helped me to straighten my bandaged arm again. I frowned down at the brown garment that supported my wrist, just noticing it for the first time.

"What did I do this time?" I groaned. Did I even want to know? With me, it was always one injury after another, and honestly it was getting to be rather ridiculous. In fact, I was positive that they might start accusing Charlie and Jacob for abuse at the rate I was going.

"Just a mild sprain," Jacob replied, all of his earlier hostility gone. His eyes returned to reflect the kind and gentle nature they usually possessed when he didn't let his werewolf instincts take over. "It should be fine in a couple of days."

I would've responded, but a moment later the medicine kicked in, my arm went numb, freeing my head and my entire body of feeling anymore pain—of feeling anything at all. I felt my eyes grow heavy but I fought against the need for sleep, trying to stay awake in case I got another visitor. I wanted to be aware if Edward decided to check up on me. The further I felt myself drift off into oblivion, the more I felt my stomach and chest tighten into a familiar knot that had become all too familiar over the past few months. The first time Edward abandoned me, everything inside of me died. If he were to leave me a second time, I don't think I would have the strength to bear it.

* * *

I was finally allowed to go home Monday morning. I felt so relieved to finally get out of the small room that was beginning to feel stuffy and a little claustrophobic. It didn't help that neither Jacob nor Charlie left my side for more than ten minute increments, watching me like vultures, as if they were waiting for me to fall apart all over again. Charlie was going into work late that morning so that he could take me home and help me with anything that I needed. I felt fine. My head wasn't pounding anymore, my wrist only hurt if I twisted it the wrong way, and my mind was working excellent despite the fact that he and Jacob were trying to convince me otherwise. _I wasn't a lunatic. I knew I saw Edward. I knew he was back in Forks. _

As soon as Charlie pulled his cruiser into our driveway, I immediately climbed out and headed for the front door. I stopped once I was halfway there and slowly turned around in a circle scanning the woods for any sign of a visitor. Maybe he was here waiting for me to return? Charlie approached behind me with my duffle bag in hand.

"Whatcha looking for?" He sat my bag on the ground and began looking around with me. I wasn't sure whether he was just doing it to make me feel better or if he was beginning to feel concerned for my sanity. I felt tears start to sting my eyes when my scan was obviously coming up short. There was no one in sight, and the empty trees rustled in the wind as if to ridicule me for ever hoping there would be. I clenched my hands into fists at my sides and closed my eyes while taking a deep breath in through my nose.

"You can go ahead in," I said gesturing toward the front door. "I just need a minute."

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked me, his concern evident in the delicate tone of his voice. When I opened my eyes again to meet his, I instantly regretted it. Tears sprang free and slid down my cheeks giving way to all my weakness. I quickly wiped them away and silently cursed myself for letting this bother me. What did I expect? That he would be on my front porch waiting for me? _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

Unfortunately, my waterworks didn't go unnoticed. Charlie was already all concerned and his arm was already all around my shoulders, his voice speaking to me all too cautiously. "I think you should come inside and get some more rest. I'm sure Jacob will be stopping up as soon as he's done with school and then you can spend the evening with him. How does that sound?"

He was trying to cheer me up, and truly I was appreciative to him for everything that he has ever done for me. But, honestly, his attempts weren't working. It's not that I wasn't excited to see Jacob. My heart was nearly breaking in his absence, my body aching to feel him close to me again, but I had some things I needed to sort out first. I needed to know that I wasn't hallucinating. I needed to see Edward's beautiful face again—to hear his voice speak my name.

"Fine," I lied, because I knew he wouldn't understand the truth. "That sounds fine."

* * *

Charlie left for work soon after I got settled in. I took that to my advantage and decided that there was no way I was going to be able to just sit around and wait for things to happen—I needed to look for him. It took me longer than expected to shower and blow dry my hair. The twisting and turning of the drier made my wrist throb so I took some over-the-counter painkillers to take the edge off the pain. When I finally started off on my mission it was almost noon and the sun was hanging high in the sky—occasionally peeking out between the encompassing clouds.

I climbed into my truck but stopped short of turning the key. I felt my breathing escalate as I remembered the last time I was in my truck. _Cole. The middle of the woods. Victoria._ Suddenly, I felt my heart sink to the pit of my stomach. Where was Cole? Was he alright? Was Victoria gone? In all of my turmoil behind seeing Edward again, I had completely forgotten to ask what happened to Cole. I closed my eyes for a second and silently prayed—nearly begged—that he was alright. I felt ashamed for not thinking about him sooner. When I opened my eyes again, I stared blankly out my window for a moment, noticing the small green buds on some of the trees for the first time—signaling the start of new life. I couldn't help but reflect upon my own life. Was I starting a new life with Jacob—had I been all along? If that was the case, then what was I searching for? Why was this so important to me? What was I expecting to find, and more importantly, if Edward had returned did that mean that he still loved me? Did it even matter to me anymore if he did?

_What a stupid question. _My soaring heart, my sudden heated skin, and my erratic breathing responding to just the thought of Edward still loving me was giving way to my answer. It would always matter. No matter what—_he_ would always matter. With a long sigh, I started my truck and began my search for the one that could somehow make everything okay while simultaneously ruining it all at the same time.

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**A/N: Just an FYI, the next chapter is THE CHAPTER. You know, the one chapter that every author has--the one that they have been dying to write since the start of the story. **

**I CAN'T WAIT! And, it might take me a while because I plan on not settling on it until it is PERFECTION (or at least as close to it as I can possibly come). **

**Believe me, I know I'm far from perfect at everything with the exception of my ability to play a sick game of bocce ball. **

**So, you know the drill—please review and while you're at it—let me know how old you think I am. I'm just kind of curious to see if you can guess it right. Humor me people. **

**If you guess right then I'll….hmmm… I'll let you determine the ending of Fall For You…… heh yeah, right, but for real... you'll just have the satisfaction of knowing your awesome! :-D. **

** Thank you to ReLeeS for being a rockstar beta. **

**Thank you to Lishbashbaaaa for being a rockstar graphic artist. **

**My hubby is no Edward—"You are my life now."**


	32. Point of Desperation

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my college debt and some delicious Kudos granola bars. **

**Stephenie Meyer is the genius behind this world and she basically owns my life, too. **

**FYI, if you want to fully appreciate the effect of this chapter...**

** then I highly recommend listening to that song down there "Gravity" my Sara Bareilles while reading (you can find it on playlist [dot] com). **

**Now carry on…**

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"_Something always brings me back to you.  
It never takes too long.  
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone._

_You hold me without touch.  
You keep me without chains.  
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain._

_Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.  
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.  
But you're on to me and all over me._

_You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.  
When I thought that I was strong.  
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone._

_Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.  
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.  
But you're on to me and all over me._

_I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on  
The ground.  
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.  
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down."_

_--Gravity by Sara Bareilles_

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**Chapter 32: Point of Desperation  
**

_No matter what, something always brought me back to him._No matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise. No matter how much my heart was beating for Jacob. No matter how much my brain pleaded with me to love only him--Edward would always have a hold over me.

The part of my heart that belonged to Edward was pushing my foot down on the gas pedal of my truck—desperately searching for the Cullen house to come into view. The part of my heart that belonged to Jacob was the source of the tears running guiltily down my face— blatant reminders that something about my intentions were terribly wrong.

As my truck managed to loop around the final bend through the once familiar wooded roadway, Jacob's heart slammed on the brakes as my breathing became almost impossible and an unwelcomed panic settled into my system. I closed my eyes and brought my face dejectedly into my hands, trying to somehow gain the courage that Edward's heart was pleading for.

_What if he isn't there? M_y brain was screaming to me. _What then? Will you let him go or will you fall apart?_

I took a deep, inconsolable breath before forcing my foot to allow my truck to sluggishly continue forward. _He would be there, _I internally answered myself, though my confidence was lacking. I cut the engine once I was parked conveniently in the far end of the empty driveway—visions of silver Volvos and black Mercedes haunting my mind from the locations they once belonged. My heart was beating so viciously inside of my chest that I could feel its erratic rhythm inside of my ears—could feel it pulsing inside of my head.

Slowly, I climbed out onto the ground and circled around until I was standing directly in front of the gigantic house—the desolate entrance steps opening up to me and inviting me inside. My eyes scanned the front of the residence for any signs of life—any sign of inhabitants. It looked untouched, almost unchanged since the last time I saw it just a few months ago. The windows were darker and the silence of the atmosphere surrounding it was an insult to the vivacity it once stood for. Without even realizing I was moving, I found myself standing before the entrance door—the handle just inches away from my grasp. Before I allotted myself anymore time to change my mind, I brought my fist up to the paneling and knocked lightly. _Once. Twice._

_No answer. _Not even the slightest trace of movement. I sighed, before knocking one more time, though I knew it was useless. No one was going to be answering the door. The Cullens were long gone and I was foolish to think otherwise. As if on cue, emptiness and dread crept over me, nearly crushing my spirit upon their arrival. _He was going to break me again—take away everything I've gained in his absence._

I turned away and walked back down the steps, hearing them creak underneath my weight--taunting me in my failure. I stopped halfway to my truck and turned to face the deserted residence one last time. I closed my eyes and breathed in the fresh spring air, picturing Edward's face—feeling his arms wrapped firmly around me cradling me protectively into his chest. My skin was tingling in all the places his touch had been as he carried me out of the clearing—bringing me to safety. I knew he was there—I knew I wasn't just imagining him. The chill of his arms, the silence inside his chest where his heart once beat, and the minty sweetness of his intoxicating breath as he assured me everything was going to be alright--none of that was my imagination. None of that was a hallucination. _So_, _why was he doing this to me?_

By the time I made it back inside my truck, I reached the decision that I wasn't giving up yet—he had to be around somewhere and I was going to find him. As I pulled out onto the main road again, I let my heart guide my steering—both Jacob and Edward's pieces equally intervening at various milestones. My mind was drifting—veering off onto multiple reflections of the last year of my life as I drove almost in a trance down the highway. _Edward stopping Tyler's van from crushing me—back on that fateful day long before I knew of an alternate world of vampires and werewolves—long before my heart felt the pain of losing a love greater than life itself. _

I felt a few more tears roll relentlessly down my cheeks, as I quickly wiped them away willing myself not to let them get the best of me. More reminiscences assaulted my mind—_Edward leaving me in the middle of the woods behind my house—telling me I wasn't good enough for him anymore—tearing my heart from inside me and taking it with him, never looking back. Jacob's smile that first day I brought him the motorcycles—the smile that helped me realize that life is worth living after all—that my heart could be mended—that I could breathe again._

I slowed my truck as it approached a familiar curve in the road—a recognizable tree that whispered over an almost hidden, barely-there pathway. Without thinking, I pulled over onto the side of the road and cut the engine, taking a moment to collect my bearings to prepare myself for the journey I was about to pursue. Moments later, I was standing before the trail—the very one that would lead me to the meadow—_our meadow_--the one that would lead me to Edward. I knew this is where I should have started all along.

* * *

Hours later, I entered into our meadow, the familiar beauty of it nearly taking my breath away—weakening my knees for the significance it would forever have on my soul. My legs were damaged from multiple falls, my muscles screaming at me to give them rest, my throat dry and thirsty begging for water—_for revival_. Physical and mental exhaustion consumed my entire being as I managed to take a few wobbly steps into the center before completely breaking down and collapsing to my knees.

I let my eyes scan over my surroundings. The blooming flowers, the growth patterns of the various trees that formed an almost too-perfect, artistic collage circling around the grassy plain that I knew was about to either make or break me. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine this special place a time long ago, when Edward and I had first confessed our love for one another—a time when he touched me so freely for the very first time igniting feelings inside of me that I never knew existed. Of course, Jacob's heart was now sinking further into the pit of my stomach—punishing me for reflecting on such intimate visualizations. Tired and emotionally defeated, I threw my head back toward the sky and cursed this place for being deserted and meaningless, because without him by my side somehow it seemed all wrong-- my forlorn presence here corrupting all it stood for.

I felt my frustrations building up inside me into a giant ball of misery, anger, and despondency—just waiting to be released. I felt a scream brewing from the depths of my core—trying to break free to convey everything that I was feeling. My body felt like a ragdoll, being tugged remorselessly between my desperate need to see Edward again and my fear of what that would ultimately mean for my relationship with Jacob. _Oh, Jacob._

I looked around the empty meadow more closely, squinting my eyes to see the distant edges-- silently begging, practically groveling that Edward would somehow come into my line of sight—proving my insanities false.

"Edward!" I suddenly shouted into the derelict air, as panic began to override all other emotions. My voice was on the verge of desperation as I felt the tears flood down my face drowning my essence.

"Edward please…" I choked, barely able to breath—feeling as if my lungs were going to collapse beneath the weight of the emptiness building inside of me.

"I can feel you," I continued to stammer to my inexistent audience, my voice breaking at the end—my hands shaking as the reality of how truly _gone_ he actually was began to come crashing down on me. "Why are you doing this….to me?"

"I know you're here," I frantically yelled after a moment of silence, my voice nearly echoing off the barren edges of the abandoned trees, as I leaned forward and brought my fists forcefully to the ground. "I'm not crazy…"

I closed my eyes and dropped my head to the ground, unable to hold the weight of it up any longer. "I'm not crazy," I whispered again, feeling the deceit behind my empty words.

_I was crazy._

_It was a hallucination._

_I was alone._

"Please…" I managed to mumble one final time, one last plea—begging for proof that my journey here hadn't been for no reason at all. The answering stillness of the atmosphere caused me to tremble violently through audible sobs of hopelessness and vanquish.

That's when I heard it--a soft rustle in the brush, a distant twig cracking beneath the weight of a footstep—the sudden surge of hope flooding back into my being. My breath hitched in my throat, my heart rapidly increased its pace as I opened my weary eyes—keeping them planted firmly to the ground for fear of what they would discover if they were to glance up.

My last breath forcefully escaped my lips in an involuntary gasp of fear. Slowly, inch by inch, my eyes diverted up from the grass until they finally found the courage to look out across the distance of the meadow at the source of the unexpected movement.

I forgot to breathe entirely when I saw him. Gradually, he stepped carefully and cautiously out of the bushes, revealing himself to me in all of his splendor. So many different emotions rushed into me all at once and I could barely wrap my brain around what was happening. Time seemed to stop as my eyes locked finally and completely with his. We both remained staring at each other for a time longer than I can remember—neither of us moving an inch.

Eventually, I instinctively closed my eyes, silently praying—concentrating with all the mental energy I had left inside of me that when I opened them again he'd still be there. When my eyes finally did open, he was walking toward me—slowly, steadily, guarded. His golden eyes bore into mine as several different emotions flashed across his face—pain, confliction, and adoration. He was looking at me so intently with that same glint in his eyes—somehow always making me feel as though I were the center of his entire universe.

Nothing seemed to be making sense anymore as everything around me disappeared and the only thing I was consciously aware of was his presence. My mind was whirling, my body yearning, my arms burning to reach out to him—to touch him. _To feel him_. My breathing grew shallow as I finally managed to tear my eyes off him to glance back down to the ground where it was safe. I have never felt more torn in all of my life_. Torn between right or wrong. Want or need. Love or anger._

I felt him close to me now—he stood just inches before me and I listened closely as he gently knelt down in front of me before he expended out a deep, extended breath of air. His pant assaulted my senses—immediately eliciting the response my body automatically experienced in his presence. I was craving him, needing him to be closer to me—to touch me—to speak to me—to just _be_ with me.

"Bella…" his soft musical voice spoke my name, abruptly forcing an incontrollable gasp to escape my hold as another round of fresh tears ran freely down my cheeks. _How long have I waited for this?_

"Please look at me," he begged after I didn't respond right away, his voice raspy and tortured.

As much as everything inside of me was screaming at me to look up into his beautiful eyes again, I knew that I couldn't—that I shouldn't. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. I was angry with him for ever leaving me in the first place and hurt that he deserted me yet again. Truthfully, I was terrified—scared for never wanting him to leave me again while simultaneously wishing he'd set me free.

The feel of his cold hand underneath my chin shocked me back to reality. He gently tilted my head up until my eyes were once again locked with his. He studied my face intently, while bringing both of his hands on each side of my face, grimacing when he saw my tears, wiping them away with his thumbs. I closed my eyes against the feel of his touch and realized that after all of this time apart I had forgotten just how incredible it felt. When his hands further explored my face, moving ever-so-carefully over my eyelids, across my forehead, tracing every single arch and crease, my body instinctively leaned forward into him—melting away all of my previous anger and frustration.

"I'm so sorry," he said, so quiet that it came out as almost a whisper. "This wasn't supposed to happen this way." His arms were wrapping around me, pulling me closer against him when I opened my eyes again. His face was closer to mine than I was expecting and my eyes impulsively shifted down to his mouth. His breath was blowing against my skin—his lips full and inviting. Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to kiss him again. Without thinking, I tilted my head up and starting to lean closer to him—waiting for him to allow my actions. Our lips were centimeters from touching, both of our breathing ragged, and for a brief moment, I thought he might actually back away from me. _But, he didn't._ Instead, he crossed the small gap between us fitting his mouth carefully with my mine—giving into what I desired most. He kissed me softly, moving his mouth cautiously with mine, his strong arms holding me still beneath his affections. All of my thoughts ceased to exist. He was the only thing that mattered--the only thing that I was aware of. This moment, feeling his lips against mine, was the only thing that mattered. As always, my human instincts kicked in and I forcefully threw my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me while concurrently weaving my fingers into my favorite spot at the nape of his neck. _This was paradise. This was hell. Most of all, this was a miracle._ My lips parted against his and I let out a sigh of relief just before he stiffened, and though I was clinging to him, he pushed me away without much effort.

His eyes stared into mine looking almost…regretful?

"Jacob Black," he said after a moment, and I instantly knew the cause of his remorse. My eyes widened as my guilt nearly suffocated me and I brought a shaky hand up to my lips, touching them in horror of what I had just done. "You belong with him now?" he asked, though I knew it was more of a statement than a question. My shameful diverting eyes were the only answer that he'd need. I was staring at the ground now, unable to bear the look of hurt and disapproval I would surely find on his face. I heard him let out a tattered sigh and felt him make a few subtle movements against my skin as he contemplated what I had just revealed to him.

"Do you love him?" he eventually asked me, his question taking me completely off guard. My heart fluttered in my chest just at the mention of Jacob's name and I knew that wouldn't go unnoticed—he could hear everything inside of me. I allowed my eyes to look up and meet his again as I slowly nodded my head.

"Yes," I breathed, somehow managing to find my voice. He visibly tensed and forcefully swallowed and I could tell that he was trying to put on a mask for me—trying to hide his pain. Though, I couldn't understand why this was hurting him so much. _Isn't this what he wanted?_

"I can see that you do," he said quietly—his brow furrowing as he continued to study my features. "Which is why I shouldn't be here. I should have never come at all."

"Don't you dare say that to me," I suddenly shouted at him causing him to flinch at the abrupt intensity of my tone. "I have been going....crazy over you," I added. And, I was angry again—furious that he would even think to take back his presence here.

He opened his mouth to say something but I interrupted him before he could speak.

"You have no idea what this has been like for me, Edward," I said, my voice softer now, though still full of frustration. "You have no clue how long I've dreamed about this moment."

"I'm sorry," he nearly choked, and I didn't think it was possible for someone to look more miserable than he did in that instant. Even as angry with him as I was, I still couldn't bear to see him so upset. "If I would've known…if I had any hint of an idea of what my absence would have done to you—I would have never—" his voice broke off and he dropped his head to the ground, unable to look at me. "I thought it was for the best, but I was obviously mistaken. For that, I will forever be haunted."

I had nothing left to say, all of my energy all but drained from my body. I sunk back until I was sitting on the ground rather than kneeling and let my limbs collapse to my sides in exhaustion. Edward didn't move a muscle as he watched me, looking as though he had so many things that he wanted to say with absolutely no idea how to even begin. I wasn't aware of how long we sat like that—the hopelessness of the situation becoming increasingly evident with every second that passed us by. My mind was clouded with my conflicting feelings for Jacob and how we were ever supposed to be together now when part of me was clearly yearning for Edward. I wanted them both. _I needed them both. _And, there was no way I could live with losing either of them. _So, what did that mean? What did that leave me with?_

How much time had passed while we sat in silence? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? I couldn't be sure, but the next thing I knew Edward was gently holding my wrist in his chilled hands, frowning at the brown bandage. "You're hurt," he mumbled, his tortured eyes rising slightly to meet mine, his jaw clenching.

"I'm fine," I lied, because the truth was that my wrist was on fire—throbbing and aching for the punishment I had put it through.

"You shouldn't have come out here—you should be resting after what your body endured," he said, already standing to his feet, reaching his hand out to help me up. I studied his pallid forearm for a moment before taking his hand and joining him. My knees were shaky, my muscles weak, and my eyes were growing heavy. I felt myself falling forward as his arms immediately snaked around my waist keeping me from completely toppling over.

"Hey, easy now," he said softly, steadying me. "I need to get you home, you're evidently exhausted and everyone is going to be worrying about you."

"Edward…" I said, the desperation returning to my voice again as I watched my hands grab onto his shirt—clinging to him. "Please don't leave me again."

I stared pleadingly into his eyes as several emotions danced across his face. He creased his forehead and looked away from my gaze—staring at something in the distance. "Bella, I can't—"

"Please," I begged, interrupting him. His eyes met mine again as he swallowed slowly-- his resolve faltering. "Promise me you'll stay."

"I promise," he said after a moment, though I could hear his disinclination behind his agreement. "I'll stay as long as you want me."

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**A/N: Whew! *wiping sweat off my brow* now THAT ^ up there took some serious hardcore work—blood, sweat, and tears. **

**With that said, normally I wouldn't beg and grovel for reviews but I'm about to pull a Bella here so prepare yourself…**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE *my eyes pleading* let me know what you think. PALEASE! **

**I try to reply to each and every one of you and sometimes I don't always get the chance but you will never fully comprehend how much I appreciate all of you that take the time to review. **

***end groveling***

**With that out of the way it's time for my usual thank you's:**

**My Hubby is no Edward—Thanks for helping me get through this emotional chapter and for taking time out of your writing to help a soul mate out. You are the best cyber wifey there is. I LOVE YOU!**

**Mitch—This chapter has finally arrived!! How long have we waited for it? AN ETERNITY!**

**ReLeeS—Good luck with your finals this week! I'll be rooting for you! :-D**

**purplebunnywabbit—Thank you for being one of the best reviewers there is and for basically making my entire week with what you wrote to me for Ch 31.** **It truly meant a lot to me.**

**Alrighty, looks like that's everyone for now. Be cool, stay in school, just say no to drugs, and all that other good stuff (I'm LAME…I know). I'll be seeing you for Ch 33 in the near future.**


	33. Sense of Recognition

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my massive college debt and my brand spanking new Bachelors Degree in Health Sciences. One more year and I'm done for good! :-D Stephenie Meyer owns this world and these characters--I just borrow them for my own pleasure.**

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"_And I have the sense to recognize that  
I don't know how to let you go_

_Every moment marked  
With apparitions of your soul  
I'm ever swiftly moving  
Trying to escape this desire_

_The yearning to be near you  
I do what I have to do  
The yearning to be near you  
I do what I have to do_

_  
But I have the sense to recognize  
That I don't know how to let you go_

_I don't know how to let you go_

_A glowing ember  
Burning hot  
Burning slow  
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence  
Of existing for only you_

_I know I can't be with you  
I do what I have to do  
I know I can't be with you  
I do what I have to do  
And I have sense to recognize but  
I don't know how to let you go."_

_--Do What You Have To Do by Sarah McLachlan_

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**Chapter 33: Sense of Recognition**

_I promise._

_I'll stay as long as you want me._

_I thought it was for the best, but I was obviously mistaken. _

_For that, I will forever be haunted._

_I'll stay as long as you want me._

_As long as you want me…._

_I'll stay…_

_I promise._

Edward's spoken words weighed heavily on my mind as he had his arms around me again, carrying me back through the woods toward my waiting truck. I stumbled three or four times time before he finally refused to allow me to walk anymore—my exhaustion getting the best of me. He lifted me effortless off the ground and cradled me into his chest, his chill and his scent surrounding me—comforting me. I closed my eyes against him and marveled in our silence, trying to enjoy the miracle of this moment before I knew it would all too soon come to an end. I fought with my fatigue—with the gravity of it all—to keep myself from drifting off, my mind desperately seeking the peace and solitude that only sleep could provide.

I felt my mind closing down, but before I could allow it to, I had to try to sort through the meaning of his words—try to somehow make sense of everything that has happened in the past few hours. _He came back for me, but why?_ And, when he promised me that he'd stay, did he mean it? Or was it a promise that he'd break? And, even if he did stay, did that mean that he still loved me? Despite all of my confusion surrounding his feelings for me—I knew exactly how I felt about him. I knew that was something I needed him to know. It was eating away at me and had to be surfaced before we got back to my house—to my life—to my Jacob. I shuffled against his chest and tilted my head up to take in his perfectly sculpted features—a beautiful phenomenon. His eyes lowered to meet mine for a moment before his mouth turned upward into a soft smile.

"I thought you were asleep," he murmured, his voice the epitome of perfection.

"Edward…" I breathed, my voice thick and drowsy, my mouth mimicking his smile. "There's something I need to tell you."

He studied my face for a moment, his eyes slightly narrowing, before responding. "What is it?"

I took a deep breath preparing myself for the magnitude of the words that I was about to speak. "I need you to know that I love you. I never stopped—not even for a second." Surprisingly, they slipped from my mouth with ease—as if I were meant to speak them.

I watched as his face turned serious again—all previous traces of the smile gone. His brow furrowed, contorting his features into a slight grimace before he glanced up—keeping his gaze carefully on the path before us while he pondered my words.

"You shouldn't," he replied quietly, his voice pained.

"But, I do," I retorted, too tired to sound as fierce as I wanted, but I could feel the weight of my words. I could feel how entirely true they were. "I need you to know that I do."

I watched him carefully as he swallowed thickly and took a deep breath in through his nose. He lowered his chin against me and brought his lips softly to the top of my head.

"You are…very important to me, too," he replied a moment later, his voice reaching a different level of intensity—though it almost sounded as if there was so much more that he wanted to say.

_Very important to him, too? What was that supposed to mean?_

"Important?" I asked out loud, trying to wrap my mind around his declaration.

"Yes, important," he repeated my words, agreeing to them. I could tell he didn't want to discuss that particular topic any further—he seemed to be growing increasingly uncomfortable. He had to see the bewildered expression on my face, but instead of putting my mind at ease, he ignored my gaze—looking at everything else but me.

"Why are you here?" I suddenly asked, feeling like I needed some more answers before I was to face Jacob again. I needed to know where I stood with him.

"Oh, Bella," he sighed, his tortured eyes meeting mine again. "I made a terrible mistake ever leaving, okay?" He trailed off for a moment, before adding. "I'm here because I knew you needed my help. I knew you were in danger."

"But, why would you care?" I asked, my eyes closing despite my best efforts to keep them open. My mind already picturing Jacob's contagious smile as dread took over my emotions and crushed my beating heart with the knowledge of what I was going to do to him. I couldn't be with him when I was so confused about my feelings. I couldn't be only half present in our relationship while I tried to sort everything out—that hardly seemed fair.

I thought I felt him grow tense beneath me, though I couldn't tell what was real or just my imagination anymore. "I care about you," he nearly whispered, burying his nose into my hair. "If anything ever happened to you…I would…."he stopped himself, and as I opened my eyes and glided them across his face, it appeared as though he had some sort of internal conflict going on inside of his mind.

"You would what?" I asked, pushing him further. _Go crazy? Lose yourself? Want to die?_ All of the feelings that I experienced when I had lost him.

"Just…I don't know….Bella, you really should get some rest," he eventually replied, changing the subject, but I could see the tension in his eyes. I knew he was holding something back from me. "We can talk more another day."

I breathed out a gust of air against his chest while I closed my eyes again and felt my mind start to drift further in response to his revelations. I knew I wasn't being fair to Jacob—my traitorous rapidly beating heart in response to the proximity of Edward's body was evidence to that. I didn't deserve his faithful love when I clearly didn't have enough of myself to give him in return—part of me still belonging to the one who currently held me in his arms. I needed time to think through my feelings—time away from everything—time away from _him_. I had to let Jacob go, though that was something I wasn't sure I could do.

"Shh," Edward's voice comforted me—soothing my worried mind. "Sleep now, Bella."

Though, I wanted to question him further, I knew that he wasn't going to give me the answers I was looking for. My mind was closing down again and the last thing I remember was hearing the faint trace of my lullaby before everything went blank.

* * *

I could vaguely recall the sound of my roaring truck, the cutting of an engine, the opening and closing of car doors. I felt myself being lifted—carried. I wanted to open my eyes to see what was happening but they were too heavy—pleading with me to stay asleep. I heard muffled voices surrounding me in the distance. They sounded tense—guarded. I felt my body being transferred into a different set of arms.

_Warmth. _The warmth of this new embrace expanded throughout my body, heating me to the core. I snuggled in closer, gripping onto whatever my hands could grab, desperately wanting to be closer—needing to be closer.

_I knew I was home._

_

* * *

  
_

How much time had passed? How long have they allowed me to sleep? My head was pounding, my back aching, as I turned myself over on what seemed to be my living room couch—it creaked underneath my weight. I brought my hands to my eyes and rubbed them, trying to bring myself further into consciousness. I opened my eyes to darkness, and pushed myself up further to assess my surroundings. I was confused and disoriented as my eyes scanned across the shadows of the living room—the clock revealing to me that it was 11:23 p.m. I must have been more tired than I thought. I was just about to get up and head upstairs when I noticed that the recliner was occupied. My eyes took in his cramped body—guilt instantly gripping onto my heart and squeezing. Jacob lay there in the most uncomfortable position, his feet too long and dangling off the edges, his arms tangled into a mess trying to support his head. I expended a tattered sigh as the knowledge of what I was going to do began to sink into my system. _I was going to hurt him—and that thought alone was enough to kill me._

His movement locked me in my place on the couch as I watched him stir in his sleep—he turned over and stretched his arms over his head in an attempt to reach some level of comfort. My arms ached to reach out and touch him—to soothe him. He let out a low sigh before seemingly giving up and pushing the foot rest down to sit upright. I continued to watch him in silence as he yawned and rubbed his eyes before finally glancing over in my direction—his eyes widening at my alertness. He blinked and then reached to his side and flicked on the lamp.

"Bella," he spoke my name while already standing up to cross the short distance between us, his voice raspy and ragged. "You're awake."

"I'm awake," I said quietly, while absent-mindedly nodding my head. I took in his appearance as he knelt down in front of me, taking my face gently into his hands and pushing some of the hair out of my eyes. His eyes were soft and gentle—his love for me blatantly obvious in the way he looked at me as if I were the only thing that he saw. His hair was a messy disaster sticking up in some places while laying flat in others. I wanted to run my fingers through it and smooth it, but I knew it would be best to keep my hands to myself. "You're here?" I asked him, as a million things began to run through my mind—desperately trying to figure out some way for us to be together—some way for me to selfishly keep him by my side.

"Of course I'm here," he said, forcing a smile, while slowly breaking my heart. "Where else would I be?" I allowed my eyes to study his features more closely, my hand unconsciously reaching out and smoothing his wrinkled forehead, my fingers lingering against his cheek—slowly tracing his jaw line.

"You slept so long—you were exhausted," he continued when I didn't reply right away, his eyes unable to hide the fear that lie beneath his superficial words. I could tell that he knew that Edward was back, he knew that I met up with him in the meadow, and he most definitely knew what was about to come. I couldn't bring myself to speak yet, knowing that my tears would break free giving my intentions away—I had to pull myself together. I needed to be stronger for him.

"Are you feeling alright? How's your wrist feeling? Your head? You probably need some water—here let me go get you some," he continued in sort of a frenzy as he stood to his feet and already started toward the kitchen.

"Jacob--" I said, stopping him in his tracks—his back facing me. I watched as he sucked in a deep breath of air before slowly expelling it—too afraid to turn around and face me. I could feel the tears threatening to escape my hold as the knowledge of what I was about to do assaulted me further. _What was I supposed to say? How was I supposed to find the strength to do this?_ _How do you let go of the one person you need to survive? _

"I don't need a drink of water," I whispered.

He nodded his head, before slowly turning around to face me again. When his eyes met mine—recognition reflected upon his features and he swallowed thickly, his eyes silently pleading with me not to follow through. He sucked in another deep breath and glanced away from me, unable to look at me anymore.

"Please don't say it," he choked, his voice shaky and his expression in so much pain I couldn't bear to see him like that any longer. I dropped my head to the ground as a few tears rolled relentlessly down my cheeks.

"I don't know how…" I started to say, but trailed off. I couldn't seem to find the words to say and the selfish person inside of me was screaming at me to forget about the plan entirely and to keep being unfair to him. My throat thickened around my voice, and I could barely breathe as the thought of spending another day without him by my side assaulted me. But, I knew I couldn't keep dangling him around when I clearly needed to figure things out. I knew this was the only way.

I didn't even hear him approach me again, but I felt the couch shift beside me, a pair of warm hands on my face guiding it until I was looking at him again. "I know he's back," he said quietly—his eyes painfully staring into mine. "I know you love him, Bella, but what about me?"

We both sat studying each other as his hands carefully wiped away some of my tears, and I almost laughed because of the irony of the situation. Here I was, about to completely break him, and yet he was _still_ comforting me?

"What about me_?"_ he whispered again, his voice trembling. I have never seen this side of him—so defeated. _So vulnerable._

"Jacob…" I breathed, shaking my head against his comforting hands—taking them into mine and dropping them away from my face because I didn't deserve them. "I'm being unfair to you. I can't keep doing this to you anymore."

"No," he suddenly shouted. "You don't get to do that. Stop pushing me away from you."

He forcefully wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him, nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck and breathing me in. My arms slowly found their way around him too, as I cried on his shoulder and kissed his bare collar bone—feeling the heat of his skin against my lips. _He wasn't making this any easier._

"I'll decide what's fair," he said against my neck, his hot breath blowing against my skin, eliciting an unintentional tremble from me.

"Please don't make this any harder than it already is…" I whispered into his ear. "I love you…_so_ much." I tried to push myself out of his arms, but he held me there—unable to move.

"No," he said again, his voice softer now. "I'm not letting you go. He doesn't deserve to have you, Bella. He doesn't get to take you away from me."

"Jacob…" I breathed his name again. And, he finally let me push back slightly, so I could look him in the eyes. He looked so hurt that I hated myself for ever doing this to him. I brought my shaky hand up and touched his cheek. "I'm not going back to him, yet. I just need some time."

"Yet…" he said slightly wincing, catching me in my slip-up.

I expelled a long breath of air, trying to regroup my thoughts before speaking again. I brought my hands to my face and wiped away some more of my tears. "I don't know what I want anymore," I eventually told him, wishing that I could explain myself better—recognizing that he deserved so much more than this.

"So that's it then?" he asked me, his voice turning colder—his eyes narrowing. "You're just going to run back into his arms as if nothing happened?" He was already pulling completely away from me and standing to his feet. I felt myself shiver in response to the abrupt change in temperature from the lack of his heated embrace.

"No…that's not what--" I started to reply, standing up to join him—trying to take his hand in mine, but he recoiled away from me.

"I'm not just going to stand back and watch you walk out of my life," he interrupted me, his voice louder than necessary. "I'm not going to accept this."

We both stopped as we heard the floorboards creaking above us. We must've woken Charlie up in the midst of our discussion. Jacob stared at me intensely, holding my gaze while the sounds of Charlie's heavy footsteps descended the stairs.

"Is everything okay down here?" Charlie asked us, turning the corner to the living room. His gaze shifted suspiciously between Jacob and me. Jacob finally looked away from me and turned around to face him.

"Everything's fine," he lied. I watched him miserably as he walked over to the door, preparing to leave. "I was actually just about to head home."

"Oh okay, kid," Charlie replied, looking at me a beat longer than necessary before walking over to join Jacob beside the front door.

As I followed my dad to join them, I watched him say something to Jacob too quiet for me to hear, and pat him reassuringly on the shoulder. Jacob's eyes met mine as soon as I was by his side. "Walk with me to my car?"

I nodded, then grabbed my coat out of the closet and put on my shoes. Jacob said his goodbyes to Charlie before stepping outside and holding the door open for me to follow.

We walked side by side in silence until we reached the hood of his Rabbit, before he finally turned to face me again—his expression unreadable. I knew that I hurt him deeper than I could have ever imagined, but ultimately this was for the best.

"So is this it, then?" he asked, his voice tortured. "This is what you want?"

I nodded solemnly as I tried to find my voice, my tears streaming again—though I couldn't be sure that they had ever stopped at all. "I'm not saying…I mean, we aren't exactly over, Jacob. I just need some time. That's all I'm asking for--a little time. I need to think through my feelings and make a decision once and for all. I need to make sense of everything that has happened over the past few days."

He sighed, clenching and unclenching his fists at his side. "You'll be spending time with him?" he asked me, taking me somewhat off guard with his question.

"I don't know…I guess…" I admitted, because I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to do yet, but I knew I had so many unanswered questions that only Edward could resolve.

"Promise me you won't kiss him," he said fiercely, his eyes locking intently on mine.

And, suddenly my mind was picturing Edward's lips inches from my own, remembering the feel of his sweet breath on my face as we reunited in the meadow. I tried to push the image out of my head as it only taunted me in my unfaithfulness. "Jacob…I…"

He studied my expression as the memory of my disloyal kiss ran through my mind—and I could tell that he knew. Recognition began to light up his features. "You already did," he nearly hissed, his face twisting into anger in a matter of seconds.

In that moment, I wished more than anything else in the world that I could deny it, that it wasn't true. My shameful diverting eyes were the only answer he needed. Suddenly I heard a loud thump—and when my eyes glanced up at him again he was shaking with rage and it appeared as though he punched his car. "Dammit Bella," he yelled at me, and I flinched—almost fearful of how livid he was. I have never seen him so mad at me before.

"I'm sorry…" I blurted stupidly, unable to think of anything else to say.

He was silent as he ran his fingers frustratingly through his hair and took in deep breaths trying to calm himself down. I didn't know whether I should reach out to him or just stand back and let him regroup, so I went with the latter and just stood there gaping at him in complete shock. Though, I wasn't sure why I was so alarmed, how else did I expect him to react? I knew he had a temper, he just never really directed it toward me before.

The next thing I knew he turned to me and grabbed me by the waist. Before I could even think about what was happening, he pulled my body roughly against his and connected his lips with mine. He kissed me forcefully—hungrily—fisting his hands in my hair and pulling my face closer. My body automatically responded as I felt myself arch into him, wrapping myself around him entirely and never wanting him to let me go. My back landed roughly against the driver's door of his Rabbit, surprising me because I hadn't realized I was moving. Jacob's tongue slid along my lower lip, waiting for me to allow its entrance. I opened my mouth and let the taste of him wipe away all of my worries. I knew it would all too soon come to an end, but I was getting lost in the feelings for as long as possible. I was being selfish a little longer. I felt Jacob start to pull away but he let his lips linger against mine for a moment while we both tried to catch our breaths.

"One week," he breathed against my lips. He pulled his mouth back, but his body was still pressed firmly against mine—his breath still blowing on my face. "I want you to think about _that_—about _us_—about how perfect we fit together while you 'sort through your feelings'."

He brought his hands up and placed them on the sides of my face—forcing me to look at him. "I want you, Bella. _All of you. All the time. _Don't ever forget that."

He kissed me one last time, before pulling completely away and turning to open his car door. I moved out of the way so that he could while my mind was whirling.

"And, just so you know—I'll never give up," he said, just before climbing inside his car and disappearing down my driveway. The feelings of his body against mine and the intensity behind his words lingered in the air, energizing it, despite his absence.

* * *

By the time I managed to pull myself together and head inside, I was praying that Charlie hadn't been watching us from the window and that he went back to bed. _My prayers were answered_. The house was empty, so I simply removed my coat and shoes and then climbed the steps leading me to my bedroom. Once inside, I changed out of my dirty and tainted clothes from my earlier strenuous hike, and put on a pair of old sweats and a T-shirt. I sat at the edge of my bed and brought my face into my hands, finally feeling the emptiness that accompanied the thought of not having Jacob by my side. Tears once again escaped my hold, as I let the misery from my decision to let him go sink into my system—crushing me.

I heard a faint knock on my door and instantly started to wipe my tears away. "Bells, you alright in there?" I heard my dad ask me, his voice filled with concern.

"Yeah dad…" I choked. "I'm fine." I never claimed to be a good liar.

Of course, he didn't buy it; he opened my door and peeked inside, taking in my appearance. I hated that I was making him feel uncomfortable.

"What happened out there?" he asked taking a few steps into my room, and I wasn't sure if he was referring to the meadow with Edward or the driveway with Jacob, but I shrugged hoping that would be enough to answer both.

"Edward's back," I said, even though I knew he already was aware of this, I somehow felt the need to speak it out loud.

"Yeah," he replied, his jaw slightly clenching. I knew how much Charlie hated Edward—especially after what he did to me. "I was already reacquainted with him."

I nodded my head and wiped the remainder of my tears away. I half expected him to turn around and leave, because quite frankly we rarely discussed my personal life, but he didn't move an inch. It was starting to make me a little uneasy as he stared at me in silence. He looked like he wanted to say something, but after a few awkward seconds he finally did turn around to leave. He stopped at my door, turning to look back at me again.

"Hey Bells?"

"Yeah?" I asked, already starting to climb underneath my comforter—hoping it would somehow swallow me whole.

"I'll never forget the way you looked after he left you. I'll never forget the empty stare behind your eyes that didn't disappear month after month," he said, his voice intense—_stern_. "You shouldn't either."

With that, he walked out of my room, shutting the door behind him—letting me alone to think about the enormity of his words.

* * *

**A/N: First off, I just want to say to all of you Jacob lovers (myself included) please just hang in there.**

**Don't send me your death threats yet because I PROMISE you I won't pull a SM and leave him out to dry and I most definitely won't use the excuse to have him imprint on a half human/half vamp infants as a "happy ending."**

**For all you Edward lovers (myself included) please don't send me your death threats for stating that Jacob will get some sort of happy ending because somewhere deep down inside of your soul you KNOW he deserves it.**

**For those of you who don't have me on author alert (SHAME ON YOU ****) go check out A Twist in my Story because I randomly added a chapter to it.**

**Thanks for all of your support, especially the reviewers who take the time to send me the best reviews an author could hope for! You all rock!**

**Also, I've been getting some messages about people struggling with their own writing...**

** and I just wanted to make it know that if anyone is looking for a beta or any help please don't hesitate to ask me--for whatever its worth. I'd be more than happy.  
**

**Fun fact of the day: This year is the 50****th**** anniversary of the peace sign! AMAZING I KNOW!**

**My hubby is no Edward—"Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept of how much I love you?" Thanks for your help, bb.**

**ReLeeS—You rock!**

**GO PENS! (Ovechkin who?)**


	34. Unsolved Mysteries

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my college debt and my 3.88 college QPA. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns this entire world and my life, too. **

**Also, she would be very happy if you all wouldn't kill me after reading this chapter. Really, she told me that.**

**

* * *

  
**

"_And it's amazing  
With the look in your eyes  
Like you could save me  
But you won't even try  
And then you tell me again  
How everything will be alright_

_And if I told you  
That I'm sorry  
Would you tell me that you were wrong  
Or would you hold me down forever  
If I came to your for answers_

_And I saw  
Pictures in my head  
And I swear I saw you opening up again  
Cause I would be heavenly if  
Baby you'd just rescue me now_

_  
And I'm surrounded  
You spill  
All alive and brand new  
And I'll forget about you long enough  
To forget why I need to_

_And I saw  
Pictures in my head  
And I swear I saw you opening up again  
Cause I would be heavenly if  
Baby you'd just rescue me now."_

_--I Saw By Matt Nathanson_

_

* * *

  
_

**Chapter 34: Unsolved Mysteries**

_What is a best friend?_ Someone who is there for you no matter what the cost? Someone who helps lift your spirits when the world is crumbling down around you? Someone who gives you hope again when there is nothing left to hope for? Someone who not only lights up your entire world with his smile, but also manages to force that same exact smile to unconsciously play out upon your lips, regardless of how lousy you may feel? Someone who becomes so much more than just a friend, rather someone who becomes everything to you—the air you breathe—the the life behind your beating heart—the sun warming up your body even in the coldest of times. Jacob was all of this to me and so much more_. He was my air. He was my sun. He was my crutch. He was my everything._

What happens when you lose that best friend—the one person that you would typically count on to get you through the hard times? Worse yet, how would you feel if the reason that person was gone from your life was no one else's fault but your own?

_Jacob was gone_._ And, he was always so much more to me than just a best friend._ My world was falling apart and I had no one to blame but myself.

I lay in bed Tuesday morning, dreading getting up to face another day. The memory of the painful grimace on his face, when the recognition of what I was about to do last night hit him, was attacking my thoughts—haunting my dreams. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't breathe. How stupid was I to think I could survive without him? I wanted nothing more than to drive down to La Push and wait for him to return home from school in his old homemade garage. Though, I knew as much as I wanted that—as much as my mind was screaming at me to be selfish—I just couldn't. I shouldn't. I wanted some time. _I needed some time_. He deserved far better than what I currently had to offer.

Eventually, I took a deep breath and crawled out from under the warmth of my blankets, hearing my bed creak in protest of my movements. I ran my fingers idly through my tangled hair and bit down on my bottom lip while my mind tried to wrap itself around the messed up disaster that currently consumed my life.

I had so many unanswered questions, my mind was spinning, and it was difficult for me to know where to begin to sort through the past few days. Where was Cole? Why haven't I heard from him? Was Victoria dead? Was she still a threat to me? Where was Edward staying and when would I see him again? Was he going to keep his promise?

Somehow, I managed to drag myself completely out of bed and into the shower as my mind continued to whirl with unsolved mysteries. Thirty minutes later, I was clean and dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I made my way downstairs, and though my stomach was grumbling at me to eat, the thought of food was enough to make me nauseous. I wanted to see Edward again. _I needed to see Edward again_. And though I had no idea where to even begin with him, I couldn't ignore the innate pull from within me to be closer to wherever he was.

I grabbed my coat and shoes and walked out the front door, trying to calm my nerves and make sense of the polar opposite desires of my conflicted heart. My feet were somehow carrying me against my control toward my truck—driving me to continue forward—while the rest of my body was stuck in purgatory. My heart was pleading for the sight of Edward again while my brain was punishing me for yearning for him after breaking Jacob's heart the night before.

I was only a few steps away from the door of my truck when I saw him. Edward was leaning against it, looking as though he were waiting for me, his disheveled hair a little longer than what I remembered. I felt my heart rate spike as my legs continued to bring me closer to him. When he noticed my arrival, he straightened himself and put a small distance between him and my vehicle, turning to face me. I carefully stopped a foot in front of him, my arms burning to reach out and cross that small distance between us and touch him--my brain thinking the wiser and holding me motionless. Neither of us spoke as we stood staring. My exhaustion-free eyes were finally able to take in his appearance and I could finally see him more clearly. I felt my mouth opening slightly in his presence, as I was caught up marveling in the miracle of him—of his beauty and perfection. His golden eyes stared back into mine—still looking tortured and conflicted. I watched him carefully as he took a single step toward me causing my breathing to grow slightly erratic. I wanted nothing more in the entire world to feel his icy touch, and as if he could read my mind, his hand slowly reached out to me. He gently glided his fingertips along my cheek and then cupped the side of my face inside of his hand. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch—drinking in the feelings that my body had been deprived of for so long. I felt his other hand on my other cheek and I couldn't stop myself from crossing the rest of the distance between us—burying my face in his marble chest and wrapping my arms around his waist, pulling him closer to me. I heard him quietly sigh as his arms found their way around me, and his nose buried into my hair. _It was…magical._

I knew I shouldn't be enjoying his touch and the feel of his body against mine as much as I was, but I couldn't help but to be overcome with my love for him. It nearly took my breath away. _God, how did I ever live without him?_ _How did I go an entire day without feeling like this?_

"You're still here," I eventually whispered against his chest, my voice not coming out as loud as I hoped.

"I promised I would be," he replied an instant later, his fingers weaving through my hair, and pulling me back slightly so that they could trace the curves of my face.

"I told Jacob I needed time," I said quietly, glancing down to the ground as the memories of the previous night attacked me again.

"I know," he said, his voice filled with relief.

We were silent again for a moment, before I gained the courage to glance up into his eyes again. He smiled at me softly, practically melting my heart. "I'm sorry…" I said, almost breathlessly. "I just…I can't believe you're really here."

"I know," he nearly whispered, repeating himself. "I had forgotten how warm you are—how good you smell—how perfect you feel."

His words caused my heart rate to quicken even more and I couldn't even bring myself to move a muscle. The way he was looking at me, touching me—the things he was saying to me—it was as though he was in love with me, too. As though, just like me, he'd been deprived of the love he so desperately needed to feel for the past several months. And, as much as I loved hearing him say those things to me, confusion consumed all of my emotions.

"I don't understand," I said, slightly frowning.

He didn't reply, instead he just began walking me over to the passenger side of my truck, opening the door for me to climb inside. "Where are we going?" I asked.

"To my house," he said, before helping me inside and closing the door behind me.

After he climbed in behind the wheel and began driving my truck down the road, he finally began to explain the reason for our destination.

"I haven't been inside it since we left, I really didn't want to go alone," he admitted.

"It looks the same," I replied quietly. "Just lonely…desolate...isolated…"

I could feel his eyes on me—studying me. "Did you go there often?"

I shook my head and swallowed thickly, suddenly uncomfortable discussing the torture I went through in his absence. "Just twice…"

His eyes were practically burning into me, so I turned my head away from his gaze and glanced out the window. A moment later, I felt his hand take a hold of mine—I felt his cool lips touch my skin. I turned to look at him again as he held my knuckles gently against his mouth. "I'm sorry for ever hurting you," he said softly, sincerely.

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that he truly was sorry. I wanted to believe that he would stay here with me forever and never abandon me again, but I couldn't stop myself from remembering the horrible day that he left me in the woods—telling me that I was no good for him. He had promised never to leave me before, and that obviously meant nothing to him. So then, what has changed? I couldn't shake the fear and insecurity within me that warned me that he could just disappear in the blink of an eye. Jacob's warming nature and infectious smile entered my mind again--the way he accepted me no matter how broken I was and made sure to never hurt me the way that Edward had—the way he put all of my broken pieces back together. I sighed and slowly pulled my hand out of Edward's grasp, turning away from him to look out the window again. _I wasn't ready to forgive him just yet._

_

* * *

  
_

We spent over an hour exploring the abandoned Cullen house, and I could see how difficult it was for Edward to see it that way—empty and deprived. He ran his fingers along the kitchen countertops smiling slightly, as I assumed happy memories ran through his mind. He did the same with the staircase railings, the piano, and the bookcases in Carlisle's old study. Most of the furniture was still in place—unmoved and untouched, so Edward took it upon himself to clean off all of the accumulating dust. I grabbed an old rag and helped him. We started with the living room, and about another hour later, we ended up finished in Edward's room. Neither of us had spoken a single word the entire time we cleaned, both of us lost in our own thoughts. Being with Edward like this again was comforting. It was almost a therapeutic feeling with him close by, surrounded by the walls of the one house that I used to think I belonged. Edward sat down on the leather couch at the far edge of his room, and I joined him a moment later. I couldn't help but to wonder if the rest of his family was planning on returning to Forks, too. I would have given anything to see them again.

"Esme would have died if she saw the house like that," he said, finally breaking our silence.

"Are they coming back?" I abruptly asked, realizing my question was rather sudden, I was going to take it back but he stopped me by responding.

"I don't know…" he said a little more quietly, looking slightly away from my gaze. "I guess that's up to you."

"Up to me?" I asked, confused. "Why is it up to me? Of course I want them to come back."

"Bella," he said, meeting my gaze again. "If they were to come back, it'd be for good. At least, until we were _forced_ to move because of our inability to age."

"Well, I'm not going to force them to leave," I said, my voice still masked with confusion.

He sighed. "What I'm trying to say is that if you were to choose to…._be with Jacob," _he said, stopping slightly—seemingly having a difficult time even speaking the words. "I won't stop you—if that's what you want—but I hope that you'll understand that I'm not going to want to hang around here and watch you with someone else."

_Watch me with someone else? But, why would he care? _My mind was whirling again—so many unexplained questions.

"But why--"

His fingers against my lips interrupted my question.

"Please, let me explain a few things to you," he suggested. I simply nodded for him to proceed.

"After leaving Forks, I still felt responsible for your safety—for your well-being," Edward began, as I resituated myself on the couch so I was sitting on my knees in front of him—closer to him. "I wanted to make sure you weren't in any danger. So, I would occasionally come back for a day or two and watch you from a distance. Once I saw that you were okay, I'd leave again, vowing that I would never let you see me."

As he spoke the words my mind began picturing the times I thought I felt him around me, the times that I thought I saw him. I remembered the very first day I met Cole and I thought I saw him standing beside my truck in the parking lot. Maybe it wasn't a hallucination after all?

I opened my mouth to speak, but he held up his hand to stop me.

"Please, just let me finish," he continued. "I saw that you were with Jacob, that he was making you happy, and as much as I hated the thought of you being with…an adolescent, volatile, irresponsible…"

"Edward!" I practically yelled, cutting him off. "Don't talk about him like that…_please_."

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "But, it's the truth, Bella. And, I know for a fact that he doesn't speak too highly of me and my family," he added.

And, he was right, but Jacob had more reason for his hatred. "Do you blame him?" I asked, trying to prove my point.

"No," he replied, his voice pained—his eyes turning a shade darker. "I don't blame him for hating me. Believe me; Jacob Black could never hate me more than I hate myself. But, my family has done nothing wrong—they don't deserve his cruelty."

"You will always be enemies to him," I explained, feeling the need to defend Jacob. "It's just the way he is—he'll never change. He can't control the way he feels. It's almost as though it's built in his DNA."

"I understand," he said, getting a little impatient. "I know all about how werewolves think."

I nodded at him, willing him to continue because I didn't really want to have to discuss this further. "I'm sure you do," I agreed.

He was silent for a moment, and I wondered what he was thinking about. Before I could ask, he spoke again. "May I continue now?"

I simply nodded again, feeling satisfied with my defense.

"Well like I was saying, as much as I hated the thought of you being with _him,_" he started to explain again. "I knew that as long as you were happy then that's all that mattered. Eventually my visits got fewer and farther apart, it was just too hard for me to see you moving on…even though I knew that's what I hoped for all along. That didn't change the way it made me feel. That didn't make it any less difficult…"

He trailed off for a second, deep and thought, and then continued by saying, "Then, a week after I found the strength to return to my family again--"

"Return to your family? What do you mean? You weren't with them?" I asked, unable to stop myself from interrupting him.

"No…" he said quietly, trailing off. I could tell he had so much he was still keeping from me, but I couldn't understand what was holding him back. "I couldn't let them see me like that. It would have killed Esme."

He still wasn't making much sense, and I knew what I must have looked like to him. Completely lost—completely oblivious. I decided to keep quiet and let him finish. He took my silence as his cue to continue.

"A week after I returned to my family again I hadn't been to Forks in so long, at least over a month. I was wondering what was going on with you, worried for your safety. So, I asked Alice to keep an eye on you. She would occasionally look into your future, but her visions would always come back blank. That is until the day she saw you with Cole—leading you into the woods. I had no idea who he was or what he was doing in Forks, but I knew it couldn't be good…"

The further into his story he got, the more frantic his voice got and the faster he spoke. The longer I watched him speak, the more I felt a strong energy around us—pulling me toward him—willing me to be closer to him.

"Without thinking twice, I took off running in your direction—the thought of you needing me was driving me to go even faster. By the time I arrived, I could hear both Cole and Victoria's thoughts—she was going to kill you—Cole was trying to save you. I ran to the clearing, I saw you at the edge of the empty field…not moving…barely breathing…"

Suddenly, his voice broke off and he dropped his head into his hands, rubbing his face in despair. "I thought I was too late," he choked.

I crawled closer to him and reached out to take his hands, removing them from his tortured face. "Edward…" I whispered. "It's alright, I'm here now. I'm fine."

"If anything happened to you, it would have been my fault. I should have seen it sooner. I should have known what was going on. I should have never left you," he said, speaking so hysterically it was difficult for me to keep up.

"You did what you had to do," I said softly, trying to soothe him. "It wasn't your fault."

His eyes glanced up and locked on mine as he swallowed thickly and took a deep breath, slowly shaking his head. "I don't deserve anything from you. I want so many things that I have no right to."

I didn't even know how to respond. The only thing I knew in that moment was that it was nearly impossible for me to stay away from him anymore. Everything about him was begging me to reach out and touch him—to take away the pained look on his face that corrupted his perfection. At the same time, every nerve ending of my body—my neck, my hands, my fingers, my arms were all screaming at me to give into their desires. So instead of replying with words, I rubbed his hand inside of mine to let him know that I cared, trying to let that touch be enough to calm us both.

"Edward," I spoke a few minutes later, my voice shaky. "What happened to Victoria?"

"Well," he replied breathlessly, eventually finding his voice. "I scooped you up and knew that I had to get you away from the fight that was going on between her and Cole. I knew that I needed to get you to a hospital. I took off running down the path toward town when I heard Jacob's thoughts. He was alone-- close by and fast approaching. I knew that if he found you, he'd get you the help you needed. Then with you safe, I could go help Cole with Victoria, and you'd never know that I returned. So, after making a quick decision, I laid you down on the path knowing that Jacob would find you in another minute, and I turned around to head back for the clearing."

I was silent for a moment as my mind tried to catch up with my ears. Everything was starting to come together and make more sense. That would explain why Jacob found me on the path unconscious and brought me to the hospital. That would explain why Edward came back to Forks in the first place. All of my questions were slowly being answered. The mysteries were slowly being solved.

"I'm just so thankful you're here with me now," Edward's voice spoke bringing me out of my contemplations. "I didn't want you to know I was back for fear of what it would do to you, but the selfish man inside of me is rejoicing right now for getting this time with you."

I smiled at him, but realized he still didn't answer my question. "And Victoria?"

"Oh yes," he said, realizing his mistake. "She's dead. I killed her. You don't have to be afraid of her anymore."

I nodded my head in relief as I felt his fingers slowly start to trace a path up my bare arm—his touch practically clouding my mind, making it nearly impossible for me to think clearly anymore. I knew there was more that I wanted to ask, but by the time the question "What about Cole?" managed to escape my lips, it came out nearly a breathy whisper as Edward leaned his body toward me, gliding his fingers up onto my face—touching my lips. I instinctively leaned in closer to him unable to hold back any longer, our faces only inches apart—his sweet breath blowing against my skin. I closed my eyes and parted my mouth in anticipation for the intoxicating taste his lips would provide.

"Bella?" Edward asked, his voice nearly as breathless as mine. "Would it be alright if I kissed you?"

"Please…" was the only answer I managed to breathe. A second later, his lips carefully connected with mine, his mouth cool and smooth. I held very still as he kissed me slowly and cautiously, his hand sliding behind my neck and bringing me closer. My mind started to float away from my body as I let my desires consume me—the memories of Jacob's warm touch against my naked flesh was making me tremble underneath Edward's lips—desperately wishing I could feel that kind of intimacy with him. My arms automatically wrapped around his neck, as I roughly tried to pull him closer to me—needing him to be closer to me. Edward let out a muffled groan as he began to kiss me more forcefully, surprising me that he had yet to back away. I felt his hands all over my body, tangled in my hair, desperation behind every movement he made. Without thinking, I slowly began to lie back on the couch, pulling him down on top of me. The moment his body came in direct contact with mine, I felt him stiffen, his mouth pulling away from mine a second later. I knew the moment was too good to last. Before I could say a word, he pushed himself off of me and put a comfortable distance between us. I sat up and joined him, completely breathless as my chest rose and fell violently, gasping for air.

"I'm sorry," he said, almost shamefully. "I wish I could…touch you the way that he does…"

He trailed off and stood up from the couch, turning his back to me and taking a few steps away. I felt my cheeks grow hot as I realized the implication behind his words. Did he hear Jacob's thoughts of our intimate times together? Did he know about the night we almost…_Oh God_.

"No Edward…" I said, standing up and walking over to him. I stood in front of him and forced him to look at me again. "It's okay."

His expression looked wounded as he stared back at me—his eyes reflecting pure agony. I hated seeing him that way. He let out a tattered breath of air before he reached out and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear. "Jacob Black has many things for me to envy."

I felt even more blood pool into my cheeks as his hand moved to my face, gently gliding his fingers against the areas that were pink. "You're blushing," he said.

"I wish you'd stay out of his mind," I said quietly, feeling incredibly embarrassed.

"I wish that too," he admitted. "His thoughts are hard to avoid, though."

"Edward, we never…" I started to say, but couldn't seem to find the right words. "I mean we were going to…but we didn't…"

I cursed myself for my inability to speak clearly when I needed to the most, and I had no idea why I felt the need to tell Edward personal details between Jacob and I.

"You don't owe me any explanations…" he said softly.

I just nodded my head in silence, wanting this uncomfortable discussion to end.

After that, we didn't speak anymore about Jacob. We took one last look around all of the rooms in his house and then decided it was time to go. Edward drove me back to my house, but told me that he had a few things he needed to take care of. I was relieved because I didn't really want him hanging around yet when I knew Charlie was going to be there. I wasn't ready for those confrontations yet.

* * *

Later on that night, I lay in bed reflecting upon the events of the day with Edward and how my time apart from Jacob was only making me more confused. My body still clearly yearned for Edward's touch and the way I felt in his presence, while part of my heart still belonged to Jacob—constantly reminding me of my love for him. Even though many things were weighing heavily on my mind, it didn't take me long to drift off to sleep.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed since I fell asleep, but I was awoken by a faint thumping sound. I opened my eyes to find that Edward was standing in front of my window, looking at me in surprise when he saw that I was awake.

"Bella…" he said quietly, careful to keep his voice down since Charlie was asleep in the next room.

"Edward?" I asked, squinting my eyes in the dark in an attempt to bring him into focus. I reached over and flicked on my lamp.

He didn't say a word as he stared back at me across the distance, looking torn as though he had some sort of internal conflict going on inside of his mind.

I sat up farther on my bed, crawling a little bit closer to him. "What's wrong?"

"I just…I'm sorry for coming here but I have something that I need to say," he said, softly.

"What is it?" I asked.

He took a single step closer to me and took a deep breath before he spoke. "I love you, Bella," he eventually said, his voice reaching a whole new level of intensity. "I always have and I always will-- more than anything else. You are my world—more important to me than everything in existence. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I didn't want to make anything harder for you, but I can't hold back any longer. I can't keep away from you and I can't hide my feelings anymore. I'm fighting a losing battle."

I felt the enormity of his words come crashing down on me, nearly taking my breath away. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. There were no words. I knew that my mouth was most likely hanging wide open, but I was no longer in control of my movements.

I watched him in complete shock as he climbed in front of me on my bed and took my face into his hands, gently tracing every arch and curve. I felt my eyes fill with tears as his stared intently into mine—filled with so much emotion. _I would have given anything to hear him say those words. Anything in the entire world. _

Slowly, he leaned in toward me and brought his lips to mine, kissing me gently but passionately—his love for me obvious in the magnitude of his affections. He pulled back sooner than I hoped, bringing his hands away from my face and dropping them to his sides.

"I'm sorry, Bella. If you want me to go, I will…" he whispered, shutting his eyes. "But I'm asking you to please let me stay."

Without speaking a single word, I answered his question by pushing myself back and climbing under my covers again, pulling him down to join me. I snuggled up to him and heard him sigh in content as he wrapped his arms around me and held me closer. I felt his lips touch the top of my forehead and heard his voice begin to quietly hum my lullaby. It wasn't long before I was asleep once again in the arms of the man I thought I had lost forever.

* * *

**A/N: This is going to be a long note so I apologize in advance. Lots of excitement to discuss. **

**First and foremost, one of my AWESOME SUPERTASTIC readers made a trailer for Fall For You and posted it on YouTube.**

**Go find the link in my profile and copy and past it--**** go view it, review it, rate it, etc. It is seriously fabulous and I am thrilled. Thank you SammieSam13!!!**

**Second, another one of my AWESOME readers started keeping score of the battle between Jacob and Edward in one of her reviews. I found it amusing and therefore decided to share the scorecard with you all. Jacob is currently up 1-0 according to IpreferJasper and I'm going to have to agree with her. Does this chapter bring the score 1-1? What do you think?**

**Third, I am currently working on an original story (not fan fiction) and I need your help. If any of you either have, had, or know of someone who had/has Leukemia, and wouldn't mind sharing some personal details with me, could you please PM me? Thanks.**

**Fourth, I am interested in seeing how all of you see Cole. Please send me the best picture of a celebrity that you picture as playing Cole if he were to be made into a movie character. If you have a picture you want to send me, PM me and let me know and I can give you my email addy.**

**Finally, last but not least…THANK YOU THANK YOU to…**

**My hubby is no Edward—love you wifey—please come to Philly with me so we can make out with Bobby!**

**ReLeeS—for being a rockstar beta, as usual.**

**SammieSam13—for being a rockstar trailer creator!**

**I seriously have the best readers! No Lie!**

**LETS GO PENS—Staal Vs. Staal**

**Whew! *wipes sweat off brow* **

**I'm done now.**

**No really, I am.**


	35. Never Forget

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my college debt and my puppy Shelby (who pulled through somehow, and is alive and well--miracles do happen people). **

**Stephenie Meyer created this world and these characters, and is pretty much awesome.  
**

* * *

"_He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth  
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself_

_'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)  
Thinking of you, what you would do  
If you were the one who was spending the night  
(Spending the night, spending the night)  
Oh, I wish that I was looking into_

_You're the best, and yes, I do regret  
How I could let myself let you go  
Now the lesson's learned  
I touched it, I was burned  
Oh, I think you should know!_

_'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)  
Thinking of you, what you would do  
If you were the one who was spending the night  
(Spending the night, spending the night)  
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes  
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes_

_Oh, won't you walk through?  
And bust in the door and take me away?  
Oh, no more mistakes  
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay."_

_--Thinking of You by Katy Perry_

_(Which of the two would this song apply to in Bella's mind? Edward? Jacob? Both? Hmmm…)_

_

* * *

  
_

**Chapter 35: Never Forget**

My eyes were closed, my mind was wandering, and I could hear faint sounds of birds chirping, singing to one another their morning songs of glory. I knew that I was awake now from my peaceful night of sleep, still disoriented from my dreams. I could feel that I was not alone in my bed and I smiled to myself at the recognition of his presence here. I turned toward the other body belonging to the one I loved and wrapped my arms around him.

"Mmm Jacob," I said groggily, my eyes still closed. The moment the words left my lips, the chill of the body in my arms gave way to my mistake and I felt Edward stiffen beneath my embrace. My disorientation instantly faded into reality as I immediately shot my eyes open to find his hurt-filled eyes looking back at me.

"Edward…" I said regretfully, my voice fading off. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize…I mean I'm--"

"Used to him being in your bed," he replied, interrupting me and finishing my statement. I felt him pull slightly away from me, as his hurt for my mix up was sinking in and corrupting the intimacy we shared the night before.

"No," I said, my voice betraying me and coming out in flustered rambles. "I mean…well, yes…but that's not what I…I'm just…I'm sorry." I let out a sigh in defeat and dropped my eyes in shame. I wasn't ashamed of my relationship with Jacob, but I couldn't help but to feel guilty for the entire situation I was putting them through. Regardless of which of them I was with, I was always thinking of the other option.

"Hey," he said softly, lifting my chin so I'd look at him, his thumb lingering on my jaw and brushing affectionately against my cheek. His eyes reflecting nothing but pure love and understanding—only making me feel worse. "It's okay."

"I wasn't fully awake, I was disoriented and didn't realize what I was saying," I explained to him as I desperately tried to justify my mistake. At the same time, my mind began picturing Jacob's face and remembering the warmth of his embrace, and I couldn't stop my heart from missing him.

"I know," he said, bringing his hand up and running his fingers gently through my hair. "I understand the consequences for my past actions. Jacob is in your heart, now."

"He is," I nearly whispered, feeling the truth and the weight behind my words. _Oh, Jacob_. How could I let any of this happen? How could I be doing this to him? I pictured his carefree smile and could practically hear the infectious sound of his laughter. I wondered what he was doing right at this moment. Was he thinking about me?

How was I supposed to make a decision? I knew that I wanted both of them in my life, but I knew that wasn't possible--one of them would have to go. Everything was a messed up disaster, my mind was torn in confusion, and I felt as though I was on the brink of another breakdown.

"Hey, Bella?" Edward asked, a moment later. The sound of my name brought me out of my thoughts of Jacob. I propped myself up on my elbows above him, and gazed down at him expectantly for a moment. However, I couldn't stop my eyes from casting down his sculpted body, taking in the way his top three buttons were open on his shirt, revealing his beautiful pallid skin, the small trace of his chest hair. Everything about him caused my heart to beat faster and my body to yearn to be closer.

"Hmm?" I eventually replied, sounding slightly distracted.

"Why did you believe me?" he asked, as I managed to pull my eyes away from his chest to look at him again. His eyes were suddenly intense, his voice more serious.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused as to what he was referring to.

"When I left," he specified, his voice tortured. "I told you so many untruthful things, so many disgusting lies…" he trailed off for a moment, his brow furrowing in anguish as the memories flashed between us. I felt myself flinch as the recollections of his departure rushed to the forefront of my mind. "You were so quick to believe me. I could see the pain in your eyes—the defeat—the acceptance--it was almost instantaneous. Why? How could you have lost faith in me—_in us_-- so easily?"

I stared at him in shock and blinked as I tried to hold back tears. That sudden knowledge came out of nowhere and the impact and significance it had on everything—on my life, the past year, my decision—_everything_—it was almost too much to handle. What was he saying? Everything had been…a lie? The entire time he was gone, he had loved me just as much as I did him? My mind started to whirl again as I tried to make sense of his words.

"I don't understand…" I whispered, a few tears escaping my hold, my hand quickly wiping them away. I wanted to curse myself for being so emotional. "What are you saying?"

"When I told you I didn't want you…when I said that you were no good for me, it was all lies, the ugliest form of blasphemy," he spoke carefully, his eyes slightly guarded. "I never wanted to go a day without you by my side. I wanted to be selfish, to continue to put your life in danger.

"And, I nearly did. I almost caved in when you were so quick to believe my deceit. I wanted to get down on my knees and beg _you_ not to leave _me_, because that's what it felt like. It felt like you were leaving me—throwing me away—_throwing us away_."

"Edward…" I said, breathlessly, pushing myself up so I was now kneeling beside him, my breathing coming in erratic spurts. "I'm sorry." Suddenly, I felt ashamed for giving up on us so easily—for giving up on our love—for _moving on_. I needed to explain myself. "I believed you because it never seemed likely that you would love me at all. I was always waiting for the day that I would wake up and find out that it was all a dream, for someone to jump out in front of me and tell me that it had all been a joke.

"Don't you see that it never made sense for you to love me? Someone like you—someone that looks, and talks, and moves, and loves, and cares the way that you do just doesn't fall in love with someone like me."

And, as the words left my lips, I knew that they were true. I knew that I didn't deserve him, that I could never live up to the person that he was—that next to him I looked like nothing—insignificant, unnoticeable.

"Why can't you see yourself for what you really are?" he asked me, leaning up so that he was sitting just inches from me, his hand rubbing my bare upper arm. I shivered under his touch, every single nerve ending on my body was suddenly heightened to his proximity—begging and yearning to be next.

"You are…._so_ _beautiful_," he said, his hand reaching up and brushing against my cheek. "So alive, so pure, so loving, so _everything_. Why can't you see that it doesn't make sense for someone like _you_ to love someone like _me_?"

"Edward…" I breathed, my body already leaning toward him out of my control, my hands touching his face, tracing the angles that make him _him_, and finding their way into his disheveled hair. "I'm scared."

"Of what?" he asked, his voice just barely above a whisper now, his lips just inches from mine.

"Everything," I whispered, as I slowly closed the gap between us and gently pressed my lips to his—feeling the familiar ecstasy of our connection.

"I'm scared of losing you again," I admitted, just before kissing him a second time. "Of you leaving again, of hurting Jacob more than I already have, of never seeing your family again…"

My voice tailed off as I kissed him again, this time with a little more force and intensity.

"I'm terrified of choosing wrong," I finally breathed against his lips. My eyes were closed and my heart was frantically beating inside of my chest as my admittance practically echoed in the silence of the room around us.

Edward was perfectly still, his lips against mine, neither of us moving an inch.

"I'm terrified of you not choosing me," he eventually whispered, his hands finding their way into my hair, his lips capturing mine into a kiss full of emotion and desperation—his fear evident in the way his mouth moved forcefully with mine as if he were afraid I'd be taken from him at any minute. In that moment, we were connected on so many levels, feeling the same emotions, fearing the same ultimate conclusions. We both knew that we needed each other, but had no idea if that would be enough.

* * *

Edward and I spent the morning cooking breakfast. Actually, I cooked while he watched me in amusement, a lazy grin never leaving his face as I danced around the kitchen fixing up scrambled eggs. I really didn't feel like eating, but he insisted and I was never good at arguing with him. The intense and emotional atmosphere was tucked safely away behind the walls of my bedroom, and now that we were out in the freedom of the open kitchen, both of our moods lightened as the weight of our situation was slightly lifted off our shoulders. It was still all around us, in the back of our minds, and I knew that we still had much to discuss, but I was enjoying this moment of normalcy. It felt like the old times when we were happy together—just Edward and Bella—nothing else.

"You know," Edward said to me as I was finally joining him at the table with my plate full of eggs. "You should really consider having your own cooking show."

He was laughing lightly, and it felt so nice to see him smiling. It nearly melted my heart.

"I could see it now," he continued. "Cooking with Bella: the ins and outs of the kitchen."

I couldn't help but to laugh at his enthusiasm. "I think I'll pass on that. After all, I'm not one for the limelight."

He smiled at me as I took the first bite of my eggs, some of them missing my mouth and sliding down my chin. I quickly wiped them away and both of us broke out into a snorted laughter. "Really, Edward, I can't eat properly with you staring at me like that," I said to him, still laughing. His intense stare was making me nervous.

"Clearly," he said, grinning. "I'm sorry; I'll just look out the window instead."

He turned his head to watch out the kitchen window as I took another bite, never taking my eyes off of him. I saw him look over at me out of the corner of his eye as I chewed and swallowed. I lifted my fork and pointed at him.

"Cheater," I said.

Our laughter continued as our morning proceeded on in much of the same fashion—the light-hearted togetherness of our relationship captured again in the midst of all the turmoil.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Edward left to go hunting, so I took the opportunity to shower and freshen up. I went out to get the mail, and after shuffling through all of the junk, I found a letter to me from Seattle University. I quickly opened it up to find that, to my complete shock, it was my acceptance into their college of arts and sciences. I had completely forgotten all about the applications Charlie forced me to complete during my catatonic stage—insisting that I stop wasting my life away. It wasn't surprising that I got accepted, it really wasn't hard to get into that particular school, but I couldn't believe the timing. It was almost as if it was a symbol of the choice that I was about to make—college and a normal life with Jacob, or Edward and all eternity.

Of course, at that opportune moment, Edward knocked on the front door, opening it before I had the chance to. He took a few steps inside, closing the door behind him and studying the expression on my face and the paper I held in my fingertips.

"Bella?" he asked, taking a few steps closer to me. "What is it?"

I bit down on my bottom lip and folded the paper, placing it back in the envelope. "I got accepted into Seattle University," I confessed, my eyes cast down to the ground for fear of how he would react.

"What?" he asked, his voice rising slightly with excitement. "Bella, that's great. Congratulations, though I think you belong somewhere more proficient like Dartmouth or Harvard. You really shouldn't limit yourself to the schools in this area."

Slowly, I let my eyes glance up to meet his again. "I don't know if I'm going to college," I said, quietly.

"Of course you're going to college," he said, smiling and taking the letter from me to examine it. "Why wouldn't you?"

"Edward…" I nearly whispered, nervously running one of my hands through my hair. "What if I choose you?"

His movements halted slightly, his eyes locking on mine again. "You could still go to college," he said, his voice steady and final.

"Seattle University?" I asked. "You can't stay here forever with me. You said it yourself that your family is outgrowing their stay in Forks."

"It's not too late to apply somewhere else," he said, not missing a beat as if he'd been pondering our future for quite some time. "We could both enroll in Dartmouth together."

I looked away from his gaze, staring off into the distance behind him. Dartmouth? Was he serious? I'd never get accepted. My thoughts pondered what he was offering me and my mind instantly pictured Jacob. Could I really just leave him behind? Could I go somewhere else and make a life with Edward and the Cullens? _The Cullens. Alice. Carlisle. Esme._

"I really miss them," I breathed, my thoughts still drifting. "Your family…"

"So then, come with me," he said, his voice intense, my eyes automatically shifting over to him again. He took another step toward me so that our bodies were almost touching and brought his hand into my hair, capturing the side of my face in the palm of his hand. "After you graduate," he continued his eyes boring into mine—trying to convince me of his offering. "Come away with me. Be with me—with all of us. _Be one of us_."

"What?" I asked, my breath hitching in my throat in response to the significance behind what he was saying.

"I know that's what you want," he said, his voice becoming more pained, and I could tell he didn't like the idea. "Being away from you has made me realize that I would do _anything_ if it meant that I could be with you forever."

I felt like the room was closing in on me as his offer circled through my mind. He was asking me to become like him. _He wanted me forever_. He was finally giving in to the one thing that I had wanted more than anything else in the world. I felt dizzy and I knew that I needed to sit down. I walked around the corner to the living room and sunk down onto the couch, Edward not far behind me.

_Eternity with Edward. A lifetime with Jacob._

_Hot. Cold._

_The Sun. The moon._

_Fire. Ice._

"Bella, I'm sorry," I heard his velvety voice speak to me. I watched him kneel down in front of me and take my hands inside of his. "I know this is a hard decision for you to have to make. I wanted to leave, I wanted to choose for you, but you made me promise that I'd stay. If you want me to choose for you, I will. Just let me take back my promise to you and the choice won't be up to you anymore. I don't want you to have to go through any of this anymore. Just tell me I am free of my promise, that's all you have to say. Then it will be my decision to stay or go."

"No," I said, a little too abruptly. "No, Edward, because I know what you'll decide. I'm not ready to lose you again; I don't know that I'll ever be ready to lose you again."

"You give me far too much credit," he said softly, his fingers tracing my jaw line. "I hope you know that I plan on fighting for you."

"Fighting for me?" I asked, my voice giving way to my fear. "No, please don't start anything with Jacob."

"Relax," he said, laughing lightly, and shifting over so he was sitting beside me on the couch, his hand taking mine and rubbing it. "I'm not going to start anything, but I'm not going to just step aside and let you go. I need to make you realize that he's no good for you."

"Of course, he's good for me," I said, quickly jumping to Jacob's defense. "He's wonderful."

Edward's light-hearted smile turned serious in a matter of seconds. "He's a werewolf," he said, his voice cold, his eyes fierce.

"And, you're a vampire," I retorted. "Does it really matter? I mean seriously, I feel like I'm talking to Cole again, now. You sound just like him."

_Cole. _It occurred to me that I never found out what happened to him. Where did he go? Why hasn't he come back? I had to thank him for saving my life--for choosing me over Victoria. When I had spoken Cole's name out loud, I couldn't help but to notice Edward slightly tense and try to mask something in his expression.

"Hey, what is it?" I asked him. Suddenly, a horrible thought occurred to me, something that I hadn't even considered in the midst of everything else that had been going on. I hadn't even thought of the possibility. _But no, it couldn't be true_. I refused to acknowledge it, though I couldn't stop the thick lump from forming in the base of my throat.

"Bella…" Edward spoke, his voice fading off as several emotions danced across his face. _Oh, no. God, no._

"It's Cole isn't it? What happened to him?" I asked, frantically, my worst fears slowly becoming a reality.

"I don't think this is the best time--"

"Just tell me," I demanded, interrupting him, desperately praying that he wasn't about to say the one thing I thought he was.

Edward squeezed my hand tighter in his grasp. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice soft and sorrowful. "I tried to help him. I tried to get back in time, but I was too late. He was already gone. Bella, I'm _so_ sorry."

"What are you saying?" I choked, my throat tightening around my voice, making it hard for me to breathe. I looked straight ahead and stared off into the distance of the living room as my brain tried to register the words that he was speaking.

"Cole is dead," he said, slowly, _regretfully_.

"Cole is dead…" I repeated to myself, as time seemed to slow down and the room began to close in on me. "He's dead…Cole is dead," I continued to mumble to myself over and over again, the last time finally coming out as a recognition.

"He's…_dead_," I whispered again, my voice breaking off.

I felt my vision start to cloud, my body felt numb, as tears began streaming down my face in unrelenting waterfalls of misery. I didn't even make an attempt to hide them or wipe them away; I just let them drown me in my sorrow. "No, he can't be dead," I quietly repeated to myself over and over again as I desperately tried to somehow make that enough to save him.

"He can't be dead," I suddenly shouted at Edward, watching him slightly flinch at the abrupt change in my tone. "He was…"

I trailed off as my crying started to make it hard for me to speak. _What was Cole to me?_ I knew the answer to the question long before I even thought it.

"He was…_my friend," _I eventually whispered. "He gave up his life…_for me."_

Suddenly, the harsh reality crashed down on me all at once. _I was the reason for his death._ My stomach started to roll and churn, making me feel like I was going to be sick. All of the memories started to assault me at once…

_The first day I met him at the lunch table—his eyes locking on mine—the immediate bond between us surrounding the secret we shared._

_The night he spoke to me in my living room about his past. I could have sworn he was trying so hard to open up to me—to let me in. He told me that if he were Edward he would have never left me—words that at the time were exactly what I needed to hear even if I didn't realize it yet._

As I reflected back on these memories my sobs started to build from deep within my chest and my body began to tremble. I have never lost a friend so close to me before, and I didn't know how to deal with it—the grief, the regret, the misery, the sadness. It was all too much to bear. How does anyone ever deal with the death of a loved one?

I could feel Edward's eyes on me—studying me carefully. I heard him shuffle as if he was going to try to comfort me, but I lifted my hand up to stop him. I didn't need his cold embrace to remind me of Cole—to remind me of the chill of his touch when he caressed me that afternoon on my bed. I closed my eyes against my tears as my mind instantly pictured his beautiful face just inches from my own—the memory of my body being trapped beneath his as he told me that he wouldn't kiss me if I asked him not to. So many secrets that we shared—so many things between us that no one else would ever know. He had reminded me so much of Edward that I found myself caring for him in the process. Only, I now realized that it wasn't because of his similarities to Edward that had drawn me to him, rather it was his differences. The fact that I could be just friends with him, that he never failed to drive my absolutely crazy while simultaneously making it impossible for me to stay away from him, that he wasn't afraid to do things that he knew would get me in trouble—the fact that it was always him and I against the world because no one else understood him. _And now, no one else ever would._

Finally, my mind was starting to accept the reality of his death, and the anguish was nearly crushing my lungs beneath the weight of it all. I realized that after everything Cole and I had been through together in the very short time that I had gotten to know him, that he will always be remembered as my very good friend. He will be remembered as the one who saved my life, the one that I could always count on. He became the man that I knew he had wanted to be all along. He was more than a heartless vampire; rather he was a companion, someone to rely on. He was very important to me—a piece of my life that will never be forgotten.

After a long time of my silent crying, I managed to pull myself together enough to glance over at Edward, his face slightly blurring through my tears. I took in a shaky breath and asked in a quiet voice, "Will you take me to the clearing?"

* * *

I dropped down to my knees in front of Cole's ashes—the place where Victoria had burned the body of one of my closest friends. Suddenly, my deep hatred for her filled my entire being, blinding me to every other emotion within me, and I had never been happier for someone's death. She didn't deserve to live. She didn't deserve to have anything anymore. She was nothing to me. _Nothing._

Slowly, I lay down beside his remains, my tears falling heavier now. I was vaguely aware of Edward kneeling down behind, the trace of his hand on my back.

I tilted my head toward the ground and whispered, "Thank you, Cole. No one else knew the real you, but I did. You were a better person—a better vampire—than you thought."

I paused and hiccupped, before taking in a deep breath and finally finished with, "I will never forget you."

I let my tears and sobs overcome me then, as I said goodbye to my friend. Edward's arms wrapped around me and I no longer pushed him away. I need him now more than anything. He gently pulled me up and turned me around to face him.

"I'm so sorry, my love," he said softly, wiping my tears away, and I could tell by the agonized expression on his face that my sadness was killing him.

"Oh, Edward," I gasped, as I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him tightly against me-- the chill of his embrace surrounding me.

The last thing I remember was thinking how much I was craving a different set of arms. A warmer set—the ones that belong to the one person that could always comfort me, the arms that belonged to the one person that knew just how to put my life back together when everything around me was falling apart.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it's taking me so long to update. Sheesh, I suck at life. But really, blame it all on Rob for having to be photographed shirtless, because really? **

**How's a girl supposed to concentrate after THAT?!**

**Now to update you on the Jacob/Edward score…right now, after Ch 34, according to IPreferJasper, Jacob is still up 1 and Edward is at like .65 (HAHAHHA), she makes me laugh. **

**Also, I have a Twitter account!! I still don't know what the hell I'm doing, but yeah, come follow me and let us tweet together! (Find the link in my profile)**

**Finally, I went back and re-uploaded some of the beginning chapters of Fall For You to fix some of the grammar. Chapter three was completely changed from the original version so you should go back and see if you like the newer version better. (It used to be the ice-skating.)**

**Thank you my hubby is no edward for helping me with this chapter, especially the Cole parts—seriously most that was her ideas! Love you, bb.**

**Thank you to ReLeeS for being an awesome beta.  
**

**Thank you to everyone who responded to help me with my Leukemia ignorance. I appreciate you taking the time to share your stories and hopefully I'll eventually be converting the story into an AH fan fic—so be on the look out for that.**

**Please take the poll asking for your ages on my profile. Thank you.**

**Ch 36 is going to be CARAZY!**

**New Moon Trailer=FANTASTIC! **

**My A/Ns are starting to get out of hand.**


	36. Crash Into Me

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Stephenie Meyer owns everything!**

**** The content in this chapter is rated M, reader's discretion advised! No really, I mean it****

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"_You've got your ball  
You've got your chain  
Tied to me tight tie me up again  
Whose got their claws  
In you my_ friend_  
Into your heart Ill beat again  
Sweet like candy to my soul  
Sweet you rock  
And sweet you roll  
Lost for you I'm so lost for you_

_  
You come crash into me  
And I come into you  
I come into you  
In a boys dream  
In a boys dream_

_  
Touch your lips just so I know  
In your eyes, love, it glows so  
I'm bare boned and crazy for you_

_  
When you come crash  
Into me, _baby_  
And I come into you  
In a boys dream  
In a boys dream_

_  
If I've gone overboard  
Then I'm begging you  
To forgive me  
In my haste  
When I'm holding you so girl  
Close to me  
Oh and you come crash  
Into me, baby  
And I come into you."_

_--Crash Into me by Dave Matthews Band_

_

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**Chapter 36: Crash Into Me  
**

I returned to school on Thursday, reaching the conclusion that if I were to stay at home another day I might go out of my mind. Besides, even though my doctor wrote me an excuse to miss the entire week, there were only a few weeks of school left and the last thing I needed was to get behind. Finals were rapidly approaching and I really wasn't up for a repeat of the twelfth grade. I literally cringed at the thought.

I can't remember much from that particular day because I was mostly in a daze, still grieving over Cole's death. In fact, the moment I entered into the building, memories of his presence flooded into my mind all at once and I instantly regretted my ill-advised decision to return so soon. Everywhere I looked, he was there. All around me, his twisted grin, his piercing eyes, his dark chuckle. _Everywhere._ It was definitely true that you never appreciate the full magnitude of someone in your life until they're gone. My heart was yearning to see him nonchalantly leaning against my locker, arms crossed, arrogantly smiling, waiting for me to grab my books for my first few periods of torture. Of course, I felt a lump form in the base of my throat when I turned the corner and reached my desolate locker—the emptiness and loneliness of it mocking me for even hoping to see him there.

The entire day passed in a blur with me catching up on missed assignments and the gossip that I had avoided in my absence. Everyone was being extra nice to me, asking what had happened and listening with great interest when I lied to them. I was claiming that I tripped and rolled down a hill in the woods. It was the same story that I told the doctors, the same story that Charlie believed to be true. In those moments, I wanted nothing more than for it to be the truth, because that would mean that Cole would still be alive and here with me today.

When I returned home from school, I could barely stand not hearing Jacob's voice another instant. I needed to know what he was doing. _Was he alright? Did he miss me, too?_ Although it had only been a few days since I last spoke to him, I was beginning to go crazy. I was so used to talking to him every single day, and now that my life lacked his warmth, I was beginning to feel the consequences. I knew that I shouldn't call him, that it would only make everything worse if I spoke to him before I had everything sorted out, but my hands unconsciously pulled my body toward the phone. They actually picked it up and almost completed the dialing of his number, before my brain finally won the battle against my heart, and I quickly slammed it down almost in tears with my frustration. I couldn't allow myself the pleasure of hearing his voice until I knew what I wanted—_complete and final with no more "what ifs."_

That evening, Edward knocked on our door after Charlie and I had finished with supper. Charlie gave him threatening looks as he walked inside, but Edward was nothing but polite in return. I knew that my dad was never going to forgive him for leaving me in the woods so I didn't even bother arguing with him anymore.

Charlie had many questions surrounding Edward's return. _Why was he here? Where was he staying?_ Of course, I made up the excuse of him and Carlisle coming back into town to maintain the house until they planned on selling it. I really didn't know what else to say, and I knew that if I told Charlie Edward had come on his own, he'd be concerned as to why an eighteen-year-old boy was allowed to stay so far from his family by himself. I wasn't really sure if Edward planned on staying in Forks now or if his family would ever come back, but my story would have to suffice for the time being. At least, Charlie seemed to buy into it.

Even with Edward by my side the entire night Thursday, I laid awake, barely able to get any sleep at all. I couldn't stop thinking about Jacob and everything that has happened between us over the past few months. As much as I loved having Edward there with me, I was beginning to feel like it was all wrong—like I didn't belong in his arms--like my heart was trying to force me into a place that it so badly wanted me to fit, but each and every time it was coming up short.

That night my dreams were filled with a _very alive_ Cole and the sights and sounds of Jacob's infectious laughter and beautiful smile.

* * *

Friday I was even more miserable—pathetic even. I barely spoke two words to Edward in the morning when I woke up with him still in my bed. I could tell that he sensed my distance and that he was trying to give me the space that I needed, but ultimately it was killing him. I sensed that I needed to make my decision soon, because I couldn't stand myself for hurting either one of them any longer. I said goodbye to Edward sooner than usual, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek, and continued on with my morning routine almost in a trance.

Charlie and I ate breakfast in complete silence, but I could feel his eyes on me scrutinizing my every move. He didn't want me hanging out with Edward and I could tell that he was dying to speak up and say something of protest. However, that protest never came. Instead, the only sounds to be heard were the clanking of our spoons inside our cereal bowls and Charlie's occasional sipping of coffee out of his mug. When we both finished at the same time, I cleaned up our mess and wasted no time heading out the front door with my Seattle University acceptance letter in the back of my book bag, practically weighing it down with the magnitude of everything it stood for. I wasn't entirely sure what I was planning on doing with it just yet, but I had placed a checkmark inside the box that verified I accepted my acceptance into their school and had filled out further details about myself that it had asked. Whatever the reasoning behind it, I felt the need to carry it around with me unable to part with it, as if it was the symbol of the choice that I was going to make. _Send in the acceptance and choose a life with Jacob or throw away the acceptance and go away for an eternity with Edward._

_

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_

The school day dragged on in endless hours of torture. I was still a complete wreck, my mind still reminiscing on Cole and the short time that I had spent with him. When I turned the corners of the hall, I would momentarily imagine him extending his arm out to me, directing me to my next class. At lunch, I basically ate in silence, unable to stop my mind from picturing Cole on that first day that I had met him--his pristine clothes and the instant chill of his grip as I placed my hand into his and the way he spoke my name in his Italian accent.

"_Isabella," he said, his eyes boring into mine and dancing with the thrill of the secret we shared. "It's a pleasure to meet you."_

I felt my heart break and I closed my eyes tight, inhaling a deep breath of air while trying to push him out of my thoughts.

"Bella," Angela's soft voice spoke, bringing me out of my contemplations. "Are you alright?" Her concern was evident in the genuine nature of her tone and the automatic softening around her eyes as she spoke.

"I'll be fine," I nearly whispered, trying to find my voice. In that moment I wanted nothing more than for it to be just her and I sitting at that table so that I could pour my heart out and explain everything that happened. My mind was heading for another breakdown as I held in the events of the past three days--Cole's death, Edward's return, Jacob's heartbreak. I couldn't bear the weight of it all any longer. I felt like I was going to explode into a million different pieces—the left and right sides of my body pulling themselves in opposite directions.

"You just…haven't really been yourself," she confessed, and I could tell she instantly felt guilty for prying into my business. "I'm sorry," she added a second later. "Of course, you're not yourself. You have to be exhausted from the hospital stay and all the homework you have to catch up on."

"Yes," I replied, desperately wishing that was the worst of my worries. "I just have a lot on my mind, but thanks for your concern."

I forced a smile, eliciting one from her in return, and then excused myself, feeling all eyes on me as I grabbed my tray and briskly exited the cafeteria. I walked down the empty hall in a numb trance until I reached the familiarity of my locker and opened it up, trying to busy myself with the changing of my books. When I pulled out my textbook for Italian, a thin strip of white paper dropped out of it and fell to the floor. I bent down and picked it up and as soon as my eyes scanned over the familiar cursive handwriting, I gasped, loosening my grip around my books, forcing them to scatter onto the floor with a loud clatter.

_Did you miss me? _ The note read. _Cole's note._ The one he had written me weeks prior.

I read the single sentence over and over again as tears began to sting my eyes, threatening to break free at any moment. I took in a deep shaky breath and felt my knees weaken as I lifted my left forearm and rested it against the upper shelf of my locker, burying my face inside it. I needed to pull myself together. I needed to accept Cole's death and move on. I needed to make a decision. _ I needed Jacob. _My body was yearning for him and all of the comfort he could provide. My hands were begging to reach out and touch every curve of his familiar face—my eyes wanting to memorize the exact hues of his expressive eyes. I felt my body tremble slightly as silent sobs escaped my hold and I thanked God that I was alone in the hallway with no one to witness my breakdown. By the time the lunch bell rang, I managed to pull myself together enough to stand up straight and wipe the tears out of my eyes. My body was filling with a new kind of determination to make it through the remainder of the day without letting my weakness show.

I sat in Italian, staring at the clock as Cole's empty seat taunted me and reminded me of his absence. I tried everything in my power to avoid looking anywhere in that general direction, knowing very well the intense pain that it would inflict upon me.

The teacher was speaking to us about the end of the semester and what we were expected to know for our final. My brain could barely comprehend anything that was going on around me. I felt like I was in a bubble, the voices and whispers of the other students echoing in the silence that surrounded me. The ticking of the clock growing louder and louder as it approached the hour that would set off the final bell of the day.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

I pulled my eyes away from it momentarily to investigate my surroundings. Everyone was busy taking notes, quickly writing down and hanging on our teacher's every last word. My pencil sat untouched in the middle of my desk. _Lonely_. _Waiting to be utilized._

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

My eyes shot over to the clock again, only one minute had passed. I idly ran my right hand through my hair and closed my eyes because I couldn't stop my peripheral from seeing the empty seat that mocked me.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't take it. _Any of it. Nothing_. I wanted the clock to stop ticking, I wanted the students to stop writing, I wanted the teacher to stop talking. I wanted to stop loving two people at the same time. I wanted my heart to stop being so divided. I wanted to see Jacob again. _I needed to see Jacob again._ Every nerve ending in my body was screaming at me to run into his arms the moment the bell sounded off to my freedom.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

Finally, the familiar sound interrupted the teacher's closing lines, as students hurriedly gathered up their belongings and exited the room. I was close behind them, making my way down the hall and out of the building before anyone would even think to stop me. I was in my truck a minute later, pulling out of the parking lot before the rush of students' cars caused the daily temporary traffic jam.

I hadn't realized that I made the decision to go straight to Jacob's house until I passed the turn off that would lead me to my house and continued on toward La Push. I had absolutely no idea what I was planning on saying when I saw him, no idea what it even meant that I was going to his house now before my decision was made. I just knew that it was wrong—a mistake—my selfish needs once again pulling myself deeper into the pit I had dug into. I knew this visit would only hurt us both more, but I couldn't bring myself to turn around—I couldn't stop myself from fulfilling my craving.

Eventually, I pulled into his driveway and cut my truck's engine, taking in a deep breath and trying to once again convince myself to turn around and head home_. That was unsuccessful._ I peered out through my window through the rain to find that his Rabbit was parked on the side of the house, signaling that he was home. Before I had the chance to stop myself, I was out into the rain making my way to Jacob's front door. I knocked hesitantly, wondering if Billy would be the one to answer, and if so, what would he think? Did he hate me? Did he know about Edward? What had Charlie told him? The door swung open, putting an early end to my inner questioning, and Jacob stood in front of me, his eyes slightly widening in light of my presence. I lost my ability to speak as we both stood staring at each other. So many emotions hit me all at once—love, lust, want, need, guilt, remorse—as my eyes scanned across his perfect features and I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders—like I could breathe again.

"Bella?" he asked, a combination of relief, anger, and worry played out on his face. "What's going on? Are you alright?"

"Oh Jacob," I gasped, my arms shooting out and flinging around his neck as I practically threw myself at him, pulling him closer against me. As soon as I felt his body against mine, my mind took on a life of its own, and suddenly I knew why I came here. I knew exactly what I needed. _Jacob—all of him—in every way possible._

Slowly, I felt his arms wrap around me, the warmth of his touch piercing through the thin fabric of my shirt and causing me to tremble. "I need you," I whispered against his chest; as I breathed in his scent and felt myself lean further into him.

I felt his warm hand beneath my chin, tilting my face up until his eyes locked on mine. "What's wrong?" he asked me, his voice laced with concern.

"Everything…nothing…_so_ much," I began to ramble, my voice speaking without my control. "I'm so confused. Life absolutely hates me and Cole is dead and it's all my fault. I miss him; seriously, everywhere I go I'm reminded of him somehow. It's torturing me; the guilt is too much to bear. And, Jacob, there's so much I'm not sure about. But, one thing I am is that I need you more than I ever needed anyone."

My voice broke off, as tears filled me eyes and I realized that my hands were fisted into Jacob's shirt, clinging to him.

"Hey," he said his voice soft and soothing, his hand tucking some of my damp hair behind my ears. "I'm here for you, Bella. I've always been here for you. There won't ever be a time in our lives that I won't be right here…for you."

The impact of his words shot straight through me and swept me away; the security that I felt in his presence only made me long for him even more.

"I know, Jake," I said, nearly breathless now, pulling him close against me once more as my face turned upward so my lips could brush against his neck. "But I mean… I _need_ you. All of you."

"What are you saying?" he asked quietly, his nose burying into my hair, his body leaning into my touch. "I don't know what—"

"Please," I whispered, interrupting him as I extended myself up on my tip toes so my lips could find his jaw line. "I want you."

A few seconds went by before either of us moved at all; I could practically feel his inner conflict. But finally, he gave in and his face turned toward me, his lips lowering and crashing onto mine. He kissed me forcefully, his hands automatically fisting into my hair and pulling my face even closer to his. My arms were wrapped around his neck, my body arching against his, desperately trying to be closer—trying to take out any distance between us. The feel of his lips on mine again after being deprived of him for so long was pure ecstasy and my body was taking on a mind all its own—acting on its own impulses without my control.

Jacob's kisses turned more rough and demanding, as he pulled me inside his house and kicked the door closed behind me. The next thing I knew, my back was being slammed up against the door, a quiet whimper escaping my hold—not of pain but of pure want and desire. I could feel all of Jacob's anger and frustration with me in the way his lips moved against mine—the way his tongue plunged into my mouth as he took complete control over me—holding me tightly between him and the door.

"I missed you so much," I gasped as soon as his lips left mine and he began kissing my jaw and my throat. "I can't be away from you anymore."

"I'm so…angry with you," he nearly growled against my skin, his breath teasing my senses. I felt a chill of air as he backed a few inches away from me and diverted his eyes to the ground. He ran his hands through his hair and grabbed onto the ends of it, somewhat pulling in frustration. An instant later, his head snapped up and he had a look on his face that was so fierce that it pierced my soul and made me tremble with the desperation that he was sending.

"Bella, I've tried to make myself hate you...I should hate you," he said, his voice full of disgust. "I tried to make myself believe that he didn't matter--that I was the only one that mattered-- that you weren't doing this to hurt me..."

"But the fact is, all you have to do is knock on my door and my heart does back flips," he continued, approaching me again and running his nose roughly along my jaw line, breathing me in and taunting me even further.

"And it reminds me that I could never replace the love I have for you....no matter how long I have to wait....and as bad as I want to...I could never…" he nipped below my ear, "ever," then looked directly into my eyes, his eyes darker, his nose touching mine, his voice intense, "hate you."

His words were filled with a whole other level of intensity, making me melt from within, forcing me to fear him while simultaneously causing me to burn with desire. I could no longer think about what was right or wrong—about how big of a mistake I was about to make. The only thing I was conscious of was how bad my body was screaming out to be connected with his. I wanted there to be nothing between us anymore. I needed him to make me feel complete again.

Jacob's lips found mine as I forced my hands in between our connected bodies, sliding them under his shirt and rubbing them up along his abs. The moment my fingers joined with his bare flesh, he let out a low growl, his hands instantly grabbing onto my wrists. We both fought for dominance—Jacob winning out and taking control, bringing my wrists up over my head and holding them against the door.

"Billy?" I suddenly whispered, somehow remembering where we were.

I felt Jacob glide his lips back along my jaw until his breath was against my ear.

"Not here," he whispered and I trembled against him.

Jacob stopped kissing me entirely for a moment, as we both began to collect some of our thoughts, our breathing coming out in erratic spurts. I felt his nose against my neck, I could sense his hesitation.

"God, Bella, I want you so much," he breathed into my ear, his voice sounding pained and tortured.

"You can have me," I replied, breathlessly. "All of me—right now." My words came out almost like a plea, as I slid my hands around him and underneath the back of his shirt.

Jacob caved in and gave way to his feelings as his lips met mine again and he helped me to pull his shirt off over his head. My hands didn't hesitate searching over every last inch of his bare chest, marveling in everything that he was to me. I managed to take some control and pushed us back away from the door until Jacob fell back onto the couch and I climbed onto his lap wrapping my legs around his waist. I felt all of the muscles in his body stiffen as I fisted my hands into the back of his hair and grinded my hips against the strain in his pants.

"No, I can't," he suddenly gasped, pushing my mouth away from his. "Not right now, not like this."

And, I knew he was right. This wasn't how our first time was supposed to be. It shouldn't be a response to our anger and desperation, but I couldn't stop myself. I needed him—to feel him—everywhere.

I grinded my hips against him again, eliciting a moan out of him and a slight whimper out of me—the pleasure shooting through my entire body, intoxicating my thoughts. I knew I couldn't hold back any longer.

"Please, Jacob," I begged, my hands all over him—in his hair—on his chest—clinging to him. "I need you."

With a low groan, I felt him give in. He couldn't hold back any longer, either. In one swift motion, his hands slid down my back and underneath my butt, his lips capturing mine again—our kisses hungry and forceful.

He lifted me up a few inches and then brought me down roughly, grinding our bodies together and creating an intense friction that was unlike anything I have ever experienced before—_so good_—so right. I moaned into his mouth as he continued to do this over and over again, increasing his pace and his force, his hips thrusting up to meet mine. It wasn't long before I felt something begin to build inside of me—a ball of nerves suddenly pushing together as the pressure of everything was begging to be set free. I gasped out loud, and mumbled his name as my body released, every muscle tightening and relaxing. Jacob's lips left mine and I could feel his eyes on me, watching me come down from my moment of ecstasy.

"Jacob," I managed to speak, once my body relaxed again. "That was…I mean, I never…did I just…"

"I love you," he said intensely, his eyes softening, all traces of his anger gone now.

Suddenly, I was speechless as I stared back into his eyes after the moment that we just shared. My love for him was overflowing inside of me and reaching incredible new heights. Without speaking a word, I brought both of my hands up onto each side of his face and kissed him tenderly.

"Take me to your room," I demanded softly, because I wanted to make him feel the pleasure that I just experienced. I wanted to give him something in return for what he'd given me.

Recognition danced across his eyes as he nodded and brought his lips to mine once again. This time his kisses were slower and more passionate. I felt him slide us forward on the couch until he stood us up, not wasting any time lifting me up off the ground, my legs automatically locking around his waist again. As he carried me back to his room, he held me with one hand and began lifting my shirt with his other. I helped him to remove it as we let it fall effortlessly to the floor. He kicked open his door and carried me inside, laying me down on his bed. I heard him shuffling around in his drawer for a moment, his body covering mine a second later with a condom in hand, his lips connected with mine again, his love for me pouring out in the tenderness of his touch.

"I want to take this slow," he said, his lips against my neck. "I don't want to hurt you."

My mind floated off as I was only aware of him and me. In that moment, nothing else mattered. All of my worries of Cole and Edward were gone and I could only focus on Jacob and how much I wanted him. My body was on fire beneath his heated touch and kisses. I felt the fire spread to my jaw, my neck, my chest—my back arching off the bed to get even closer to him. Time seemed to slow down—almost stopping completely as we continued on in our dance of passion. I recalled the room smelling of nothing but Jacob—he was everywhere—all around me, there was nothing else but him.

My bra was removed; my pants were gingerly shifted down over my hips. The next thing I knew, we were both completely naked, Jacob responsible for both of our undressing. Neither of us spoke a word, the only sounds to be heard were our steady gasps for air and our quiet mumblings of each other's names.

Nothing will ever compare to the moment that I first felt every last inch of Jacob's bare flesh against mine. I have never felt so connected with someone before, so completely enthralled in everything that he was—everything that he was making me feel. I should have been afraid for what was to come, for the pain that would surely be inflicted, but when I felt him shift between my hips—his erection rubbing against my inner thigh—they only thing I felt was pure want and need. There were no hesitations and no fear left inside of me. My legs automatically opened wider to him on their own accord, wrapping around his thighs.

Jacob groaned and pulled his lips away from mine so that he could pull back and look into my eyes. "Are you sure?" I thought I remembered him asking, and I just nodded my head in response.

He entered me slowly, the size of him filling every last curve—pain instantly shooting through my core as my body pulled and stretched to accommodate. I closed my eyes and bit down on my lip to stop myself from crying out; not wanting to ruin this moment for him. I heard him gasp the moment he filled me completely, my eyes shooting open as I watched him intently, my mind trying to focus on only him and ignore the shearing pain from within me. His eyes were tightly closed, his breathing labored, a small bead of sweat forming on his forehead. I have never seen anything more beautiful. I figured he was giving me time to adjust, and it seemed like it was hours rather than seconds before he started to move inside of me. The pain grew more intense, but I embraced it because I knew I deserved it after everything I had put him through. It made me happy to know that he was feeling nothing but pleasure now--that I was the one responsible for making him feel that way.

With every thrust, his face would relax more and more—his moans and gasps would get louder and louder. I could tell that he was trying to concentrate, trying to hold out as long as possible. After a minute, his eyes slowly opened again and focused on mine. I smiled at him, and wiped the sweat off his forehead lovingly, making sure to let him know that I was okay with what we were doing.

"Are you okay?" he asked, breathlessly. "Is this okay?"

I nodded and kissed him affectionately. He increased his pace and it wasn't much longer before I could tell that he was close—gasping out and trying to hold on. The pain inside of me had subsided and began to shift into something else—something warm--something resembling the way I had felt moments ago on the couch.

"I love you," I told him, causing his pace to only quicken even more—his breathing coming more rapidly.

"Bella, I think—"

And, before he could finish his statement, I felt his release, his whole body convulsing on top of mine. I watched his expressions of pleasure and ecstasy as he climaxed above me, all the while mumbling his love for me. Seconds later, he collapsed on top of me, our chests both rapidly rising up and down against each other in attempts to gain some of the air that our lungs had been deprived.

* * *

We were both lying in complete silence. After a gentle kiss to my temple, Jacob let out a content sigh. He then scooted out from under me and excused himself to take care of some business. He returned with his boxers back on and lay down on his back, pulling me down until we were tangled up in each other, my head resting on his chest. I could hear his heart beat as it gradually decreased back to its normal pace. Jacob's hand was idly running through my hair and I felt his lips meet the top of my head. He was the first to speak us out of our silence.

"That was the best thing I have ever experienced," he said softly, as he brought his hand underneath me to pull me up so I was looking into his eyes now. "You are everything to me."

And, that was all it took to bring me down off of my high and to snap my mind out of the trance that I had been in—acting on pure want and helpless need. I was everything to him. _But, was he everything to me?_

"What does this mean for us?" he asked when I didn't respond right away, his voice filled with hope.

_What did this mean for us? Did this mean that I was choosing him? Did this mean that I was going to say goodbye to Edward forever. _My decision wasn't yet made, and I felt regret instantly flood into my system for the possible huge mistake that I had just made.

"I…I don't," I started to say, unable to speak. "I mean I'm not really sure…"

I trailed off, unable to put a proper sentence into words and glanced away from his stare. "I'm sorry," I whispered, my eyes lowering to his chest. "I shouldn't have came here…We shouldn't have—"

"No," he suddenly shouted, pushing me off of him as he climbed out of bed and stood to his feet. His eyes were filled with anger and I almost felt fearful. "Don't you dare say that to me."

I pushed myself upright in his bed and pulled the sheet up to cover myself. "I'm sorry," I said again, as I crawled to the edge of the bed closer to him and tried to reach out to him but he flinched away from me.

"Don't touch me," he said coldly, as he turned his back away from me and clenched his fists at his sides.

I didn't comply; rather I continued to climb out of his bed and walked up behind him, wrapping my arms and the sheet around him so it was encompassing us both. I felt him grow tense at first, but I kissed his spine and felt him relax and lean back into me.

"That wasn't a mistake," he said, fiercely at first and then whispered it again. "That wasn't a mistake."

"No," I agreed with him, rubbing my nose against his skin. "That wasn't a mistake."

He turned around to face me then, taking my face inside of his hands. "You belong with me," he said intensely—and it almost sounded like a demand.

He pulled back and I watched him in confusion as he searched the room for his jeans. When he found them, he hastily pulled them on, zipping the fly and buttoning the top button, before walking over to his doorway and stopping to turn back and face me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, fear building up inside of me as I began to realize his intentions.

"I'm going to claim what's mine."

With that, he turned around and walked out the door.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, it's my first time writing lemons, so just back off and don't be too hard on me. **

**I know I said I wasn't going to write smut, but apparently I lied. I'll admit this was a little out of my element so I apologize if that was obvious.**

**With that said, I realize that Jake/Bella's first time wasn't all that it was cracked up to be.**

**If that pisses you off, I'm sorry. However, I'm pretty sure no one has had a first time that was all love and magic and butterflies and pretty rainbows. **

**Because I realize I have a lot of younger people reading this story (regardless of the rating), I just want to make it known that I'm not trying to promote sex before marriage (or whatever you wanna call it) or make it seem like "the cool thing to do." What Bella did in this chapter was, in fact, not cool at all. **

**With that out of the way, let me just say…HOOOOOTTTTTT DAAAAAAAAAAAMNNNNN do I wish Jacob would be pushing me up against the wall!!!!!!!!! Yowzer!!!!!**

**Thank you goes to my hubby is no Edward—the master behind all things smut—no really she's rather good it making things steamy. (Oh and for the record, in her world Cole is all fine and dandy, actually living at her house to carry out her everyday fantasies.)**

**Thanks to Mitch, my RL bff, for reading over the chapter and making me feel comfortable with it.**

**Thanks to ReLeeS—so sorry for my impatience AS ALWAYS.**

**Finally, please know that Bella WILL make a FINAL decision very soon.  
**

**Let the rage filled reviews begin!**


	37. Confrontation

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my college debt and my hubby is no edward's heart. **

**This world and these characters belong to the fabulo Steph Meyer—I'm just borrowing them for my own writing pleasure.**

***Thank you to Pinkkate123 over at IMDB for the song rec on this chapter. :-)**** Thanks, bb.**

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"_Some people laugh, and some people cry  
Some people live, and some people die  
Some people run, right into the fire  
Some people hide, their every desire_

_  
But we are the lovers  
If you don't believe me  
Then just look into my eyes  
Cause the heart never lies_

_Some people fight, and some people fall  
Others pretend, they don't care at all  
If you wanna fight, I'll stand right beside you  
The day that you fall, I'll be right behind you  
To pick up the pieces_

_If you don't believe me  
Just look into my eyes  
Cause the heart never lies."_

--The Heart Never Lies by McFly

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**Chapter 37: Confrontation**

I stared at the open doorway where Jacob stood a moment ago, as my mind tried to make sense of the events that just took place. _What exactly had I done? _I slept with Jacob—gave all of myself to him when I was still completely unsure of what our future held. I pulled the sheet further around me as I bit down on my bottom lip and scanned my eyes across the room where we just made love. The bed was in disarray, my clothing scattered in various places. My mind automatically began to reflect back to the way his body made me feel—the fire of his touch and the comfort of his embrace. Even though I knew it was wrong, that it was done for all the wrong reasons, I couldn't bring myself to regret it. _I loved him._ My chest was tightening around my heart under the weight of what those three little words meant to me. I could feel how very true and deep they ran within in me, through every last inch of my bones. _I loved him…so much. And, I needed to go find him before he did something stupid._

I quickly snapped out of my reflections and darted around the room, gathering up my clothing so I could get dressed. I made a quick stop to the bathroom, feeling the remnants of my painful first time with every step that I took. I got dressed, splashed some cold water over my face, and ran out of the bathroom sooner than I had run in. I knew where Jacob was going—"to claim what's mine" could only mean one thing. He was going to find Edward. As I climbed into my old truck and headed toward the one place I'd knew I'd find them both, I hoped they would have enough sense not kill each other before I could stop them.

* * *

I cut my truck's roaring engine outside of the Cullen house and quickly skimmed my eyes around the premises for any sign of Jacob or Edward. _Nothing. _The house seemed just as lonely and desolate as it has always been. Panic began to settle into my system as I came to the harsh realization that I might not find them—that they could be fighting at this very instant and I would have no way of knowing. If anything happened to either one of them it would be all my fault.

My legs and hands continued on against my will, opening my truck door—my feet hitting the gravel before I even realized what I was doing. The next thing I knew, I was walking up the steps onto the porch, my mind reminding me of the one of the last times I was here—assaulting me with pictures of time not too long ago when my desperation to find Edward again had reached its peak and I had needed to prove my insanities false. I was just about to knock on the door, when it slowly opened, Edward stepping outside to join me a moment later. He looked more than a little surprised to find me standing on his porch and seemingly out of nowhere I was hit with a wave of intense guilt—my quasi betrayal tainting the air around us.

"Bella?" he asked, his brow creasing in confusion, his hand reaching out to gently graze against my cheek. "What's wrong? Where were you? I went to your house after school but you--"

My movements cut him off mid sentence because I couldn't stop myself from flinching under his touch and backing a few inches away. He looked hurt and even more confused, but I couldn't help it—it felt all wrong to be touched by him so intimately after what I had just experienced with Jacob. _That's when it hit me_. Jacob must not have found him yet? Or maybe he wasn't coming here at all? I couldn't be sure, but I hoped it was true.

"I uh…you haven't seen Jacob have you?" I asked, quietly, lowering my eyes to the wooden planks. I couldn't stand to look at him anymore—my shame getting the best of me. It wasn't like I regretted sleeping with Jacob, I didn't regret giving him every part of me, but I did regret hurting Edward. I regretted my timing, the circumstances, the lust and desperation that drove me into Jacob's arms.

"No…" he replied in bewilderment, his voice slightly trailing off. "Why do you ask?"

I raised my eyes to meet his again and opened my mouth to answer him, but was interrupted by Edward's sudden tension, his jaw instantly locking and clenching, his eyes turning darker.

"That's why," he said in instant recognition, his voice turning cold and acidic. "Jacob's coming here to threaten me," he continued in what sounded like amusement. _ Jacob was obviously on his way._

"Edward, please just don't…" I lost my voice, my train of thought escaping, and I was unable to find the words that I needed to say. Please just don't what? _Don't…hurt him? Don't…fight with him?_ _Don't…love me anymore? _I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was that I needed from him.

I didn't get the chance to finish, because Edward was already walking down the steps of the porch to meet Jacob in the middle. I slowly turned around to find that Jacob was walking toward us in his human form—his eyes were fierce, his stride arrogant. Don't ask me why, but I guess I half expected him to show up as a wolf, so I was a little surprised by his appearance.

It took a moment for my brain to catch up with my body, but I quickly followed behind Edward, his footsteps mirroring Jacob's--both of them face to face—getting closer and closer--the tension between them evident and growing with each step they took.

Jacob's eyes shifted from Edward's to briefly lock on mine. I caught a glimpse of anger and frustration there before he focused all of his attention back on Edward. It wasn't long before they were standing in the middle of the roadway, only a foot apart. I approached them, unsure of which of them to reach out to—to which did I belong? Edward held his arm out in front of me, blocking me from walking any farther, obviously trying to hold me back from Jacob.

"Jacob Black." Edward spoke first, his voice bordering on amusement, a cocky smirk played out on his lips. "I do believe you're looking for me?"

"Bella," Jacob addressed me, ignoring Edward entirely. "You belong over here with me."

He tried to reach out and grab my hand, but Edward growled and stepped farther in front of me, blocking him from my view. "Don't touch her," Edward threatened. He sounded truly frightening.

"Edward--" I started to argue, fearful of the events that were about to ensue.

"Excuse me?" Jacob asked interrupting me, the volume of his voice rising in anger as he took a step closer to Edward so they were now only inches apart, both of them staring each other down. "I'll touch her whenever I damn well please, she is _my _girlfriend now, not yours."

"You're angry," Edward replied, unaffected by Jacob's threats. "I can't let you near her when you could hurt her."

"When _I _could hurt her?" Jacob retorted, letting out a quick and bitter chortle. "Are you serious right now? Do you have any idea what you're saying?"

I could see him getting tenser with every word he spoke; every single muscle in his body was alert and contracting. "I would never hurt her," he continued, his voice intense and filled with fury. "_Never. _Not the way that you did. You're the one that she needs protected from. _Not me._ You're the one that broke her heart and crushed her spirit. _Not me_."

Edward visibly flinched, but collected himself immediately. "I messed up and I'm prepared to deal with the consequences of those mistakes," he said, his voice still polite, but laced with authority. "I know there's no excuse for what I did to Bella, Jacob, but that doesn't mean I'm not here now. That doesn't mean I'm not going to fight for her now—she asked me to stay, so I'm here. I'm staying. I'm fighting. I'm not leaving unless that's what she wants."

"It _is_ what she wants," Jacob nearly growled.

"Oh yeah?" Edward asked sarcastically. "And what makes you so sure?"

Jacob didn't speak a word. Rather, he stood up taller, leaned in a centimeter closer and stared into Edward's eyes with an adamant expression I couldn't quite place. There was a short moment of silence, and I could feel my heart rate increase simultaneously with the charged energy surrounding us. "That's what makes me so sure," Jacob eventually said, full of confidence.

"What did you do to her?" Edward suddenly hissed, and he appeared to be absolutely fuming now--his rage and fury suddenly taking on a whole new level. I was frightened for Jacob's life, frightened for what Edward was going to do. I'd never known him to be violent, had never expected to be fearful of him, but in that moment I have never seen him so livid, and I was terrified. _What did Jacob do to me? _I was confused; my panicked glances were shifting between the two of them, trying to figure out what silent exchange they shared.

"Something you never could," Jacob replied, his voice just as fierce. "Now c'mon, Bella," he continued, stepping over toward me and reaching out to grab my arm, never once taking his eyes off Edward. Edward was faster than he was, though. The next thing I knew, I heard a menacing growl as Edward flung himself between Jacob and me, reaching out to push him out of the way. Jacob shot back, instantly stooping down into a crouch, Edward automatically mimicking his stance. They were face to face again, both of them practically snarling—all of their humanity lost. Jacob's body was quivering with rage and I thought for sure he was going to combust and phase at any moment. That's when it hit me. The reason they were fighting—the silent exchange they had shared. _Jacob's thoughts. He was recalling the passion that we shared just hours before. Oh my God._

"Jacob! Edward! Please stop," I yelled as I hurriedly flung myself between them, my back facing Jacob and blocking him from Edward's view. Edward focused his attention on me then, his eyes meeting mine and softening—changing to reflect a different kind of emotion. _Hurt. Betrayal. _I have never seen him so overcome in all my life and I had never hated myself more than I did in that moment. A wave of nausea overtook me as I tried to digest the pain I had just caused him—the torture that Jacob's thoughts had inflicted. With Edward's tormented eyes steadily holding my stare, I had forgotten about everything else going on around us. I had forgotten about Jacob, about their fight. I was only aware of my guilt.

"Edward…" I whispered, reaching out to take his hand, but he pulled away from me. I knew I deserved the rejection.

His eyes were narrowed, his brow furrowed in confusion. "How…could you?" he asked, and it wasn't a conviction, rather it was a genuine question—a genuine misunderstanding surrounding the capability of my actions.

"I…I don't know. I'm sorry, I just--"

"She loves _me," _Jacob interrupted, answering the question for me as he stepped around to join me at my side while reminding me of his presence there. "Why can't you see that?"

"Jacob, please," I managed to say, pulling my eyes away from Edward to face him—taking his hand into mine. "Don't do this," I begged. I hated being put in the position of having to choose sides. I loved them both. I cared about them both. I didn't want to hurt them anymore, and this clearly wasn't going to solve anything. It was only making everything worse.

Jacob looked at me again, his eyes softening around the edges, his tension slightly relaxing. "I'm sorry," he nearly whispered, his hand reaching out and lovingly tucking some of my hair behind my ear. "But, I've had enough. Everything was perfect between us before he showed up, and I'm sick and tired of him getting the best of you. He doesn't get to take any more of you away from me. He doesn't get to cause you any more pain. I won't let him. You belong with me--not him, Bella. _Me_."

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to gain the strength to speak again. "Please," I whispered, feeling tears start to force their way out of my eyes, but somehow I managed to hold them back. "Not right now. He's hurting enough already."

He studied my expression for a moment and I could see that he was having an internal battle in his mind. "Fine," he eventually said, sighing in frustration. "I'll go now, but you're coming with me."

"No, Jake," I said, tightening my grip on his hand. "Please, I just I need some time alone with Edward. I owe him an apology."

At the mention of Edward's name, I reflexively glanced over in his direction to find that he was no longer standing with us, rather his back was facing us and he was heading back to his house. My first instinct was to let go of Jacob's hand and run after him, but when I looked back at Jacob, his eyes were already narrowed and I knew that would've been a bad idea.

"I think I've been far too understanding," he replied. "I already gave you time with Edward. I don't have any more of it left to give."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he held up his hand to stop me.

"Just listen," he said. "If you want to be with me, then…God, Bella, just be with me already. Why is that so hard to do?"

"You know there's more to it than that," I said quietly, taking my hand from his and crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"There shouldn't be," he retorted, his voice losing some of its softness. "I love you," he suddenly said, taking my face in between his hands, looking straight into my eyes. "You know how much that's true. And, you know I'd do anything for you. But, I need you to know something else…"

"I'm here now," he continued, dropping my face from his hands and taking a single step back from me. "I've always been here…waiting around for you, practically going crazy at the thought of all the things you may or may not have been doing with Edward. And, now I'm done. I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry, but I can promise you that if you go crawling back into his arms after what we shared today, I won't be here tomorrow."

"Please don't say that," I replied quietly, my eyes filling with tears at the thought of losing him.

"What else am I supposed to do?" he asked, running a hand through his hair. I could see the defeat in his eyes--could tell that he was completely spent with nothing left to give.

I had no answer for him, because I knew he was right. What else did I expect him to say? I knew I couldn't keep carrying his heart on a string, pulling him around whichever way I pleased. I knew my time was up—my decision had to be made. _But how?_ _How was I supposed to let one of them go?_

_"_I don't know_," _I eventually choked out. "I don't know what the right choice is. Just please, I'm begging you not to leave me. Please, Jacob."

He stared at me for a moment, studying the agonized expression on my face before he caved in. "Hey, c'mon now" he said, his anger slightly faltering as he took me in his arms and rested his chin on the top of my head. "You know I can't stand to see you cry."

I wrapped my arms more firmly around him, practically clinging to him for dear life. "I'm sorry," I said, my tears flowing more freely now against his bare chest. "I don't expect you to wait around for me any longer, but I just…I'm still so unsure of everything, I don't know what to do, but I can't stand the thought of losing you."

"I think you already know what your decision is," he said, pulling out of our embrace so he could look at me again. "You're just too afraid to go through with it."

I diverted my eyes to the ground and wiped my tears away. _Was he right?_ _Did I already know the answer? _My mind began to think back, as I relived the last few days, imagining the time I spent with Edward and the way that he made me feel. I couldn't help but to realize that even though he was by my side, I was still yearning for Jacob. Did that mean that Jacob was my choice? I'd gone to his house today for comfort, my body trying to tell me what I had needed—my heart trying to convince me that he was the only one who could fill my void. Was _Jacob right? _ Had I known all along, but refused to acknowledge it? Did I just refuse to give into what my heart had been telling me the entire time because then it would mean I would have to say goodbye to the one person that I wasn't ready to live without again?

I nodded my head in light of my contemplations. I was beginning to realize my decision—to realize that my choice was already made, but I couldn't seem to find the words to speak.

"I'll leave now," Jacob said, bringing me out of my thoughts. "You can go do what you have to do, make your decision, speak with Edward, whatever you need. But, come tomorrow I want you to meet me at our special place—the heart shaped inlet along La Push beach where you first confessed your love for me. I'll be there around noon. I'll be waiting for you—for your decision. Either way. Whatever you decide, I'll be waiting."

He stopped for a moment, and I thought that he might say something else, but he never did. His expression was masked with confliction as he leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my forehead before turning around and running off toward the woods, pausing only once to look back at what he could possibly be leaving behind forever.

"Jake wait," I yelled when he was out of sight, trying to stop him, not ready to let him leave just yet. I felt like there were so many things that I needed him to know—so many things that I needed to share with him. But, it was too late. He was already gone.

I tried to wrap my mind around everything that he had said—around everything that had happened over the past few days—around everything that I was feeling. I had put both Jacob and Edward through pure hell and it was time to put the constant battle of tug of war to an end. I knew what I needed to do—the person that I was going to hurt. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the huge hurdle that I was about to climb. Slowly, I turned to face the house where Edward retreated to moments ago. With one foot in front of the other, I began to make my way toward the one place that would eventually set me free. Even if it meant that I was going to kill us both in the process…_it was time to say goodbye_. _It was time to move on. It was time to start again._

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**A/N: So sorry for the delay. I'm so F.A.I.L. at life right now. **

**Seriously, grad school is kicking my ass!**

**First of all, I want to apologize if I didn't reply to your review of Ch 36—I was in a wedding that weekend and life was crazy! I promise to try harder to reply next time!**

**If you haven't yet done so, please head over and check out my newest endeavor titled "Corner Coffee Shop." I decided to convert my original fic into a fan fic for reasons that are still unknown to me. I'm really excited about it and I hope that you will be too! Go read it. Review it. **

**https://twitter[dot]com/Live720 ---My latest addiction. Come tweet with me! I usually tweet about what I'm writing and how soon I'll be updating!**

**https://twitter[dot]com/Christina2227 --- while you're at it might as while tweet with my sexy wife, too. She doesn't bite…much.**

**Thanks to my fabulous betas—C and ReLeeS—I love them both dearly!**

**And finally, to answer your questions…there is only one chapter left to this story and an Epilogue. *tear* Thanks for sticking with me and I hope you'll like the way things turn out!**


	38. A Different Kind of Forever

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my college debt and my newfound three months of freedom from anything graduate school related! Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

****Thank you ReLeeS for your wonderful beta skills, and thank you C for helping me to write this chapter and for just being all around awesome.  
**

****Also, if you're a masochist like I seem to be, you should look up the song for this chapter and listen to it. I feel like it should be Jacob/Bella's theme song, it's such a tearjerker. Not even gonna lie, I cry like a baby every time I hear it.**

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"_He and I had something beautiful  
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last  
I loved him so but I let him go  
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back_

_Such pain as this  
Shouldn't have to be experienced  
I'm still reeling from the loss,  
Still a little bit delirious_

_Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you._

_You and I have something different  
And I'm enjoying it cautiously  
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard  
To get back to who I used to be_

_He's disappearing  
Fading subtly  
I'm so close to being yours  
Won't you stay with me  
Please_

_Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you._

_I only know that I am  
Better where you are  
I only know that I am  
Better where you are  
I only know that I belong  
Where you are."_

_--Near to You by A Fine Frenzy_

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**Chapter 38: A Different Kind of Forever**

I numbly opened the front door, my body somehow pulling me along on its own accord, my legs feeling like rubber, my hands sweaty, and my heart already aching. The house was empty as I stepped inside. I took in my surroundings and was instantly hit with the familiar scent that once made me feel like this was my home, as though this was where I belonged. I swallowed thickly, forcing the ever-expanding lump in my throat down even further. I knew Edward was here; knew that I was not alone. But, somehow, standing in the middle of the beautiful foyer, the welcoming steps luring me to make my ascension toward the room I knew I'd find him, I had never felt more deserted. _What a ridiculous feeling. I was the one that was going to be doing the deserting. _I tried to suppress my inner thoughts, unwilling to allow them to torture me further.

I took a deep breath and began my climb of the steps, the sound of my footsteps echoing off the hollow walls, my heart beating forcefully inside my chest. The hallway seemed to go on for miles as I made my way closer to the door that led to Edward's room, my mind still unable to wrap itself around the absurdity of what I was about to do. _Saying goodbye to the one person my body physically couldn't live without. _

_Foolish. _

_Impossible. _

_Necessary. _

The last adjective rang over and over again through my mind as I approached the doorway, gradually making my way inside. Edward was standing with his back to me, facing the window, his arms dangling lifelessly at his sides. I knew he heard my approach, but he didn't move, didn't even acknowledge my presence. I stopped for a moment, frozen in time as I stared across the blank walls and felt the room spin ever-so slightly around me.

Before I knew what was happening, I was advancing forward, my eyes focusing on the dark royal blue hue of his t-shirt, my mind trying to suppress the horrifying thoughts that were reminding me that this moment would be the last time I'd ever see the beauty of this man before me.

I stood at his side a moment later, staring out at the wooded forest next to him, feeling the familiar electrifying pull of his body, luring me in. Edward still didn't move, didn't even take a single breath as we both stood side by side, neither of us speaking a word. I briefly wondered what he was thinking about. Did he know of my intentions? Could he sense that things between us haven't been the same since he came back, too?

My hand closed the small gap between us and latched onto his, entwining our fingers. _Two hands, one heartbeat._ The moment our skin connected I felt the jolt of it flood through my system as it alerted every single one of my nerve endings of our proximity.

I wasn't sure how much time passed with neither of us speaking, Edward barely moving, but eventually his melodic voice shattered our forlorn silence.

"I can't…" he started to say but his voice uncharacteristically cracked and he stopped, cleared his throat and breathed out a tattered sigh before he tried again. "I can't get the image of you out of my head…you're face when he…and the way you breathed…the way you spoke..."

I visibly flinched and allowed myself to look over at his face for the first time since I entered his room. It was distorted in a grimace, his perfection corrupted in his sadness and I couldn't help but feel the need to reach out and smooth away the wrinkles that were now tainting his forehead.

"Edward I…" I started to speak, but was interrupted by his sudden movement, his body rotating to finally face me, his hands grabbing me and gently turning me until _I was_ facing him. _Eyes locking, fingers trembling, silent words spoken. _

Then, his hands were on my face, my eyes filling with tears under the weight of his touch. "It doesn't matter," he said intensely. "What you did with…_him_..." he shuddered and stopped to take another deep breath before continuing. "Bella, I don't care, okay? I still love you. I still want you."

Tears stained my cheeks as I cast my gaze to the ground, my throat clenching around my voice, disabling me from speaking.

I felt the chill of his lips connect with my forehead, his arms pulling me closer, drawing me closer and closer against him. His chest was all I saw, stone and icy, and there was blue everywhere…royal blue and I was cold in his embrace, shaking, my heart trying to tell me that this wasn't where I belonged while my body begged me to get even closer.

Eventually I mustered up enough control and placed my palms between us against his chest, gently pushing myself out of his embrace. Our eyes locked again, his filled with realization and confusion.

"I can't do this anymore," I whispered, my words practically echoing in the silence that followed them.

He swallowed hard and shifted his eyes from mine, looking at something insignificant in a far off corner. "You're choosing him."

I nodded my head and grabbed onto his hand again, bringing it up to my mouth and kissing it, breathing in his skin. "It's the only way I know how," I said against the back of his hand, finally letting it out of my grasp, watching it fall back to his side. "I love you…"

Edward looked at me again and if vampires could cry, I knew there'd be tears.

"I love you so much," I continued. "But I…you...your life isn't what I want anymore. I don't want to die, Edward, I want to _live_."

"You could stay human," he said suddenly, frantically. "You wouldn't have to give that up for me."

"No," I said, shaking my head back and forth. "You know that's not true. We both know that's not true. It's only a matter of time before something else would happen...and then Charlie and Renee…_Jacob_…I can't…leave _them_. I can't leave _him."_

"But, you could leave me?" he asked quietly, his jaw slightly clenching.

"I've lived without you before," I replied, realizing how intense the truth was behind my words.

He was silent for a long time and I tried to think of something else to say but kept coming up short. I wanted so many conflicting things in that moment. I wanted to run from him and hide, hide from the hurt and pain that was played out on his face. I wanted to reach out to him, touch him, kiss him, and _be_ with him. I wanted to find some way for us to be together without anyone else getting hurt, including myself. But, most importantly, I wanted this to be over. I wanted it to be behind me so I could finally begin my life, my life as a human, a normal life with Jacob.

"You're right," he eventually said bringing me out of my thoughts, his voice just above a whisper. "You'll be better off without me."

"Better off? No…not better off," I disagreed. "I'll never be better off without you. But, it just makes more sense for me to be with Jacob, it always did. I just didn't want to see it before, didn't want to believe it.

"Don't you see that what we had was all encompassing? Our relationship was taking over everything in my life, my breathing and my beating heart relying on your every move. It wasn't healthy—it's still not healthy, because even now…this very moment, my hands are begging me to touch you, my arms pleading with me to hold you. Physiologically, my body craves everything about you, the want and the need clouds everything else, blocks all my other emotions and blinds me from the realities that I should be seeing, but I'm not.

"I've learned a lot while you were away," I continued, stopping to take a deep breath and reflecting upon the recognition that I was currently experiencing. "I've grown up a little without even realizing it, and now I learned that it's not just about what _I_ want anymore. It's about my family, it's about Jacob, and it's about the fact that my being with you continuously puts _your_ family in danger. We can't do it anymore, Edward. My selfishness is ugly, and I think it's time I let it go."

As I spoke the words, I noticed that I have felt that way for a very long along. I've always known what my decision would be; it was present inside of me before my brain could even process it. My heart was trying to tell me that I no longer fit inside Edward's world, but my body refused to acknowledge it. The entire time, my hurting Jacob, all of it was only my way of trying to find the answer that I already knew.

Jacob was the right choice, the easy choice, the _best_ choice. Edward was the desired choice, the desperate choice, the choice I refused to let go of out of fear of what that would mean for me.

"If you're…" Edward eventually tried to say; once he let my words sink in. "If you're sure that's what you want, if he's the one you truly love, you know I'll let you go. I won't stop you."

"I'm sure," I nearly whispered, my eyes examining his reaction carefully. He always managed to hold himself together, just when I thought he'd completely fall apart, he always collected himself, his strong façade masking the true nature of his emotions. "He's the one that I want."

His eyes were more guarded as he nodded slowly, his hand already reaching out and brushing against my wet cheek. I turned my face in toward his hand, kissed his palm, tried to memorize the feeling of his touch so that I'd never forget the ecstasy of what it brought me.

"Oh, Bella," he sighed, taking a step closer to me, pulling me in to his chest, wrapping his arms around me while I simultaneously wrapped mine around him. He was clinging to me now, his nose buried in my hair, and I was clinging to him, suddenly not wanting to let him go. "Bella my love, my _only_ love, I'm going to miss you so much. I've just gotten used to having you around again."

"I know," I managed to say, though it was muffled against the fabric of his shirt. "I'm sorry, Edward. God, I'm so sorry."

I pulled back slightly and our eyes met again, our souls connecting. His hands swept over my face, wiping away my tears, his touch automatically making me rethink my decision. It was amazing how absolutely sure of something I could be one minute, and then have it changed entirely the next. _How could I ever live without this—without him?_

Something changed in Edward's eyes, both of his hands suddenly grasping my face gently inside of them, holding my gaze with his. "Hey, it's okay," he said, his voice filled with reassurance. "You're doing what's right for you. You're doing the very thing that I've tried to do for you all along, I just wasn't strong enough.

"You're so much stronger, so much better than me," he continued, pausing after that sentence with a small smile. I half-laughed, half-sobbed in response as fresh tears streamed down my cheeks, his hands continuously brushing them away.

"I hope you know that because of you, I've learned so many things about myself," he said. "Because of you, I no longer consider myself a monster, and you convinced me that maybe…_just maybe_, there's a place for me in the afterlife, that maybe I do have a soul after all."

I couldn't hold back the loud sob that escaped me then as the magnitude of his words came crashing down on me. He pulled me against him once more, his fingers gently running through my tangled hair, trying to soothe me in this time of sorrow.

"Shhh, don't cry my love," he spoke. "You know I can't bear it. There are many things I can handle, but your sadness isn't one of them."

"Promise me that you'll be okay," I demanded against his chest, my hands making their way onto his stomach, memorizing the feel of him.

"I've lived one-hundred plus years without you in my life," he said sadly, and though we both knew what he was about to say wasn't true, it had to be enough. "I think I'll be okay for one-hundred more."

I sighed against him, and then reluctantly pulled away, this time out of his arms completely. We both paused again, another silence extending between us, a silence filled with so much mutual recognition that while what we shared was definitely phenomenal and larger than life itself, it just wasn't the same anymore. I knew that he could feel it; I could see it in his eyes that he understood that our relationship had been coming to an end long before it had ever begun again.

Edward made the first move, slowly walking over to his couch, sitting down, patting the cushion next to him. I wasted no time crossing the distance and joining him. I turned so that I sat facing in his direction, reaching out and taking both of his hands in mine, rubbing them gently.

He looked down at our hands and semi-smiled as we sat in silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts, neither of us ready to completely say goodbye just yet. I found myself reflecting upon everything we experienced together. I was thinking about my very first meaningful kiss, the kind that absolutely takes your breath away while simultaneously causing you to forget your name. That kiss had been with Edward and it had been one of the most incredible moments of my life. Next, my mind was picturing us in the meadow, the sun shining on his beautiful, sparkling skin. I had never been more terrified in my entire life, not in fear of him and what he was, rather terrified that he was going to disappear and slip out of my grip--that one day I would wake up from the never-ending daydream that I had seemed to be living in.

I shed some more tears as I recollected the first day I met his family and then later, watching them play baseball in the midst of the thunderstorm. There were so many things that Edward and his family had opened up my eyes to, revealing a completely different world that I never knew existed--a world with vampires and werewolves.

_Vampires and Werewolves_.

It was now second nature to me, something that was just part of my everyday routine. But, in that moment I was trying to remember a time when I knew of no such things, when I thought of them to only exist in the movies. I used to be very practical, but Edward and this life had taught me that anything is possible. I felt my lips pull up in another smile because I knew that even though it wasn't always the easiest world to exist in; I wouldn't have it any other way. I knew that Edward had made me the person that I was today, the very person that Jacob was in love with. I would never forget him, but more importantly, I would never regret the beauty of what we shared regardless of how much pain it had caused me. _Without pain, one would not understand compassion nor appreciation for the things they so easily take for granted._

That's when I thought about Jacob again, instantly wondering what he was doing, if he was alright. I couldn't believe that just a short time ago, I was in his bed, wrapped up in his arms, giving away every last part of myself to him. I knew that I had hurt him deeper than he ever deserved and that I'd be dedicating the rest of our lives making it up to him, proving to him that I could be worthy of the love that he had for me.

"You know," Edward's soft voice broke me out of my reflections, as I glanced over to find that he was studying me. "I used to think that you were so beautiful all of the time, but when you think about him, you really glow. Being in love suits you, Bella.

"Even though it hurts, even though it's almost too much for me to bear, I want you to know that I'm so glad that you found someone who makes you happy, someone that enables you to live a long life like I had always wanted.

"Of course, it'd be foolish if I didn't confess that I wanted that life to be with me, but I know how impossible that is, and I know that you're choosing the simplest forms of living…sleeping, breathing, eating…and I couldn't be more happy about that."

Just when I thought I had no more tears left to shed, my eyes swelled with moisture again. In that moment, I was overcome with a new sense of a love for him, a different kind entirely, a love of appreciation, acceptance, and friendship. Edward was the most amazing person I have ever known, and I knew that if I could somehow manage to become half the person he was, I'd be leaping a hurdle.

"I love you," I confessed to him for the second time that evening, my arms flinging around his neck and pulling him to me. We embraced for what seemed like hours, our bodies connected and our breathing synchronized. Eventually, I managed to pull myself together, kissing his cheek before pulling away. It was time to say goodbye, and we both knew it.

"Please, feel free to check in whenever you want, bring Alice along too, if it wouldn't bother you too much," I told him as my fingers traced over the curves of his face.

"Thank you," he said quietly, his eyes unable to hide the sadness he was feeling. "Maybe I will…eventually…when I…when I think I can handle seeing you happy with someone else."

I nodded and leaned in closer to him, bringing my lips to his, kissing him for the very last time. It must have taken him by surprise because he slightly gasped at our contact, his hands immediately locking behind my head and pulling me closer, but it wasn't close enough. With Edward, it was never close enough.

When our lips parted, I was breathless and satisfied, ready to put this all behind me. I squeezed his hand one last time before standing up and saying goodbye.

"Goodbye, my Bella. You're the only one that I will ever love, the one person to which my heart belongs."

That was Edward's last words to me, words that I will never forget for as long as I live.

* * *

By the time I hit my bed, my tears were practically drowning every part of me. An initially angry Charlie was now full of concern and crawling to my side, asking me if I was alright. When I first walked through the front door, he was about to yell at me for not leaving a note again, but he evidently saw the red rims around my eyes, the puffiness underneath them, because he paused for a moment before asking me what had happened. That's when I lost it again and ran upstairs with him following directly at my heels.

"Bells?" I heard him say, his hand awkwardly patting me on the back as I lay with my face buried inside of my pillow. I wanted the pillow to swallow me whole; I never wanted to come back down to earth again.

"Please…dad…" I managed to say between sobs. "I just need to be alone right now."

"Well uh…okay," he said, and I could almost hear the relief in his voice because neither of us were any good at the affection thing. "I'll just be downstairs if you need me for anything."

I heard his footsteps as he left my room, heard the door latch closed, heard the silence the moment I was alone in my misery.

_Edward was gone. Forever. I'd never see him again._

My chest heaved beneath me as I rolled over onto my back and brought my hands to my face.

_Oh God, what have I done?_

My choice had seemed so clear, so concise just minutes ago. _But now._ Now I couldn't breathe again, my chest was constricting in on my heart, hollowness was beginning to expand through every last part of my body.

I almost got up, almost convinced myself to run down to the phone and call Edward…beg him to come back, tell him I had made a mistake. Amazingly enough, I managed to stay attached to my bed, latching onto my pillow, pulling it out from underneath my head and clenching it between my hands. I was in so much pain. My head was throbbing, my throat burning, and my tears stinging. I never thought it would end, never thought I'd find my way out of this hole of agony and find my way back to happiness.

* * *

Sometime over the course of the evening, as the sun set and my room began to fill with darkness, my tears stopped, my breathing returning back to a normal pace. Only then, after I properly grieved of Edward's departure and got the closure that I hadn't even realized I needed all along, did I finally allow myself to think of Jacob.

I thought of his smile, of his touch, and the way his face would light up the moment I entered the room. I thought of his garage, of his bedroom, and the way that he always seemed to know exactly what to say to make me laugh. I thought of his eyes, his hair, and the way that his body gleamed after spending an hour in the rain. I thought of him and I, together, bodies tangled inside of his sheets, and the way his forehead wrinkled and collected sweat as my body made him feel things that no other had ever done.

_Or ever will._

Because, though that night I thought of many things inside the walls of my bedroom, there was only one thing that I knew I would never forget. That night, after losing something that I thought I couldn't live without, I realized that I had gained so much more. I gained my life back--a life with Jacob. I gained the knowledge that I never wanted to go another day without him by my side. Because, although that night I lost my forever, I knew that I gained my "until death do us part."

* * *

**A/N: Good news, I lied about this being the last chapter.**

**As usual, I was wordier than I intended. **

**I'm going to admit that I was far too mentally exhausted to continue on, so me and the cyber wifey decided that ending with 40 chapters(one of them being the epilogue) was way better than 39. **

**The bad news, now you have to wait another week or two to find out how it'll end, though I think at this point you have a good idea. :-)**

**Please read and review my newest fic Corner Coffee Shop if you haven't yet done so. **

**Finally, because I feel the need to support my fellow Jacob/Bella writers, I spent the better part of my day yesterday reading this AWESOME Jacob/Bella fan fic that in my opinion is like 8,000x better than FFY. So, you should head over and read it right now!  
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**It's called "If You Twist and Turn Away" by blueandblack, it's in Jacob's POV and it's excellent--actually that's an understatement. http://www[dot)fanfiction[dot]net/s/4481237/1/**

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	39. I'm Yours

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Steph Meyer owns all. Damn.**

**I just want to apologize for taking so long to update. It is so unlike me not to be able to write and get this shit out to you sooner, but I was stuck in a rut for quite some time. Actually, I'm still in that dang rut for that matter, so if this chapter sucks asshole, I really am sorry.**

**Just an FYI, once again, I'm not ready to let this story end and it took me longer to tie everything together than I thought it would; therefore, there's yet ANOTHER chapter(or chapters…) after this before the epilogue. Basically, I don't know when this story will end. Really.**

**Without further adieu (sp? Look I never claimed to win the spelling bee…), let's give Jake something to smile about for once…**

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"_Hit me like a ray of sun  
Burning through my darkest night  
You're the only one that I want  
Think I'm addicted to your light_

_I swore I'd never fall again  
But this don't even feel like falling  
Gravity can't forget  
To pull me back to the ground again_

_Feels like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breakin'  
The risk that I'm takin'  
I'm never gonna shut you out_

_Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace_

_You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away."_

_--Halo by Beyonce_

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**Chapter 39: I'm Yours**

The next morning I woke up with a completely different outlook on life. The sun was shining through my window, casting an all-encompassing glow around my room, illuminating it and bringing it back to life. I sat up and closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath through my nose, my head falling back slightly and reveling in my newfound sense of freedom. Everything about me felt different—_better_. My shoulders felt lighter, my eyes well-rested, my head clearer, and my wrist completely healed from the minor injuries it had endured a week prior.

The first thing I did before showering, changing, eating, or even using the bathroom, was grab my backpack off the floor where I had dropped it the night before. I opened up the pocket that contained the symbol of the decision that I had just made. I stared at the white envelope in my hands, the edges slightly bent from its grueling journey.

I carried the envelope downstairs, smiling and nodding at a very confused Charlie, as I made my way outside toward the small box that sat dutifully at the end of my driveway. I stared at the address of the Admission's Office and the Seattle University logo for a long moment before taking in another deep breath of fresh air. Then, as if it were as easy as counting to three, I opened the tiny flap on the mailbox and placed my acceptance inside_. I was choosing life_. With arrow up and shoulders back, I made my way back to my house to prepare myself for my meeting with Jacob. I was unable to remove the smile from my face.

* * *

I parked my truck along the perimeter of First Beach and climbed out, my feet meeting the soft give of the sand below, the air thick with salt and humidity. The waves were crashing against the shoreline, creating a soothing and rhythmic melody, as the occasional breeze blew my hair across my face, slightly shielding my view, mixing the blues, the greens, and the tans surrounding me with the deep brown of my hair. I breathed in the moist air and it smelled of sand, and beach, and hope, and love. Slowly, after removing my shoes and socks and placing them back inside my truck, I started to make my way toward the inlet where I knew I'd find Jacob waiting for me. My mind was creating vivid pictures of his face, recollections of his varying expressions that always gave way to his emotions. I briefly wondered what he was feeling now while he waited for me. Would he be angry? Nervous? Maybe a combination of both? I felt a thick lump form at the base of my throat as I was suddenly overcome with an intense fear. What if he didn't show up at all? What if he had enough of my sick and twisted games and finally…_finally_ realized that he was far too good to be wasting his time on me.

Just as my legs were starting to weaken underneath the brunt of my panic, I saw his shirtless frame begin to come into view in the distance of the shoreline. Relief swept over me much faster than the panic settled in, and I felt my whole body, my whole soul, and every single one of muscles relax at the sight of him. It was within one hundred feet of him that I noticed he was sitting in the sand with his legs bent in front of him, his arms resting on his knees and his eyes cast out toward the ocean. He must have heard my approach, but he didn't move from his position, his eyes careful not to look in my direction. His face was filled with worry, with torment, and in that moment I hated myself for ever making him experience any form of discomfort.

Carefully, I knelt down next to him with my body facing his. There was so many unspoken words between us, so much passion, hurt, regret…_hope_. I could feel the electricity radiating off his body as it crossed the short distance between us and practically demanded me to get closer. Not ready to speak just yet, I took his hand into mine and brought it to my lips, kissing it lightly and letting his warmth comfort me further. The air was blowing his short, black hair across his forehead, framing his deep-set eyes and making him appear impossibly older. There were so many emotions running through me as my eyes scanned over his features, the features that made him so familiar to me and were responsible for my yearning to reach out and touch him.

I closed my eyes as my lips made contact with the rough skin of his palm, the waves crashing once again against the shoreline, only further enforcing the dramatics of the moment. My mind automatically pictured his body hovering over mine, me lying beneath him, both of us naked between his sheets. I shivered as I reflected upon the way he made me feel when he consumed me completely, the look on his face when he finally let himself go and succumbed to the pleasure, succumbed to the fire that was constantly burning between us. I knew that I chose the wrong time to give myself away to him completely, but I couldn't bring myself to regret it entirely. Though our first time may have been tainted with Cole's death and Edward's arrival, I knew we had the rest of our lives to make up for it.

After a moment, I opened my eyes and noticed that in response to my lips on his skin, Jacob turned his head to look at me, his eyes finally locking on mine. I couldn't help but to feel--after what seemed like ages--that in his eyes was where I belonged. I knew it sounded completely cheesy and maybe a little bit cheap, but it was the only way I could think to describe it. It was as though all of the crazy events over the past few weeks were ultimately bringing me to this point, making me realize once and for all that Jacob is the only one I want to be with for the rest of my days. _Not forever._ I didn't want forever anymore. But for as long as he would have me, for as long as a normal relationship would last. Maybe I'd go to college and we'd grow apart. Maybe we'd break up someday because he'd find somebody else or we would just come to the realization that we wanted completely different things out of our lives. Maybe we'd go through the "typical" ups and downs that every "high-school" romance has, feeling as though we had found the greatest love of our lives, when in reality we had absolutely no clue what the world had to offer. Maybe all of this would be true for us, the normal stuff, the _real_ stuff, but as soon as the thoughts crossed my mind, I knew they weren't true. I knew that we were different, that we weren't "normal," and that I would never grow tired of having Jacob by my side. I knew that though I wanted to become something more than just "his girl," that I'd be happy anywhere, anytime, as long as I was with him.

He looked extremely worried and slightly guarded, his brow was furrowed as he seemingly studied me for any hint of what I was about to say.

"Hey you," I said softly, coming out of my contemplations as I smiled lightly and gently squeezed his hand in mine before letting it fall out of my grip. I wanted to comfort him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to remove the worry lines from his forehead and pull him into my arms and tell him how much I love him, how much I have always loved him.

"You came," he said quietly, turning ever-so-slightly so his body was now facing in my direction. His eyes were darting cautiously across my face and it was almost as if he was silently pleading with me not to break his heart again.

"Of course I came," I replied, slightly shocked that he would even think I wouldn't show up. And, I couldn't help it, the distance between us was almost unbearable, so I scooted my knees even closer to him and took his hand in mine again, idly playing with his fingers. He lowered his eyes to study are entwined hands for a moment before glancing back up at me again and swallowing thickly.

"I just…," he started to say but trailed off, seemingly searching for words. He unexpectedly pulled me forward and placed my hand on his heart, the heat of his bare skin burning beneath my touch. His heart was forcefully pounding in his chest, nearly beating a mile a minute. "Do you feel that?" he asked, his voice slightly frantic. "I'm terrified, Bella. I know what you're going to say and I don't think I can stand it. I thought I was strong enough to come here today and let you tell me once again how much you're in love with him, how much you want to be with him, but I'm not. I'm not strong enough. I'm not…I mean, I just…I can't. _I can't_ do this. I'm sorry, but don't think I can handle hearing you say those things. Not again, not anymore."

"Oh, Jacob," I said gently, as he released my hand from his grip in defeat and let it fall from his chest to return to my side. "You have it all--" I started to say as I leaned forward again, trying to return my hand to his chest.

"No, wait…_please_," he interrupted me, holding his hand up to stop me from touching him again, as he fell backward to escape me and caught himself with the palms of his hands. He looked…petrified, tormented, and maybe even a little crazed. "Just don't say it. Just…_please_…don't."

I started toward him again, planting my body just between his open knees and placing my hands on them to steady myself. "I'm not--"

"I don't regret it, you know," he suddenly said, interrupting me again and pulling himself up so his face was closer to mine. As soon as he was aware of our sudden proximity he looked conflicted and if possible, even more pained.

I was starting to get frustrated with his inability to allow me to speak; his nervous chatter wasn't making it any easier for me to put him out of his misery. Then, his words began to sink in and swirl around in my mind, his hot breath on my face making it almost impossible to concentrate on anything other than his lips and the way I knew they felt against mine. I puckered my brow in confusion, trying to ignore the obvious chemistry between us for the moment. "Regret it? Jake, what are you...?"

Before I could finish, I realized the meaning behind his statement. So, he was obviously thinking of the same things I have been thinking of, only he had it all wrong. He thought I'd come here to let him go, when in reality I had come to latch on to him with my whole heart and never subside.

"It was the single best moment of my life," he continued, obviously in response to the recognition in my eyes, "the moment where my love for you could finally be expressed without painful words or heartbreaking conversation. And okay, maybe it was at the wrong time, and for the wrong reasons, but so what? The love was real and the way you made me feel was very… _very_ right," he said, his brow furrowing slightly, his eyes intense. "So, even if you do regret it, even if you wish it never happened..." He stopped then and trailed off swallowing thickly while diverting his eyes away from mine, as though he couldn't look at me anymore. "I don't and I never will. Even if you wish that it was with him instead of me…"

It was almost too soft for me to hear, his voice breaking at the end, his eyes casting down to the sand in anguish. My stomach lurched in agony, my heart nearly suffocating beneath the pain in his eyes.

"Oh no, Jacob," I gasped, launching myself forward and bringing his face into my hands, forcing him to look at me. "I don't wish it were him. I would never…I mean I…God, I would never regret that with you. _Ever_. Do you hear me? Don't you _ever_ think things like that again."

His eyes burned into mine as I tried to convince him of my sincerity with my stare. I felt sick that he would even think things like that, sick that I was responsible for the pain in his eyes, the defeat in his voice.

"Bella," he nearly whispered, licking his lips and pulling his eyes away from mine, "I can't…you're too close to me right now and its making me want so many things that I know I shouldn't…so please…just…"

He removed my hands from his face, pushed me a few inches away while expending a tattered sigh. "Besides, what else am I supposed to think?"

_He just wasn't getting it. _He wouldn't let me speak long enough to spell it out for him, so I decided to use a different form of persuasion and convincing.

"Just stop thinking entirely," I breathed, before quickly closing the gap he put between us and bringing my lips down on his. I heard him release a muffled gasp, his body instantly tensing as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. He wasn't kissing me back yet, his body still rigid, but his arms slowly wrapped around my waist. I took his lips into my mouth, sucking and trying to bring him to life. Slowly, I felt him relax, I felt his body respond to our passion, and I felt his mouth begin to kiss me back. His tongue was in my mouth a moment later; I was consumed in the moment, in him, in the way he tasted like earth and rain and the sun. Our kisses grew hungrier, more desperate, as I shifted my position so my legs were straddling him in his lap, my hands tangling into the hair at the nape of his neck.

"God, Bella," he moaned the moment my lips left his and began kisses along his jaw, as his hands made their way beneath the back of my shirt, my body shivering beneath the heat of his touch. "I can't…we can't." He was panting into my hair, both of us caught up in the intensity of the moment. "Don't do this to me." Clearly, he still wasn't convinced. He obviously thought I was kissing him goodbye.

I kissed my way back his jaw until my lips reached his ear. "I'm yours," I whispered, pouring out all of the love I felt for him in those two simple words.

He froze.

I kissed his cheek before pulling away and looking into his eyes.

"What?" he asked quietly, his wide eyes reflecting his disbelief.

"I'm yours," I repeated, my mouth turning up into a genuine smile. "I made my decision. I told Edward goodbye."

He stared back at me, not saying a word, not moving an inch.

After a moment, he swallowed hard and started to say, "But, I thought--"

"I know what you thought, and maybe if you would've kept your mouth shut for longer than two seconds, I might have been able to tell you sooner," I said, unable to stop myself from laughing at the shocked expression on his face.

"You willingly said goodbye to him?" he asked again, his demeanor still slightly guarded.

"Yes," I replied, firmer this time. "Is it so hard to believe that I would want to be with you?"

"Well, no," he eventually said, his brow furrowed as he studied me carefully. "I just…you really _love_ him. And, I mean, I know you love me too, but after you told me you needed some space, I guess I just thought that maybe I was wrong in believing you would ever love me enough to leave him behind."

"It's more than that, Jacob," I replied, my voice gaining in its intensity. "It wasn't just about love, about which of you I wanted more, it was about life. _My life_. The life I realized I'm not willing to give up."

I was shocked to see his face slightly fall, his eyes softening. "Oh, so it's not just because of me, then? I mean, I'm glad you want to live and all and I know we have a different life but I--"

"Dammit, Jake," I huffed, interrupting him, his eyes growing wide at my outburst. I knew he wasn't used to hearing me curse.

"Can't you see that one doesn't exist without the other?" I asked him, my voice still tainted with frustration. I watched his lips twitch as he obviously tried to hold back a smile in response to my inability to sound the slightest bit threatening.

"I'm glad I amuse you," I said sarcastically as I started to push myself out of his embrace, but his arms tightened around me, holding my captive against his body.

"I'm sorry," he said, losing his inner battle and giving way to his laughter. "I just never heard you curse before. It was pretty hot, actually. Do you wanna do that more often?"

"Jacob Black!" I yelled, though I had to fight back a smile of my own. "I'm trying to be serious here and, as usual, you're making jokes."

"Okay, okay," he said, his hands now rubbing up and down my back. "I really am sorry. Please, continue."

I eyed him warningly before taking a deep breath. "As I was saying…"

I paused for a moment as I tried to remember what we were discussing and was unsuccessfully attempting to ignore the fact that his hands were now hiking underneath the back of my shirt again. The moment he touched my bare skin, I couldn't stop myself from shivering. Of course, that only elicited another chuckle out of him. I shot him another threatening glare before that quieted him rather quickly.

"Can't you see that in order for me to have a life, I need you there," I explained to him the moment I remembered what it was I had wanted to say. His smile slowly faded as the meaning and depth behind my words began to sink in and change the air around us. "I mean, at least in order for me to have the kind of life that I _want_, I need you there. Don't you see that I choose "life" because I choose you…?"

I lost my train of thought and trailed off as Jacob's faced turned completely serious; all of his previous humor had faded. He took my face into his hands and brushed his thumbs tenderly against my cheeks. His eyes were soft and expressive, his love pouring out for me in his touch.

"I _want_ you," I whispered, finally finishing off my quasi-speech, though I wasn't entirely sure those were the last words I intended to speak. They were definitely the words I wanted to say now, though. _I wanted him_. More than anything else.

"How bad?" he asked softly, leaning in closer with his lips only centimeters from mine, his breath on my face.

"More than anything," I breathed, and with my current position on his lap, I could tell that he wanted me too.

I couldn't help it. I could feel the heat of him all around me, making it nearly impossible for me to concentrate on anything else but the way he was making me feel. So, I shifted my hips ever-so-slightly against him, closing my eyes and taking my bottom lip into my mouth at our contact. That's all it took to break him. A second later, his hands grabbed onto my hips, holding my still above him, as his lips came crashing down on mine.

I gasped into his mouth as I felt the building passion I held pent up for him slowly breaking free. My hands found their way into his hair again as I desperately tried to pull him closer. Our kisses were hungry and powerful, our bodies grinding and arching, our hands frantic and searching. I felt Jacob's fingertips roaming beneath my shirt, fire burning against my flesh. I felt myself being lifted, moved, my back hitting the soft give of the sand, Jacob in between my open legs a moment later with our mouths connecting a second later. Our kisses began to slow down as the sounds of the ocean and slight chill of the breeze began to sink back into my senses. Jacob broke away, looking down from above me, both of us heavily panting.

"Bella, we can't--"

I interrupted him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down to kiss me again. I never wanted the moment to end; I never wanted him to stop. In that instant, I wanted nothing more than for him to devour me completely. He groaned against my lips as his hand slowly ascended up my thigh and under the front of my shirt.

"Please, Jacob," I begged the instant his lips left mine. He was leaving a heated trial of kisses along my jaw and down the front of my throat. I couldn't stand it anymore, the distance was too much, I needed to feel him—every last part —against me. I let my hands climb down his bare back, shifting my hips up to press myself against the strain in his pants. He moaned into my mouth and pulled his lips away from neck, his eyes locking on mine.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he asked with a slightly pained expression on his face.

"Stop resisting," I demanded, wrapping my legs around him and pulling him down to me again.

"Shit, Bella" he gasped, holding me still, and not allowing me to pull him against me. I could feel my eyes slightly widen in response to his language. "Trust me, I'm not willingly resisting. I didn't exactly come here thinking I was going to get laid, if you know what I mean."

I blinked and swallowed, while I tried to gain some composure. "Well, what if I told you that you are," I said, trying to sound seductive; though, I'm sure I just sounded like a complete moron instead. I cleared my throat and then added, "Going to get laid, I mean."

He grinned down at me and shook his head, letting out a light chuckle. "Well then," he began leaning down until his lips were beside my ear, "I suppose you either carry condoms with you on your everyday visits to the beach _or _you're just overly anxious to have little Jacobs and Bellas running around."

He pulled back to watch my reaction as I felt my face flush, my eyes instantly widening again giving away my surprise. Why was I always forgetting such important things around him? "Oh my God, I didn't even--"

"Like I said before," he said cutting me off and smirking, "it's a good thing I'm responsible."

I smiled and rolled my eyes, pushing him off of me as we both sat up. I crawled closer to him and rubbed my hands up his stomach until I brought them to a halt on his bare chest. He looked down at me questioningly, his dark eyes staring into mine and nearly melting me on the spot.

I licked my lips and leaned in closer before whispering, "Take me home, then."

It was his turn to be wide-eyed and speechless.

"Now," I added, kissing him lightly and standing to my feet. I took a few steps in the direction of my truck, grinning to myself, before stopping to turn around to find that he had yet to move an inch.

"Are you coming?" I asked, still smiling to myself. Two can play at that game, Mr. Black.

"Oh, I'm coming," he eventually said, snapping out of his shock and standing to his feet. He was walking by my side a second later, both of use leaving our footprints in the sand as we made our way back home--_to La Push_—the only home I ever really needed.

* * *

Jacob and I walked back to my truck, barely able to keep our hands off of each other. The whole walk home, we had to be touching in some way, even if it was just a simple "hand-hold." We walked in a comfortable silence, though we both knew there were so many things we still needed to discuss, so many things that still needed sorted through and apologized for. Neither of us was ready for that yet, though. There were other matters that needed taken care of first.

I was in his arms, my hands on his chest as I laughed at a suggestive look he gave me the moment before we walked through his front door. He spun me around with him as we stepped inside, kicking the door closed, only causing my giggles to heighten. We were both lost in each other, caught up in our happiness and freedom we were finally allotted.

"Finally," Jacob said, the moment the door latched closed. He brought his lips to mine, impatient to wait any longer, as he kissed me passionately, automatically tangling his hands into my hair. "That walk was too damn long," he breathed into my neck, as he kissed his way down the front of my body.

A throat clearing somewhere behind us halted him mid-kiss just as he was about to descend to the cleavage my shirt of choice revealed. I opened my eyes, not even realizing I had them closed, to find that Billy had wheeled himself into the living room from the kitchen, his arms crossed firmly in front of him, his eyebrows raised, a smirk played out on his lips.

Jacob let out a long sigh and brought his mouth back up to my ear. "Please tell me my dad isn't home," he whispered.

"Hey, Billy," I said, wiggling my way out of Jacob's arms and nervously smoothing my clothes and hair. "We were just…"

I trailed off, trying to think of some explanation as I felt the blood pool into my cheeks, my entire face instantly heating. I turned to Jacob in search of some assistance.

"I think he knows what kissing looks like, Bells," he said grinning at me. Suddenly, I would have given anything to disappear. _Please don't tell my dad. Please don't tell my dad. Please don't tell--_

Billy let out a chuckle before saying, "Yes, I believe I do. Oh and Bella, your dad's on his way down here right now." _How did he do that? _

"What?" I asked, unable to hide the fluster from my face. "Why is he coming here?"

"Bonfire tonight," he said, glancing over at Jacob pointedly.

"I completely forgot about that," Jake said, running his hand through his hair. "I guess I had other things on my mind." He caught my gaze again before I conveniently dropped mine to the floor. It seemed a lot safer studying the patterns on the brown carpet.

"Well, Embry and Quil already went to gather some firewood, maybe you should give them a hand?" Billy asked.

"Yeah, I guess I can do that," Jake said, sighing again in frustration.

He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and whispered a "later" in my ear, before walking outside mumbling something underneath his breath. The moment the door latched behind him, I turned around and realized I was completely alone with Billy. _Great. Why was he looking at me like that?_

_

* * *

  
_

The bonfire was significantly smaller than the last one we attended, as I let my eyes scan across the glowing orange of the flames among the faces of the crowd. The darkness that had settled in among La Push made it difficult to make out everyone from a distance. There were only a few people that I barely recognized; most of the attendees consisting of the pack, the pack's family, or friends of the pack. Charlie and Billy had themselves conveniently planted next to the table with the marshmallows and sandwich makers, while I sat across the burning blaze from them, leaning my back against a small rock, waiting for Jacob to return. He had been lying with his head resting on my lap, of course me joking that I was the "man" in our relationship, before Embry grabbed him and pulled him over next to the trees to have some sort of discussion. I just closed my eyes and leaned my head back, finally allowing my mind to relax for the first time since…well basically since Edward had entered into my life. I noticed that I felt completely different…lighter, as if I was finally seeing everything clearly for the first time. _I felt amazing._

My mind drifted off on pleasant fantasies as I imagined heading off to college, Jacob coming to stay with me in my dorm on the weekends. I still hadn't mentioned my plans to Jacob, but I knew that he'd support me regardless of what my decision entailed. I also figured he'd be thrilled that I was staying in the area, making it possible for us to see each other often.

The fire crackled loudly, bringing me out of my inner reflection, as I opened my eyes to find that Paul was feeding it more firewood. He caught my gaze, winking at me and grinning, and I couldn't help but to feel grateful that none of Jacob's friends were holding the past few days against me. I waved at him lamely before sighing and rubbing my eyes, deciding that I wanted a marshmallow. I was just about to stand up and grab one when I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around me from behind. A second later, I felt a warm pair of lips next to my ear, hot breath tickling the cells of my neck.

"Come with me," Jacob whispered, swinging around to take my hands in his while helping me to my feet. I looked at him questioningly, quirking an eyebrow, before replying with, "Where?"

"You'll see," he said, his face lighting up in a mischievous grin, somehow looking even more impish beneath the soft glow of the fire.

"What about my--"

"No one we'll even notice we're gone, just c'mon, Bella," he said, already pulling me away from the fire, back toward the trees. I turned around fearfully to find that Charlie was in a deep conversation with Billy and Sue, not paying attention to our departure. I allowed him to lead me to the edge of the woods that lined First Beach, before he knelt down in front of me and signaled me with his head to climb on his back. I walked up behind him, locking my arms around his neck and straddling him between my thighs as he lifted me up effortlessly and began walking toward my truck.

"Do you mind explaining to me what we're doing?" I asked as I bumped up in down in sync with his steps, my nose nuzzled into the back of his neck, taking in the opportunity to breath in his scent eagerly.

"Making up," he said simply, his voice firm and final, his arms slightly tightening their grip on my thighs.

* * *

**A/N: Well there ya have it, leaving you all with an evil cliffy. That's how I roll.**

**My thank you's:**

**My hubby is no Edward—Thanks for helping me get my shit together and for encouraging me that I'm not the worst writer on FFnet. Maybe, just second worst. ;-) Also, thanks for rec'ing "Halo" to me for the inspiration song of this chappie. I wub ewe wifey!! **

**Speaking of the C train—everyone needs to go read her story called "What's Lust Got to do With it?" because it owns me! It is the hottest Bella/Emmett story there is and the UST is practically KILLING me right now. Go read. Like, right now. You won't regret it.**

**Crystalnicoleyo—Thank you for reading over this chapter and for helping me to fill in the gaps. I love you and your perviness, bb! *cough* railroad tracks *cough***

**ReLeeS—I tried to send the chappie to you a couple times, but I kept getting messages saying they were never delivered. :-(**** But, thank you anyway for all your help! Feel free to still send me the corrections from the post! **

**Finally, there is a new website for author's to post their stories. I love it and the administrators are so sweet and quick to validate. Check it out: http://simplytwilight[dot]com/eFiction35/index[dot]php**

**Please review, you know the drill. I miss talking to you all! Can't wait to hear from you! :-)**


	40. Finally Where I Belong

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my college loan debt. Yadda Yadda Yadda.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns it all.**

**Thank you to **_**Crystalnicoleyo**_** and **_**My**__**Hubby is no Edward**_** for reading over my crap and making it better. **

**Parts of this were taken word for word from their brilliant suggestions.**

**Let's give Jacob his happy ending, shall we? Be prepared for some serious fluff.**

**

* * *

  
**

_"Find Me Here  
Speak To Me  
I want to feel you  
I need to hear you  
You are the light  
That's leading me  
To the place where I find peace again._

_You are the strength, that keeps me walking.  
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.  
You are the light to my soul.  
You are my purpose...you're everything._

_How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?_

_You calm the storms, and you give me rest.  
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.  
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.  
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?_

_How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?  
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?_

_Cause you're all I want, You're all I need  
You're everything,everything  
You're all I want your all I need  
You're everything, everything.  
You're all I want you're all I need.  
You're everything, everything  
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything."_

_--Everything by Lifehouse_

_

* * *

  
_

**Chapter 40: Finally Where I Belong**

Jacob shut down the roaring engine of my truck, pausing briefly while casting me a sideways glance and then slowly opened up the door and climbed out. Neither of us spoke a word since he told me we were "making up." He reached across the seats, pulling me over and helping me out the driver's door. Once my feet hit the ground, his hand engulfed mine, he pushed the door closed, and we walked through the dark toward his house.

"You know," I said, finally breaking the silence while turning so I was standing in between him and the door with my hands rested lightly on his chest. "They're going to come looking for us. My truck doesn't exactly make the smoothest of exits."

"I don't care," he said smiling, gently pushing me aside and unlocking his door, motioning for me to go ahead inside. I sighed, shooting him a pointed look before moseying on in. Once the door was closed behind us for the second time that day, he turned to me and grinned, his eyes dancing with intensity.

"Ah, alone at last," he said, taking a single step toward me as I playfully took one back, further from him. He cocked his head to the side, assessing my action, and then slowly shook it back and forth, chuckling lightly.

Another step forward—another back.

"What, you think I'm going to attack you?" he asked, his voice filled with amusement as he took yet another step forward in sync with my retreating one. "You know if I really wanted to catch you, I could in an instant, right?"

"That's what you think," I said, smiling impishly, crossing my arms in front of my chest in defiance.

He raised his eyebrows at me, staring me down as if he were truly sizing me up. Then, after a moment, he simply shrugged, turning around like he was going to head away from me and toward the kitchen. I was just about to ask him to wait, but before I could even anticipate his next move, he was turned around so fast and coming toward me in a flash of russet and black. He scooped me up effortlessly as I let out a startled shriek, throwing me over his shoulder and walking me back the small hallway toward the only place he could truly call his own. I didn't even bother struggling, didn't try to suppress my elated giggles as he laid me gently down on his bed, the scent of him automatically surrounding and taking me over.

"Anything else you dare to compete with me on?" he asked, climbing on top of me, his eyes looking impossibly darker against the blackness of the room. The pale moonlight was outlining his features, causing his skin to glow softly above me. My eyes locked on his, my chest suddenly rising and falling at a much quicker pace as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to me.

He kissed me softly, the taste of him automatically flooding my senses as his hands slowly began to lower his weight, allowing him to press more of himself against me. In that instant, I was overcome with so much emotion, so much love for him it was almost too much to handle. The moment was perfect; everything about him equaled up to everything that I was, everything that I would ever be. The next thing I knew, his weight was fully against me as his hands found their way into my hair and we rolled onto our sides, our legs slightly entangled. He pulled his lips away from mine, but kept our foreheads pressed together, our noses touching, both of us breathing deeply.

"We don't have to do anything," he said, his voice just above a whisper. "We can just lie here, like this. It's enough for me."

"It's not enough for me," I said, my hands reaching for his face, tracing over the curves the dim light revealed to me. "I want you so bad I feel like—"

"You could die?" he asked, his breath sweeping across and hitting my face, his hands lacing through my hair, soothingly brushing it off my forehead.

"Yes," I breathed, closing my eyes and pressing my lips once to his. His nose rubbed against mine, his body shimmying even closer, tangling himself further into me.

"I know the feeling," he whispered, lowering his hands down my back.

We were both silent for a moment, two hearts combining and beating into one rhythmic pace. We both knew our fathers were most likely going to arrive at any moment; it was unspoken knowledge, an unwanted barrier that was stopping us from completely giving into the desire and need that was so obviously consuming us.

"I wanted you for so long that I can hardly believe any of this is happening," he finally said into the dark, his fingers idly tracing circles against the thin fabric of my shirt. "I love you so much, Bella. I don't even know how it's possible to feel this way, to love someone to the point that it literally hurts, but it somehow is. It somehow does."

"I know the feeling," I said quietly, repeating his former statement.

I could tell that he was smiling, could feel it in the way his mouth moved as his lips pressed to mine again. The kiss was longer and deeper, his hands sliding beneath the back of my shirt, my body arching in and pressing more firmly against him. He groaned softly in response to our connection, his hips automatically moving with mine, his arms pulling me impossibly closer.

"I know," I whispered in response to his pleasurable reverberation. "I know how it feels."

He buried his face into my neck, breathing in my hair, our bodies slowly starting to build a friction we were both desperately craving.

The headlights illuminating the room weren't unexpected, but that didn't make it any easier to pull away. Jacob cursed under his breath, muttering something about "third time in one day" and then reluctantly climbed away from me and out of bed. He offered me his hand, helping me up to smooth my hair, making me presentable as we both walked out hand-in-hand to wait for the "dynamic duo" in the living room. We were carefully positioned on the couch facing each other, when Charlie came through the front door pushing Billy in front of him. We both acted slightly surprised to see them, Jake automatically standing to help Billy inside.

"Hey dad, Charlie," he said casually, nodding at my dad and wheeling his further into the room. I wasn't as good of an actor as he was, but I managed a smile as I turned around on the couch to greet them. I wanted to curse myself when my face instantly flushed in response to the way both of them were exchanging dubious glances between Jacob and I.

"Hey, Bells," Charlie said, leaning his palms against the back of the couch, looking uncomfortable, "we were wondering where the two of you ran off to so fast."

He looked at me expectantly, quickly glancing over at Jacob, before locking his eyes on mine again.

I shifted nervously and cleared my throat before running a hand through my hair. "We just really needed some time alone so we could talk," I said, surprising myself at how convincing I sounded. I guessed I owed that to the fact that what I was saying somewhat represented the truth. We _did_ want to be alone. Then for good measure, I added, "You know, with everything that has been going on lately, we have a lot to discuss."

I unintentionally held in my breath as I waited for him to respond, hoping he'd quickly buy into my excuses.

"Well," he said eventually with a sigh, "I'm definitely _not_ messing with that." He glanced over at Billy and they exchanged a look, both smiling, as I attempted to avoid Jacob's burning stare, diverting my gaze to the floor.

"I guess I'm going to head home then," Charlie continued. "Bella, you'll be home by midnight?"

I simply nodded while silently thanking God_. _ I watched him closely as he smiled and caught Jake's gaze. "And, I hope you two work everything out."

"That's the idea," Jacob said returning his smile, Charlie finally saying his goodbyes and heading out the door.

That left Jacob, Billy, and I. Wonder who was the purple elephant in the room? I could practically feel the frustration and tension radiating in the air between us as we waited for Billy to say he was going to head to bed. Of course, luck was never on our side and that didn't happen. Instead he mumbled something about being hungry, despite eating several hot dogs at the fire, and went on into the kitchen. The moment he was out of the room, Jake looked at me with such desperation; I couldn't help but to laugh.

"Relax," I said to him quietly, taking his hand into mine and pulling him down on the couch beside me. I lifted our entwined hands to my mouth and lightly kissed his in an effort to calm him. However, in our current heightened state that simple gesture somehow turned into an erotic one, only causing him to groan in despair and pull his hand away.

"You just keep your hands to yourself," he said, just as Billy returned back into the room with a bag of chips and a beer rested on his wheelchair table. He propped himself in front of the TV, turning it on and flicking through the channels. Jacob caught my gaze and silently motioned his head toward the front door. I realized his intentions and nodded.

"Anything you'd like to watch?" Billy suddenly asked in our direction.

"No," Jacob replied a little too quickly. "Um, actually Bella and I are going to head out to the garage."

Even from his profile, Billy's smile was undeniable. "Alright," he said causally, almost as if he were anticipating it. "You two just behave yourselves."

I blushed and Jacob groaned. "Okay, dad," he said, standing to his feet and looking at me. "I'll meet you out there. I have to use the bathroom first."

I nodded yet again and said goodnight to Billy before hurrying out the front door, finally free from the embarrassment.

* * *

_

I stood just inside the entrance of the garage, trying to wait patiently as my stomach twisted and turned into a ball of nerves and excitement. I wasn't sure what Jacob had in mind, but somehow I highly doubted I was going to leave here today without at least one of us getting our fix. I wasn't the most experienced and I didn't possess a great wealth of knowledge when it came to the male anatomy, but I was smart enough to realize that getting all heated only to be let down had a worse effect on him than it did on me.

As a distraction technique, I let my eyes drift over the contents of my small safe harbor. I eagerly drank in the wooden work bench lined with tools I never knew existed, the empty soda cans that I tried to convince Jacob to recycle, and the small outdated radio he and I often listened to when he worked on our motorcycles in the past or his Rabbit. I walked toward the small red car that I learned to love so much, running my fingers lightly over the hood as I tried picturing a time when Jacob was only a friend to me and nothing more. The idea was impossible, ludicrous even, as I closed my eyes and pictured Jacob's warm, russet skin, broad shoulders, and perfectly sculpted body as he hovered over me, making me feel things I never thought possible. I felt my teeth sink into the delicate flesh of the bottom of my lip as a distinct shudder coursed through my body.

"What are you thinking about?"

His voice startled me, as I jumped, quickly turning around to find him leaning against the doorway with a suggestive glint in his eyes. I instinctively brought my hand up and placed it on my now rapidly beating heart.

"God, Jacob," I said, instantly getting lost in the intensity of his stare. "You scared the crap out of me."

"I'm sorry," he said sounding slightly distracted, as he slowly began stalking in my direction, his eyes dark and intense, practically burning into mine. We were alone at last and we both knew it.

I unconsciously leaned my backside into the metal of the vehicle behind me, resting my palms on either side of me, shifting my weight back onto them.

"You didn't answer my question," he said once he was standing directly in front of me as he brought his hands up and placed them on my upper arms, gently rubbing up and down. The spark from his touch ignited a fire within me and suddenly everything was too much, he was standing too close, and my mind was overcome.

"I uh…just thinking about…Rabbit…and soda cans," I mumbled, my thoughts and words completely incoherent as his lips started their agonizingly, unhurried descent toward mine.

Suddenly, my face was in his hands, his fire spreading across the bare skin of my cheeks, hot embers surrounding me completely. "I thought we'd never be alone," he nearly whispered, his breath swirling into my world and bringing it to life.

His lips touched mine, soft silk and molten lava, and it wasn't enough. It was too light, he was too far away, and my body couldn't take it anymore. My arms flung around his neck, everything I had slamming against his as I kissed him hungrier, curling my fingers in the hair at the base of his neck and pulling him closer. He pressed into me, arms encircling my body, sending a scorching trail through the back of my shirt, sliding lower and lower as our tongues danced. The only sound to be heard was the uneasy hum of our heavy breathing, signifying how alone we finally were. I was completely lost in him, the garage, the time, the prospect of Billy coming, everything around me disappearing. I vaguely felt his hands descend to my hips, gripping them firmly and pushing me slightly away. His mouth left mine, leaving me breathless and confused as he rested his forehead against mine with his eyes closed.

"Jake," I whispered, because there was no way I could find my voice to speak, "please don't stop."

His hands were between us, sliding up my body, tracing up my arms, my collar, and my neck, finally reaching my lips. His eyes opened and met my desperate ones. "We need to slow down," he said softly, his hands finding their way into my hair. "I want this to be different than last time."

I simply nodded; everything about him stole my breath away. Everything about me now belonged exclusively to him, my breathing, my heartbeat, my life. I felt his hands descend to my hips again, reaching under the back of my thighs, with his eyes locked on mine he lifted me effortless. My legs automatically wrapped around him, clinging to him in anticipation of the moments of pleasure sure to come. He carried me around to the front of the Rabbit, gently setting me down on the hood. He tapped my nose gently once, leaned in and kissed me delicately before walking over to his work bench and turning on the radio. He fumbled with the stations, turning the volume down until it was a soft and quiet purr of soothing melodies, and then walked back over to me. I watched him eagerly as he seductively slide down to squat before me, slowly removing my shoes. Once that task was complete, he found his place between my legs, reaching around me and sliding me closer to him. He smiled, lighting up my life, before bringing his lips to mine again. He kissed me slowly and sensually, my arms finding their way around him as the soothing melody swirled around us and nothing else mattered but him and me.

"You are everything to me," he said just above a whisper, his lips kissing along my jaw and down my neck. I remembered the last time he spoke those words just one day prior, my miserable reality had come crashing down on me, and now I couldn't believe that so much had changed in such a short span of time. But somehow it did, because he was everything to me, too. I had chosen the fire, the sun, hot over cold. I had chosen _life_.

I didn't have to say it out loud for him to know my response; he could feel it in the way my body arched into his, in the way my hands slid down his back and drew him closer. I frowned at the feel of the thin material separating me from what I wanted. "Why are you wearing a shirt?" I asked, and he laughed softly, his body slightly shaking against mine with the effort.

"I could ask you the same," he said, pulling back to smirk at me, his eyes scanning down my body and drinking me in. Once they were locked on mine again, I bunched my hands around the hem at the bottom of my shirt and watched a wide-eyed Jacob as I pulled it slowly over my head, letting it fall from my fingertips and slide down the hood. I could feel my hair feathering around my shoulders, falling in between the small crease between my breasts. Jacob's breathing increased, his eyes automatically drawn to that area, and I wasn't embarrassed. He made me feel sexy and beautiful, like I could be anything, go anywhere, and do anything, as if was anything was possible. His hand reached out and slowly touched the bare flesh of my stomach causing me to tremble, as he continued and traced up to touch the revealed flesh just above the top of my bra. Gently, he brushed my hair out of the way, his eyes meeting mine again and smiling. "No one could ever be as beautiful as you are," he said sincerely before pulling his own shirt over his head and finding my lips with his again.

Our arms were around each other again; our bodies connected, flesh to flesh, cream to fire. He tried to lean me back slightly on the hood, tried to get a better angle as his hands worked with the clasp on my bra, but I kept slipping down. After that happened for the third time, my body sliding down into his, we both pulled back and I couldn't help but to giggle, Jacob sighing in frustration. As soon as he saw me laughing, he started laughing as well, impossible not to find amusement in our attempts at a perfect romantic moment. The truth was, we were pretty awkward, him much larger than me, both of us incredibly inexperienced. But that was what made us Jacob and Bella, and I wouldn't change it for anything.

A fraction later, I heard him mumble something that sounded like "damn Turtlewax" under his breath as he stood tall and shook his head, his eyes darting around the room in search of a better idea. I watched as they lit up for a second, him reaching under me and lifting me up again before carrying me over to the back of the Rabbit. "Let's try this again," he said with a grin, opening the hatch and gently setting me down inside the open area. Apparently he had the back seat pushed down, giving me more room to slide back.

He was in between my open legs again a second later, our mouths meeting, and our hands frantically searching. I pulled him closer against me, my hands reaching down and fumbling with the top button of his jeans. His lips pulled away from mine as we both looked down and watched me undo the button and slide down the zipper. My heartbeat skipped in sync with his as I slid my hands inside, gently tugging them down over his narrow hips and watching them fall to the floor. My hands were trembling as I reached them inside of his boxers, Jacob and I both gasping when I touched him for the first time. Our eyes met again, his gaze hooded and intense, literally melting me on the spot. I loved the way he felt—soft, large, and firm, but he didn't allow me much time to explore. Before long, he was grabbing my wrists and stopping me, gently pulling my hands away. My eyes questioned his but he just shook his head and swallowed thickly before kissing me again. I felt myself being pushed back, my elbows holding up my weight as Jacob hovered over me, one of his hands between us working on the button of my jeans. His mouth found my jaw as his fingertips tugged on my zipper; his lips found my neck as he gingerly slid the denim down over my hips with my assistance.

Our movements were slower this time, the walls of the Rabbit wrapping around us and encompassing us in our moment of magic. Our hands explored each other gently, as if we were discovering new terrain for the first time. Our eyes devoured our very existence, seeing past the depths of our souls. And our hearts raced as if time was almost obsolete, as if the moment was not enough. I felt my bra clasp open, Jacob kissing the straps down over my shoulders, exposing me completely. My underwear was gone an instant later, and his boxers were lowered soon after. Nothing was rushed, everything awkwardly beautiful, with the occasional bump of the head or knack of the knee. Few words were spoken; our breathing laced with the soft purr of the music provided a sensual melody of passion.

I knew it was finally time as I watched the man I love open a condom that he had pulled out of his pocket earlier, and then slide it on. I wasted no time wrapping my thighs around him and pulling him further into the Rabbit with me as I felt my back meet the rough surface. I could feel him rubbing against me, exactly where I needed him most as my lips let out an involuntary whimper. I heard him take in a deep breath, his dark eyes meeting mine, as he reached down and lined himself up perfectly with my entrance.

"Tell me if you need me to stop," he said, his voice low and husky, just before I nodded and felt him slowly push inside of me. The feeling, the moment of completeness was indescribable, no words could ever do it justice.

I bit down on my bottom lip, feeling the light pain mixing with an intense pleasure, Jacob's eyes locking on mine and watching me closely. His brow was furrowed, his breathing escalated, and his mouth slowly parted. Once he filled me completely, he groaned softly and our hips started moving in a rhythmic dance. His features relaxed, my hands reaching up and tracing the curves of his face, memorizing how beautiful he looked when he was feeling nothing but pure ecstasy. He brought his mouth to mine again as our movements increased in pace, our kisses growing more desperate and hungry. The pain I felt had subsided and was slowly being replaced with an inferno of adoration and pleasure.

"God, Bella," he breathed against the flesh of my neck, his hands gripping my hips and increasing the strength of our connection. "You have no idea how good you feel."

"Jacob," I whispered in response, my lips brushing lightly against his shoulder and breathing the scent of him in, letting it consume me completely. "Just please don't stop. I need you"

"Are you close?" he asked, panting into my ear, our bodies glistening with sweat. "I'm trying…but I…I can't…"

"Yes," I gasped, my body building with a pressure so good, a force that overtook me and threatened to devour me entirely. "It's so good, Jacob, you're so good."

My hands clenched around him, my eyes fluttered shut and my body tightened as the pressure forcefully released. I cried out his name as wave after wave of pleasure flooded through me, my body quivering and shaking without my control. He pulled me up further against him; increasing the angle, only making it feel impossibly better. His lips caught mine as he thrust one final time, his body finally letting go and succumbing as we both rode out our orgasms and grinded together. Our foreheads were rested together, our noses touching again, as we both came down from our high and tried to steady our breathing.

"I love you," he said, his hands gently brushing against my cheeks as our bodies came unconnected. "Thank you."

"Thank you?" I asked, my mind still floating somewhere off on another cloud, unable to absorb the rapture of what I had just experienced.

"For making me feel so good," he clarified, pressing the heat of his lips against my forehead.

I laughed lightly, pulling back to look him in the eyes. "You're not the only one feeling that way."

He smiled and kissed me softly. "Well I knew I was the first time," he said, frowning a little, "and I felt bad about it, so I really tried to hold out longer for you. Trust me, it's not easy."

"You were perfect" I said, kissing him again, leaning into him and finally enjoying a moment to just breathe. "You've always been perfect, everything about you. It's the reason I allowed myself to 'fall for you' in the first place."

We took our time getting dressed, both of us wishing we had a place to lay down and just be, but the clock was ticking dangerously close to midnight and neither of us wanted to face the "wrath" of Charlie.

Jake drove me home that night in a comfortable silence, our hands connected and resting on the seat between us, occasionally stealing glances as we grinned in satisfaction. We had a lot to discuss, a lot of planning to do, and dreams to hope for. But all of that could wait for another day, because for now we had each other, and that would always be enough.

I knew I was finally where I belonged. I made the right choice, the good choice, the only choice there ever really was.

He was _My Jacob_. Now and forever.

No, not forever.

_Until death do us part._

_

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**A/N: Time for a collective, resounding "AWEEEEEEE!"**

**Well, it's official. That's the last full chapter of FFY. (With the exception of the possibility of an epilogue)**

***Tear* *Sniffle *Wail***

**I can't thank all of my loyal reviewers enough, you all know who you are, for making me smile with your comments and for inspiring me to continue with my writing.**

**Don't for one second EVER think that what you say in a review doesn't have an effect on the author, because that is so far from the truth it's not even funny. Every single time someone has told me that I wrote beautifully or my story brought them to tears, it has touched me deeply and meant so much more to me than I could ever put into words. **

**So thank you, seriously. Thank all of you, from the bottom of my heart.**

**FFY has introduced me to some of the best friends I could ever ask for. I love my C (my hubby is no edward) with all my heart and none of this story would have been possible without her. She held my hand, helped write parts of it, and continuously fed me idea after idea. C, babe, I will miss you dearly in your absence, but that won't ever change the fact that your one of my besties forever. Love ya, bb.**

**Finally, that leads me to mention the Sort of Beautiful Challenge and how much I love my Jake hoors that make up Team SOB. Please check out the rules of the contest at the website below and don't hesitate to start writing your entries. (Plus I wrote a hot and steamy Jake sample entry for it, that you MUST go check out). I know I have some super talented readers and I am anxious to see what you got. **

**http://www[DOT]fanfiction[DOT]net/u/2046940/SORT_OF_BEAUTIFUL_CHALLENGE**


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